Funny Twitter

I just couldn't resist sharing the funny stuff I come across on Twitter.

Check these out. Click to enlarge if you can't read.

Too much Pancake in 'De Market Place'

There's a program that airs on Silverbird Television on Fridays called 'De Market Place'. It's an informative program which brings viewers up to speed with whats happening in the business world. I remember last week's episode featured a highlight on a particular outfit that specialized in wicker baskets and products. Ladies in my office who saw this program were interested in locating the outfit. It's a nice program that has a place being on air...however, my reason for posting this is because of the program's anchor called 'Ify'.

Ify is a very fair complexioned lady as you can see from the pictures which I hastily snapped from today's episode. Looking at the picture, you can see how bad her make-up is on screen. It looks as if she was 'over-pancaked' or just rubbed her face in dust before going on air. The make-up artiste did a very bad job and made a fine yellow sisi look like an over-bleached freak. Okay, let me not blame the make-up artiste alone...the lighting on set could equally have contributed. So let me blame the producers. Nobody should give the excuse that she's not photogenic oh. Not with the editing paraphernalia of video editing software that's available now.

I can't help but rant since its part of what I do in my line of work. 

Colonel & Sergeant get fined for using BRT lane

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Remember the Colonel that dared cruise on the BRT lane? Well, the Army has decided that he and the Sergeant driving him would be fined N25,000 for breaking the law. Read the full story here.

Oshiomole Dances Etighi on stage with Chuddy K

The man celebrates victory in style. I hope he wasn't made to go crazy sha like Chuddy K's senseless song says oh!

So they're arresting Pastors now?

The last thing I ever expected to hear on the news is another senseless violation of human rights.

Whenever did the government start censoring Pastors from making certain pronouncements on the pulpit?

I thought we were past dictatorial eras and were now beginning to exercise a bit of sense in the way we go about things in this country now.

Pastor Bakare
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Why did the Nigeria's Secret Police (SSS) have to summon Pastor Tunde Bakare (Latter Rain Assembly) over a Sunday Sermon in which he asked the President to resign? Na the first time person dey ask am to resign? What is so wrong in that? Then they go ahead and tell him not to preach such sermons again. Haba! So we should stop recieving wake up calls again? People have lost faith in GEJ and will glady recieve his resignation so what's all the fuss about? So whom dem go pursue next? Bishop Oyedepo? (Because I know he has also 'advised' the government a number of times).

Unless, there's another story to it, our government is beginning to look so insecure.Wetin dem dey hide? Somebody better own up before the shit hits the fan in multiple bouts!

Above the Law? No Way!

Let's give it up for Governor Raji Fashola who confronted an erring military officer, a colonel for that matter who decided to take BRT lane because he wanted to escape the hold-up.

If a whole Governor can also drive through the hold-up, who are you to break the law by playing a fast one?

The hold-ups have been the aftermath of the closure of Third mainland bridge for repairs.

Boy...I wish Fashola could go for another term again. The last time we had a governor like this was when Alhaji Lateef Jakande was in power.

Tear Rubber Or Tear Masking Tape?

Some time ago not long after the Dana plane crash, Toyin Alegbe, the host of the program 'Ladies Love Gisting' made mention that she had boarded a Dana aircraft some time back before the tragedy and at some point rain started falling outside.

To her shock she discovered rain was dripping into the plane! She was pissed and called one of the crew members to complain over the issue and threaten to expose them. They pleaded with her and even placated her with double portion of the snacks they were serving passengers.

The lady that pleaded with Toyin unfortunately turned out to be one of the hostesses that perished in the air crash.

The lesson raised from this experience is that its high time we raised red alerts the moment we notice anything funny and fishy on any aircraft. I was shocked when a friend posted the picture above on Facebook. She was on board Arik Air flight 272 Abuja to Lagos when she noticed the masking tape plaster behind these seats.


Is this a reflection of how serious these aircraft operators take maintenance?


Are Arik aircraft which are known to be newer falling apart already? Abi na 'china' models dem get? 

Patience the Perm Sec.

Still seriously SMH on this matter.

This is the first in the history of Nigeria...and a total joke on our leadership.

Wetin qualify this mama for that position?

Her ' creative talent' in speaking 'big grammar?'

Abi she get some special cred way I never see?

SAFARI - Movie to star Halle Berry, Omotola Jalade and Genevieve Nnaji

Nigerian movie stars and movie makers are really making strides that's breaking the barriers between local and international viewership - from shooting high quality movies that can stand in the international market to starring with renown names from Hollywood...it's amazing how the industry is crossing the hurdles and making impressive impact. Not only that, the themes being explored are beginning to stray away from the usual cliche ones that are so predictable (well...I'm not really saying there are no more movies like that anymore. I'd be kidding myself if I denied that!).

Obi Emenloye is one movie producer and director that's making the Nigerian movie industry proud. Presently he's getting ready to shoot another movie titled 'Safari' that will feature a heavy mix of Nigerian and American stars namely, Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde, Halle Berry, Genevieve Nnaji amongst others. 

According to him, he has sent a copy of the script to Halle Berry and is awaiting her approval.

Omotola

Genevieve

Halle Berry
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For Omotola this will be another opportunity working with another renown actress (Halle) after her recent collaboration with renown american actress Kimberly Elise on the Leila Djansi movie 'Ties that Bind' which is currently showing at Silverbird Cinemas. Elise is well known for featuring in 'Diary of a Mad Black Woman' and a host of other Tyler Perry movies.

Obi Emenloye
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In case you don't know or recollect, Obi Emenloye is the same producer of the movie 'Mirror Boy' which featured Genevieve, and the recently premiered 'Last Flight to Abuja' a movie based on a plane crash tragedy (first of its kind in Nollywood!) which also featured Omotola along with Hakim Kae-Kazim, Jim Iyke and Jide Kosoko. Check out the trailer below...looks quite impressive for a Nollywood production.

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Princess & Saka - Comedic Chemistry

About Two weeks ago, I was on set with the crew to shoot the 12th installment of a promo commercial series for Etisalat. We had finished with the first part of the shoot and were taking a break while the crew packed before we headed for the next location. During that period I got gisting with the actors of the commercial; Princess and Hafiz Oyetoro (Saka). We discussed at random touching topics like Princess' scary and hilarious experience with arm robbers to Saka's personal experiences as an actor.

Saka & Princess in action

The sound man attaches a mic on Saka before the shoot.

It was rather interesting to learn from Saka, the reason why he got married late.

'Women never took me serious. They always felt I was joking!' he told me. I wasn't surprised. Mr. Oyetoro a.k.a Saka had this natural funny look that could make you laugh by just looking at him. But in the few moments I spent chatting with him, I was able to see his serious side. The man was an easy-going and humble gentleman at heart. It was a pleasure working with him.

The comedians yabbing each other on set

Saka rehearses his lines at the second location

Saka & Princess: a perfect comedic chemistry

Princess on the other was a gist machine. She had so much gist that livened everybody up on the set, making us laugh again and again. The climax was when both Saka and Princess were on set together; the two had the comedic chemistry that actually became another show to watch as they playful 'yabbed' each other while warming up for the shoot.

When we were casting for these series last year April, we were at loggerheads over who would match Saka's comedic antics. Initially Helen Paul was suggested but we kicked against using her because she had become known for 'small pikin' roles and that could backfire.

Then my creative director got an eureka an suggested Princess.

The rest is history and we are sure glad we made the perfect choice. The series have become a hit, some people have started refering to the episodes as 'season 1, 2' etc.

The shoot took the whole day. I managed to capture some of it on camera. I edited it and loaded it on Youtube. You can view it below.

Overdone Swagg?

If you’re a frequent viewer of STV (Silverbird Television), you’ll probably have come across this program called Billboard Nigeria which airs sometime in the afternoon. I usually get to see the show as a matter of circumstance while monitoring the airing of our productions so it’s not as if I stay tuned to watch it.

The show is hosted by a female anchor called Bisola. The chick is amusing to watch; she’s got this funny way of literarily dancing while talking, like she’s showing off; it’s actually meant to be a swag or a cool attitude but it’s usually so overdone that you wonder whether she’s trying to ‘oppress’ the viewers  instead of presenting music on the charts.

I initially thought I was the one seeing this excessive swag bragging, until another colleague of mine pointed her out as having this funny mannerism on the show. Abeg Bisola, no break ya bones with all those moves oh! Swag no be by force….lol!

Please don't get me wrong oh, I'm not saying she's a bad presenter (In fact she flows nicely), its just that watching her talk and shake like that can make people like us ask the question; 'Who you dey do yanga for?'

I caught some of it on video here.

The 'Nyansh' That Drugs Built

I sat one day in our living room and looked at my wife as my mind torpedoed down memory lane. I remembered when I first met her; she was this smallish slim ever-smiling-girl-next-door IT student attached to the Audio/Visual unit in my workplace.

She did not in the least bit strike me as someone I could get interested in back then as I was already trying to get the attention of another lady...until circumstance threw us together.

Fast forward to present day.

Wifey no longer looks smallish.

She has become this voluptuous damsel with sweet mischievous eyes. Her breasts that used to be funny-looking ‘agbalumo’ size back then had become attractive looking ‘pawpaw’ size today. My favourite is her buttocks – they have become a pair of daredevils that send me into a senseless state when she walks about the room in panties or thongs; they are far bigger and better than what they were in those days! I’m so proud of my matrimonial ASSets…

I have come to understand that while it seems puberty is the major stage where changes happen in humans, it particularly does not stop there for women. Women keep undergoing changes even in their mid to late twenties.

I’ve seen girls in my workplace who have changed over time from when they first joined the company; I saw it in my younger sister before she got married, I saw it again after she got married. It never seems to stop.

My lesson from this is that I should always let nature take its course and things will work out for the better.

The good thing is, the change can go on for the better; like it did to my wife. And it’s natural.

I just simply believe anybody can look GOOD without enhancing their breasts or injecting their hips and butt!

Looking good and investing to look good is not a bad thing. But when you begin to take it to the extreme, I feel it’s a problem.

Today we have many accessories that help enhance our looks – styled clothes, shoes, sunshades, wristwatches, jewelry, hand bands, etc. But then we have the ones taken to the extreme which have become trends; plastic surgery for uplifts of facial parts, breast enhancements, multiple piercing in unimaginable places, tattoos…the list is almost endless.

I’ve always wondered what would make a woman go through all manner of extreme body enhancements just to look good. Is it poor self esteem? Abi na peer pressure?

While I’ve never been able to come to terms with why women want breast enlargement or reduction, I’m way more baffled with the act of injecting one’s ass and hips with enhancement drugs to generate a bigger butt and hips.

I also learnt that injecting these drugs can also kill the recipient. News of such tragedies like that of Claudia Aderotimi, are rife over the internet. Also people who once indulged in it are making it clear that it’s not a good idea.

Claudia Aderotimi

Is such venture worth risking your life for?

Even if research scientists claim that a big butt can save you from diabetes, I don’t think they meant an artificially grown one!

I never knew this thing was real till I came upon information about it. I now know that majority of those risqué pictures of women with unnaturally massive behinds scattered around the internet were not photo-shopped and that a high percentage of those video vixens in dirty rap videos are artificially enhanced.

Artificiality today has become a way of life. It seems and sounds like a trend but I think it has the potential of degenerating into an abomination, especially when it goes to the extreme. I believe most of the times it is powered by low self esteem. After reading Claudia’s story, I could only conclude that this was the case.

In this age of instant fixes, people seem to want everything quickly; it’s a fast food mentality approach to everything. Wanting an instant bigger butt, is no exception.

Unfortunately, nature has a way of getting back at you when you mess with it, ‘cause no matter how much artificial fiasco we put up, we can never duplicate.