Bovi's Name on Hollywood Walk of Fame [Photos]

 
LOL! E easy?

But this dude get liver oh!

Naija stand-up comedy act Bovi was featured on Linda Ikeji's blog scribbling his name on a blank star on the Hollywood walk of Fame. Well, that is if that was really the Hollywood walk of fame.




I was wondering how he did it and got away with it. Nobody reprimanded him at all? Are we allowed to do stuff like that?



Wetin the guy use write the name sef? Its like he scribbled with charcoal!


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Only in Nollywood [Photos]

Anything is possible in the absurd world of Nollywood. Since local movie makers are desperate to clinch the big bucks then its possible to just do movies anyhow. I guess I already stressed that in the post on the sexploitation of women. The sex issue apart, when you're looking for the absolute on-screen weirdness, check it out in Nollywood. 

Here's a compilation of hilarious stuff that only Nollywood can do

Okay...I have not really watched these movies but I seriously hope these actors where not casted as school children oh!

Saka...before the days of porting for MTN in secondary school...
I hope this was some slapstick comedy

Patience Ozokwo aka Mama G in school uniform....LOL! as what?
Somebody tell me what happened in this movie!

Don't even get me started on these pot-bellied agbayas in class.


This one is reported to be an on-going comedy production as at time this was posted.
It features Funke Akindele & Nkem Owoh.



Only in Nollywood do gun threats look as plastic as the guns themselves.



Yeah...special effects that grinds your gears like local pepper grinder

Did I mention about the guns earlier?
Yep...this one looks like a chewing stick with its split barrel



Only in Nollywood would a torn split under your
trousers or pants make the final cut.

Oh...they already captioned this one for me!


But its true now...okay check out the next photo....


See? I told you!


Nollywood is definitely good market for halloween costumes

Spot the error in this shot. Did you see it?
Mismatched earrings...only in Nollywood...abi na trend?


This is supposed to be a pastor fighting with a demon
that looks like a Naija Barney that dipped his suit in charcoal

This ghost again...all that face pancake is just gross

Know what's wrong with this picture? The ladies in this Nolly flick
are watching a Nolly flick and one of them appears to be in it!

Subtitles have suffered. While I have run a series capturing the 'Gbagauns' (Hilarious Gramatical blunders) in Yoruba Nollywood, there are other aspects of subtitling that make you wonder if the subtitler was drunk at work. Anyway, some are just so funny that you wonder if its deliberate or a silly error.

Chai! See insult!

I know the subtitler didn't mean to actually say it like this...

This subtitle is proof of a lazy production....that apart from the 'gbagaun'.

Yoruba Nolly in grammar action

Subtitled as razzly pronounced.

Yoruba Nolly again!

How on earth is this kind of error possible?

Na by force to blow grammar? See accident!

No grammar issue here...but it seems the communication was wrong



Amazing how 'gbagauns' make actors look like morons...this is not fair.


Enough for today.
Later peeps!


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A.Y. Joins Timi in School [Photos]

School's back in and the kids have all picked up their back-packs to storm the classrooms.
This Term, A.Y. resumes in Timi's School after concluding his days at the creche.


First we took the little fella for a haircut. He has this stubborn hair 
which likes to stiffen up in curls even after combing or brushing through.
A.Y. has the hair type that would result into dreadlocks if uncombed for days.



And on the day he sports his new uniform, 
he takes photos with Timi to mark a new begining.



These kids can pose! I didn't even tell them what to do. 
All I just said was 'say cheese!'




Maybe I should include them in my models' list 
when arranging a childrens' shoot sometime. 
They're so natural in front of the camera...lol.

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What if Nollywood Shot a Flick like this...





Pacific Rim is a Sci-fi flick that's has joined the throng of movies featuring battles between hi-tech giant robots and mysterious monsters attacking mankind. One thing you can bet on big budget Hollywood flicks like this is the fact that as you see it on the poster is as you see it in the movie...unlike Nollywood flicks which love to lie on the posters and show you something else in the movie. 

What would a Naija version of this movie look like? Well, some creative dude has given us a feel of that.




LOL!

The title makes sense. Sounds like what a Nigerian government is capable of doing - wasting money on unnecessary ventures.

I'm sure if local film producers attempted shooting this, we'd end up with cheesy special effects that reminds one of that horrible sci-fi flick Ghanaians did some time back on YouTube. But seriously...who go attempt to shoot a movie like this when producers are looking for quick productions that will bring quick money? 

Until some daring big gun with loads of cash decides to sponsor the shoot of a high-tech flick with mind blowing special efx, we just shouldn't go there. 

And don't think its something we can't do here in Nigeria. We have geeks that are very capable of VFX that could stand well for interesting entertainment. Imagine if a producer was ready to shoot something like 'Elegushi Rim' and had somebody like Ficson productions to do all the Sci-fi efizzi. Just check out this short flick Ficson did...also on giant robots!

Yes...this is a Naija Sci-fi flick with cool VFX.



Download link - http://ficson.com/video.php

The video was actaully done on zero budget! Imagine what could happen if there was a good budget put down for this.It just takes a daring producer to start the trend. After all wasn't it some dudes that started the trends on movies that exploited relationships and extreme love themes?

I believe nothing is impossible to achieve in Nollywood now, with the awareness of new tech and stuff. Let's wait and see who blows the first horn on this. The movie Kajola, a commendable attempt didn't seem to do well in that department. Maybe soon a better option will spring up.

Let's Keep our fingers crossed for Nollywood!



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Are You Involved With The Right Person?

Someone sent this interesting and enlightening article to me by mail. Good stuff for both single and married folks to get a glimpse of. Read on....




By Bola Osareme

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me   answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard.Infact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that __expression.  It  implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even   angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking , "Did I marry the right person?"  And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND. SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression "the labor of love."

Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling .

I couldn't agree more!

What do you think?



image courtesy
www.bossip.com

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Maheeda's Responses to Reprimanding Tweets: A Case of Guilty Conscience?


Sister Maheeda of the Lord?

By now its not news that Caroline Sam popularly known as 'Maheeda' has gotten weary of being born again and gone back to her old ways.

The evidence is rife all over the net - her sexy bikini pictures can be found across different social media. Recently, she upped the ante by uploading a personal shower-hour video where she stunned all with her naked display. Its like things are getting hot and moving to some dangerous max; what next will she attempt? A total nude shot? She looks capable of doing it, no doubt.

Still shots from her 15 second shower-hour video
So what happened? Why did she give up on being born again?

I remember way back last year when in an interview with PM News she had said, "I want use this medium to inform all my fans out there and those who love  me that I am now a changed person and no longer the old person I used to be. God has finally taken over my life and I will continue to sing his praise".
Then she had announced plans to switch to gospel genre full time. She even released two gospel tracks at the time.

Her case reminds me of Uche Ugbodo the Nollywood Actress who also claimed to be 'born again' but seemed to have gotten tired of it and gone back to the 'old life'. 

The sad thing about backsliding or going back to one's old ways is that you end up worse than you were before. In Maheeda's case, it is damn obvious. From her tweets, she's made it clear where she stands.

A stronger pointer to the fact is her response to tweets from people who questioned her sudden change and backsliding. Such tweets enraged her and she resorted to insulting the senders. A particular tweet sent by @OriginalAyo seemed to have enraged her so much that she tweeted three different replies. 


Was she reacting out of guilty conscience? Everything seems to be pointed at that. Even a supposed Muslim questioned her belief after sending the bathroom pictures and was simply called 'A fool'.



She tweeted about wanting and desiring to sleep with male celebrities like Flavour, Ice Prince, Banky W, Davido and wizkid (even those younger than her are not spared!). Then she said she would'nt mind having babies for Psquare, Tuface (as if he doesn't have enough already), Don Jazzy and Clarence Peters.

In an interview she gave way back as a 'born again Christian' she was quoted to have said; "Even after getting married I still have this urge of going out to meet a man. But I felt it should not be so. I’m trying to let people know there is a spirit behind prostitution  if not, why after getting married, I have everything, I live in Lekki, I’m driving a very big car and my husband gives me whatever I want, so why would I still feel like going into prostitution  There is a spirit behind it. I continued prostítútión even after getting married. The only thing that changed me was being born again and being delivered.”

Is the spirit of prostitution back? With all her wanting to 'X' every male celeb and fellow, I think it is...and its worse than before.

While surfing online about her, I came across blogs that carried the news and pictures of her shower-hour and was dsimayed to discover that they kept referring to her as 'Gospel Singer'. I don't think one can call her a gospel singer when she has only two gospel tracks to her credit...and also due to the fact that she recently released a track titled 'Superman' (which ain't gospel) from an uncoming project that's carries tracks with explicit lyrics.

Well...what can we say, like she insinuates in one of her tweets, she deliberately chose to go this way. And she lets us know that she hasn't even started.


What does that point to? I hope its not that she'll soon start featuring in porn; we already have the Cossys and Afrocandys to contend with.












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An Iroko Has Fallen - RIP Robert Onyia


Just yesterday evening towards the close of work the bad news came calling that my colleague and Art Director, Robert Onyia had passed on.

It was a shock because one of us still spoke to him the day before earlier in the week. The more saddening aspect of it all was that he was supposed to do his introduction this coming weekend.

Robert at this years Agency Fun Fair
I'll definitely miss Robert. I'll remember him for his deep emphatic voice that makes him sound like a Diokpa that Nollywood could make good use of; I'll remember him doing voice-over recordings for me when I needed to use the voice of somebody that sounded like a chief or elderly person. I'll remember him for his informativeness and artistic virtuoso on the computer...




You may be gone Robert...but you will never be forgotten! 
Rest in peace bro!

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When a Man Falls In Love With a Goat...SMH!




Is the goat a unique animal?

Is there something that makes this renown ruminant stand out?

Apart from the fact that it is a symbol of stubbornness, (you've heard of the stubbornness of the he-goat, no matter how much you smack it, it never learns.) stupidity (they never seem to understand what it means to be in danger until it is too late.) and ability to crap at random (ever seen a goat drop shit like its hot?), they are also used as metaphors for elements that won’t make heaven, the likeness of the devil and his esoteric symbolisms (occultic baphomet and the likes)

But nowadays, we are seeing goats standing out in more bizarre circumstances.

From news of men ‘straffing’ goats to even marrying them to people paying millions for them.

I came across a news item where a Saudi Arabian businessman sold a goat for three million dollars. I was like…is there something unique that this goat would do to my life if I ate it? Would I become smarter? Would I shit out the remains of the digested goat as pieces of gold?

Why did the goat cost that much? They said it was because it had unique features! *SMH!*

Maybe I should start looking about for any weird-looking local fowl in my neighborhood to sell to a Saudi Businessman, those guys have a lot of oil money to waste.

Back to the issue of the goats, I read a news item where a man was banned from every farm in Britain and sentenced to six weeks in jail for ‘kpanshing’ a goat.

While the news of humans getting caught sexing animals is not new, even here in Naija, I’m just trying to figure out what kind of sick devilish ‘agro’ would make a full human-being lust after a ruminant? What kind of insane sex appeal does a grass-eating-stinking-herbivore have that a fellow woman-being doesn’t have?

I tire.

And if you think that’s downright disgusting, what will you say about Aparecido Castaldo, a retired stone cutter from Jundiai, Brazil who decided to actually marry a goat?

Imagine being labelled the husband of a goat...eeww!
Did I hear the person who never heard the story say ‘Haa!!’?

Oh yes he did. And guess where he did it? In a Church of Satan!

Why? No Christian church would ever honor such a disgusting request to be married to an animal. According to the report, Aparecido fell in love with his pet goat two years ago, and apparently she has already been accepted as a “stepmother” by the man’s seven children.

Hmm…so the insanity is no doubt hereditary – that his kids decided to embrace his move an accept a goat as their ‘stepmother’!

I can’t even imagine it!

Although the wedding between the man and his goat caused a lot of controversy in the community and attracted accusations from animal rights activists, Castaldo said they don’t intend to ‘straff’.


See attempted tomfoolery! There’s no way I’m buying that story.

This sick old man must have been ‘kpanshing’ that goat till he developed a sick soul-tie and couldn’t imagine life without it. Thus they got married….

What an abomination!




Goat illustration courtesy:
www.dragoart.com




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Nollywood And The Sexploitation of Women


Women.

They are a very important necessity to life in today’s society; either be it for good or bad. You can never underestimate their value and importance.

They are the reason why a man can pro-create his likeness, they are the attraction that’s designed to soften the hard core of a man’s heart. They wield the ‘kryptonite’ that would make every strong, bold and powerful man fall to his knees.

They are the reason why many are wealthy and the reason why many are poor.

They are the reason why many rise and also the reason why many fall.

They are the ones that bring forth a man’s sweet side and also the ones that conjure his innate violence.

They are the ones who can enslave a man and also the ones who can submit to a man.

They are the mothers, wives, lovers, friends that make good things happen. They can also be the whore, nag,  fraud, mistress that make bad things happen. 

It all depends on which perspective they operate from.

And the world in its vain and infamous glory has found a way to exploit women, most especially for one of the most powerful weapons that they carry – their sexuality.



Switch on any music channel on cable or on TV. They are there in their youthful exuberance being exploited via the reckless flaunting of their vivacious bodies; video vixens shaking every element that palpitates the sexual heartbeat of any male that dares to glare at their movements. 

The music artiste that lacks creativity has come to find them to be the key element to boost viewership of his music video on air. They are the eye candy that any man extra-fond of the female gender can neither resist nor gainsay. This has become the norm; creativity is going extinct as smut and sexuality is being touted as imagination. While the music industry in the western world has overblown the exploration and sexploitation of women in their videos and moved on to showing scary esoteric visuals, Naija has firmly embraced of the art of flaunting the feminine gender as sex eye-candy in videos.

The title is the same, the game is the same but the language is different.
And just when the glass cup of the Naija music scene was foaming and frothing over with sexual exuberance, Nollywood decided to up its ante by exploring the idea of amplifying it further.

Sure, men are also involved but a man doesn’t pull in as much ratings as a nude or half clad woman on a DVD cover. But it’s not even only about manufacturing misleading DVDs covers but now about shooting movies that focus entirely on women and sexcapades or using risqué scenes of a flick to sell movies.  

Nollywood Chick Flicks: so many things in common.

Currently, the trend has spread across Nollywood and we can see it oozing from the numerous movie posters about video clubs and movie shops. Movie producers have now delved into all kinds of productions of these Naija chick-flicks most of which have storylines surrounding a clique of scandal-minded or adventurous young women. To push the edge, sex scenes have become more graphic and pronounced in many of these flicks (I wrote stuff about this some time ago).

The trend has blown out so much that even our Ghanaian counterparts have also caught the bug and churned out their own chick-flicks as well. Oh, did I mention that Yoruba Nollywood also has a big share in this trend? Oh yes…and it’s never stopped escalating.

While these chick-flicks may draw the attention of women for the fact that they can relate to the issues reflected in the movies, the men are drawn by the vivacity of women displayed in the movies. Have you noticed how the costumes are usually extremely flashy? The ladies in these chick-flicks a lot of times are not just dressed to kill, they are dressed to mutilate.

Chick-Flicks exploiting social media and trending names
Each time I see any of these movies I watch how the camera shots visually harass the actresses – focusing on their ‘arsenal’ at naughty angles, accentuating them in ways that could turn a celibate priest into a hypocrite. Even in love-making scenes, the focus most of the time is on the woman. I can only conclude that producers or directors are out to make sure they exploit every avenue of exposure as much as they can.

No wonder almost every chick-flick has age rating ‘18’ on them – another way of saying ‘watch at your moral detriment'.

Yoruba Nolly representing.

Another paramount trend is the cheesy and naughty titles of many of these movies.  Even the titles appear to be a cheap exploitation on the female gender. You see smutty titles like; Vain Girls, Sexy Girls, Hot Girls, Angolo Girls, Tattoo Girls, Airline babes, College girls, Lagos girls etc. Some also exploit social media, famous and infamous brand names to hype their flicks. You see movies with titles such as; Fazebook Babes, Omoge Facebook (Yoruba counterpart),Twitter babes, 2go Babes, Obama Babes, Blackberry Babes, Bold Five Babes, Brazillian Hair Babes, Aso-Ebi Girls, Illuminati Girls. From the Ghanaian stables comes others like; Azonto Babes, Perfect Girls, Government Girls, Bigger Ladies. The Yoruba offers its own share with movies like, Omo ghetto (Ghetto Babes), Omo Gucci (Gucci Babes), Awa Obinrin (We the women), Gbogbo Bis Gees (A spin off idea from Funke Akindele's Jenifa which refers to high profile chicks) . It seems the words ‘Girls’ and ‘Babes’ have become a recurring decimal in this trend. 
Ghanaian Chick-Flicks
Some flicks have however managed stay clear of using the now cliché qualified-gender titles and have gone the way of other cheesy titles like Private Part, Girl’s in the mood, Mama and the Girls, Girl Connection, All My Ladies etc. The list is almost endless.  

It’s a vicious cycle that doesn't seem to have any end in sight; there’s a bandwagon that’s carrying ambitious producers in its wake and they keep churning out more and more of these kind of flicks every day. The appalling thing about them most of the time is that the titles don’t have much or nothing at all to do with the story lines.

But this is not to say that Nollywood is on a total regression. I have come to differentiate Nollywood productions into two classes  - like it or not but it has become evident that Nollywood movies can now be categorized into the High budget productions (A list productions)and the Low budget productions (most of the time referred to as B-movies in the western movie circuit). Some fall in-between and fare well in quality but those that fall in the B-movie range can be classed as the productions pursued by Alaba Market based producers. The desperation of this class of producers has driven them to explore sexploitation themes. 

As of three years back, Nollywood's advent into shooting sexually graphic scenes caused so much commotion and many decried it. Today, they have gotten more adventurous with it and even explore more sensitive themes that would leave many aghast.  And to add salt to injury, some well known actors and actresses who may have been faced by the threat of irrelevance in the industry are taking up challenges to feature in graphic flicks. 

In a world where there are movements fighting for the emancipation of womenfolk from various forms of abuse, this is one form that may not get much leverage because of the many factors involved. Many ladies in question would willingly not mind getting paid for being exploited as the mind-set of 'using what you have to get what you want' reigns supreme. The threat of poverty and financial lack is equally a motivating factor.  

And so what next? What will Chick-flicks look like in the next few years to come? Is it going to get worse? Is the degradation of women going to get worse? 

I sincerely wish I could predict that.


































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