tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6443553441086250699.post291006195754275536..comments2024-03-20T15:54:23.264+01:00Comments on .: When a Spouse Beats AnotherAfronutshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15566418094230419342noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6443553441086250699.post-68197613373655544622012-10-09T22:39:41.887+01:002012-10-09T22:39:41.887+01:00You're welcome.
I will be resurrecting my blo...You're welcome.<br /><br />I will be resurrecting my blog soon. Tins wey I bin experience fall my hand well well, but I'm getting back there.archiwizhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07754766915372324166noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6443553441086250699.post-64362776368088036822012-10-09T20:22:04.565+01:002012-10-09T20:22:04.565+01:00@archiwiz....okay. Since you have an angle with so...@archiwiz....okay. Since you have an angle with so much backing I guess you've got a point, though its veering away from what I intended. Thanks for the links and info.<br /><br />So when do u intend to ressurect ur blog? Or is it a no no?Afronutshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15566418094230419342noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6443553441086250699.post-46296496211825853662012-10-09T17:53:09.373+01:002012-10-09T17:53:09.373+01:00I would like to leave some resources here for peop...I would like to leave some resources here for people to check out:<br /><br />http://www.thefamilytree.org/en/domestic-violence-services/156<br /><br />http://www.ncadv.org/learn/TheProblem.php<br /><br />Test your knowledge of domestic violence: http://www.thehotline.org/2012/10/dvam-challenge-3-test-your-knowledge-of-domestic-violence/<br /><br />The signs of abuse: http://www.thehotline.org/2012/10/dvam-challenge-5-know-the-signs-of-abuse/<br />http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm<br /><br />Cycle of violence: http://www.domesticviolence.org/cycle-of-violence/<br />http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/women/page5.htm<br /><br />Theoretical Explanations: http://family.jrank.org/pages/1629/Spouse-Abuse-THEORETICAL-EXPLANATIONS.html<br /><br />Engaging Men and Boys to achieve gender equality: http://www.ncdsv.org/images/Engaging%20Men%20and%20Boys%20to%20Achieve%20Gender%20Equality.pdf<br />http://www.ncdsv.org/images/SWC_IssueBriefEngagingMenBoysReducePreventGender-BasedViolence_4-2011.pdf<br />http://www.ncdsv.org/images/IP_EngagingMenToPreventGBVMulticountryInterventionImpactStudy_2012.pdf<br /><br />http://www.dvsolutions.org/programs/MenAgainstDV.aspx<br /><br />http://www.menstoppingviolence.org/programs/because-we-have-daughters<br /><br />Impact of domestic violence on family dynamics: http://www.ncdsv.org/images/Bancroft_BattererAsParentAddressingImpactOfDVonFamilyDynamics_2002.pdf<br /><br />Take the DVAM challenge: http://www.thehotline.org/<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />archiwizhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07754766915372324166noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6443553441086250699.post-23322654517631146172012-10-09T17:29:48.463+01:002012-10-09T17:29:48.463+01:00@Afronuts Your tone makes you seem annoyed. I hope...@Afronuts Your tone makes you seem annoyed. I hope this is not so. I must also refute your claim that my point is creeping towards jungle justice. You are misreading my comment. My point is that trying to look at what you call both sides is not the best way to handle the problem, especially because most abusers minimize the abuse, or make it look like the victim is lying and crazy. Again, I would advise that you look more into the problem that is domestic violence. You will be surprised at what you find.<br /><br />When two people are fighting and one is almost beating the other to a pulp, how is the dynamic the same as a woman (or man) who is being beaten by their spouse? So what happens after you have "heard both sides" and "made your ruling?" How do you think that will change the fact that some people feel entitled to control the person they are intimate with? I am advocating for a solution.<br /><br />Sykik's boiled down points are encouraging, and for the most part, are true. However, there is danger in trying to not jump to conclusions, and that danger slips into victim blaming. After all, most reasonable people (like you) will try to reason out why the woman was beaten, however abuse in all its forms, does not follow reason. That is my point.archiwizhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07754766915372324166noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6443553441086250699.post-90434407853340235092012-10-09T09:54:28.782+01:002012-10-09T09:54:28.782+01:00@Archiwiz...so what's your point? That we shou...@Archiwiz...so what's your point? That we should only hear the woman's part alone? Finding out the man's point of view is not an excuse...it's just a diagnosis of finding out the nucleus of the problem before jumping to a conclusion.How is that 'victim-blaming'? Nobody is saying the man who hit a woman is right. It is immature to do that. But not wanting to hear what's gwan from the man's side wouldn't be fair. If you stop two people who are fighting where one almost beats another to pulp, would you ask what happened from the one of the one that was beaten and refuse to hear anything from the one that did the beating? Even in law courts both sides have to be heard before a ruling is made. The point from which you are speaking is pointing towards jungle justice! <br /><br />@Sykik...Thanks once again. I don't know why people just want to support the victim and not find out why she was assaulted in order to come to a fair conclusion.Afronutshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15566418094230419342noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6443553441086250699.post-24398073971062722012-10-08T23:21:38.231+01:002012-10-08T23:21:38.231+01:00@ daughter of her king....pls read my comments wel...@ daughter of her king....pls read my comments well oh...I never said I reasoned that violence is right because women have mouth ..what I wrote is that<br /><br />......Why beat someone you profess love to. Why not be matured and walk out or take it out on the washing machine or the wall.<br /><br />............. If you are married to a man with little or no threshold for nagging, snide remarks, patience e.t.c I would suggest that silence is golden...........<br /><br />...........,., the God factor is important in choosing a life partner . Marry someone you can cope with his temperament.<br /><br />I don't encourage spouse beating/ violence oh....it's not justified for whatever reason. However, I understand afronuts point of view about not jumping to conclusion. Sykikhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03852200510942634180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6443553441086250699.post-14947253564815900412012-10-08T19:56:02.921+01:002012-10-08T19:56:02.921+01:00The people that use the "excuse" of want...The people that use the "excuse" of wanting to find out the man's point of view are very telling. For some reason many Nigerians see marriage as something women should cave into, and as the partner in the marriage that should bend. Love, marriage, relationships. All are two-way streets. The person that asks, "What drove him to do that?" are actually doing what is called victim-blaming. Under no circumstances is it ever all right, ok, kosher, acceptable, or understandable for ANYONE to abuse the person they claim to love.<br /><br />Attempting to look at it from the abuser's perspective is sure to drag you down a slippery slope. The two parties in the relationship are both adults, and should relate to each other in a matured fashion. The need to "warn her severally" smacks of superiority and male privilege. Why did she need to nag him severally? Is it possibly because she had a request/need that he refused to meet? You never hear people asking this question. <br /><br />People should understand that women are not children to be "taught lessons" or bossed about. A man that is truly a husband, attempting to be like Jesus in loving His bride, will swallow his pride when it comes to living at peace with his wife. He should cater to her, and she should cater to him. <br /><br />I would encourage everyone to study the patterns and cycles of abuse and look around their community. Nigerian women have suffered enough in the name of marriage; and frankly, one wonders how Christian we are when all these hideous atrocities are still being committed in the name of marriage.<br /><br />@Sykik You talked about a man being driven to the edge. I must remind you, that as people, we are responsible for what we do. Nobody forces another to lift up a hand in anger. Nobody can make you do what you don't want to do. If a man has a short rope, or threshold, it is NOT his wife's responsibility to maintain that threshold, because the day she also "loses it," he will immediately be afforded the excuse to hit her. Now how does that help the situation?archiwizhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07754766915372324166noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6443553441086250699.post-27575270795166693992012-10-08T18:51:32.607+01:002012-10-08T18:51:32.607+01:00@Daughter of her king...Interesting. You seriously...@Daughter of her king...Interesting. You seriously do have a point. Maybe I mashed up too many issues together. Sometimes when you're writing on a topic that has so many branches, it can end up saying so much and not informing as it should.<br /><br />Thanks for the point and observation!Afronutshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15566418094230419342noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6443553441086250699.post-9749337282166685392012-10-08T14:19:30.521+01:002012-10-08T14:19:30.521+01:00About the example you gave.. he definitely went cr...About the example you gave.. he definitely went crazy HITTING his wife. That is the definition of IT CRAZINESS. So he cant leave the house abi?? Cos for me craziness is the inability to make use of the right decision.Also, a man like that should understand foolishness better. Anyhoo that their cup of garri..<br /><br />the example again does not justify. Seriously, he should follow the scripture and live on the ROOF. At least it wil give him time think and breath. the wife likewise. Prolly both them will calm down sef and talk like mature adults.<br /><br />@Sykik, yes women have mouths and that can drive the person to the edge. We can easily debate about the edge, so the edge means he should beat her? NO, he should walk away that is what the edge means to me sha. Take a break and clear your head and thoughts.<br /><br />Abeg there is enough going on already, violence in a home is not the way forward at any cost. and should not be.<br /><br />I dont need to hear him before I will tell him which part of the law, bible says its ok to HIT A WOMAN or anyone? Its not cool.. gone are the days of slavery o jare.<br /><br />so my bro pls its not OK NO MATTER WHAT. He had a choice, we always have choices to walk away. as long as he has that, its A NO to VIOLENCE. Next time stay away from characters u cant handle...<br /><br />let go away jare.. have said enough. in fact more than enough.lol.Daughter of Her Kinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13153158836293987110noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6443553441086250699.post-35899404320457051572012-10-08T14:07:24.089+01:002012-10-08T14:07:24.089+01:00To be honest Mr KUsh(an essay is coming up lol). T...To be honest Mr KUsh(an essay is coming up lol). This post might not come across like that to most readers (i.e. that you r not supporting violence). No matter what, whether it is her side of story. BOTTOM LINE: DONT HIT HER or HIM expect in exceptions circumstances i.e. self defense.<br /><br />I get you that something has to happen for an action to occur No smoke without FIRE. But if that be the case, is it now alright to HIT HER? NO IT DOES NOT. Violence does not stop anything, if anything it breeds negativity's, resentments, confusion and hatred.JESUS also encouraged to love our neighbour as ourselves. Paul also encouraged Men to love their wives as Christ loves the Church. As many of us know we are not saints and some of us are far from it but doesn't God treat us and love us regardless. He does not physically or verbally abuse us. Yet, the instruction to act like that towards our partner is not implemented and we justify why we pay evil for evil.... we should everything in LOVE cos love is not hitting her? cos she nagged u... How does that solve the situation. The more you hit, the more you breed negatives.<br /><br />Aside from that, I strongly believe in communication. If we cant agree to disagree as mature adults. FORGET IT with that dude.<br /><br />Men too should take their eyes to the market and pray to God for the kind of character they want in a wife. Disagreements and issues should not be the opportunity to beat or physically abuse her. It is not ok. Marriage is work in progress so if the dude cannot contain it BACK OUT.<br /><br />If one is an unhealthy relationship one should leave.<br /><br />I have experienced abuse with both my parents and most times MUM was innocent and if she wasnt what right did my DAD have to hit her? None.. it was not fair to grow up in a violence home(am not venting oh lol) I am just saying VIOLENCE both at home, at work, in school etc is not APPROPRIATE the negatives is just too much...<br /><br />I will say though, until one goes through physical abuse, mental or verbal you never understand what it feels..<br /><br />The bible also said the heart of man is desperately wicked which I think applies to both sexes.<br /><br />NO TO VIOLENCE AT ALL COST whether it was fired or it was not ohh. I dont want to know what did and dint happen. NO TO VIOLENCE IS MY STANCE.<br /><br />WALK AWAY AND CLEAR YOUR HEAD..<br /><br />Daughter of Her Kinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13153158836293987110noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6443553441086250699.post-43723755636824940422012-10-07T18:02:27.203+01:002012-10-07T18:02:27.203+01:00@Sykik...thanks so much for the elaboration. Of co...@Sykik...thanks so much for the elaboration. Of course Myne is right that any disagreement need not generate into voilence...Its wrong to ever hit your wife. All I'm saying is lets also hear the man out b4 we crucify him.<br /><br />Thanks for making it clearer again.Afronutshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15566418094230419342noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6443553441086250699.post-82199427382859507212012-10-07T09:45:34.477+01:002012-10-07T09:45:34.477+01:00I understand Myne's point of view and also bel...I understand Myne's point of view and also believe nothing justifies violence. Why beat someone you profess love to. Why not be matured and walk out or take it out on the washing machine or the wall.<br /><br />The angle Afronut wants us to see is that at times women can also drive a man to the edge. If you are married to a man with little or no threshold for nagging, snide remarks, patience e.t.c I would suggest that silence is golden. Also, a kind word when a man is going through a difficult phase will go a long way than nag him about how his mates have gone several miles ahead of him or how you are the one who's been picking the bills. <br /><br />Most importantly, I maintain that the God factor is important in choosing a life partner . Marry someone you can cope with his temperament. Sykikhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03852200510942634180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6443553441086250699.post-68937836227196606862012-10-06T23:36:38.935+01:002012-10-06T23:36:38.935+01:00@Myne...I'm not sure you read me well Myne. I ...@Myne...I'm not sure you read me well Myne. I wasn't justifying anything. Besides, I've witnessed an experience which resulted in the man hitting the woman...the man was going through so much challenges and rather than the woman encouraging and supporting him, she nagged him to the edge...it was just too much, the man almost went crazy, he warned her severally, she refused to listen, she even threatened and dared him to hit her...<br /><br />Why do you think that scripture said it is better for a man to live on the edge of a roof than live with a nagging wife? What happens when he lives on the edge of the roof? He's bound to fall off the roof and die! That's why its seems safer for him on that edge than to live in the same house with a nagging wife. Mind you also, I didn't justify anything, all I arguing is that the other side of the story MUST be heard before you can make such judgements. <br />I'm not sure you read everything,'cause that was not my argument.<br /><br />@Sykik...Very true! Many fail to do this and adjust. Marriage is meant for matured minds.<br /><br />@Blessing....Thanks Blessing. You got my point. Its easy to label men because they have the brute force and say nothing justifies them hitting a woman, but we need to know why they are irked in the first place, even anger management is meant to be managedAfronutshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15566418094230419342noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6443553441086250699.post-8824520819134399122012-10-06T16:48:20.825+01:002012-10-06T16:48:20.825+01:00I agree with you, def important to hear both sides...I agree with you, def important to hear both sides...some women are out of control and abuse their "weaker sex" roles...its absolutely wrong for one spouse to hit another (women also hit men)...like the scriptures you've quoted, if everyone plays their roles, divorce rate will drop drasticallyBlessinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00063729360732047180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6443553441086250699.post-66887077781073871172012-10-06T11:03:32.375+01:002012-10-06T11:03:32.375+01:00Theres no smoke without fire and it takes two to t...Theres no smoke without fire and it takes two to tango ."when a handshake goes beyond the elbow" both parties should exercise caution. Knowing your partner's temperament will go a long way . <br /><br />That's why we can't rule out the God factor when we want to choose a life partner.Sykikhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03852200510942634180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6443553441086250699.post-60560097908135154972012-10-05T18:21:22.477+01:002012-10-05T18:21:22.477+01:00I'm sorry to disagree with the argument you...I'm sorry to disagree with the argument you're making with this post. No matter what, there is no provocation that justifies violence, especially to those you profess to love. None! <br /><br />Men who beat their wives, sisters, mothers, and women in general, usually have anger management issues and it seems they only vent it on women because they know they'll win, and also get away with it.Mynehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07595087387069634003noreply@blogger.com