The Pretty Female Bosses in the Nigerian Police

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Friday, March 18, 2016

So I was going through a trailer for a Nollywood TV drama series titled 2four7and just as I was expectant of anything to catch my fancy, something finally did. It was the female police boss in the movie.

Pretty police boss from the TV drama series 2Four7

Now, I digress to explain – I was actually watching the trailer to check out the quality of the production. I’m the kind of film buff who doesn’t just watch movies for the sake of entertainment but rather for a critical analysisof its level of production and try to figure out what must have gone on behind the scenes. I also take time to study the actors' performances and characterization (well, since I also review movies from time to time, that’s expected of me). It was in the process of taking in the characters that the role of the female police boss (I can’t figure out the name of the actress that played that role right now) caught my attention.

It wasn’t her acting performance that got my undivided focus but the fact that she was a pretty looking police boss in uniform. At that moment my mind went into a subconscious search just processing the image and suddenly another image or thought popped up in the recesses of my mind:

This policewoman in uniform looks pretty – like Ngozi Braide, former Lagos State public relations officer, a real life counterpart who also looked good in uniform.

Former Lagos Police Command PRO, Ngozi Braide

I remember the first time I saw Deputy Superintendent Braide on TV, I was surprised that the police force could have fine looking women. Most of the ones I had seen on Lagos streets were usually rugged looking.

Deputy Superintendent Ngozi Braide was finally redeployed from Lagos following an embarrassing fight between her and a Superiorofficer-an event that resulted in her threatening to stab her senior.

I used to have this funny assumption that anybody that is pretty and attractive is likely to have some scary flaw. It turns out I was somewhat right in the case of Braide as some aproko blog spilled the beans on her lifestyle and personality. The revelations were so shocking and they seemed to explain the kind of nature that would lead her to attack a senior colleague. It must have been a sensitive story that could put a blogger in trouble because it’s no longer on the gossip site that reported it. However, someone copied the info and posted it on the Naiiraland forum.

The pretty police boss in the TV series was pretty and fair complexioned like Ngozi. I could almost say the writers may have adopted the Ngozi-look for the character but then I decided against that when another Pretty policewoman boss that looked way better than braide (my opinion oh!) and looked a bit more like the TV drama cop surfaced recently in the news.

Mrs Onwuanaegbu with the Governor's entourage

I’m talking of the Divisional Police Officer of Ilasan Police Station in Lekki, Mrs. Onyinye Onwuanaegbu, who can be seen in the recent photos of the Governor Akinwumi Ambode entourage inspection of structures in Lekki Gardens.

Its as if Governor Ambode is resisting the urge to look at the pretty cop

There was just no way you could ignore Mrs. Onwuanaegbu in these pics; she stood out in resplendent beauty and with authority. I was stunned when I saw the pics. It seems pretty women are beginning to spring up in places of authority in the police force these days. Onwuanaegbu beat Ngozi in the height factor and body structure; she could have passed for a supermodel, even her glasses made her look even hotter…okay I will stop there before I start straying into talking about the other obvious body parts that men always notice.

\And while the Governor kept his face away, the guy on the extreme left apparently couldn't.

I have a 'silly' question…why are female police bosses these days always extra pretty and ‘yellow’ in complexion?

Okay, That's a hasty generalisation, I’m just goofing around, don’t mind me. I just had to put up this post ‘cause I just noticed these things people don’t usually talk about.

Or should I just say I needed to post something…and this is something, abi?

Hollywood's Whitewashing & Blackballing

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Saturday, February 27, 2016

I recently saw this funny commentary done on the Last Week Tonight Show with John Oliver. Smart way of questioning controversies in a comical manner, if you ask me.

A white dude playing a blackman - Uugh!

If you never saw it watch the video below, its very expository and eye-opening!

Wow...I guess there's really a lot more than meets the eye. Even the news didn't seem to say it this much!

Nollywood Thievery [Photo]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Thursday, April 16, 2015

Nollywood and their constant thievery...

Is this supposed to help this Naija  movie sell or some graphic artist was just plumb lazy and had his imagination on a stupid hiatus? I mean... look at how everything was copied from the choice of words and arrangement to the layout and people in the design. 

Just look at the striking similarities...the original is called 'Empire', the imitation says 'Kingdom'. (No be today Nollywood dey bastardize the word Kingdom sha. You fit count over a hundred Naija movies that have that word in their title).

Where the original says 'Music, Family, Power', the imitation says 'Gold, Magic, Power' which is not surprising after all many of these low grade Nollywood movies are about weird juju and some fake elite or show of exaggerated opulence.

While the original says 'The Battle Begins' which sets the suspenseful anticipatory mood, the imitation yells 'The Curse Begins'. Before nko? Did I not mention 'juju things?' (No hashtags abeg!)

The positioning of the models of the original are strategic; they are designed to make a statement - Terence Howard backing us and giving a side glance of the Boss who's having thoughts and the Lady (I forget her name) starring menacingly straight at us to indicate that she has an influence on this powerful man's decisions...

The positioning of the imitation is just lame. Van Vicker stands there in a pose that looks like he was just caught on camera asking the question, 'Shey na like this I suppose stand?' And the pix of the female who looks like a hybrid between Omotola Jalade and Genevieve Nnaji, seems like a cut out from some over-tweeted and over-hyped personal photo found online.

I just hope this poster is a fake; if it is, then this was a good joke of what Low-grade Nollywood is capable of doing and if its not, then Nollywood don fall hand big time.

By the way,,,is there really a station called ANBC? 'Cause that's where my fakery suspicion came from.

The Gbagauns of Yoruba Nollywood 5 [Photos]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Monday, June 16, 2014

We are back again with another post of the 'gbagauns' captured from Yoruba Nollywood.

By now there's just no need to define what 'gbagaun' means. I just hope it does cease to be a term for the hilarious scattering of the English language and thus render these series obsolete. Nowadays things trend and die out faster than a microwave cooks Indomie noodles. So let's see what we have for today...

Subtitles that just screw up your imagination in twisted insane knots...'sower' ke?

So one can get married to lateness...abi...am I missing something?

No gbagaun here actually...its just the funny statement that got me cracking

The subtitles abi na end credits here are suffering mutiple grammartosis. Haba!

LOL! I just couldn't resist putting this one up. No gbagaun here but...hahaha!

I'm confused oh! I must have missed out some verbs in high school
...abi what does 'to diseve' mean? And what the pangolo is 'veginnity'?

No she is not jealoused, she is actually 'gbagauned' by your statement.

Hian! I just developed cross-eyes reading this.

This one 'deserver' no comment.

If God catch you....ehn. The person wey script this flick get liver oh

Its official! AIDS now hides in women's buttocks...yoruba movies sha! LOL!

But the grammar wey your subtitle speak scare me sha...

The gbagaun even makes the threat scarier!

So people's backgrounds can be far away...WTH does that mean?

*Searches the world map for a country called 'Abroad'*
Nope!...I didn't see any...

Let's all be 'kinding' when we translate this south western Nigerian
mother tongue to oyinbo language oh!

Even the idea behind the grammatical blunder no make sense!

I'm sorry but that lion go miss road enter gutter...heu! see yarn oh!

The last five 'gbagaun' shots were actually from the same movie titled Ewa Ibale! One whole movie dedicated to grammatical genocide! People if you ever come across movies like this with a barage of bad english bombardment, holla at me so I can fish out the diction debris! It was a serious movie but I was just laughing at the way English got butchered to smithereens on screen,

Have you seen any Naija yoruba flick with crappy subtitles? Gimme their names, let me go pick out the stiffs...lol.

Have a nice week ahead!

More Gbagauns from Nollywood [Photos]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Monday, March 10, 2014

After the hiatus caused by the arrival of my latest little guy, I've decided to start this Monday with another collection of Gbagauns from Nollywood. Unlike the initial series which focused more on Yoruba movies, this collection cuts across English and indigenous languages. 

The Gbagauns happens either accidentally or just out of plain ignorance or poor literate level of the subtitle or graphics person.

And so here goes...

I may excuse the subtitler for this one because it would have been
a mouthful for his limited brain to reconstruct in proper English

At first I thought the title was a typographical error...

Then I saw the opening montage...haba!

 Stupid title with stupid gbagaun...

This movie poster made me doubt how much of the English language
I knew...'cause with A list actors like these, the producers
can't mess up the grammar, right? Wrong!

To some hardcore illiterate this would sound like one real big grammar...

Your eyes could knot up and cause you to have a headache
trying to figure out what the heck was being said here.

This unforgivable gbagaun is definitely a prelude of other grammarcides to come.

I wasn't so sure whether this was referring to the car screeching or somebody screaming!

Just one letter can make everything go wrong...

Why do they keep repeating this particular error?

Its either the subtitle person didn't know how to translate what was
being said here or the script just had stupid lines

Incoherent subtitle mumbo jumbo...warraheck are they saying?

This part didn't even need subtitling but somebody wanted to prove lexical skills and goofed.

We should use belt on the person who subtitled this!

Just one wrongly placed letter made this girl look like an illiterate on mute.

Yeah....and the subtitler created rubbish out of something...

Written as spoken by the subtitler...that's my avid suspicion.

That can't be a prayer oh...bad subtitling has turned it into a curse!

Randoms: Anti-rape Gun and Panties,Nse Ikpe's Nudity, Darey & Kelly Rowland, Thelma's Bleaching and more

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Friday, January 31, 2014

Yep! 

I've been on a hiatus and guilty as charged! I've been trying to run away from doing another random as I have other stuff I so want to write about. But with the gaps in days I've left behind, a random post seems apt.

So here we go....

Rape is becoming a serious issue today and people are adopting a siddon look attitude at all! Now there's a gun designed for women for defense against tape. 

Sometime last year, a video came out advertising an anti-rape underwear. The odd contraption was so amusing I wanted to do a whole post on it but never got the time to do it. Trust fellow blogger, Verastic to have written something about it; she likes those kain things. 

'Pata' of protection....the anti-rape underwear

But i like the discussion The Young Turks did on it on Youtube.

So we heard of the anti-rape underwear, next we hear of a gun designed for women as defense against rape.  

According to a report:

Named after gang rape victim Nirbhaya, the Nirbheek is a small, lightweight revolver being marketed to Indian women.
The Nirbheek is a .32-caliber handgun made of titanium alloy.
Weighing in at just over a pound, it’s the smallest revolver made in India, and “ideal to fit a purse or a small hand bag,” according to the Times of India newspaper, which first reported the story.
The gun was designed to be a hybrid of a Smith & Wesson and a Webley & Scott and will come packaged in a maroon velvet case.

Hmmm....well, I guess that applies to indian women. I don't think you'll find Naija women carrying out that kind of precaution. Its either 3 things - 1.) They get 'odechi' (jazz) 3.) They are just not security conscious and don't even think about it.

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Julius Agwu snapped a photo with Ciara at the grammys!

Yay!

At least that's the news everybody is getting on the recently circulating picture of Julius Awgu and Ciara at the Grammys.

But nobody would have told us that Julius didn't actually pose with Ciara but was just lucky to have paprazzied her along 

with his cheeky smiling face while she performed.

Oh...and it happened at the Grammy's after party. I had to mention that before people started getting the idea that it happened 

at the awards ceremony.

And then what's the big deal about having Ciara appear in you photo? If Kenny Ogunbe and Dayo Adeneye could get Ciara to 

chat with them on camera on Primetime Entertainment then I guess we can say this photo is just...duh!

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Actress Nse Ikpe Etim will be seen in another Nollywood movie titled Devil in Detail (set for release on Februuary 14). What's making news about this particular upcoming flick in relation to Nse, is the fact that she goes nude in a scene in the movie. 

This has got to be a body double jo!

While I came across blogs and websites sensationalizing the claim that Nse goes nude in a new movie, there's nothing to prove that it is actually Nse that we see in the so-called nude scene picture circulating the net. Nobody seems to be considering the fact that it might be a body double. One site even goes on to say it wasn't a body double but Nse herself. How do you prove that? At least if Nse had looked sideways and we had seen her face profile, we would have believed. I don't think I buy it sha...

But I'll still say that there's a reason to believe - the fact that it was produced by Shirley Frimpong-Manso along with Chris Attoh; Ghanaian producers/Actor; and also the fact that many Ghanaian producers today are known to be uninhibited in shooting flicks with nudity in them. 

The Nse I know would doesn't do such kind of scenarios but if she eventually did...hmmm

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Darey Art Alade is out to do another Valentine's day concert like he did last year where he invited Kim Kardashian to just come and show face, greet people for 15 minutes and waka for some ridiculously high millions of naira.

Well...he's inviting Kelly Rowland this time to be part of the event. Its reported that Kelly will join Darey in playing host to guests on the red carpet at the concert. 

Errm....wait, she's playing host? Is she not singing? 

I'm not sure having her just host is a fruitful use of Kelly...the babe sabi sing nah...why he no let her perform? Abi the money no reach?

Bringing Kardashian wey no get any talent was a waste of kudi but bringing a Kelly that can sing to just come and greet people and talk no make sense oh.

Darey abeg oh, no let money enter voicemail!

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Thelma Okhaz is a fair complexioned Naija actress that's recently gaining popularity for extreme bleaching.

Before then, I have never heard of her.

Thelma...Before and After...

As for the bleaching saga...I'm still trying to figure out why someone who is already 'yellow' would decide to bleach some more.

I saw her 'before' pics and she looked sweet but after she underwent another round of bleaching, she went from looking fair and cute to white and scary. 

Even if you wan bleach (which I don't even support in the first instance) must you need to go as far as wanting to look like oyinbo? Instead of actually looking white, she looks like a frigging albino.

She looks so much like an albino in this flick...

And when people registered their displeasure over her extreme bleaching, she went ahead and tweeted:

Hmmm...is she claiming that she was inspired by Michael Jackson? 

Too bad if she thinks Michael actually bleached his skin deliberately.

Well, even if the skin 'photoshopping' doesn't do her good with people's views, at least, its making her more popular and obvious in dark places.

Abi?

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Toke Makinwa and Maje Ayida must seriously be in deep deep love oh!

The couple was reported to have celebrated their 2 weeks anniversary of getting married.

Errr....okay cool.

But I pray their marriage lasts oh...because getting married is not living in fantasy but living in reality.

Marriage in the first few months or years can be rosy until you begin to see things you never knew your partner had or was capable of.

Instead of learning to cope and deal with the situation, many couples today end up getting divorced.

Celebrities are worst hit on this and being in the public eye does not make matters any better.

Reports say that Toke was cautioned to keep her marital life out of the public eye but she's not bothered at all by that. So its not a surprise that she's celebrating 2 weeks anniversary of wedded bliss...I pray she celebrates 10 years in time to come and more. Marriage is not an institution for the weak and easily deterred.

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And so Dana airways has resumed flights again.

I still wonder how people still find it easy to continue to patronize the embattled airline.

It has over the years since the June 2012 crash generated all kinds of negative news. With the constant bad publicity, I would have expected the airline do do some serious damage control or rebranding to save face or renew the public's perception of them.

Instead, they are still there, operating as the same Dana air with controversy rooted all about them and doing almost nothing about it.

The only thing seemed to have been done is the acquisition of two Boeing 737-500 planes and the phasing out the old McDonnell Douglas aircraft that became infamous following the 2012 plane crash.

The planes are not brand new but not as old as the McDonnell Douglas they had before.

Okay oh...I hope they can gather trust from the doubtful public sha.

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And that's the random for the week....what a way to end the month.

Have a nice Weekend y'all!