The Spectranet Deception

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, March 30, 2016

It was around 8.30pm and I just couldn’t to get my surf on. I had just bought recharge cards for my Spectranet modem and was eager to get back online and surf the web. As a person that needed to be online a lot of the time, I had always done my browsing either via my phone, office or through a small dongle I had gotten from Etisalat. While the office offered enough bandwidth that I could only get to use when I was free, the other two were limiting in a number of ways, so when I got wind of the services being offered by Spectranet and its costs, I was excited that it was worth having.

Before, I always ignored major internet providers because of how costly their services and subscriptions were; I wasn’t ready to pay anything above N3,000 but this company called Spectranet came into the picture with the offer to give me 20 gig worth of browsing data for a month at N4k which would be active from 6pm to 8am on weekdays and 24 hours on weekends and public holidays.

Compared to other Internet providers like Swift and Smile, this was a good and affordable offer and so I got me a Spectranet modem which came with free 20 gig due to a promo. My first experience with their service was exhilarating; I was wowed by the sweet flow of bandwidth, the instant response from page to page….

Then the day came when I reloaded a fresh card of the usual N4,000 for another subscription and got a response that told me the voucher loaded was insufficient. I tried again and got the same thing. I opened the site afresh, used a different browser, refreshed and refreshed…the fund was said to still not be efficient. I then went to their website to check the listings and lo and behold what was N4,000 had now been changed to N7,500, almost double the cost!

I was enraged. What kind of witchery is this?

Why the increase in rates? They are currently running some deceptive Ad in which they talk some mumbo jumbo about unified tariff plans part of their effort to ensure everyone has access to affordable and faster internet.

Affordable? I’m sorry…where in the jumping diddlyskunk is the affordability in this?

I laugh in Spanish.

Some people who think they can pull the wool over our eyes are mistaken because we can smell the shit before it hits the fan. Not even having Linda Ikeji publish a ‘good post’ about them can save them from the flak that is coming.

Reading through the post, I was shocked at the rubbish and lies painted on the site. The Head of Marketing, Mike Ogor was making blasphemous utterances like:

The unified tariff is another way of telling our subscribers that they matter to us.

Really? We matter? That’s why you’re ripping us off? Liar…

’We understand the needs of our customers and subscribers and have kept improving our services to offer the best internet solutions in the country. ‘’The new tariff plan has been designed in such a way that suits individual pockets irrespective of their income and status-whether they are students, professionals, family, or business enterprise owners’’.

Why? Why all these lies and fabrication?

‘’when a customer buys data ranging from 20GB to 200GB each customer is automatically entitled to an extra10GB monthly and unlimited free night browsing and this will go a long way in helping customer connects to what matters to them’’.

This is quite confusing. While I saw nothing like extra 10GB on my own subscription, who cares about free night browsing when my plan already covers overnight?

Mr Ogor stated that Spectranet has improved its service to enhance seamless video streaming as streaming videos online require a fast internet connection.

This is another lie because just as their rates went up, their service apparently plummeted; it was always timing out like a toddler’s aggravated hiccup.

To know how pissed people are, you need to check out the comments under the post on Linda Ikeji’s blog…people are NOT SMILING at all!

Source

 Right now, I'm seriously considering switching to another Internet provider. There's no difference between their cost and that of Spectranet's.

The most annoying thing is that I just recommeded Spectranet to my parents recently. No I have to take back my word!

Naija DJs and the Struggle to Stay Relevant

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Thursday, March 24, 2016

It was yesterday afternoon and I was in the studio at my office discussing with one of our contract sound engineers when Bunmi, one of our Account Management ladies walked in to sort out a couple of issues with the production unit.

Now Bunmi wasn’t just a corporate employee but also a part time disc jockey who goes by the name DJ Baldie. Her trademark look is her smooth clean shaven head which sits well with her stage name.

Bunmi is a heavily social person and always liked to groove so I wasn’t surprised when she walked up to Daniel the Sound Engineer/Producer and jokingly asked if he could produce a single for her. We all laughed wondering what on earth she was getting at until she decided to strut what she could do and told Daniel to play Asa’s ‘Jailer’ on the keyboards while she covered the song.

Daniel hit the keys and Bunmi started singing…and she wowed everybody!

Then it suddenly hit me – Bunmi is a DJ and she can sing.

Okay…where am I going with this?

It’s no longer a new thing to see so-called popular Naija DJs releasing videos of singles and crediting themselves as performers or artistes that own the track.

This trend apparently started eight years back with DJ Jimmy Jatt’s release of the track ‘Stylee’ which featured Tuface, Mode 9 and Elajoe. Watching the video or listening to the music you could feel Tuface dominate the song followed by Mode 9 and Elajoe. The element that showed that DJ Jimmy Jatt was relelvant was his ad-libbing call-outs, intermittent disc scratching and outro at the end of the song.

So if we ask the question, was DJ Jimmy Jatt relevant in the song? Maybe…if we at look at the call outs and most importantly the disc-scratching, then he did make himself relevant.

But how long will that be evident?

Years later Jatt would release more singles or videos where his elements of relevance are reduced to just calls-outs. No more disc-scratching. Other DJs would eventually spring up to do the same and today we have them all over the place in the likes of DJ Neptune, DJ Xclusive, DJ Spinall, DJ Shabsy, DJ Enimoney, DJ Humility to mention a few.

Above: DJ Jimmy Jatt & Wizkid
Below: DJ Neptune & Olamide

I’m still struggling to understand WHY DJs release these videos and singles…okay, it’s weird saying they ‘released’ when in actual fact they are not the real talent performing the songs being released. Just check out any video credited to any Naija DJ, you’ll discover that they end up being the ‘waka-pass’, 'background dancer’ or ‘background demonstrator’. Imagine if you had to perform the track before a live audience, then you would need the artistes you used to come on board making it look like they own the song and not you.

Above: DJ Spinall & Timaya
Below: DJ Shabsy with Kiss Daniel, Sugarboy and some dude

Okay, let’s raise the argument that our DJs’ relevance would be in contributing to the song’s beat (as some DJs happen to be creating beats as well – wow!).

So what about the ace producers who are not DJs but are the brains behind beats and instrumentation for songs that become a hit? Unless the producer himself also performs like you see in the case of Don Jazzy and Masterkraft (Yes! I said Masterkraft…check him out on Coke Studio and the video‘Indomie’), most of them don’t dabble into unnecessary showcasing like these DJs.

Above: DJ Xclusive & Wizkid
Below: DJ Enimoney & Olamide

Me thinks DJs dropping stuff and crediting themselves when they aren’t the artiste will never shine like artistes unless they train themselves to do something new that will require a performance. Take for example American DJ Quik who is not just a DJ but also a producer, actor and rap artiste – now that’s serious relevance. We’re in an age where if you don’t upgrade yourself, you’re gonna fade into obscurity. It’s not by appearing in a video that makes you relevant or by crediting your name to a work that shines on an artiste and not you.

DJ Quik

I once asked a colleague about a certain song I was trying to remember and she said ‘You mean the Kiss Daniel song?’ I nodded and she told me it was titled ‘Rabba’. Then I reminded her that it was credited to a DJ. She couldn’t remember. Maybe if DJ Shabsy could do something like sing or rap she might have remembered him.

So Naija DJs…upgrade yourselves and stop doing waka-pass in videos that give the glory to someone else but is credited to you….abeg!

The Pretty Female Bosses in the Nigerian Police

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Friday, March 18, 2016

So I was going through a trailer for a Nollywood TV drama series titled 2four7and just as I was expectant of anything to catch my fancy, something finally did. It was the female police boss in the movie.

Pretty police boss from the TV drama series 2Four7

Now, I digress to explain – I was actually watching the trailer to check out the quality of the production. I’m the kind of film buff who doesn’t just watch movies for the sake of entertainment but rather for a critical analysisof its level of production and try to figure out what must have gone on behind the scenes. I also take time to study the actors' performances and characterization (well, since I also review movies from time to time, that’s expected of me). It was in the process of taking in the characters that the role of the female police boss (I can’t figure out the name of the actress that played that role right now) caught my attention.

It wasn’t her acting performance that got my undivided focus but the fact that she was a pretty looking police boss in uniform. At that moment my mind went into a subconscious search just processing the image and suddenly another image or thought popped up in the recesses of my mind:

This policewoman in uniform looks pretty – like Ngozi Braide, former Lagos State public relations officer, a real life counterpart who also looked good in uniform.

Former Lagos Police Command PRO, Ngozi Braide

I remember the first time I saw Deputy Superintendent Braide on TV, I was surprised that the police force could have fine looking women. Most of the ones I had seen on Lagos streets were usually rugged looking.

Deputy Superintendent Ngozi Braide was finally redeployed from Lagos following an embarrassing fight between her and a Superiorofficer-an event that resulted in her threatening to stab her senior.

I used to have this funny assumption that anybody that is pretty and attractive is likely to have some scary flaw. It turns out I was somewhat right in the case of Braide as some aproko blog spilled the beans on her lifestyle and personality. The revelations were so shocking and they seemed to explain the kind of nature that would lead her to attack a senior colleague. It must have been a sensitive story that could put a blogger in trouble because it’s no longer on the gossip site that reported it. However, someone copied the info and posted it on the Naiiraland forum.

The pretty police boss in the TV series was pretty and fair complexioned like Ngozi. I could almost say the writers may have adopted the Ngozi-look for the character but then I decided against that when another Pretty policewoman boss that looked way better than braide (my opinion oh!) and looked a bit more like the TV drama cop surfaced recently in the news.

Mrs Onwuanaegbu with the Governor's entourage

I’m talking of the Divisional Police Officer of Ilasan Police Station in Lekki, Mrs. Onyinye Onwuanaegbu, who can be seen in the recent photos of the Governor Akinwumi Ambode entourage inspection of structures in Lekki Gardens.

Its as if Governor Ambode is resisting the urge to look at the pretty cop

There was just no way you could ignore Mrs. Onwuanaegbu in these pics; she stood out in resplendent beauty and with authority. I was stunned when I saw the pics. It seems pretty women are beginning to spring up in places of authority in the police force these days. Onwuanaegbu beat Ngozi in the height factor and body structure; she could have passed for a supermodel, even her glasses made her look even hotter…okay I will stop there before I start straying into talking about the other obvious body parts that men always notice.

\And while the Governor kept his face away, the guy on the extreme left apparently couldn't.

I have a 'silly' question…why are female police bosses these days always extra pretty and ‘yellow’ in complexion?

Okay, That's a hasty generalisation, I’m just goofing around, don’t mind me. I just had to put up this post ‘cause I just noticed these things people don’t usually talk about.

Or should I just say I needed to post something…and this is something, abi?

The Pregnant Corper & JSS Student Gossip: A Blogger's Costly Lie

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Monday, March 14, 2016

It was just about after 3pm at work and my office colleagues were using their free-time to surf the web for information or updates pertaining to the industry or entertainment when a female colleague (who’s equally a Youth Corp member doing her Youth service in our company) gasped at her computer screen and called everybody’s attention to the crazy thing she had just come across.

It was a news item or rather a gossip bit on some blog that talked about a female Youth Corp member who had gotten pregnant for a JSS 1 or 2 boy in a secondary school. It originated as a tweet and became blog gossip.

My colleague's picture as placed  shamelessly on the blog

Whoever had put up this information had deemed it fit to include a photograph of a female Corp member and her male friend along with the article. The problem was that the lady in the picture was my colleague right here in the office gasping at her screen!

The link to this site was forwarded to her by a friend who saw it. Apparently people had begun to wonder whether she was actually the one referred to in the brief write up. She wasn’t the person being referred to in the write up but the placement of that pic inferred it.

I don’t think it’s a bad thing to illustrate your post with a Youth service picture for such a crazy news item provided you do it with some SENSE.

The blogger who stupidly put this up must have been ignorant and was just a troublemaker.

Out of curiosity, I decided to google the news headline and see how many bloggers had equally done stupidly. The result was a number of blogs that posted NYSC photos with SENSE.

The site 234today.com placed a group picture of NYSC members, Trennewsng.com and Olufamous.com put the picture of a female Youth Corp member with a friend but cut of the face area so you couldn’t say who it was. Informationng.com also did likewise. Naij.com put up the NYSC logo only…

All these blogs did it with SENSE unlike the blog Vibercent that put my colleague’s picture all out there wrongly. You need to see how guys in my office were discussing about how to sue for damages.

The captiom as captured on Vibercent's page after placing my colleague's
picture the secomnd time

This Vibercent blogger even went ahead to place the picture TWICE and scream out the headline in the popular way many rubbish blogs do it - JS1 STUDENT GIVES NYSC FEMALE CORPER BELLE. (SEE PHOTOS OOO) – He/She, whoever the ‘admin’ is had the guts to insinuate that the picture that was put up was the actual person in the tweet gossip.

What a load of crap!

Please beware of such bloggers…blacklist Viberscent.blogspot.com!

That Dirty Nigerian Vagina Song By Princess Vitarah

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Tuesday, March 01, 2016

I used to say it all the time that the internet or rather social media is where you can easily amp up yourself to become popular provided you do something very different from the usual bandwagon of activity you see every day.

The only problem with something different is that it goes both the ways of good and bad. Unfortunately according to modern day tenets of public relations in entertainment, there’s no such thing as bad publicity which means that anything controversial or fresh thing you do that creates a buzz, be it good or bad will always boost your popularity.

Rebecca Black

We have numerous case studies that have proven this - like Rebecca Black who launched her debut song and video, Friday on Youtube in 2011 and got negative feedback as the song was reputed to have stupid lyrics, autotuned, recorded and arranged on a well-orchestrated beat. But not even the beat could save the stupid lyrics. She got so much negative publicity that made her popular and turned her into an overnight celebrity.

Vic O

Okay let me even move closer to home and reference someone from Nigeria – Vic O. He is that so-called artiste who everybody knows by now and his popularity is gathered from the negative publicity he has received due to the nature of his vocal delivery and his music. If you don’t know Vic O, you need to check out his videos and songs to know what I’m talking about.

Now moving on to the reason for this post – American based rapper, Princess Vitarah recently released a music video on Youtube titled Nigerian P*ssy.  She even included the lyrics to the song in the video description area. The song, as the title already precludes, is explicit and talks about nothing but the vagina, particularly the Nigerian Vagina (Hian! I feel weird talking about this). It equally berates its Ghanaian counterpart.

Princess Vitarah in the video

I must confess that I was caught off-balance by this video. In a world where we are still trying to live with controversial figures like Maheeda and Afrocandy who are fond of shocking us unexpectedly with risqué material, Princess Vitarah springs up with this lewd presentation of rap music that’s reminiscent of the likes of Nicki Minaj’s Anaconda.

Thank God the video did not show nudity or suggest it in anyway as that would have exploded to another level. Some people have started placing her in competition with Maheeda which I don’t think is necessary as Maheeda ‘shows the lewdness’ while Princess Vitarah ‘Speaks the lewdness’. Those are two different things.

Going through her Instagram/Youtube page, I could see that she had dropped two other videos before but probably never gotten all that popular until this controversial one that is catching attention like wildfire. The reactions to her video are mixed; many are condemning her on social media for doing such, others are commending her and somewhat feeling the song.

I wouldn’t commend this because I see it as an attempt to just blow by any means irrespective of whether it’s good or bad. I see this as what desperate artistes do when they’ve run out of options – like the way they do with music videos today when there’s no tangible concept; just have women twerking while the main act sings and cavorts about.

Who did this to this kid? He's everywhere in this rotten song

Watching the video, I noticed a white kid wearing a T-shirt with something like ‘Nigerian’ written on it was dancing all about . What the hell is a little kid doing in this video that’s glorifying the lucrativeness of the female genitalia? This boy who was barely into his teens (probably 5 or 6 years old) was in most of the scenes, especially the opening scene as though he was some kind of special eye-candy. I was forced to scream out on the Youtube comment page in the fashion of the popular Vine/Instagram meme ‘WHERE’S YOUR MOTHER??

That white guy who\s happy about Nigerian Vagina...

There's also this white dude that was doing a background dancer (or is it a waka-pass?) in dark shades and danshiki who ecstactically choruses the part that says 'Naija P**y is the tightest' as though he was a part of some insane occultic orgy experience. Why was the focus on him more than those other black dudes goofing around?  Me suspects that kid is his son - can someone say PARENTING FAIL?

There’s no way this is getting played on Naija airwaves,  I can bet my life on it! It’s gonna remain on the internet only. It’s just too raw and dirty for the general public. One thing for sure is that its going to end up on Worldstarhiphop for sure. That's where explicitly amusing stuff like this end up.

The video is not spectacular anyway and was obviously low budget - if there was any budget at all. If I muted it and just watched the visuals, I wouldn’t be ‘wowed’ and would never have imagined that it’s talking about the female private part. In terms of her ability to deliver lyrics, Princess Vitarah sounds way better than Vic O. She has potential but she obviously doesn’t have lyrics. Too bad she went this route because once you start like this, you have to keep doing it to stay where it’s getting you. And believe you me, the juice eventually runs out.

If you want to see the video you can go watch it on Youtube. There’s no way I’m embedding that risque song on my page.

Hollywood's Whitewashing & Blackballing

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Saturday, February 27, 2016

I recently saw this funny commentary done on the Last Week Tonight Show with John Oliver. Smart way of questioning controversies in a comical manner, if you ask me.

A white dude playing a blackman - Uugh!

If you never saw it watch the video below, its very expository and eye-opening!

Wow...I guess there's really a lot more than meets the eye. Even the news didn't seem to say it this much!

The Rise of the Dollar and the Price of Akara

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Friday, February 26, 2016

They said the value of the naira is falling.

I ignored it and refused to worry myself over it. I’m usually good at that – ignoring issues that would give other people sleepless nights and high blood pressure - after all, life must go on...unless you have a death wish. God knows I don’t!

So, I wasn’t buggered about the naira devaluation for a while until the morning I went to buy me some Akara for breakfast.

Akara – that traditional fried bean cake that’s a darling to the appetite of every Nigerian, the one true snack or meal that brings Nigerians of all classes together. When you happen upon an Akara joint which in many cases is just a woman sitting at some street corner frying and selling Akara, you get to see customers from all these different categories. Akara has this strong uncontestable and distinct aroma that even puff-puff (another Nigerian favourite) cannot rival. If you ever buy it and want to hide it from colleagues at work, the sweet smell will snitch on you; everyone will notice Akara is in the house.

Okay, so before I wander too far, I was talking about naira falling…what has this got to do with Akara?

Well, there’s this buoyant Akara Joint not far from my office where I work and its owned by this Calabar or Igbo woman and her friend or sister. They sell both Akara and Pap of which some people eat right there (there were benches and tables for that purpose) while others buy take-away to their offices.

Akara and Puff puff sharing the same tray. Akara is the bigger one.

The Akara was usually sold 10 naira per piece. This meant that with 50 naira, you could buy 5 pieces; enough to eat with bread or with any other accompanying food item that goes well with Akara. So people were shocked when they got there one morning to hear that Akara was now 3 for 50 naira.

Why?

Because dollar now costs more.

We (the customers) all began to question how on earth the dollar is affecting Akara, one of the cheapest things anybody could buy and eat. It became a fact-finding discussion and we learnt that it was the groundnut oil being used to fry that had gone up in cost.

I was baffled. Groundnut oil? Are we still importing groundnut oil? Don’t we make that here in Naija?

So we threw up another suggestion – why not use palm oil then? Isn’t that made in Nigeria?

The suggestion lingered in the air like a rhetoric as no one answered it.

Later on I got wind of another info that made me fall flat - that we import beans and that the cost of beans had gone up. For real? I thought we grew beans? As at the time of writing this I cannot yet confirm the truth of this info though.

Meanwhile, there’s another Akara joint nearer to my office which is the off-shoot of a small Moimoi specialist restaurant called No Left Overs which suddenly changed their own price of 10 naira per piece of Akara to 50 naira per 3 pieces last year before the dollar issue arose. They had been having high patronage but for some reason they decided to hike the price and reduce the size of the Akara. This made me and many other customers shift to patronizing the Calabar woman whose Akara was way bigger and sold for 10 naira per piece.

Now the naira has fallen and she has switched the price too.

Anyway, the Calabar woman is still preferable because she managed to make the Akara slightly bigger since its now 50 naira per 3 piece. I’m now wondering what No Left Overs will end up doing about its Akara, now that dollar has gone up. Will they start selling it 20 naira per piece?

As for me, I’m still baffled…I still don’t get how Akara is affected by the dollar.

Seven Types of Women to Beware Of in Ministry

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Friday, February 19, 2016

I came across this interesting article by Pastor Joe McKeever. I think anybody who is just starting  or is already in a ministry should read it.

For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and smoother than oil is her speech.” (Proverbs 4:3)

Before there was a folk singer by that name, James Taylor was a professor of preaching. This veteran teacher of preachers held forth in classrooms at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary for many years. One day, in a room filled with young preacher boys, Dr. Taylor cautioned us about the temptations we would be facing.

“The day will come when a woman will sit in your office and proposition you. She will make herself available to you sexually. If your marriage is in trouble or if you are not up-to-date in your relationship with your Lord, you could get in big trouble fast.”

I raised my hand. “Dr. Taylor,” I said, “do you really believe that every one of us in this room will face this?” My mind was incapable of imagining a scenario in which a woman–any woman–would sit in a pastor’s office and try to seduce him.

“Yes, I do,” he said. “Even you, McKeever.”

That got a laugh.

I lived to see that day. (Fifteen years after she sat in my office making herself available to the young preacher, while preaching in another state, I spotted that woman and her husband–the same husband whose antics had given her cause to seek my counsel originally–in the congregation. I was thankful I had gotten this thing right in my office that day.)

The writer of Proverbs tried to do the same thing Dr. Taylor did for us in seminary that day: prepare the young lad for what he would be facing down the road.

“My son, give attention to my wisdom, incline your ear to my understanding;

That you may observe discretion, and your lips may reserve knowledge.

For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and smoother than oil is her speech; But in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.

Her feet go down to death, her steps lay hold of Sheol. She does not ponder the path of life; her ways are unstable, she does not know it.” (Proverbs 4:1-6)

Many pastors have paid the ultimate price for sexual sins.
If temptation would tell the truth, no minister would ever succumb to its enticements. If the allurement to commit adultery would adhere to a “truth in advertising” code, the “full disclosure” would read something like this:

“Subject needs to understand that by crossing this line and entering into a sexual relationship with this person, the minister will be despising His Lord, delighting the enemy, violating his marriage vows, disappointing everyone who ever believed in him from his youth until now, destroying his family, and ending his ministry..”

No one would ever commit adultery if he was required to sign that!

The devil, however, has no intention of ever revealing a list of side effects. Listen to him and you would think to disobey God is the way to fulfillment and happiness.

The sinning minister fools himself into believing all kinds of lies, most of them originating with the one Jesus called “the father of lies” (John 8:44). He convinces himself that “I deserve this, no one will ever know, I can have all the wonderful things in my life and this forbidden fruit also,” and then, there is the clincher–“This feels so good, it can’t be wrong.”

Too late does he find out the truth of the old adage, that sin will take you farther than you wanted to go, keep you longer than you wanted to stay, and cost far more than you ever intended to pay.

Here are 7 women, pastor should watch out for in your ministry.

1) The woman who wants to be your wife.
She is unhappily married. Her husband has disappointed her in a hundred ways. Sitting in church week after week, it occurs to her that you are everything she has ever wanted in a husband. You are kind and gracious, thoughtful and spiritual. You love the Lord and are devoted to your family. You earn a good living and you do not drink or smoke or hang out in bars. So, she fixates on you.

Now, if she were rational, she would know that by seducing you–or winning you, however she would put it–all of those wonderful qualities she admires would suddenly go away: your ministry, your family, your income, the respect with which you are held in the town, your joy in life even.

In most cases, she thinks clearly enough not to actually try to break up your marriage (although that has happened often enough). She merely feels a strong attraction to you and puts herself in a position for you to pick up on it. Consciously or unconsciously, she becomes a trap for the unsuspecting minister.

2) The woman who wants to be your mother.
She will smother you with attention, inundate you with goodies she cooked “just because I knew you liked these,” and make life miserable for you. If you never suffered from claustrophobia before, you do now.

It’s not so much that she poses a sexual danger to you as that by allowing and encouraging this attention from her, you will give occasion to gossips to ply their trade. Avoiding “the appearance of evil” is always a good principle (I Thessalonians 5:22).

3) The woman who wants to be your lover.
This one has a particular allurement to the minister whose relationship with his wife has grown  stale. This really is the woman the Proverb-writer describes. And, in case one wonders, I seriously doubt that Solomon wrote this. The man with 1,000 girlfriends is in no position to offer such advice as we find in Proverbs 4! (Although he surely knew the truth of it!)

Such a woman seems to be amoral, without a sense of wrongness about anything she does. She justifies making herself available to the minister by statements such as: “You deserve this,” “God wants all of us to be happy, don’t you agree?” and “No one ever has to know; I certainly won’t tell.”

The thing to keep in mind, pastor, is that this woman making herself so available to you with no strings attached–that’s what she says, although we know better!–does not look like a Jezebel, painted and padded and bejeweled. You will not know her by her adornments.

She may be the pretty wife of  a deacon, the friend of your wife, or a church member who came to you for counsel. No one would ever pick her out of a crowd as a party-girl. But she is your biggest enemy.

4) The woman who wants to be your best friend.
She wants to confide in you as to who is doing what with whom in the church. She is a gossip.

She wants you to (ahem) “feel free to come to me anytime you need to talk to someone.” She wants to be your counselor.

In order to pull that off, her primary tactic involves a) spending a lot of time around you, perhaps volunteering in the office but more likely volunteering as your personal assistant, b) telling you intimate things about her own life, and c) asking you to unburden yourself with her.

If she cannot worm her way into your life any other way, look for her to befriend your wife and begin showing up in your home on a regular basis. Unless your wife is on your team, nothing about this is good from that moment on.

5) The woman you want.
There she is, the girl of your dreams. Maybe not the most beautiful woman in the world, but all things considered–her looks, her personality, her laughter, her spirituality, and a few other qualities that defy description–she is everything you ever wanted in a woman.

You get all swimmy-headed around her. You wonder if she does not pick up on all the vibrations your body is sending out.

There are a few problems, of course. You’re married and she’s married, for starters. And so you wisely tell yourself this can never be, that regardless of how wonderful she is, she is off-limits to you.

The problem is you keep being drawn to her and thrown with her (committees, work projects, etc). Because proximity fosters intimacy, unless you do something quickly, you are a goner.

In most cases, you cannot tell your wife this. You need a mentor who will be tough with you. If you have none, find yourself one now! Confide in him before you make the mistake of your life.

6) The woman who doesn’t know what she wants.
In most cases, this mixed up lady has come to you for counsel, asking you to tell her what to do. You listen to her whole complex life story.

Nothing about her is your ideal. You have never fantasized about her or anyone like her.

So, how does she become a problem to you? By her repeated visits to your office.

It’s a matter of focus. In sketching perhaps a hundred thousand people over these many years, I’ve found that everyone has a certain beauty and attractiveness about them. By focusing on the individual and not comparing them with anyone else, we can see it.  In the seclusion of the counseling room, as she unburdens herself with intimate details of her life, the minister may feel emotionally drawn to her.

The problem then becomes you, pastor, and not her.

Pastors should almost never become professional counselors. When church members come to you for help with problems, if it cannot be solved in a session or two, refer them to a trained professional.

Pastor Ed Young of Houston’s Second Baptist Church told some of us pastors once that we should not counsel at all. “All you need is for someone–man, woman, or child–to run out of the office accusing you of something, and your ministry is gone!”

He’s right. Pastor Young said when someone says to him following a church service, “I need to talk to you sometime,” he says,”Let’s sit in this pew right now and talk.” It’s in public and it will be done quickly.

I hate that life has come to this, but it has, and we have to deal with it.

7) The woman you work most closely with in ministry.
Once again, it’s a matter of focus. The minister of worship meets with the organist (or pianist or his personal assistant or whoever) on a regular basis to plan the services. The youth minister has frequent conferences with his secretary or a young woman in the church who assists in programming. The pastor meets with his children’s director or ministry assistant or the head of the women’s ministry or the chair of his personnel or finance committee.

Beware, minister. You must be proactive in heading off any possibility of a compromised situation.

Billy Graham decided early in his ministry never to be alone with a woman at any time. Some might find that extreme, but say what you will, his long and very public evangelistic ministry was never tainted in the least by sexual scandal or innuendo.

The most important woman in the church to you the minister.

Your wife must be your lover, your intimate friend, your best adviser and strongest counselor, and your “mother” (the one who cooks your favorite dishes and is always there for you).

Let the home fires get cold and you are setting yourself up for trouble, pastor. This is why the writer of Proverbs urged the young man he was mentoring to “drink water from your own cistern, and fresh water from your own well.”  He says, “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 4:15-23).

A pastor I know makes frequent mention of his wife from the pulpit. He makes it abundantly clear that he loves her dearly and, may I say, you get the impression that their intimate relationship is strong. He makes sure the church knows and supports his devotion to his wife and family, which means (among other things) that his off-time is as holy as his time in the office.

When he counsels women in his office, my pastor friend takes care. The door has a small window which allows anyone to see inside. At an agreed-upon time, his assistant phones to allow him an excuse to end the session. He is not a hugger.

Resist the devil by being strong in the Lord!

Source

Nuff said!

Olajumoke's Public Speaking: Exploitation in View?

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Just as Ayo Shonaiya (if he really said it) said in the last post, it has begun!

Oljumoke Orisaguna has not lactated, but they have started milking her already!

Why?

Apparently, people are begining to milk this poor fortunate girl for their own gains because I don't understand how you are going to get a girl who was selling bread and doesn't even speak English a few months ago to do public speaking.

The even tagged her 'Motivational Speaker' on this poster. Do these guys understand what Motivational speaking entails?

I say this because I have done public speaking before and I know that its important to know how to deliver speeches that won't bore your audience.

Me suspects that she'd probably end up being used for window dressing or just a means of drawing crowd to the event.

Is Olajumoke ready for all this? All this exposure can really backfire if not controlled. Rather than put her all out on the spot, they should be thinking of helping to school her or refine her as Sujimoto planned to do for her.

Olajumoke needs prayers oh...before she falls into the wrong hands!

Nollywood Thievery [Photo]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Thursday, April 16, 2015

Nollywood and their constant thievery...

Is this supposed to help this Naija  movie sell or some graphic artist was just plumb lazy and had his imagination on a stupid hiatus? I mean... look at how everything was copied from the choice of words and arrangement to the layout and people in the design. 

Just look at the striking similarities...the original is called 'Empire', the imitation says 'Kingdom'. (No be today Nollywood dey bastardize the word Kingdom sha. You fit count over a hundred Naija movies that have that word in their title).

Where the original says 'Music, Family, Power', the imitation says 'Gold, Magic, Power' which is not surprising after all many of these low grade Nollywood movies are about weird juju and some fake elite or show of exaggerated opulence.

While the original says 'The Battle Begins' which sets the suspenseful anticipatory mood, the imitation yells 'The Curse Begins'. Before nko? Did I not mention 'juju things?' (No hashtags abeg!)

The positioning of the models of the original are strategic; they are designed to make a statement - Terence Howard backing us and giving a side glance of the Boss who's having thoughts and the Lady (I forget her name) starring menacingly straight at us to indicate that she has an influence on this powerful man's decisions...

The positioning of the imitation is just lame. Van Vicker stands there in a pose that looks like he was just caught on camera asking the question, 'Shey na like this I suppose stand?' And the pix of the female who looks like a hybrid between Omotola Jalade and Genevieve Nnaji, seems like a cut out from some over-tweeted and over-hyped personal photo found online.

I just hope this poster is a fake; if it is, then this was a good joke of what Low-grade Nollywood is capable of doing and if its not, then Nollywood don fall hand big time.

By the way,,,is there really a station called ANBC? 'Cause that's where my fakery suspicion came from.

The 11 CopyCat Scenarios of Burna Boy's 'Rockstar' Video

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Thursday, March 26, 2015

I was in my office some days back discussing with one of my music producers, Timothy, about opportunities in the industry and ideas that could make real impact when the TV on the editing suit table broadcasting a music program on Silverbird Television, suddenly lit up with Burna Boy's video for the song, 'Rockstar'. Timothy as usual always kept tabs on things like this being a part of the industry. He always had some deep first hand information on the going-ons behind the scenes.

And boy did he have a sharp memory at picking things

One look at the Burna Boy video and Timothy scoffed at it and said it was a rip off of P.Diidy's 2010 Video for the song 'Bad Boys For Life'.

Really?

And so I went a searching for the facts because you know me on this blog...I x-ray every fact and make sure its valid before I blurt it out on my pages. On my search, analysis and comaprism, i had to agree with Timothy; yep it was a glaring rip off...just like the ones I blogged about way back.

Check out the visual expose of 11 sceanrios that prove Burna Boy's video was a total copycat:

The Opening scene from the Bad Boys video (above) shows us a fictional town
while the Burna Boy opening scene opens on a fictional avenue named after the artiste.
Not convinced? Continue... 

The first picture above is from the Bad Boy's video and shows this dude
cutting his garden who later removes his shades to view the visitors.
The second and third pictures from the Burna Boy video show a woman instead
cutting her garden while another guy mowing his lawn removes his glasses to view the visitors 

Bad Boy's Video above shows P.Diddy's crew getting off the bus.
Burna Boy's video below shows his crew getting off the bus too.

P.Diddy raps his lines on the rooftop of his home.
Burna Boy sings on the rooftop of his own home

Bad Boy's crew ride around town on scooters.
Burna Boy's crew ride around on more modern scooters

P.Diddy performs in a whitescreen studio with band
Burna Boy does the same.

And the neon lights speak for themselves who's who.
This is so glaring that its a copycat.

Another glaring proof...Bad boy crew wheel in a barrow with Alcohol
Burna crew does exactly the same!

The detail in copycatting is so amazing...P.Diddy above plays golf on his roof which send his ball into another compound.
Burna Boy plays a soccer ball which flies into a neighboring compound. Maybe he can't play golf...abi? 

Two runners appear in Bad Boy's video.
One runner appears in Burna's video.
Budget cuts that couldn't afford an additional runner?

Did I mention a guy mowing the lawn earlier in Burna's video?
Well, apparently, he's also a copycat of a guy mowing the lawn in the Bad Boy video above.

And those are my 11 copycat scenarios I picked out of the Burna Boy video. I may have missed some parts but here are the videos for you to take a look yourself and see what I'm talking about.

Big ups to my guy Timothy for putting me on notice about this!

Have a nice week!

STLA - Something To Laff About [Photos]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Tuesday, March 10, 2015

You've seen my different funny photo series collected over the internet, whether its the 'Only in Naija' series, 'Nollywood Gbagaun' series, 'Signs of the Times' series and so on. I realized there were some funny photos I come across that I couldn't place under any of these already existing categories, so I decided to start this new one which I hope could feature as often as possible...So allow me to introduce the series - Something to Laff About (STLA). 

LOL...No mind me, always forming some concept or the other.

This deflating 'gbagaun' made by PDP on GEJ's electoral campaign can be
found in many places about Lagos. I first saw it on a massive billboard along
third mainland bridge. Thank God I sabi English, I thought I didn't when I saw it

These are the type of community projects that our elected honorables collect millions for.

This bus must be a local chief...oh, its a makeshift wiper.

I know its fake...its just the thought thats funny.

After this kind  'deliverance', his head...oh sorry I meant his life
will never be the same.

Either the owner is a South African who's playing words with his country's currency
and the car name or na person wey no sabi spell and forgot to add 'Y' to the first word.

Only in Naija will you see a wedding car in traditional dress...
soon it will become aso-ebi for all cars involved

Apparently, bleaching has also become 'aso-ebi'

Next time you lie to us with photoshop , please include your shadow

So Manequins now have swag abi?...interesting.

And some Mannequins are just plain goofy buck-toothed nerds abi?

Oh...its a place for relaxation....I thought it was
a ritual killers den with that kind of signboard

This sticker should be quarantined...the horrible grammar be screwing with my eyes

They are now issuing parachutes and canoes as Youth Corper uniforms?

Eerm....wetin concern helicopter with omnipresent power?

Louise Vuitton and Gucci, Aba branch, did a collabo to
manufacture this shirt. That's the only explanation I can give.

Always hang your over-sized undies in a private place...otherwise goons
like this dude will make us begin to wonder if human beings really wear stuff like that

Hmm...folks who don't know about Holy communion may misinterprete this oh

The disadvantages of sagging  101...

Okay...that about wraps it up for today. I got a bunch of other things to do.

I should have posted this for Monday but I didn't compile it on time.  

Have a nice week.