STLA - Something To Laff About [Photos]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Tuesday, March 10, 2015

You've seen my different funny photo series collected over the internet, whether its the 'Only in Naija' series, 'Nollywood Gbagaun' series, 'Signs of the Times' series and so on. I realized there were some funny photos I come across that I couldn't place under any of these already existing categories, so I decided to start this new one which I hope could feature as often as possible...So allow me to introduce the series - Something to Laff About (STLA). 

LOL...No mind me, always forming some concept or the other.

This deflating 'gbagaun' made by PDP on GEJ's electoral campaign can be
found in many places about Lagos. I first saw it on a massive billboard along
third mainland bridge. Thank God I sabi English, I thought I didn't when I saw it

These are the type of community projects that our elected honorables collect millions for.

This bus must be a local chief...oh, its a makeshift wiper.

I know its fake...its just the thought thats funny.

After this kind  'deliverance', his head...oh sorry I meant his life
will never be the same.

Either the owner is a South African who's playing words with his country's currency
and the car name or na person wey no sabi spell and forgot to add 'Y' to the first word.

Only in Naija will you see a wedding car in traditional dress...
soon it will become aso-ebi for all cars involved

Apparently, bleaching has also become 'aso-ebi'

Next time you lie to us with photoshop , please include your shadow

So Manequins now have swag abi?...interesting.

And some Mannequins are just plain goofy buck-toothed nerds abi?

Oh...its a place for relaxation....I thought it was
a ritual killers den with that kind of signboard

This sticker should be quarantined...the horrible grammar be screwing with my eyes

They are now issuing parachutes and canoes as Youth Corper uniforms?

Eerm....wetin concern helicopter with omnipresent power?

Louise Vuitton and Gucci, Aba branch, did a collabo to
manufacture this shirt. That's the only explanation I can give.

Always hang your over-sized undies in a private place...otherwise goons
like this dude will make us begin to wonder if human beings really wear stuff like that

Hmm...folks who don't know about Holy communion may misinterprete this oh

The disadvantages of sagging  101...

Okay...that about wraps it up for today. I got a bunch of other things to do.

I should have posted this for Monday but I didn't compile it on time.  

Have a nice week.

Fifty Shades Of Grammar - How Bad Was It?

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Thursday, March 05, 2015

As a writer, there are certain resources I'll always find very useful; one of such is the website www.grammarly.com - a site designed and dedicated to constructing proper grammar in the construction of the English language.

Despite the fact that I write, I'm not a stickler for jumping on the bandwagon to read every bestseller because not every bestseller seems to have actually sold its best to me. So when the hullabaloo about the novel Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L James was all over the place, I was just aloof....mainly because I didn't like checking out the romance (or sex bondage/fantasy?) genre.

But when grammarly.com came up with this interesting infographic and asked me to post it, I felt it was something that might interest other authors and fans of the novel.

Fifty Shades of Grey was said to have been panned by critics for its poor use of language. The Grammarly team reviewed the book and found mistakes similar to what could be found in some of the classics.

Check them out...

Courtesy www.grammarly.com

Someone once told me that no matter how well a book is written, it can never escape having a mistake. I'm wondering if this actually proves it.

Doesn't it?

White Washed [Funny Video]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, March 04, 2015

Stan And Toheeb, the two goofballs at my office are it again with another funny video which features curvy clown Lolade. Its actually another vine but I just had to share it because the idea was hilarious. Oh wait...I did say I'd be sharing more these vids didn't I?

Yep, I did...and so here are Stan and Toheeb again getting caught 'white - handed'....lol, watch it and you'll understand what I mean. 

Guys in the office laughed their asses off watching this. Good way to lighten up a day that's bullied with work.
I'm having ideas again for another...

Cars That Rocked Movie Sets In Hollywood in 2014

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Tuesday, March 03, 2015

I've been getting mails lately from this Car sales site called Carmudi. I guess what must have attracted them to The Kush Chronicles is the post I wrote some time back about the different nicknames Nigerians give cars in Naija. I've received mails of articles to feature on the blog but I've been ruminating over whether to post it or not.

But didn't I say I'm welcoming the contributors?

And don't I love stuff about cars?

Abeg...lemme post this one jor! I should have posted this way earlier but hey, its still kinda fresh enough.

Read on ....

.................................................

2014 was a fantastic year for movie producers and lovers. It was a year for speed, drama, romance, action, suspense, folk tales, super heroes and villains. Hollywood in 2014 had top actors and actresses on screen as well as designers clothes, exotic locations and very hot cars on display. Carmudi, Nigeria’s number 1 car site decided to put together a list of top action movies in 2014 and their really hot cars. 

Need For Speed

The story line of this movie centers on a street racer, fresh from prison, who was framed by a wealthy business associate and joins a cross country race with revenge in mind. There were a lot of fast cars on parade. Lamborghini Sesto Elemento which is a concept car designed for racing added not only class but super speed to this movie. For as low as 2.2 million US Dollars, this fast car could be yours.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

Most Captain America movies feature space ships, aircrafts and definitely cars. The producers of  captain America 2014 decided to put on display and in action a car fit for such a super solider; The Chevrolet Corvette Stingray. This car costs 55,000 US dollars in the american market. This car is hot, mean and very fast.

The Interview

James Franco and Seth Rogen were at their best in this movie. For an action movie, this was a really entertaining watch. Paraded in this movie was the Porsche Panamera which costs about 78,000 US dollars. We believe there is no better combination of slick and fast.

John wick

If you are trying to track down a group of gangsters who took everything away from you then a 1969 Ford Mustang is a car you would definitely like to drive on your mission. In the movie John Wick, Keanu Reeves displayed action, style and his love for fast cars as the battles the villains. Been a classic fast machine, the 1969 Ford Mustang costs a whooping 47,000 US Dollars.

Need a fast hot car? Take advantage of the cars listed in Carmudi.com.ng and find that car of your dream.

About Carmudi

Carmudi was founded in 2013 and is currently available in Bangladesh, Cameroon, Congo, Ghana, Indonesia, Ivory Coast, Mexico, Myanmar, Nigeria, Pakistan, Philippines, Qatar, Rwanda, Saudi Arabia, Senegal, Sri Lanka, Tanzania, United Arab Emirates, Vietnam, and Zambia. The vehicle marketplace offers buyers, sellers and car dealers the ideal platform to find cars, motorcycles and commercial vehicles online.

Monday Vs Friday [Funny Video]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Monday, March 02, 2015

Its Monday morning again and what's on most people's mind is OGIM - 'Oh God It's Monday' and they just can't wait till the end of the week to start smiling as its TGIF - 'Thank God Its Friday'. And so a couple of funny guys in my office decided to play out the truth in a very short and funny video. 

Its a good way to make ourselves smile amidst the bleakness of work.

Its actually meant to be a vine (Come to think of it, Naija folks instagram like crazy but hardly do vines). It got about 600 view on Facebook in one day I think...We should do more of these often...after all, all work and no play fit kill pesin.

LOL...did the camera lie? I think not...Don't we all feel like this a lot of times?

Yeeesssss we do!

Flashback Fridays: Before Naija Frats Were Bastardized [Photo]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Friday, February 27, 2015

The genesis of secret cults on Nigerian campuses today had always been with good intentions; it was all for a noble cause, one of which was predominantly to eradicate tribalism. 

The University College, Ibadan (which later became University of Ibadan), was at a time a breeding ground for the worst kind of tribal thinking clubs; the Students' Representative Council, all forms of student activity, including sports, became mere expressions of tribal pettiness.

It was against this background and to combat these negative tendencies that seven students founded the Pyrates Confraternity (PC) in 1952. Their original scroll written and signed by those founding fathers, listed below, remains a most valued item in the Pyrates Treasure Chest.

According to the Pyrates, the “Magnificent Seven”, as they called themselves, observed that the university was populated with wealthy students associated with the colonial powers and a few poorer students striving in manner and dress to be accepted by the more advantaged students, while social life was dictated by tribal affiliation.

These men known as the Original Seven are:

1. Wole Soyinka

2. Ralph Okpara

3. Pius Oleghe

4. Ikpehare Aig-Imoukhuede

5. Nathaniel Oyelola

6. Olumuyiwa Awe

7. Sylvanus U. Egbuche

The original seven at Tedder Hall Quandrangle, University College Ibadan.
From left: Wole Soyinka, Ikpehare Aig-Imoukhuede, Sylvanus Egbuche,
Pius Oleghe, Nathaniel Oyelola, Muyiwa Awe, Palph Pkpara

Soon their rank increased to fifteen to become the "fifteen men on a dead man's chest". To combat tribalism within their ranks, they adopted pyratical names, different from their "lubbish" names, with no trace to any tribe or origin. Thus was born the Jolly Rogers l (JR1) deck which for a long time remained the mothership of the pyrates Confraternity.

However, as new confraternities were formed, they became increasingly violent through the 1970s and 1980s. By the 1990s, many confraternities largely operated as criminal gangs, called “campus cults” in Nigeria. Besides normal criminal activity, confraternities have been linked to political violence, as well as the conflict in the Niger Delta.

Source Material 1 

Source Material 2 

Photo of The Day: Tyre Furniture

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Thursday, February 26, 2015

This goes to show that there's nothing that can't be recycled.

I'd seriously love to have a set of these in my living room! Come to think of it...it shouldn't be hard to make these...if  I can just visit a vulganizer to collect some discarded tyres and also pay Bamboo cane village under Ojota bridge a visit, then I should be able to do stuff like this right?

Still trying to figure how they managed to join all those elements together to make furniture though...

This Blog Aint Dead Yet...

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, February 25, 2015

And I doubt it will ever be.

Okay, I've been MIA on a large scale and been off for like...4 months? Hmmm....I actually stayed away because of so many things keeping me seriously busy like never before. Now its beginning to look like I need someone to help me upload my stuff while I get busy with other projects.

But who can really do it the way I'd like it?

I was on holiday last year December at my Uncle's and my cousin was talking about how RICH my blog was and how WELL I disect issues on here and open up people's minds. She sis it so well I started feeling guilty playing truancy on the site.

Also my absence on Naija Stories got some folks wondering where I was at as I was seriously missed. Somebody came up with the idea of a final effort to bring me back online by offering to make me judge a competition.

I guess that worked.

Searching through my 'cobwebbed' emails, I came across the mail

It seems like it has been forever and ages past that I saw you on NS. What happened? Are you well? Is it work, family, kids, wife or wives that’s kept you away? or did you simply got bored with us?
I still have you to thank for how well I have made it so far in my writing since I joined NS.
I have gained an approval from NS to host a competition. This completion will be for the writers who are ranked as newbies and beginners.
I know for a fact that even a glimpse of your presence back on NS will bring positive result so I am asking that you be one of the judges to pick out the finalist.
I honestly hope you can take up this offer. If yes, reply me back.
Thank you Mr Afronuts.

I think that was what finally woke me out of my Cyber-slumber....that along with the Naija music video I came across yesterday and discovered was another copycat video! Will blog about that soon,

Oh...and also, I've been getting mails of articles wanting to feature on the blog...those also got me awake.

Now let's get this blog, NS and twitter cracking for the new year!

Oh...and about that pix up there, it doesn't stand for anything actually, its just a funny looking pix of an igbo man I'm currently using on my Blackberry messenger dp!

Merry Christmas....Abi?

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Thursday, December 25, 2014

The more I think about it, the more I realize that Christmas is actually a time to spend money so that you'll be broke...a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus which doesn't make sense because he was never born on winter...a time that serves as a good excuse to throw parties for no cogent reason but for the fact that its Christmas....a time for children celebrate Santa Clause rather than Jesus Christ...

Talking about that last one - Have you seen Naija Santa Clauses about town lately? They're so horrible. 

Whoever says putting powder (or is it calamine lotion?) 

on your face will make you look like a white man's version 

of Santa? Poor kids, Christmas nightmare

If Santa was gay, then this should be how he should look...abi?
See hips nah...and his skinny awkward legs.
Wait...is that powder or white paint on this one's face too?

to y'all from The Kush Chronicles

Flashback Fridays: Was the Past Better Than the Present? [Photos]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Friday, December 19, 2014

And so for this week's Flashback Friday, I present a collection of pictures which make me to question if the past was better than the present. It's very easy to assume things were better in the past than they are today and that is usually because of the things we tend to focus on. In actual fact there are very many things which make today better than yesterday, its because human beings are in the habit of forgetting their blessings and remembering their worries. 

And so here are some pictures that could make one reflect - was yesterday better than today?

Asiwaju Tinubu and wife on traditional wedding day, 1987.
Tinubu looked more handsome back then compared to today shey?
His wife, Remi, is one ageless wonder...she still looks as pretty today!

I wish I could get a clearer photo of the quality of the clothes the
Nigerian Youth Service Corps members wore in those days.
Check out the quality of their caps...its a far cry from what is being
produced for Corpers today. 

Back in the 1970s billboards like these were a popular outdoor advertising medium.
Every strong brand could be found on one of these.
Today, Billboards have become digital, electronic, mechanical...
yep, they definitely got better.

This card was the Visa to free education.
Anyone who had it was entitled to free primary education
back in the days. There's no such thing today anymore

The Obasanjos look like one big happy family in this old photo taken around the 1980s
before things seemed to 'politically' fall apart. Mrs. Remi is seen 2nd from Right
and Iyabo is seen 3rd from Left.

Have an awesome pre-christmas weekend y'all!

Photos courtesy @SeeMeSeeNigeria et al

Flashback Fridays: A few Steps Back in History

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Friday, December 05, 2014

History is one interesting bit that makes us reflect on how things were back in the days and we compare it with what things are today. Many times it looks as though history had it better way back then than things are today (like in the pix above when it cost just N17,430 to travel to New York from Nigeria in the now defunct Nigeria Airways) but that's because we tend to reflect on what worked back then...you can't compare it with what's working today. Okay, this looks like something for another topic or post. For today, let's flashback into different tit bits of Naija's history. Special thanks to @SeeMeSeeNigeria for most of these awesome pictures

Nigeria's football history: Etim Henshaw,Nigeria's 1st National Team
Captain against B' Auckland FC in 1949, played barefooted during the UK tour

Former Presidents, Abdulsalami Abubakar
and Ibrahim Babangida as juveniles

Former Vice-President, Atiku Abubakar
as a young Nigerian Customs Officer

Yes...that's Ikorodu road in 1947

Above is Ikorodu road in the '70s and below is Ikordu road today

Lagos, Circa late 1960s, with Barclays Bank, Ford,
and the Lagos Municipal Transport.

Miss World Beauty Pageant in the '60s

See Prof. Pat Utomi way back as the Director of Socials
(Students Union), University of Nigeria Nsukka in March 1976

President Jonathan (Left) as a teenager with friends in Port Harcourt
hmm...he's wearing shoes. I thought he...never mind.

Tesilimi Thunderbolt Balogun pictured here in 1955 was
the first Nigerian footballer to play with clubs in the UK
The newest stadium in Lagos is named after him.

Tinubu Square in 1960 (above) and as it is today (below)

Once again thanks to the following for these awesome photos:

www.abiyamo.com 
@SeeMeSeeNigeria

Have an awesome weekend!

Another Hot Track From Fabian - 'My Load' [Download + Lyrics]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Friday, November 28, 2014

Friiflow Records' artiste, Fabian is out with another melodious masterpiece that has a deep message for anyone listening. He teams up with HHQ's prodigy, Henrisoul in this heavily infectious, sweet-sounding, highlife-tinged tune titled "My Load."

According to Fabian, he got the inspiration for the song and others yet to be recorded during one of his quiet time meditation sessions. The single 'My Load' picks inspiration from the book of Mathew 11:28-30:

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light".

'Jesus is our burden bearer, and our help in times of need, He is interested in our case no matter how big or small. Today if you will bring your burden to Him in faith, then He, Jesus will take it off your back in exchange for His yoke which is easy and His burden which is light." He says.

Fabian Nwafor has defined himself through his style and gusto on stage as a contemporary and traditional gospel artiste. He hails from the eastern part of Nigeria, Enugu State, to be precise, but was born in Lagos. He’s presently signed on to Friiflow Records, a subsidiary of Friiflow Innovation Limited, a brand communications and entertainment company.

Sequel to the great desire and the unquenchable quest Fabian had for music, he started singing in the choir at a tender age.  The great influences of notable gospel music luminaries like: Donnie McClurkin, Fred Hammond, Kirk Franklin, Marvin Sapp, and other artistes like Brian Mcknight, Boyz II Men,etc has, put his musical career on a whole new pedestal.

This outstanding vocalist as adjudged by those who have been privileged to hear him sing, started his professional career in 1996, featuring as a back up singer for lots of artistes
Fabian has been invited severally, as a result of his musical depth and proficiency to minister at annual concert, crusades, coperates events, etc.

Fabian’s debut album titled: ‘Oba’, was released in 2005 on  Frii-Flow Records. The hit track of the album: ‘Oba’, which also happens to be the title of the album was No: 1, on the top five at five on Inspiration FM for two consecutive weeks, in the month of April(2005), before it was upgraded into the champions’ list. This same track also   gained tremendous air play on Premier FM radio, in the city of Ibadan.

I won't be amazed if this guy called Fabian explodes massively non-stop through the limelights of Naija gospel music scene and become a phenomenon. I say this not just because the dude can sing, not because he's got dynamic voice control, not because his voice is distinct recognizable, not because he has a defined style to his vocals...

...but because of my experience working with him on radio Jingles!

Overtime he has proven to be a versatile singer everytime we had to work on different types of radio jingles. He's done afrobeat, reggae, dancehall, R&B etc for the various jingles we've worked on together. He happens to be my favourite if not one of my favourite artistes that's very good on commercial recordings. I happened to have listened to some of his other unreleased works and I can't wait for them to debut, especially the remix of 'Oba'.

Fabian was a "Hype Entertainment award winner" for the year 2013.

You can connect with fabian on twitter, facebook, instagram and reverbnation:

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/fabianrhymz

Twitter: @FabianRhymz

Reverbnation: www.reverbnation.com/fabian20079

Instagram: Fabian20079

You can download the track 'My Load' here --> DOWNLOAD

Below are the lyrics of 'My Load'

INTRO:
Na who geti loadi wey you dey carry?
Na who geti loadi wey you dey carry eee e?!
Na who geti loadi wey you dey carry brother?

CHORUS:
Call: Jesus You carry my load for me eee
Res: You carry my loadi for me
Call: Papa You carry my loadi for me yeee
Res: You carry my loadi for me
Call: Jesus You carry my loadi for me yeeee
Res: You carry my loadi for me
Call: Papa You carry my loadi for me yeee
Res: You carry my loadi for me

VERSE 1:
Some people dey carry wetin no be dem own
Dem dey take their mouth dey talk am
I geti this,I geti that
That thing no be your portion ee

Call: I no geti work e
Res: Jesus e carry
Call: When I'm broke eee
Res: Jesus e carry
Call: When I'm down ee e
Res: Jesus e carry
Call: When I'm lonely eee
Res: Jesus e carry
Call: You brake my heart
Res: Jesus e carry
Call: Eh! E carry e
Res: E carry
Call: All my troubles
Res: Jesus e carry
Call: All my trouble eee
Res: Jesus e carry

Na Jesus Christ be the one
Wey dey carry my loadi for me
Na Jesus Christ be the one
Wey dey carry my loadi for me

He came to die on the cross
Just to carry my loadi for me
He came to die on the cross
Justto carry my loadi for me

CHORUS:
Call: Jesus You carry my load for me eee
Res: You carry my loadi for me
Call: Papa You carry my loadi for me yeee
Res: You carry my loadi for me
Call: Jesus You carry my loadi for me yeeee
Res: You carry my loadi for me
Call: Papa You carry my loadi for me yeee
Res: You carry my loadi for me

VERSE 2:
Call: If I try narrate the things You do eee
Res: Oga agbakam isi
Call: the way You dey carry me like baby o o o
Res: Ime dalam obim le
Call: chim idi ebube
Res: okoko o
Call: The way You dey do me
Res: I never know
Carry me comot for makoko
You tush my life from head to toe
The way You dey bless me double o e e!
Res: Ewee chime e
Call: you comot my life from trouble o, le le!
Res: Chime e, eee
Call: Daddy You carry my loadi for me, ya ya yaeee
Res: you carry my loadi for me
Call: I say You carry carry carry carry carry carry eee
Res: You carry my loadi for me
Call: You carry o, my loadi ee
Res: you carry my loadi for me

Call: Eee Jesus you carry my load for me e e e
Res: you carry my loadi for me

BRIDGE:
My blessing is not of this world e e e
My success is not of this world yeee e
Touch not my anointed
Do my prophet no harm
For who God has blessed
No man no man can curse

Call: Anything I do e
Res: Jesus e carry
Call: Any song I sing ee
Res: Jesus e carry
Call: Anywhere I go
Res: I'm blessed, I'm blessed, I'm blessed

Na Jesus Christ be the one
Wey dey carry my loadi for me
Na Jesus Christ be the one
Wey dey carry my loadi for me

He came to die on the cross
Just to carry my loadi for me
He came to die on the cross
Justto carry my loadi for me

CHORUS:
Call: Eee Jesus You carry my load for me
Res: you carry my loadi for me
Call: Jesus You carry eee, You carry eee, You carry eee
Res: you carry my loadi for me
Call: Jesus You carry my load for me ee
Res: you carry my loadi for me
Call: you carry my load ey, You carry my load e, papa ee
Res: you carry my loadi for me
Call: you carry, you carry, you carry, you carry my load e
Res: you carry my loadi for me...