Randoms: Assassinating Stella, Burna Boy & Kcee Video props, Dencia's Bleachy wonder, Zimbabwe Beefs Naija Skills, THUGs etc.

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Today's randoms are here again. I wish I could say much more on other issues but I'm very selective of what I analyse. I'll start with Stella Oduah's case...

Was the so-called attempted assassination against embattled Aviation Minister Stella Oduah for real? Is it not ironic that after she just faced a hearing about purchasing bullet proofed vehicles at overblown prices and is called to face a panel, we then hear a watery story of her escaping assassination attempt? 

The story on the assassination is weak and holds no proper conviction; all we hear is that so-called detectives discover silver object suspected to be bullets in the Minister’s car and pronto – there’s an attempted assassination suspicion.

 And just in case somebody wants to silence the Minister, maybe it’s because they are scared she may spill some beans that will implicate them in an embarrassing way. After all, Stella Oduah is just like the proverbial adulteress woman about to be stoned to death by Pharisees that are far worse than she is.

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Singer Dencia has made a debut launch of her own ‘Skin care’ product. And what’s it called? ‘Whitenicious’. Okay, first of all, that’s a crappy name for a Skin care product and secondly, it sounds suspiciously like a bleaching cream. According to a report, Whitenicious is made for the removal of dark spots anywhere on the body.

Oh really? Then it’s a product that’s designed to compliment bleaching creams! If you are an over-bleached human being and you have spots that make you look like a leopard, use Dencia’s product and your fake look is guaranteed!

Dencia should get paid for this free hype…sheesh!

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Hurray! Tonto Dikeh ‘officially’ unveils her boyfriend. Nobody fit hide that kain thing for long…unless you’re as good as the late Goldie who did a very good job of fooling us all till she passed away. It’s good to hear Tonto has a man with all the negative shenanigans about her hitting the tabloids and online publications. But this guy is a wah oh. He really goes an extra mile to show how loaded he is with all the flaunting of cars, money etc. Malivelihood as Michael Awujola is really a big boy…I just hope his wealth is legitimate. The first thing that came to my mind when I saw the splash of opulence was…err, yahoo yahoo boy…?

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Burna Boy’s video for the song ‘Yawa dey’ is definitely a re-awakening of a legacy left behind by Crooners like Daddy Showkey, Daddy Fresh etc.In the midst of a secular music video crowd of nothing but scantily dressed video vixens and ignorant ‘niggas’ spraying money and alcohol and talking about getting with a chick or the other, comes this simple and rich video which brings back the famed Ajegunle ‘Galala dance’ style powerfully choreographed by wild dancers. 

The video uses Ghetto outskirt settings and the midst of Lagos traffic as locations; dancers did their thing in-between traffic hold-ups. One daring guy even stopped a vehicle to do the dance in front of it. It was a departure from the same ol’ boring nigga-appraising-babe’s-selling-points-flinging-money-raising-alcohol-boasting –and-talking-about-skills he-ain’t-got videos all over the air.

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And give it up for Kcee for his nice and hilarious ‘Pull Over’ Video. I noticed that the video actually had a funny storyline. If you took your time to break it down, you’d understand that the video synopsis was about cops who stopped women at a check point to get them to dance for them. 

They had a field day until they stop two big tough babes who literarily first of all made to beat them up instead. The cops ran away leaving an unfortunate officer (played by Saka of MTN ‘I don port’) to mercy of the thick babes who used their ‘nyansh’ dancing skills to torture him.

Not many videos have interesting storylines like that. I was almost moved to start doing a review on music videos. The temptation is so strong…

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And news is agog that Zimbabwe wants Naija traders out of their country. Why? It’s easy to figure out nah….you know what happens when our business men (especially our illustrious Igbo brothers) handle things; goods will roll, money will flow, fake and original will be juxtaposed and the smart business acumen will be on display. So, have we succeeded in intimidating Zimbabweans with our skills in their own land? It’s looking damn obvious oh….

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I came across this acronym ‘THUG’ on twitter which turned out to actually mean ‘This House Under God’. I was concerned about it. Why create an acronym that kind of reads negative? Then the twitter handle for this Youth network is ‘@thugsunleashed’. To me it kind of sounds awkward and I’m not talking about the swag of the acronym. From the way it reads, I’m sure the meaning was created to suit the acronym.  So will they be calling themselves Thugs for Christ? I’m not sure that’s not getting it twisted.  The dictionary define ‘Thug’ as ‘a cruel or vicious ruffian, robber, or murderer.’ I don’t know if there’s a re-definition of the name but that’s what the dictionary said oh!

Well, the most important thing is souls being won for Christ.  Abi?

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Nna…9ice don warn all you bloggers and websites not to upload his songs without his permission. My question is…how is he going to enforce that? Does he have COSON’s backing? Or is there an elite strike force that will hunt down anyone who does so? He does have a right, really. But he better have a way of getting hold of those who will turn a deaf ear. Many websites are operating anonymously.

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Artiste Victoria Kimani is really feeling her new tattoos. Seriously I don't know why turning your skin into canvas for paintwork seems to come with being a celebrity. Is it celeb peer pressure or just some weird complex that defies mortal explanation? She'd look sweet with a smooth looking skin but this tattoo is making her look like she got some skin disease.

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And that's about it for the randoms of today!