Randoms: Chika's 'expensive' lodging, Oduah's baroof CV, Jen Selter's Nyansh, Juju Bank...and more

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, January 08, 2014

Its another wednesday and time for another set of random bablings analysing news flying about all over the place.

I've been wanting to rest on putting up random posts but it seems its becoming an addiction of some sort...lol.

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Abeg people...what is the criteria of judging a woman's behind as 'the best butt'? 

I ask this question because one Jen Selter has been ajudged as the woman with the 'best butt' on instagram.

Err....wey the nyansh?

According to reports, Jen started posting photos of her 'nyansh' on Instagram in March 2012. At that time, she was attending school and as time progressed people started liking her a lot online and her followers increased. And then I hear that even American-Barbados artiste Rihanna is one of her followers. When the followership hit 1.3 million, she fashied school and decided to focus on promoting her 'nyansh' online as it has become a money making venture from spokesmodel gigs. She believes she can earn more on it than as a graduate.

I still see nuthin from this angle either...

It may be true but e go last? I don't know how it is raking in serious money but dumping school to promote an ass that has a biological expiry date is probably the most retarded idea I've ever heard.

I took a look at her photos and was disapointed...there was just nothing spectacular about her butt. There are dozens of Naija women who have more awesome derrieres over here! Maybe they should try promoting theirs to make some extra cash too shey?

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Stella Oduah should seriously go for special prayers of deliverance because it seems wicked people from her village are out to finish her.

Haba!

The smoke over car scandal and laundered money never finish and all of a sudden an 'amebo' revelation that she has an 'Oluwole' degree has surfaced! Sahara reporters who carried the news have seriously burnt Oduah's cable with a powerful blowtorch.

One would have expected Stella to come up with a defense on the matter but the next thing that happened within 48 hours raises eyebrows...all her online data reflecting her CV suddenly undergoes amendment (like Naija's epileptic constitution) and the alleged fake qualification disappears!

See online arrangee...

But this woman has suffered oh. Why did she have to be the ultimate scapegoat? After all she's not the only corrupt person in leadership with fake qualification; there are loads of them all over the place in government offices. Naija leadership is full of people with 'toronto' degrees, baroof titles and even fake ages. 

Na today?

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Some days ago, news went round that Chika Ike spent the night in the world's most expensive hotel in Dubai which offers as much as N810,000 for an overnight lodging.

The actress uploaded photos online to sort of corroborate the story.

Hurray! Chika dey flenjour for fine hotel

To God be the glory...not many people fit siddon for here.

Opportunity to borrow dinning table space to snap foto?
Abi wey the food?

This one na bedroom inside most expensive hotel?
Nice paper bag display...she dey collect am or dey take am pose?

I wanted to believe her story but I found myself doubting its authenticity for a number of reasons:

1. She spent time snapping about the lobbies and lounges of the hotel which anybody visiting the place could have done without spending the night and paying shishi.

2. She snapped a photo where she sat at a dinner table of a restaurant but there was no food served. Anybody could just do that...sit at an empty table and take snapshots. Why she no order food? Too expensive?

3. The photo of the bedroom she lodged in didn't look like something from an expensive Dubai hotel talk less of the most expensive. I've lodged in hotels with finer bedrooms in Lagos. And what's with all the deliberate display of shopping bags? She wants us to believe she went shopping in all those places? Why didn't she display what was in those bags nah?

I know how people can use photos to fool others...Chika's photos are suspiciously reminiscent of that.

My conclusion? True, she went to Dubai...did some sight-seeing and photo snapping at the expensive hotel but lodged at some other cheap hotel.

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I remember when I was travelling to Ilesa some years back along the Lagos-Ibadan express way in my Nissan Primera. I was suddenly overtaken by a Honda Pilot SUV and discovered it was a senior colleague from work also on a trip to the South. The way he overtook on high speed alarmed me, not because he was speeding but because he was doing it in an SUV.

SUVs (Sports Utility Vehicle) are not designed for over-speeding because they are susceptible to easily overturning on high speed. People need to really understand that SUVs are specialized vehicles and should not be driven like sports cars. They are designed for conquering rough terrains (which is understandable when it comes to roads with terrible potholes) but not very safe on high speed. 

The terrible accident that happened on Tuesday on the Third mainland bridge should be a staunch warning to people who drive SUVs.

The accident occurred when the Black Toyota Prado which was on high speed lost control and somersaulted. It claimed the life of one person out of the two inside the vehicle. From the picture of the accident scene, one can imagine the magnitude of the somersaulting that ended up on the culvert dividing the lanes.

Oh...and as reported by some blogs, its not 3 people who died in the vehicle but 1 out of 2. The victims were Staff of Access Bank.

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Maheeda will never stop appearing in the news for the sick reasons. She made a statement about her nude and scantily-dressed pictures in an interview that raised my eyebrow.

‘My daughter is not even aware these unclad pictures exist even though she has seen pictures of me in bikini. She is not even allowed access to the social media’

Maheeda however says when her daughter turns 18, ‘she can decide what she wants’.

‘I am 31 and I had my daughter when I was 17. I do not think this is going to affect her in any way. If my mother did something like this; there is no way it would have affected me’, she explained.
‘Even if she gets to view them eventually, it’s not going to mean anything to her because she has the European mentality’.
‘I am married and my husband is Dutch. What I am doing is not alien to him or his family and he understands. He just laughs whenever he comes across any of my pictures. It’s in Africa that we attach much importance to such things and consider it sacrilegious’.

Abeg...which kain lie be this one? It won't affect your pikin shey? Imagine her in school and people make references to her 'loose' mama and joke about it. 

It won't affect her shey?

Imagine guys trying to hook up with her daughter for the wrong reasons hoping that it will be a case of 'like mother, like daughter'

It won't affect her shey?

And she says her daughter is not allowed on social media and would never get to see them. She doesn't know kids of nowadays...please tell me how she wan take block her pikin eyes from seeing those pictures that are almost everywhere?

Forget say hubby understand....that's BS and lame excuse. That day is coming when una go megamisunderstand.

Maheeda, keep fooling thyself, you hear? One day the truth will be too bitter for you to swallow.

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Between Linda Ikeji and Yvonne Nelson, someone is lying.

Who?

It all started when Linda posted the news of Yvonne and Iyanya starring in the same movie and Yvonne denied it in a tweet.

Who's telling the truth?

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Linda Ikeji has unofficially declared that she supports transgenders.

I came across a post on her blog where she displayed photos of Nigerian transgender called Miss Sahhara.

This one na man before? Hian!
Biological abomination...endorsed by Linda Ikeji

If she had just shown us the photo only for people to conclude their comments, then it would have been nothing but at the end of the different picture displays she drops this line - 'Work it girl :-)' (smiley as included).

Work wetin? So she approves of this...I don't even know whether to call this creature a 'he' or 'she', I guess I go just call am 'it'.

Linda definitely must be pro-transgender...abi what was the smiley for?

That used to be a man for goodness sake...uugh 

*shivers running down my spine*

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Oooh...looks like a scene from a badly produced Nollywood flick

Finally, I'm still trying to stifle my laughter from this weird news of a First Bank brank in Uyo, Akwa Ibom, that was shut down because of Juju.

According to a report, the building which is said to be owned by Joesco Group of Companies houses  the bank which is regarded as the most patronized bank in Akwa Ibom State.

Whoever is responsible for the traditional injunction is still unknown but there are insinuations that maybe there's a problem between the owners of the property and the bank or an aggrieved customer/staff of the bank versus the branch's management.

Na wa oh...person carry juju enter bank premises...hian! This can only happen in Akwa Ibom. Come try am for Lagos...you go see say people get 'odechi' or Jesus. 

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And that's the random for this week...Gosh, what a long post 

Have a nice week.