.: Randoms: The GEJ Dota Wedding, Celebs Silly Selfies, Blinging for Jesus, Protesting Gbagaun-ly, Afrocandy did what? and more...

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Monday, April 14, 2014

Its been a while I did a set of randoms and so here goes....

Lets start with President Goodluck Jonathan's daughter's wedding.

By now we all know that it was a BIG affair what with the calibre of individuals in attendance as well as the nature of wedding gifts given to the couple and souvenirs shared at the event.

I'm not sure of how many cars dem give the couple with all the different numbers wey tabloid talk - some said 80, some said 30 and others said 60. Whichever one it is, the fact remains that plenti cars where given out. That's an opportunity to start car sales business nah...I trust my Igbo brothers, that would have been their own step.

The news had always referred to the event as Jonathan's daughter's wedding. I still wonder why they dropped the 'adopted'

because we all got to know that she was not a biological daughter. The first family seem to have adopted so many relatives with the likes of Madame Patience Jonathan's 'adopted' mother et al.

We've been seeing the photos of the wedding but Charles Novia gave us an insight of the event which many may not know:

Let me just give a slice of it; all these big men you guys see in power and out of it are all hustlers like you and me! The rush to enter the hall, ehn? Captains of industries and Government officials were in a flux and fight to enter the hall which was barricaded by stern security men at the International Conference Centre...There were rumpled and creased clothes on people after the scamble. A couple of ladies lost their headscarves and headties and gave us shocking glimpses of their ‘Abolo’ heads! Chai! The President’s Security detail at the venue were stern but professional. They didn’t give a hoot who you were. Orders are orders. Everyone who entered; those that mattered wanted to be seen by the President or First Lady and a small line of diffident favour-seekers or friends was formed but many could not pass through the security detail to just greet Mr President.

Hahahaha! Its amazing how diginty is thrown into the winds when the attempt to do eye-service is threatened. I just wished someone had been vigilant to snap some photos of the rush palava. But it was not this part of Novia's account that got me thinking, it was this part:

Let me shock you guys a bit. The biggest critics of President Jonathan, the opposition parties or cliques, the rabble-rousers and all were mostly there at the wedding! I was shocked! Ehn! Politicians! That’s how they deceive you all by crying wolf and abusing the President yet they run to him to prostrate at night or in private!Those of you who follow blindly these people una go see! Be careful! I even saw Dele Momodu, who lambasts President Jonathan every week for the past four years on Thisday backpage on Saturday, taking pictures and going round shaking hands. He shook my hands too. Egbon! Look, in politics there are no permanent friends or enemies: just permanent interests!

What does this tell us? That the whole of leadership in Nigeria is all a stage where different plays are being enacted on a daily basis. Every big person present at this wedding were just conspiracy game players who play their part to decieve and distort views for Nigerians. We all saw that when PDP bigwigs decamped to APC as if it would make any difference.

The couple got gifts of over 60 brand new cars as presents from what a close source told me. ‘Bastardly rich’ Nigerians fell over themselves to give presents. Chai! There was a group of orange-scarved women who caused a stampede in the hall after the wedding rushing for gifts and stuff! Wetin? People nor get shame?

Who were those orange scarved women? Abuja runs girls? Because that behaviour no be the one of a rich Nigeria but that of a desperate hustler.

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Nowadays, posting selfies is the in thing especially for celebrities who want to spark up some attention. It has been tested and proven - ask Maheeda, she has a testimony of perverted fans gathered via posting of nude photos. What probably remains for that one now is a sex tape.

So, Nollywood twins Chidinma and Chidiebere Aneke took a photo in shoprite (seriously I don't know what these two are famous for but since they were refered to as 'Nollywood's' I'll let that pass) I know the intention of the photo was to look good but man...how is wearing just an oversize dull-colored shirt good looking and you sporting a pose that looks as if you're fighting haemorrhoids good looking?

And some blogs have the nerve to call that 'sexy'! Even the little girl they took that photo with looks cuter than them.

Ladies, you need to stop that pouted mouth pose....it makes you look like starving idiots - that is starving for the unmentionable.

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Lord have mercy!

We now have eyebrow wigs? They call them lace-front eyebrows but I still like to call 'em eyebrow wigs.

This is making life too scary. Women now practically have artificial parts of every part of the body that's meant to be an attractive point!

We got wigs for fake hair, fake nails, butt injections for fake ass and hips, plastic surgery for facial re-structuring, surgery for vagina re-structuring (or building for transgenders), estrogen for transgender breast, fake boob surgery....the list no dey end!

Now eyebrows don join chorus. you can even choose colors to match your hair.

Sigh...I thought women preferred to draw the brows with eye pencil nah...soon the pubic hair go get im own wig.

I tire...!

Men have suffered....fake women don full market.

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Everywhere we look, we proof of Naija's collapse in provision of amenties and proper education.

Abi how do you explain this massive falling of hand?

See women who were making noise that Diezani Alison Madueke should be left alone over the private jet scandal. What's written on their placards?

'Live' instead of 'Leave'

And nobody could notice that this was very incorrect?

Were those a bunch of illiterates protesting? It makes me suspect they were hired to make that kind of protest. Its been done before by that corrupt former Bayelsa governor Depreiye Alamaiseigha.

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We all saw the numerous sleeping photos of our 'lucky' delegates at the National conference.

This is why they shouldn't have sent many old folk to the conference; they tire out too easily apart from the fact that many of them have nothing to offer except prejudices and a show of uneeded 'old school experience'.

The conference has been a joke since the day it took off with delegates fighting over food, allowances to be paid to drivers, and basically stuff that has to do with their personal well-being rather than the nation's.

At one time a photo showed a delegate playing scrabble on his Laptop.

Again noise was raised over this photo but the delegate who was identified as Professor Oyewale Tomori.

The Professor took a smart step - he explained the photo - and it made sense; in fact it made those who accused him of wasting his time look stupid.

According to Professor Tomori:

The truth is this activity was done during the lunch break between 2-4 pm. As soon as the Chairman calls the meeting to order, I switch off my computer. Is there any rule against spending my free time as I like? Moreover, is there anything wrong, if others engage in reading newspapers and talking with others during their free time, and I prefer engaging in activities, I consider more useful to my development, such as using scrabble to improve my word power and discover new words? Indeed, I often play against the best in the world, world champions, and I have been beaten many times. But in the process I learnt new words, their meanings and improve my written and spoken language.
"Journalists live and sell their papers through the sensation route, which often is the opposite to telling the truth or providing full details. If the person who posted the picture had said the activity took place during the lunch break, that would have been no news; but to create sensation, he or she was economical with details.
"I will certainly continue to play such other mind engaging games like Sudoku, Logic, etc, if only to make me a better thinker and presenter. Only thing, is I will do this at my own free time! - news.naij.com

Smart man!

Okay...so we got his own explanation which was valid. Eermm...can the sleeping people tender in their own?

lol....for where, na yam?

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Remember Prince Uzoegwu? Goldie's former stylist and the dude that circulated a bathroom photo showing us a part of his prick?

Yep....he's the one alright.

I didn't want to comment on his new hair-do but I couldn't resist.

Why does he look like a copy-cat version Prince (the american artiste) with cracked lips?

It makes him look like crack addict with a failed music career.

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Anita Joseph also posted a selfie photo of herself without make-up.

I could only say two things when I saw this pix

1. Does she smoke that bad? Or its just natural black lips (if there's anything like that.)

2. Are those lace front eyebrows or eyebrow wigs on her face?

3. Brave of her to be real for once.

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People are really surprised at the fact that Afrocandy is broke.

But then it can happen to anybody.

Her request for financial help has raked in a lot of responses on her twitter page.

But people heartless sha...

Yeah, she may not be an admirable character (except for pervs and morally-deficient folk) but she's a human being.

She vented her frustration on twitter. And it was at this point she made a revelation that she was religious person ( I doubt if its a Spirit-filled one sha) and even had a gospel track she had done.

Mtccheeww...

Why does she have to have that similarity....with Maheeda??

Gospel track? Before going porn shey?

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She calls herself D'bling (inspired by Dbanj?) and was a secular musician before God visited her and she became born again. She has now released a track titled 'I Bling for Jesus'.

Hmmm....okay oh. From all I've seen in the industry, artistes of this type get frustrated out of the system and turn back to secular music.

"A lot has been going on. Last year, I was out of the scene because I had to take time off to know God and rediscover myself. Right now, I am back.I am looking unto my ministry. I cannot say I am a pastor, but I am a minister of God. I have gone for some Bible courses; and with time, I am going to have my own church.

Church ke? Ahh...careful oh. How you wan do am? How you wan steal members from Pastor Chris Okotie's church? (At least that's the celebrity church run by a former artiste which artstes attend abi?)

Also, lately I am sort of a gospel artiste (Laughs). I’ve got a new single, I bling for Jesus, which is gaining waves on air. I’ve always been a God-fearing person and I have always been spiritual. But I just got entangled in the industry and was lost. That made me to start looking for the real me that people don’t get to see.

Hen...this is the exact kind of thing Maheeda said before she 'yimu' to salvation oh! But seriously...what kind of music be dis 'I bling for Jesus'? I'm kinda scared to hear music that makes yeye of my Lord and Saviour oh.

Hopefully, they will accept this new me. As I always say, I am still glamorous. Working for God does not make me somebody else; so, I am still myself. You know a lot of people make that mistake that once you start working for God; you try to be somebody else. No, God made you for you.No! It is not for the time being, but for forever. No more secular music forever by His grace"

It is well oh....Sister D'bling ( so awkward sounding sha!) I wish you the best. Afterall with God everything is posssible...just don't yoke shake ya bumbum' with praise worship sha.

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