Season Greeting from The Kush Chronicles [Video]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Monday, December 23, 2013

If you haven't seen this awesome video by unique accapella group, Pentatonix, watch it now! 

Its my Season greeting special to you,

Happy holidays.

Flashback Fridays: Those 'Maintain' Boys... [Pictures + Video]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Friday, December 20, 2013

I remember when I first heard this song, 'Bo La awa' (BLAH) by Maintain on radio; I was caught in high octane amusement. This was the song and video that brought the group Maintain to limelight as far back as the year 2000. The music  and its video was not just a dance-able and entertaining track but a funny showcase of the reality of struggling artistes and the travails of owning a jalopy ride that will eventually screw up your date with a chick.

The unfortunate dude battling with his Beetle Jalopy

Flashing back in this video brings back memories of the past. This was the era when cassettes were still being played. I remembered when I heard Maintain's song I was impressed - it was different and made you laugh just listening to its lyrics. I so wanted to own a copy of their album I went searching all over Lagos music shops and couldn't find a single cassette to buy!

A shot in the video shows someone displaying
the inside sleeve of Maintain's cassette

Luckily for me, I was schooling in OAU, Ife and would occasionally branch Ibadan to see friends or check on a girl I was still toasting. Since Maintain's base was Ibadan (as I discovered from the lyrics and a friend), I decided to scout for the tape and I got it. I was so elated and treasured it and never borrowed it out.

If the song was funny, the video was hilarious. But it wasn't just the funny aspect that the video reveals when I re-watched it. 

Tolu, Big Bamo & Olu all looking skinny in oversized suits

First I was able to see what Olu and Tolu (Maintain) and Big Bamo (their producer) looked like in those days; you could see their lean faces and how their skinny frames in the over-sized suits. I think it was still an era when big shoulder pads where prominent in suits. Its also evident that the habit of Naija artistes wearing sunshades not to be too obvious had started too.

Scenes like this made one realise that some of the video
was shot in someone's living room.

Secondly, the video showed what it was like to shoot a music video back then; the camera used was probably a crude camcorder; the lighting was very poor as we can hardly see the faces of the duo and Big Bamo. They probably shot with no lighting and did it in someone's house order than a studio.

The absence of GSM was very obvious

Thirdly, it was obvious that this video was shot at a period when GSM had not kicked off in Nigeria. This is evident in the scenes where the guy in the video had to make a call to his girlfriend via a payphone. The girl in return answered through an analogue phone.

The video vixen hidden in plain sight behind sunshades and a hat
....even though she didn't have to dance.

Fourthly, the video vixen of that time (the main guy's girlfriend) wore decent clothes, sunshades and a hat....it seemed it was in bid to hide her true identity unlike the vixens of today. The video's greyscaled effect which gave it the black and white (or is it grey and white?) feel, further helped to hide her face the more. Its a contrast to today's video vixens who bare it all.

Sorry about the video quality...that's the best available online.

Probably Maintain was not sure if the music and video would be successful and in order not to be shamed tried not to be facially obvious in the video. They never knew it would blow them into fame in schools. I guess that's why subsequent videos featured them without sunshades and video vixens that were more open.

The song was a creative work of genius...sadly we don't have much of this type of music or videos anymore. Those who were closest to creating funny videos like this today would be Sound Sultan with 'Natural Something'(I need to review that video!) , Wizkid  with 'Pakurumo' and Kcee with 'Pull Over'. 

I wish Maintain could come back together and do another set of funny songs and videos. Today's videos are way too serious and dirty. After they split, it just became only Olu Maintain doing serious stuff...all the funny aspect has dried up like harmattan.

Wrecking Ball: Naija Boys Funny Remix

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Those classic parodists called Naija boys have done it again. They gone and done a parody/Naija remix of Miley Cyrus' 'Wrecking Ball'.

The video storyline features Naija teens who want to do 'Oyinbo' things and our Naija tradition of how our parents discipline us with beatings when we 'cross the line'. 

The hilarious video features a white Miley Cyrus look-alike who sings the funny chorus with lines like: 

They (parents) will beat you like a wrecking ball
No matter who you call, you're still gonna chop igbati.

Remember what an Igbati is?

Well if you don't then you'll have to go here and read about it. Its a specialty of most Naija Parents.
Watch the video and listen carefully to the funny lyrics.

LOL....

What's your own take on the video?

Lets hear it.

Naija Stories Publishing Debuts Series Beautifully on Paperback ...

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Finally, Naija Stories, (the online writer's forum where yours truly thrives) is launching out as NS publishing with paperback, audiobooks, ebooks and Apps. The first set of books are out which contain stories gathered from the website. The ventured was embarked on to bring back the reading culture that we had during the Pacesetters' series era. Check out the full info from the site:

Naija Stories is an imprint of NS Publishing Ltd, a new publishing and marketing company dedicated to developing and distributing Nigerian written content through eBooks, paperbacks, audio, websites, mobile apps and other channels. NS Publishing believes that by nurturing writers and readers, it will help develop engaged, empowered and educated Nigerians, as well as contribute to the economy through their business. 

Many people say Nigerians don’t read, but NS publishing begs to disagree based on the evidence of flagship website, naijastories.com, and the rate at which foreign fiction and non-fiction books are sold in the markets. What may be underrepresented is the production, distribution, and sales of quality Nigerian leisure books outside of what is demanded for educational purposes through school curriculums.

 

To change this aspect of Nigerian reading culture, NS Publishing has developed our special branded Naija Stories genre series, which feature romance, horror, mystery and crime, all in easily accessible language that will draw in readers who want to read for enjoyment. With relatable stories, the short length of the books and their recognizable characters will keep readers coming back for more.

 

Using home-grown authors – 100% of NS authors are Nigerian and 80% live in Nigeria – means that writing will become a profitable career for young talented Nigerians in this sector. NS Publishing intends to replicate, in the leisure books publishing sector, what Nollywood and Afropop has done in making Nigerian movies and music globally popular.

 

After being comatose for decades since the demise of the Pacesetter series, NS Publishing is kickstarting a publishing industry that will not just throw up literary stars every five years, but one that’ll support writers, graphic artists/designers/illustrators, cover models, and will produce works that can be translated to the stage or adapted to movies, or given life by voice-over talents in audio books. They see a billion naira industry in the future, and are heading there.

NS Publishing will produce great stories and books, and other literary content targeted at a broad base of emerging and established readers, and across different age groups and mid/low income communities. Their paperbacks will be pocket size and pocket friendly, and they promise never to sell a book more than N500.

 

The success of naijastories.com website has informed this current project, to bring selected Naija Stories to paperbacks, selling and marketing books – pocket-size popular fiction books – directly to Nigerians where they can be found. Some of these places include intra-state or inter-state bus stations, higher institutions, fast food locations, and more.

 

Look out for the Naija Stories books whereever you are, online and offline, and if you would like to order please contact info@naijastories.com. Check out www.ns-publishing.com for more details.

Those published paperbacks...boy, do they have beautiful cover designs. None of these ones has any of my works in them (since they contain many of the early works on the website) but I'm sure subsequent ones will.

Lovely aren't they? Makes any budding writer want to get published by all means.

Many of the writers of the short stories are online friends with cool works. Some stopped writing (maybe because some responsibilities ate up their time...but their good job is documented for all to read.

Thumbs up for Naija Stories!

Randoms: Mariah Carey & Misyarn from Radaronline, 'Fanta' Governor Alao-Akala, Beyonce's strange track, Wale's outburst on Complex, Rukky's 'Sesky' Photo

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Monday, December 16, 2013

Hello y'all!

Please forgive me for staying away on a one week hiatus. It was due to a one week event that require my presence at church. Now I'm back, ready to post. I came across interesting news I would have posted last week but I'll just have to let that go since they would be stale by now.

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So on with the randoms for today...

The news of Mariah Carey arriving in Nigeria to perform at a Christmas party and send-off event of Access Bank's retired MD Aigboje Aig-Imoukhede. She took a backstage photo before the performance and one blog called her dress a 'stunning outfit'. Seriously, what's stunning about what she's wearing - a partitioned gown with fishnet effects? That outfit couldn't stun a cockroach. Some Bloggers need to stop sensationalizing things.

See dress...wetin hot for this one?
Oh...is it because she show belle under fishnet?

But then the shocking aspect was the report given by Radaronline, some foreign site that paints Nigeria in bad light with a headline that screamed 'Mariah Carey Performs For Money Men In Nigeria, World’s Center Of Bank Fraud & Human Trafficking'. The site goes on to suggest that Carey should have done a research on Naija before accepting to get paid for the gig; and then goes on to highlight all the 'bad things' ever said about Naija - human trafficking, Email scams (the knuckleheads even called it '411 Scams' instead of '419'...and they are telling Carey to do research when they themselves know nuthin!)

Radaronline's headline...they even labelled the thing as 'Exclusive'!

Then they end the article with these corny references...

Carey isn’t the first performer who has taken a paycheck for appearing in countries known for terror, death and fraud.
In 2011, Beyoncé sang for Moammar Gadhafi’s sons and Jennifer Lopez performed in Turkmenistan.

And so?

What if a country has fraud, death or terror issues? Should it stop celebrities from making their money? With harsh economic times, it makes sense. And they need to stop talking rubbish about Naija and other nations as being known for terror and fraud. We know what the United States were up to in Iraq and many of us know that Osama Bin Laden and the war on terror, was a grandiose scheme to defraud Americans.

Rubbish...stop casting the first stone when you're worse off.

Too bad...Mariah knew where to get the money while una dey run ya mouth.

And that does not leave Access Bank in the clear oh...wetin make dem go hire a whole Mariah Carey for Christmas party? Has somebody stolen bank funds again?

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Some reporters get liver sha...And I don't blame them, that's what they are trained for; just like lawyers, they ask you questions that will put you on the edge. Former Governor of Oyo State, Chief Adebayo Alao-Akala was probably caught unawares when a Punch Newspaper reporter asked him the question:

'Is it part of your own fashion to bleach?' 

The enraged ex-governor was reported to have replied...

'Bleach? That is stupidity; you are asking a very stupid question, how can I bleach? You are very stupid to ask that question. What do you mean by that? What gave you that impression?
(He pulled up his clothe and singlet to show his fair complexion.)
Is this bleaching? Have you seen the cream that I use that makes me bleach or did you know me when I was black? So if you want to write that, put it there that I said you are very stupid to ask me that kind of question. Don’t ask that kind of question again. What you don’t know; you ask. You don’t even know my parents. Is my wife complaining or my children? I don’t know what gave anybody the impression that I bleach. You don’t know me; do you know what it takes to bleach?'

Okay, we've heard the ex-governor...but it would have been nice if he could tell us if his 'Fanta' complexion is natural nah...or if he too was suffering from vertiligo like the late Michael Jackson...or if he accidentally fell inside a bucket of Tura cream as a baby. Ehen...at least we can say eeya...its not his fault. Because seriously speaking, with fingers that like look overcooked sausages and that 'Fanta' complexion, I'm not falling for that lie that he doesn't bleach...or maybe the reporter should have asked his question differently...like - 'Sir do you use exotic creams for you 'beautiful' complexion?'

Maybe he would have proudly replied 'Yes'.

Abi?

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Nowadays, when I hear that some celebrity is glamorously married to another celebrity, I hardly expect it to last. But fortunately, While some have succeeded in breaking the jinx others that looked promising are not always so lucky. People up till now may have been thinking that Beyonce's marriage to Jay Z was meant to last but Beyonce's recent album is said to have a track titled 'Mine' which sings about marriage troubles.

In an axcerpt from the track which features Drake, Beyonce sings:

I’ve been watching for the signs/Took a trip to clear my mind/Now I’m even more lost/And you’re still so fine, oh my oh my/Been having conversations about breakups and separations/I’m not feeling like myself since the baby/Are we gonna even make it? Oooh/Cause if we are, we’re taking this a little too far/Me being wherever I’m at, worried about wherever you are

Its not the first time an artiste bares his or her real life challenges through their music. Miley Cyrus' 'Wrecking Ball' track reflected a recent heartbreak she just went through, DMX and Tupac rapped a number of times about what they were actually going through, Eminem made a number of tracks that where a cry for help from his travails, majority of Micheal Jackson's songs of defiance centred around the things the industry and the powers that be were putting him through...the list goes.

And when you sing about something that's really happening to you, everything about you goes into it. 

Beyonce's new album is said to talk about so much and reveal a lot. Whether it shows that her marriage is deteriorating cannot be clear yet, maybe its just another approach to sell the album and create fan empathy. Conspiracy theorists should get ready...she might be letting out some valuable hidden info within her music.

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Its apparent that even the priviledge of being a celebrity never means one will be rid of a complex. Nigerian-born American rapper, Wale demonstrated this when he blew hot against Complex magazine for not including his album on the 50 best albums of 2013 list.

In a 3 minute phone convo, Wale blasted a Complex Magazine staff saying that the publication had a personal bias against him.

Seriously?

You need to listen to that conversation to know how serious the rapper took the matter. From all the ranting and raving, I can say that he may soon end up in a bad place one day. He sounded all gangsta and threatening; its almost enough to get him issued a restraining order.

According to Complex Magazine: 

Contrary to Wale's claims, Complex does not hold any personal bias towards him or any other artist. Wale's album was considered for our list, along with many other albums, but it did not make the cut. Furthermore, Wale has made a number of Complex lists this year. His song "LoveHate Thing" was No. 24 on our list of The Best Songs of 2013 (So Far). We also list his mixtape, The Mixtape About Nothing, No. 20 on our list of The 50 Best Rapper Mixtapes. And finally, earlier this year, we had him on our list of The 20 Best Rappers in Their 20s

Wale later posted an instagram video in an attempt to make fun of the whole situation of his threats. Maybe someone spoke some sense into him and he realized his error. Thus he embarked on a weak attempt at damage control. 

For any artiste who has potential to blow hot over a simple rejection, its only a matter of time before we start seeing them on a downward spiral. Not everybody go like wetin you dey sing nah...even me sef no dig the guy. 

You definitely can't try that in Naija...where people sabi take your BS and return it back to sender.

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So here's a picture of Rukky Sanda which somebody calls a 'sexy pic'. Okay...I won't argue that but man...the photo is creepy on some levels...she looks like a plastic doll, mannequin...or a body that was recently embalmed.

Please if you be Rukky Fan, no vex oh...I just have an outrageous and weird sense of imagination! I'm struggling to see the sexy in the pic...is it because she yellow like 'mammy water'? Is it because she's got a face that has undergone plastic surgery? Or because she has contact lenses on or 'albino' eyes? Is it because her dress exposes some laps or showcases some cleavage? 

Okay I'm rambling too much...Abeg don't mind my own oh. I know she is somebody's perfect spec...like one of our clients that keeps insisting we use 'yellow gals' for his press Ads.

Creepy Video: The Mark of The Beast Will Make You Superhuman??

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Sunday, December 15, 2013

Biblical Prophecies have been starring at us right in the face and with every passing day, the reality gets clearer. A few years back, stories went round about this Biochip which will revolutionize life as we know it; a chip that will register your identity and allow you access to a host of things. Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to the mark of the beast; prophecy is being fulfilled before our korokoro eyes.
In this video, we get to see the so called 'benefits' of having this chip in you. 

Watch as this woman (who has worked for DARPA and now with google and is at the forefront of this Anti-Christ technology), explains how it gives you superhuman abilities. Also watch the propaganda infocommercial that tries to make us see the 'good' in embracing this technology.

I guess the makers of this product came to realize that people will kick against the chip and thus decided to 'sugar coat' it with what it would allow you to do. Of course, its only the good stuff that we will hear about, nobody will tell you about the bad stuff, after all its an advertising gimmick; a way of fooling people into buying into an idea they would naturally hate.

Hosea 4:6 in the Bible states that "My people are destroyed for the lack of knowledge." The more we are aware and knowledgeable of this prophetic Anti-Christ hi-tech shenanigans, the better we are set to brace ourselves for the fulfillment of end time prophecy and most importantly embrace God.

Flashback Fridays: Wande Coal the Back-Up Dancer

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Friday, December 06, 2013

Wow....this life is something. One of the most important lessons we should always take to heart concerning life is that we should never take any human being for granted because life can play a funny game that will end up where you least expect it to end.

Wande Coal...third from left.

Years back who would have thought Wamde Coal would end up the big star he is today? I came across this old music video of OGD All Stars, directed by Tade Ogidan. Here we get to see the likes of Teju Babyface in his hey days, Ramsey Noah looking a tad bit younger, rapper Abounce who just faded away from the music scene and appeared occasionally in TV production and one dreadlocked dude who I can't place. Wande Cola unlike all those mentioned was not involved in singing. Rather he was a back-up dancer!

Teju Babyface forming artiste

Abounce...looking like the future of his career

The dreadlocked guy with Abounce...who is he?

While watching the video, I noticed that there was more focus on two of the four-man back-up dancers. These two guys were apparently the finest of the crew and had good body physique. In comparison, Wande Coal was flabby while the other fourth guy (the fairest in complexion) was on the skinny side . We see the 'fine boys' appearing more frequently than Wande and his skinny counterpart.

This is where we see who has 'chest' and who doesn't.

The fine boys

What an irony. The same Wande Coal who was insignificant is now a star that belts out tunes that shakes audiences. They felt he needn't appear too much in the video...if only they knew the guy had a voice. 

Here's the video:

I think the music was a soundtrack for a movie titled 'Madam Dearest' which was an expensively shot movie and a hit back then. I can't say if it made much money but it was popular.

Randoms: Cossy the Mentor, Matchmaking Oshiomole, Tunde Ednut's idleness, Brandy's ugly beauties, Burna Boy an ex-con and under ban..

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Friday, December 06, 2013

I'm here with another set of randoms (this is fast becoming a trend with me om this blog, lol!) and there's a bunch of issues I just took a look at. There would have been more but I didn't want to end up with an extra extra long post. 

So lets begin.

The news went round the internet recently about Cossy Orjiakor and Tony Tetuila's visit to the Next Movie Star house (I didn't even know the show still existed) to mentor the contestants. Cossy was said to have brought her 'gang' of chicks along.

I can understand Tony Tetuila dropping a thing or two from his past success in music but somebody please tell me wetin Cossy wan teach these housemates? What on earth is she going to mentor them on? How to strip and post it on twitter? Many of us know that Cossy is just famous for having big tits and for other unmentionables; she's like a Kim Kardashian that got famous for a sex tape and hardly any real talent. I'm not sure the producers of the show know what they are doing. Or is it because they could not afford other celebrities to come on the show? 

But according to one of Cossy's Tweets where she blasted Hiphopworld, she was on the show just to party with the housemates. 

Cossy's ridiculed Hiphopworld's Headies award as a 'cheapo' award that cost just 20k. I don't know if an award trophy is supposed to cost a fortune after all, I've seen award plaques that were no doubt cheaply assembled by some local artisan.

Back to the Next movie star scenario - the pictures didn't look like a party though, they looked like she was instructing, addressing them or being interviewed. But then I may be wrong.

Well, lets hope the producers know what they are doing...and hope they don't go too far by inviting another shocking wonder like 'Afrocandy'  to come mentor or party on the programme.

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Ever since Edo State Governor, Adams Oshiomole made the infamous erroneous remark to an erring widow and later apologized, people have not stopped talking about it. While sensible people are commnending the governor for making amends and even compensating the widow with N2 million and a job offer, others that seem to have lost proper brain functions went ahead to rant rubbish on websites like the piece written by one Olabode Emmanuel Olawumi.

Governor Oshiomole having tea with the widow, Mrs Joy Ifije...
but seriously she doesn't look bad though

Then after the compensation of the widow, some weird folks now say that the governor should marry the widow since he is also a widower. Haba!

A report that carried the news stated:

"According to some respondents in Ogun state, the meeting between the governor and the widow may have been occasioned by divine forces. The respondents were of the opinion that, being a widower, there was no harm in the Governor remarrying and that it would be appropriate to marry a widow.Albert Ashipa, a politician in the state, said, “I am of the opinion and conviction that the meeting and the incident between the governor and the widow, which later attracted public attention, was divine. As we can see today, the governor felt for the woman, had to apologise over the error and even empowered her.”“From my own opinion, I think God has a purpose for the two of them and there is nothing wrong if the two eventually fall in love, in view of their marital positions. I believe both cannot and should not remain single parents for life,” Adunni Eweje, a petty trader in Kuto market said.Razaq Ayinla, a civil servant, while commending the governor for his gesture, concurred that the development was God’s doing and advised both the governor and the woman to make good use of the opportunity.Adesola Adenopo, a resident of Government Reservation Area (GRA) in Abeokuta, in her reaction, noted that biblically, it is appropriate for the two of them to re-marry."

I don't know who begged these Ogun state indiegenes to make comments like these. Wetin concern them with Edo State governor? Edo State people are not clamouring for their governor to marry the widow, so wetin concern una? Abeg...my state people, una dey fall my hand.

Mtccheew!

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Tunde Ednut was reported to have mocked fat people over instagram. Why did he have to do that? Was it because he needed to get some attention? Maybe...because I really don't what what the guy excels in...they said he's a comedian but I only saw him do the funny in a comedy show ad once, they say he's a artiste but there's nothing wow in his music (I personally felt it the move was a big mistake). But why make fun of fat people? Eniola badmus reacted maturedly to his immature post by stating:

 “Being fat doesn’t mean you can’t make it in life, beauty is not size, you niggaz have a problem with being fat. Bring no one down, we are all human, no discrimination, we are all created by God. I rep plus size”

Thank God he warmed up apologetically to her...or he for hear whin. Somebody needs to come to his rescue and give him some gigs so as to put him out of his idle misery.

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Brandy and her 'beautiful' pictures.
She even snapped a naked mad person...chai!

And while Tunde Ednut was making fun of fat people, Brandy, the american R&B singer, was indirectly making fun of Africa when she posted pictures depicting abject poverty on her visit to a number of places in Africa including Nigeria. 

She tagged the pictures as 'beautiful' but people were not swayed. The pictures sparked an outrage. What's beautiful about poverty? And why did she go snapping unflattering photos when she could have taken photos that showcased interesting African cultures?

There are lots and lots of real beautiful pictures that could have been taken, what she did painted Africa and Africans in a negative light. How is she expected to sell out well in African tours if she makes fun of its people?

Wrong move Ms Norwood!

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Heh? What is this piece of info circulating? That Burna Boy is an ex-convict? That he was part of a gang that stabbed someone to death? 

Oh boy!

I remember watching an episode of 'The Big Friday Show' where a prank was played on Burna Boy. I can't remember what the prank actually was but it was aimed at making him percieve he was in some kind of trouble. Right there before our korokoro eyes, Burna Boy lost it and was about beating up the prankster. His anger was so vivid I came to the conclusion that this dude is someone you never want to mess around with.

And then we hear this news cropping up about him having a dark past. Does this remind you of someone?

Yes it does....it reminds me vividly of Kayode Oshin.

Do they all always have to be like that? Must a rap or dancehall artistes have a criminal past or background?

According to Thenet.ng:

"Burna Boy’s ‘uncontrollable’ mannerism and persona didn’t just start yesterday; NET investigations and sources have linked him to a criminal past, a period of his life he would rather not make public knowledge.We are told on good authority that while in the UK back in 2010, Burna Boy was arrested by London Police for allegedly being part of a gang and stabbing someone to death. He was tried as a minor and sent to jail.After 11 months, he was released and given two months parole plus community service on the grounds of being of ‘good behaviour’. But Burna is said to have disobeyed authorities and travelled back to Nigeria where he signed a record deal with Aristokrat.He later travelled back to the UK but was arrested at the airport and deported to Nigeria. He is currently barred from the UK for the next 15 years"

Is that why Nigerian telecom giant Globacom is not willing to extend their contract with him?.

Man...and I was kind of rooting for him oh...

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And that's all for today's randoms folks. Have an awesome weekend!