This Blog Aint Dead Yet...

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, February 25, 2015

And I doubt it will ever be.

Okay, I've been MIA on a large scale and been off for like...4 months? Hmmm....I actually stayed away because of so many things keeping me seriously busy like never before. Now its beginning to look like I need someone to help me upload my stuff while I get busy with other projects.

But who can really do it the way I'd like it?

I was on holiday last year December at my Uncle's and my cousin was talking about how RICH my blog was and how WELL I disect issues on here and open up people's minds. She sis it so well I started feeling guilty playing truancy on the site.

Also my absence on Naija Stories got some folks wondering where I was at as I was seriously missed. Somebody came up with the idea of a final effort to bring me back online by offering to make me judge a competition.

I guess that worked.

Searching through my 'cobwebbed' emails, I came across the mail

It seems like it has been forever and ages past that I saw you on NS. What happened? Are you well? Is it work, family, kids, wife or wives that’s kept you away? or did you simply got bored with us?
I still have you to thank for how well I have made it so far in my writing since I joined NS.
I have gained an approval from NS to host a competition. This completion will be for the writers who are ranked as newbies and beginners.
I know for a fact that even a glimpse of your presence back on NS will bring positive result so I am asking that you be one of the judges to pick out the finalist.
I honestly hope you can take up this offer. If yes, reply me back.
Thank you Mr Afronuts.

I think that was what finally woke me out of my Cyber-slumber....that along with the Naija music video I came across yesterday and discovered was another copycat video! Will blog about that soon,

Oh...and also, I've been getting mails of articles wanting to feature on the blog...those also got me awake.

Now let's get this blog, NS and twitter cracking for the new year!

Oh...and about that pix up there, it doesn't stand for anything actually, its just a funny looking pix of an igbo man I'm currently using on my Blackberry messenger dp!

39 Weird Facts You Probably Never Knew.

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Saturday, June 01, 2013

Some things are just too ridiculous to fathom but they are just the truth...if they are not a conspiracy. Check out these ones.

1.Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories per hour.

2.The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

3.You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

4.A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

5.An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

6.A rhinoceros's horn is made of compacted hair.

7.The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896... Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.

8.Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

9.Shakespeare invented the words "assassination" and "bump".

10.Marilyn Monroe had six toes.

11.Women blink nearly twice as often as men.

12.The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.

13.A snail can sleep for 3 years.

14.Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

15.Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite

16.A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

17.The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."

18."Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

19.A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

20.It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

21.The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; "7" was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces. "UP" indicated the direction of the bubbles.

22.Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.

23.Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

24.Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

25.Adolph Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.

26.Walt Disney was afraid of mice

27.Pearls melt in vinegar.

28.Richard Milhouse Nixon was the first US president whose name contains all the letters from the word "criminal

29.The second? William Jefferson Clinton.

30.What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?  All were invented by women.

31.What is the only food that doesn't spoil? - Honey

32.Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear & smell better.

33.The name 'Jeep' came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.

34.The nursery rhyme "Ring Around the Rosey" is a rhyme about the Black Plague. Infected people with the plague would get red circular sores ("Ring around the Rosey"), these sores would smell very badly so common folks would put flowers on their bodies (inconspicuously), so that it would cover the smell of the sores ("a pocket full of posies"). Furthermore, people who died from the plague would be burned so as to reduce the possible spread of the disease ("ashes, ashes, we all fall down").

35.The first Novel ever written on a typewriter was "Tom Sawyer"

36.TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on the one top row of the keyboard.

37.Most lipstick contains fish scales

38.A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

39.Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.

The Ringa rosey nursery rhyme fact was the weirdest and creepiest for me. 

Which one was the weirdest for you?

Hi5's Big Pimping

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, January 23, 2013

I used to have an account on Hi5 years back but after the Facebook bug caught on, I deserted Hi5 and moved on to the Zuckerberg wonder. Today I’m getting weary of Facebook as I began to discover reasons not to so hooked to the social network. I got tired and stopped putting up personal photos and making friends with people I’m really not interested in knowing. Maybe it’s my new obsession with Twitter, coupled with my blog and Naija Stories.

So when I got this funny mail from Hi5 (after several mails intended to keep me on the site which I ignored) I was wondering whether the network was trying to woo me back by pimping pictures of cute chicks at me.

   

The Hi5 trick mail
Click to view larger size

With my experience in advertising I know that sex always sells or draws attention and I’m quite sure that’s the strategy being applied here. Before this mail, I had been receiving notifications from Hi5 to check out new friend requests or updates that I might be interested in. I never replied or visited the site for any of these.

What got me convinced that this was some kind of trick to get my attention was the fact that the subject of the mail said ‘Kush, open this mail for 12 people you should meet’. Then on opening the mail I see ‘Play the Pets game to meet new people.’ Also there's this disturbing line that goes; 'Pets is a game where you can buy and own other people as your pet' And all these ‘new people’ turn out to be pretty ladies; not a single guy among them.

Sounds almost like an escort service if you ask me.

Nice try Hi5.

But I’m not buying it.  

Pockets Unplugged for Rhythm Unplugged

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Friday, November 23, 2012

If you’ve been watching Nigerian Tv lately, you might have come across this TV commercial for another episode of a Harp Sponsored annual show coming up in December at Eko Hotel & Suites titled ‘Rhythm Unplugged’.  As usual it features a large collection of celebrities considered to matter in the entertainment industry.

I usually ignore Ads like these but I happened catch a glimpse of this one and was alarmed when it came to the cost of tickets and tables…tickets @ N5,000 and N30,000 while Tables were N500,000, N750,000 and N1million!

Okay…maybe we’ll consider the fact that it’s taking place in a high profile environment such as Eko Hotel and Suites but then there have been shows that cost far less that took place there. I’m not one to go to such events but what actually irks me sometimes is the money required to be spent by those coming to these events.

I won’t worry about the cost of the tickets but I still don’t get the cost of the tables. …N500,000, N750,000 and N1million all blown in one night? Is there something extra super duper special about those seating positions that they cost that much? If I seat on them tables will my intelligence and ability to make more money be upgraded instantly?

And people open their mouth to castigate Pastors that got private Jets as gifts to enable ministry work yet blow over a million naira away in one night of fun! (Of course after buying the seats you go still pay for expensive drinks abi?)

It’s true what they say about Nigeria…we’re a very rich nation but the money is always going into the wrong places and spent on the wrong things.

I won’t be surprised if corrupt Politicians and big wigs litter the event ready to spend their hard stolen cash on the event.

Na dem sabi waste money like that.

Zenith Bank: The Bank with no Compassion

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Friday, November 16, 2012

On the 10^th of November, my subordinate was robbed at about 2pm in her car at a hold-up somewhere around Dopemu, Lagos. The robbers had operated using an okada (motorbike). One of them had approached her car in the hold up and pointed a gun at her demanding that she handed over the jewelry she was wearing and her handbag. She complied and he jumped on the bike driven by his accomplice and they zoomed off.

She had her ID card, ATM cards, Cheque books and a host of other documents in the bag so it was necessary to get across to her banks (Zenith Bank and GT Bank) to block any intrusion into her accounts.

On getting to the GT Bank at Anthony where she had her account, she made her complaint and was offered forms to fill to acquire a new cheque book and ATM card. She was required to pay N2,000 for both cheque book and ATM card. Meanwhile her account was blocked at no cost for the meantime to protect her funds.    

The Zenith Bank where she lodged her complaint

On getting to the Zenith Bank at First Pedro, Gbagada, she stated her case and was told that she needed to pay N5,250 to block her cheque book so that it cannot be accessed, produce a police report and sworn affidavit, and still pay N1,050 for new cheque book and also get charged for a new ATM card!

Meanwhile all the money she had just been paid as salary was in this account but it had been blocked. So where was she going to get the money to pay? At the end of the day she had to withdraw out of her kid's account in GT Bank to settle Zenith almost N7,000 to get her account back.

Despite its status as an apex bank, I've never regarded Zenith Bank as a customer friendly bank. The only reason I own an account in Zenith was because the place where I work opened salary account for its staff in the bank. I have resorted to always withdrawing my money and lodging it in my GT Bank account when time permits me.

This occurrence just further proves the kind of service you get from Zenith Bank and further confirms my thoughts about the bank.

So if you’ve got a Zenith Bank account and your cheque book or ATM gets lost or stolen, be prepared for the recovery wahala.

That their payoff line sef...In your best interest sounds arrogant.

The Pointless 1 Year Old Birthday Party

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Every child’s one year old party is significant for the fact that it is the child’s first birthday celebration. In Nigeria however, many parents are in the habit of making this funny and unwise decision to throw a big party for their one year old.

Yes. I said unwise.

All I have ever observed at one year old birthday parties are just a waste of time, energy, money and unnecessary frustration in trying to make things look perfect.

I once took my daughter a couple of years back to a one year old’s birthday party. There were canopies and chairs arranged outside; a DJ was blasting music that was unfit for kids (but wetin parents wey dey there sabi? It’s just music abi?) and lots of food and drink was being served and wasted; most of which were being consumed by adults, the kids (who were way older than the celebrant) did much of the food wasting. Then they hit the dance floor for games and fooling around with the party clown/M.C.

And where was the celebrant?

The little guy was fast asleep in his mother’s room!

When it came to cutting the cake and snapping photographs, the little fella just screamed and bawled all over the place; as far as he was concerned as a baby, his peace was being destroyed by all the loud music, cheering and fun. All he needed to do was to sleep, wake up later in the day to eat and eventually crap his diapers. The party was just plain meaningless chaos that robbed him of his baby peace.  

Eventually they had to postpone the cake cutting and photos. All the photos they ever took had him with an unhappy and nasty expression on his face. Meanwhile the party continued and at the end of the day I asked the question: And what has been achieved with all this waste of money?

This past Sunday, I witnessed another one of these pointless one year old parties next door to where I live  on almost exactly in the same fashion as the first one I just explained above. We never even saw the celebrant. Seven to ten year olds were just busy having fun and dancing as usual to music that’s inappropriate for children. To one corner, some male adults sat drinking different kinds of alcohol and engaging in beer parlour or football gist. Other adults sat flanking the kids, eating food and waiting for the party to end so that they could take their children home.

The party happening next door to me.

And the celebrant, an innocent one year old who had no foggy idea of what the hell was going on was nowhere to be found. I presumed he was probably asleep somewhere too. (One year olds don’t joke with their sleep!).

I remember when little Timi struck one, we celebrated it for her in-house with food, drinks, snacks, cake and just a few friends, and we took photos with her. Our Pastor came around and prayed for her, and we had fun playing with her till she decided to go to sleep.

When A.Y struck one, we did the same and got a lot of good stuff for him to eat (because he loves to eat). Family and friends came around to see him and take pictures with him till he started protesting the need to nap.

We never started doing the party thingy until Timi got into school at 2 years. At this point, we just got variety snacks, drinks, take-away goodies and cake for the party celebration in her class. Timi by now knew what was going on and understood that she was being celebrated. We were aware that we made her day and she beamed all day about it.

Timi during her one year old birthday.

If I had done a big noisy party at one year old for her, she probably would have been terrified and confused.

This is my take on one year old birthday parties. I don’t think it’s a good idea to throw a big party for a one year old. For a 3 year old and upwards it’s okay but for the little one year old fella or lady who’s still trying to understand what the heck is going on in the world around him, it’s a sheer waste of money, energy and time.

   

Funny Twitter

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Tuesday, July 31, 2012

I just couldn't resist sharing the funny stuff I come across on Twitter.

Check these out. Click to enlarge if you can't read.

The Floods....Anything for people?

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Saturday, June 30, 2012

The rains are here again and the floods are manifesting everywhere. But despite the fact that the flooding showers have hit Lagos and a number of other states heavily resulting in all manner of bad news, is there any good side or advantage to it? This is just a thought I was pondering because I sort of noticed that some people happened to have cashed in on the opportunity of the rains to make some change. 

I

Area boys have seized the opportunity to step in where cars,marwas and okadas have failed. And that is seen in many of these pictures of human ferries littering the internet.

Canoemen can now extend business beyond the Lagos lagoon and waterways in ferrying people.

By the end of the flood the petrol here may not be good
for a car's consumption. This would be good news for a competitor

For those who have always wished to learn swimiming, this may be a big opportunity!

An opportunity not to pay rent anymore as you have experienced

damage to personal property (God forbid!)

Now you can get a view of what living by the sea or lagoon looks like

...plus floating refuse and debris.

I hope these ferry guys pay their tithes oh! God has surely buttered their bread.

The floods are also a good excuse to get to work late

as the traffic situation these past few days have pointed out!

Muddy waters...everywhere that is not tarred.

Let's just hope there are no perverts amongst these ferry guys

who have a very dire reason to want to ferry women across.

The Bigger your Canoe, the larger your returns...abi na profit.

Even the death defying danfo and taxi drivers of Lagos have no choice

but to succumb to the power of the ferocious floods

Now you don't stroll to go shopping for groceries...you wade or swim.

And the flood no stop these folks from opening market.

Nigerians! They never give up!

Even Surulere that looks well planned had cars submerged

***************************************************

Below are pictures from floods of last year which happened

between June to August 2011...meaning the rains have not finished with us

in 2012...we still haveJuly and August rains to contend with!

This particular one happened in Ogun State...see why it's good to rent an upper flat?

I pity the owners of these cars...Gbese!

Where are the canoemen when you need them?

This is a good reason why one should not buy or rent accommodation in any sand-filled location.

In fact this is another good opportunity the rainy season(or should I say flooding season?) offers - the opportunity to search for accommodation that won't flood like this house!

Guess where this is? Ibadan! Even the Naija's most populous city

suffered it heavily last year...remember?

Finally...please don't take me too serious. I was just trying to see

what can be called if there was any advantage in the flooding season!.

Pictures Courtesy

www.informationnigeria.org 

www.nairaland.com

www.newsfrombukolar.blogspot.com

www.pmnewsnigeria.com 
www.punchng.com
www.tradenewswire.net
www.vanguard.com

www.wazobiareport.com 
www.ynaija.com
www.facebook.com