Photo of The Day: Tyre Furniture

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Thursday, February 26, 2015

This goes to show that there's nothing that can't be recycled.

I'd seriously love to have a set of these in my living room! Come to think of it...it shouldn't be hard to make these...if  I can just visit a vulganizer to collect some discarded tyres and also pay Bamboo cane village under Ojota bridge a visit, then I should be able to do stuff like this right?

Still trying to figure how they managed to join all those elements together to make furniture though...

The Chronicles X - Owambe 1

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Thursday, April 10, 2014

Tade sat down on the plastic party chair totally perplexed by the heavily bottomed woman who was swaying her hips in rhythm to the juju music being played by the band. The woman moved her body fluidly as though she had expertly trained for the choreography; her butt gyrated in perfect harmony to the vibrant sequence of talking-drum beats and percussions. Not even her rich and heavy traditional laced outfit of iro, buba, ipele, majestic gele and glittering display of jewelry could stall her movements.

Emma who sat beside Tade, slapped his arm.

‘Guy, na food you come chop or na nyansh you come watch?’

‘Eh? Me? Watch whaa?…haba, no nah.’

‘Then finish your Jollof rice and mineral make we vamoose before somebody come blow our cover.’

Tade got the message and faced the plate of steaming Jollof rice with two small pieces of meat that had been served him earlier by one of the serving girls.

Almost every weekend a party took place in the rowdy urban neighborhoods of Ebute Metta; networked streets would be blocked and barricaded from vehicle traffic, canopies erected, plastic chairs arranged in array.  Food, drinks and Juju or Fuji music would be served till late into early morning hours.  The parties could be for a funeral, wedding or just random youth or street clubs needing to throw one to stay relevant.

Tade and Emma always seized any opportunity to gate crash any of these parties (popularly referred to as ‘Owambes’ because of their vain, extravagant and flamboyant nature) in order to get fed from the surplus menus that flowed at these events.  All they had to do was dress well for any event and blend in with the surplus crowd that characterized these gatherings. They would be all smiles wishing relatives and friends of the celebrant well. 

They always sat under canopies for friends of the family to avoid any easy detection.

Emma finished his own meal and quickly handed the empty plate to a server who was clearing used plates and disposing wasted food. He watched out for anybody giving out souvenirs which are usually just cheap merchandise carrying an imprint of the event. The more expensive and better quality merchandise were usually reserved for people who wore the correct ‘aso ebi’ - the official dress code that would have been sold for the event at almost twice its original price.

Nobody seemed to be sharing any souvenirs at this particular event. Emma took note quickly.

‘Guy do quick and finish your food make we go elsewhere. These people no get anything pass food.’

Tade was struggling with a piece of tough goat meat that was beginning to cause his jaw to ache. Exasperated, he threw the half chewed chunk back in his plate and picked up a serviette to clean his oily hand.

Emma laughed.

‘Next time, make sure say you collect plate wey get ‘ponmo’ instead of goat meat.’

‘As if ‘ponmo’ no dey get him own wahala too,’ Tade scoffed dropping the used serviette into the plate.

They got up and walked through seated guests, smiling and greeting family members and friends they came across as though they were of any relevance.

Once outside the crowded venue, they hi-fived each other at a successful outing.

‘So, make we go home now.’ Tade said belching and poking his dental gaps with a toothpick.

‘Dey go. I still get one other party I wan jam.’

Tade gave him a worried look.

‘Another party? After two plates and three bottles you never belleful? Emma you no need this oh.’

Emma adjusted his well starched guinea buba and sokoto and checked to ensure there were no food stains from the last party. He then looked at his friend, unperturbed.

‘You dey come? Or you wan tanda there dey run your mouth?’

‘Na only drink I go take. I no fit eat again sha.’

‘Whareva…lets go.’

The targeted party was taking place in partially secluded location in the outskirts of the town in an expensively decorated hall.

Tade stopped in his tracks and looked at Emma in alarm.

‘Emma! Na when we begin enter hall? You know say na only street runs be our thing now!’

‘Guy, this one no be like any of those ones wey no get correct money for correct food. Sunnepa talk am say na ‘serve yourself’ dem wan do there.’

Sunnepa was their special informant on parties happening about town.  He had been crashing parties for years and knew how to blend in so well it was hard to detect he was a fake guest. He even went as far as acquiring the aso-ebi  of the day. Sunnepa knew any owambe gig happening anywhere within the whole Ebute Metta radius.

Outside the hall, a lovely banner had been erected bearing the picture of a young unsmiling couple.

It was a wedding reception.

The hall was large and air conditioned.  Expensive vehicles littered the car park surrounding the venue as well as outside along the perimeter of the hall. Guest with distinguished air that reeked of opulence and importance colorfully flocked the venue. There was even a red carpet location where people stood to express their wishes and reminisce about the times they had encountered with the couple before a number of reporters and cameramen. Flashes kept going off and on as photographers thronged well dressed guests to get a good snap at them.

Tade felt a weird sense of unease overwhelm him.

‘Emma, I no too feel comfortable for this place. Them fit catch us oh!’

Emma gave his friend a confident smile.

‘Guy, chill, just follow my lead. ’

They managed to get past the red carpet section and into the hall after Emma produced fake IVs as requested at the door.

Tade looked at his friend, Emma winked back at him.

The event required only guests by special invitation and Emma had it covered. Sunnepa had done his homework well.

The cool air inside the hall was a soothing and comforting contrast to the hot one outside. The hall had a stage area where a romantically decorated settee for the newlywed couple was positioned under a colorful arc among lovely decors. They walked past the exquisitely decorated tables staying clear of reserved seats and the ones that already had a guest or two seated. Eventually they found a totally empty table far back and sat down.

Throughout the razzmatazz of the event, Emma and Tade maintained pretentious air of arrogance like most of the guests. Emma was more convincing; his smoothness made him look like some wealthy arrogant yuppie. A couple of young ladies with celebrated mien even stole a look or two in his direction. Tade on the other hand looked a tad bit timid despite his good looking Atiku outfit which sat very well on his medium built frame.

Time progressed with the arrival of the couple and special guests of honor. A band played to usher them in amidst cheers. Tade noticed a number of celebrities in attendance. It was a high profile wedding.

Soon an announcement was made to guests to proceed to the buffet tables to serve themselves. Distinguished guests and celebrant family members were positioned closer to the serving tables and  as a result were opportune to get served before all other guests. 

Emma and Tade found themselves at the far end of a long queue.

‘Why you let us siddon for this side eh? See where we come dey!’ Tade retorted at Emma. It felt good to be on the ‘I told you this wasn’t worth it’ side for once. Emma ignored him and kept looking as important and arrogant as he could; everything to avoid looking like a desperate party crasher.

They soon took their turn to serve themselves.

Seven uniformed stewards stood behind the buffet tables in case anybody needed any assistance. Tade noticed that they were all men and they looked very stern. For a moment he felt a twinge of fear that one of them might see through him that he was a fake guest.

Two of them kept looking at their wrist watches. Tade wondered what they were impatient about.

Why on earth do they have only men waiting on the guests? Couldn’t they have gotten women too?

Emma had picked a plate and gone about picking his selection of meal. He was cautious not to overdo it so as not to raise suspicion. Tade followed closely behind and picked only a pair of chicken laps and a small helping of coleslaw.

‘Is that all you want? Have more sir.’ He heard one of the stewards say; he was a broad-chested fellow in white uniform jacket.

Tade felt uncomfortable and refused to heed the steward’s encouragement. Instead he reduced his helping of the coleslaw.  It seemed as though the man was leading him on into a trap to blow his cover.

Back at their seats, they both placed the food on the table and continued to watch the happenings around them. They were observing one of the key rules of crashing a party – never eat served food immediately; delay for a while to stall suspicion of your desperation to eat.

Tade’s eyes kept going to the stewards behind the buffet table; well built fellows with hardened looks.

There was something awkward and off about them. They seem to move with martial precision as though every move was calculated and rehearsed.

And some of them kept looking at their wristwatches.

By now the MC of the occasion, an obvious friend of the groom was telling a fabricated funny story on how the couple met. Emma noticed it was deliberate as the couple in question looked indifferent to each other.

Definitely an arranged marriage, he thought and picked up his fork to begin eating but was quickly halted by Tade.

‘What now?’ Emma grunted, irritably. He hated being interrupted when about to eat.

‘Don’t eat the food yet. I don’t like how those guys are looking at us.’ Tade spoke in hushed tone signaling with his eyes to one side to point to a certain direction.

Emma spun round systematically to comprehend what he was pointing out and found himself looking at the long table where the buffet stewards stood.

One of them – the one who had chided Tade to take more helpings - was looking towards their table and there was a slight scowl on his face.

Emma spun back to his meal as quickly as he had turned to view the problem. One of the unwritten rules of party crashing was to never make it obvious that you might have been spotted as an uninvited guest.   

He fingered his fork and dug it into his plate whilst taking cognizance of every movement at the buffet table.  He lifted a scoop of coconut rice but spilled it when a screaming female voice startled him.

Even Tade who had not made any attempt to touch his own meal had his vigilance of the buffet table briefly distracted.

to be continued....

The Alingos - Will They Stand The Test of Time?

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Saturday, March 01, 2014

P-Square have suddenly wowed their fans and admirers with an upcoming animation series which features twin characters of themselves.

The Alingos

The animation is titled The Alingos  which is a smart move to take the title of one of their popular tracks to another level and equally maintain an affinity with the P-Square brand. I'll give it up to P-Square, their thinking is phenomenal; they are always looking beyond being just musicians and investing in other ventures. The artwork of the animation employs the child-like look art for the characters which is a style that would appeal to the younger generation.

However, my kwanta with this animation is the fact that it explores extreme themes that have to do with superpowers, Aliens etc - elements that are more popular with western culture than with Nigerian culture. This may result in the animation being more accepted by children than by adults.

Super powers and aliens? In Naija? I no too dey sure oh.

This is not the first time the Superhero/Superpowers theme is being exploited in Naija animation. It has been explored to death by Nigerian comic artists, by brands like Indomie and they have struggled to be accepted by Nigerians. But its obvious that Nigerians don't stick to superhoero themes....this is why Nollywood dare not explore that area. Even film feature length Naija animations don't seem to be seeing the light of day.

lol...Ninja in Africa. Is a movie possible?

A lady dresses as some super  heroine
at some Naija comic convention

Indomitables...they came and fizzled out into obscurity.
Now they are back again. But for how long?

This is just too hard to fathom in the reality of Naija fantasy.

Naija movies that have even forayed into the Sci-Fi territory have bombed and ended up failures; cartoons have equally done the same. There were even attempts to turn Nigerian mythological characters into super heroes but it still never stuck. We're just too used to being REAL.

The Alingos...remember this outfit on the Psquare poster
of the song of the same name?

And with this in mind I ask....will 'The Alingos' stand the test of time? 

Only time will tell.

The Copycat Crimes of Naija Music Video Directors

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Thursday, February 06, 2014

Somebody once said if something is too good to be true, then it actually is too good to be true. Over the past few years, the production of Naija music videos has grown and developed with the entrance of a fresh crop of music directors who have revolutionized the quality and nature of videos produced for Naija artistes. Not only does quality play a key role but creativity as well.

Clarence Peters, Lynxxx and Ice Prince on set of VIP

For a long time, we were wowed by the powerful display of creative colorful videos as well as scandalized by dirty raunchy ones. There is so much glitter and fame over the work of these directors who have in a number of ways succeeded in making uninteresting music look interesting with the nature of their visuals.

The concepts, creativity, execution...everything looks so good...but how true are they?

Olamide's Ilefo Illuminati bore striking similarity with The Game's Martians Vs Goblins

The above question begins to arise with the discovery last year of Olamide's 'Ilefo Illuminati' video shot by Godfather Productions, being a rip off of the concept of The Game's 'Martians vs Goblins' video. This did not seem to catch the attention of many. Later in the year, director Moe Musa would rip off the concept of UK Pop duo LMFAO‘s 2011′s ‘Party rock anthem‘ video for Davido's 'Skelewu' video.

Above: Opening Scene from LMFAO's video
Below: Opening Scene from Davido's video

The LMAFO video starts with RedFoo and SkyBlu waking up from a coma in the hospital, hitting the streets to notice the town has been deserted. Just when they get on the road, someone comes to warn them about a song that has caused a frenzy in the town, then a bunch of crazy dancers get close to them and start dancing, LMFAO later join the dance.The above description just about sums up Davido’s ‘Skelewu‘ video too; Davido waking up from a coma, hitting the streets to be warned by a young man bla bla bla…       

In both LMFAO's and Davido's videos, we have the scene
where a man warns the artistes about the song. The dude
in the Davido version sounded and looked retarded.

I have always wondered what the Moe Musa directed Skelewu was really about because it didn't make sense to me; to me it didn't look any better than the Sesan Ogunro directed version. The drama was weak and carried a lame story line I didn't understand until several watches later.

Copycat scenarios: Empty deserted streets from
LMFAO's Party Rock Anthem (above)
and from Davido's Skelewu (Below)

Dancers like Zombies...LMFAO (above)
Davido (below)

In the words of Nigerian Entertainment Today:

What was director Mr Moe Musa thinking? That there was no MTV or YouTube in Nigeria back in 2011? Not only should he be berated for this unacceptable creative plagiarism, he should be visited by LMFAO’s label Interscope Records with a lawsuit.

There is no mention of Moe Musa borrowing the concept or paying homage to LMFAO. The official release from Davido’s publicist WildFlower PR states, ‘HKN Music presents Davido in a revolutionary movie showing the viral effect of the ‘Skelewu’. Revolutionary indeed!

Hmmm....serious matter.

Another offender has recently surfaced. With a high profile and consistent track record of which has amounted to shooting hundreds of colorful music videos, one would least expect Clarence Peters to be stealing video concepts or dallying into copyright infringement - if he never actually sought any permission for the videos he plagiarized.

Above: Drummer from Tumi & the Volume - 'Asinamali‘ 
Below: Drummer from Tiwa Savage & Don Jazzy - 'Eminado'

Above: Tumi in the chair rapping ('Asinamali‘) .
Below: Don Jazzy in the chair singing ('Eminado')

A few weeks ago Tumi Molekane, a South African rapper accused Peters of stealing the concept of his music video 'Asinamali‘ and using it for Tiwa Savage's 'Eminado' music video. Looking at the two videos, you can see how Peters copied the retro concept as well as the boxed screen. Though we can credit him for getting a bit more creative with the 'Eminado' video, adding more elements and making it even look better than the 'Asinamali‘ video, the fact still remains that the 'Eminado' video owes its good finish and foundation to the 'Asinamali‘ video concept.

Copycat scenario...
Above: SlaughterHouse with featuring artistes
Below: Ice Prince and featuring artistes

They decided to use a female pilot instead of male
...probably a weak attempt to differentiate

But Peter's copycat crime on the 'Eminado Video' may not be as profound as that of what he did with Ice Prince's 'VIP' video. The 'VIP' video release online June 21, 2013, was a total rip-off of US rap group SlaughterHouse's music video, 'My Life' which featured Cee Lo Green, released about June 2012. Clarence's greates crime in this shoot was going as far as stealing footage from the SlaughterHouse video. Unlike what he did with the 'Asinamali‘ video in which he shot everything, the 'VIP' video is fraught with footages that bear the exact semblance to what we see in the 'My Life' video.

Same copied scene...could this be a stock footage?

Another copied scene...could this be a stock footage
with picture manipulation to change pilots?

While I'm aware that directors and filmmakers can make use of stock footage when shooting videos, the fact that a video ends up having way too similar elements with an original is where the issue arises.

The Ice Price scene below is definitely not a stock footage.
It's a copycat of the one above. 

This scene gives away clues that it was copied.
Check out the figures on the left hand side above
and below...they're the same! 

It’s obvious from this growing trend that directors may be trying to cut corners due to a busy schedule but then there’s always the danger of somebody eventually discovering the act. 

To be honest, majority of the footage that looked duplicated in the ‘VIP’ video also look like stock footage that directors can buy to use as fillers and establishing scenes when shooting and cannot be a basis for being sued as Nigeria Entertainment Today thinks.

However, what do we say of other scenes that are definitely not stock footage and copy off the ‘My Life’ video? This is where Clarence may be guilty of actually copying the SlaughterHouse video.

Are music video directors running out of ideas just like many artistes today or their schedule is just showing them 'pepper'?

This now makes one wonder…how many other Naija music videos out there on air are actually rip-offs and copycats?

Photos and additional Info Courtesy: Nigeria Entertainment Today

…

A Writer's Funny Mail To Me...

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Monday, February 03, 2014

I guess one of the 'benefits'of consistent blogging is that some people tend to think you'll be in the position to hire them. Well...if you're a Linda Ikeji, that's very possible, especially when you have a very heavy traffic and you're making quite a good deal of money.

Someone probably thinks I'm as buoyant in blogging as a Linda Ikeji 'cause I got this funny mail from a reader I just felt I had to share. The mail was creatively written and I must confess, I almost wish i could hire him.

Read on...

Hello Sir, my name is *******. I am a professional writer.
I boast such delicious writing skills as I could even write a nun into
falling in love.
With a very fertile brains far from "intellectual menopause", I have given
birth to several books and poems- though they are yet to be published as
I don't have Dangote for a relative (no sponsorship). Yet I boast such hypnotic
writing skills as I could write a DEAF man into buying a RADIO. I am seeking a paid
writing position in your firm ( or if you could please link me with
one); the chances of me not satisfying your clients are as slim as the chances
of OBJ wearing suit.
Sir, I humbly wish you hire me as I boast such mental
sophistication daring enough to win for your firm a Forbes
recognition!  Hire me sir and get hired into a more glittering world
of more fulfillment as I am ready to plant all my nutritious brains
filling your financial barns to the brims. Below are some of my
works.Hoping to hear from you soon Sir.
THANKS.

I laughed after reading this mail. The guy really feels he's very good....I like his confidence. Unfortunately, I'm not hiring for now...heck I wouldn't mind being hired to write myself!

Photos of the Day: Controversial Letters For Sale

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Monday, January 20, 2014

Nigerians can cash in on any opportunity to make money oh!

I remember listening to a radio broadcast one morning last week and the anchor of the show in the middle of reviewing papers and news for that morning stated that we are in the 'season of letters' - she was referring to the controversial letters written by former President Olusegun Obasanjo and also by his daughter Iyabo Obasanjo. The damning letters created a furor all ober the media, both electronic, press and social; debates sparked up over the matter, response letters where written adding to the influx of the 'season of open

letters'...

But I guess nobody was prepared for how far this open letter phenomena would go. Before you knew it, they were being peddled on the streets! After the 'Oga at the top' saga, Naija hustlers have come to cash in on any opportunity to make money from scandals and buzzes from news and social media. The letters where bonded and titled - both for Obasanjo's letter and Iyabo's letter.

What can I say? Anything to make some small change...shey?  

Photo of the Day: Exquisite Wedding IV

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Saturday, January 11, 2014

Wedding invitations are now getting creative in all manner of ways like the one in this picture which I got from my brother in-law. It was for a high profile wedding which included celebrities of all sorts from Political to entertainment. Funke Akindele was the MC of the event and it was all strictly by invitation. 

The IV came in a beautiful casing like the one used to hold exquisite necklaces.The wedding was between the daughter of a former Oga of Globacom; one of Mike Adenuga's right hand men and some guy from an equally wealthy family. (Sounds like arrangee wedding).

 Na wah oh...see money in action....my own wedding IV na pali we take do am. This one na glass!

Naija Stories Publishing Debuts Series Beautifully on Paperback ...

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Finally, Naija Stories, (the online writer's forum where yours truly thrives) is launching out as NS publishing with paperback, audiobooks, ebooks and Apps. The first set of books are out which contain stories gathered from the website. The ventured was embarked on to bring back the reading culture that we had during the Pacesetters' series era. Check out the full info from the site:

Naija Stories is an imprint of NS Publishing Ltd, a new publishing and marketing company dedicated to developing and distributing Nigerian written content through eBooks, paperbacks, audio, websites, mobile apps and other channels. NS Publishing believes that by nurturing writers and readers, it will help develop engaged, empowered and educated Nigerians, as well as contribute to the economy through their business. 

Many people say Nigerians don’t read, but NS publishing begs to disagree based on the evidence of flagship website, naijastories.com, and the rate at which foreign fiction and non-fiction books are sold in the markets. What may be underrepresented is the production, distribution, and sales of quality Nigerian leisure books outside of what is demanded for educational purposes through school curriculums.

 

To change this aspect of Nigerian reading culture, NS Publishing has developed our special branded Naija Stories genre series, which feature romance, horror, mystery and crime, all in easily accessible language that will draw in readers who want to read for enjoyment. With relatable stories, the short length of the books and their recognizable characters will keep readers coming back for more.

 

Using home-grown authors – 100% of NS authors are Nigerian and 80% live in Nigeria – means that writing will become a profitable career for young talented Nigerians in this sector. NS Publishing intends to replicate, in the leisure books publishing sector, what Nollywood and Afropop has done in making Nigerian movies and music globally popular.

 

After being comatose for decades since the demise of the Pacesetter series, NS Publishing is kickstarting a publishing industry that will not just throw up literary stars every five years, but one that’ll support writers, graphic artists/designers/illustrators, cover models, and will produce works that can be translated to the stage or adapted to movies, or given life by voice-over talents in audio books. They see a billion naira industry in the future, and are heading there.

NS Publishing will produce great stories and books, and other literary content targeted at a broad base of emerging and established readers, and across different age groups and mid/low income communities. Their paperbacks will be pocket size and pocket friendly, and they promise never to sell a book more than N500.

 

The success of naijastories.com website has informed this current project, to bring selected Naija Stories to paperbacks, selling and marketing books – pocket-size popular fiction books – directly to Nigerians where they can be found. Some of these places include intra-state or inter-state bus stations, higher institutions, fast food locations, and more.

 

Look out for the Naija Stories books whereever you are, online and offline, and if you would like to order please contact info@naijastories.com. Check out www.ns-publishing.com for more details.

Those published paperbacks...boy, do they have beautiful cover designs. None of these ones has any of my works in them (since they contain many of the early works on the website) but I'm sure subsequent ones will.

Lovely aren't they? Makes any budding writer want to get published by all means.

Many of the writers of the short stories are online friends with cool works. Some stopped writing (maybe because some responsibilities ate up their time...but their good job is documented for all to read.

Thumbs up for Naija Stories!

Photo of The Day: Chilling WIth Jesus

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Sunday, October 27, 2013

All over the internet, mostly on social networks, you might come across photoshopped pictures of Jesus; some good, some bad. I always despise the Photoshop jobs of the King of Kings that are meant to be funny because I strongly believe Jesus is not just anyone to be made fun of anyhow.

Then there are some photos which are meant to be inspirational or just in good spirit but are badly photoshopped and end up looking funny. Now those were accidentally funny. But then I came across this photo being circulated on twitter titled 'Chilling with Jesus' and it moved me.

This well photoshopped photo carries depth and an inspiring message. Any artistic mind that believes in Jesus would understand and interpret the picture more profoundly.

The photo travelled well through twitter amongst Naija users and I was alarmed that some were laughing at it. Seriously, what is funny about this pix? I had to register my thought on those responses.

Rather, the picture inspires me. It makes me imagine what it would be like if Jesus was around in person. I often imagine or percieve the Holy Spirits presence this way too. I hope whoever created it appreciates his work. 

This is definitely something that should brighten one's day.

Question About Mercy & Funke's Huge Bread... [Photo]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Thursday, October 10, 2013

Eermm...I know that by now this funny photo of Mercy Johnson and Funke Akindele fighting over bread and minerals would have been all over the internet. I however have one bugging question to ask.

Which bakery baked that bread???

Alll my life of consuming Agege or Ghana bread, I have never seen one this big! Looks like something that could double as a pillow!

8 Steps to Help You Create Mind–Blowing Fiction

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Thursday, October 10, 2013

*I tried Grammarly's plagiarism checker free of charge because it sucks if someone calls your original work a copycat!



Being an avid member of Naija Stories, the online forum for aspiring Nigerian writers, I’ve seen newbies join the forum and post their first drafts of stories, poetry or articles and over time blossom into better writers. I’m not surprised at the growth and changes that take place as the forum offers many opportunities for that.

You get to write and get reviewed; comments open your eyes to more facts or hidden glitches within your work, you learn from the criticisms. You also get to read works by others who have carved a niche on the forum by their writing prowess. Unknowingly to most writers who read the works of others, there are a number of things happening each time you post a story on the forum, get comments and critiques, and each time you read works and also comment.

You are indirectly training yourself as a writer.

This makes a good alternative to attending courses on learning to write. 

Overtime I’ve  come to pick up a variety of tips that are quite useful for every budding writer. You might want to consider these tips which I have also used when writing some of my most recent stories on Naija Stories. They are tips that work nicely and help you come out better in the nick of time. These tips may be useful for bloggers, editors and journalists as well. 





1. Don’t beat about the bush.
Too much flashbacks, back-stories, intros or long anecdotes are a waste of your reader’s time. Get to the point. In advertising the gimmick to grabbing and keeping attention is offering a lot in less info. Get to your point quickly too before your reader loses patience and moves on.

2. The first draft is for the cooler.
Normally when you write the first draft of your story, you’re so full of the story and you feel you’ve churned out a good piece. It is recommended that you write your first draft and then put it away in the ‘cooler’ to rest for a while. How long it stays away depends on you. The fact is, when you take a second look at it days later, you’ll see differently and may even re-write or edit it to be better.

By doing this you allow your mind to be refreshed and get to later look at your work from a detached and clearer perspective.
One of my stories titled ‘Love Jazz’ had three different endings. The final ending got my readers hooked. I wrote each ending on different days before deciding the final gripping one. 





3. Cut down on words.
The temptation to be spontaneous in your use of words at times can get you carried away and thus you clutter up your narrative. On a second look at your work, take time to remove the unnecessary clutter of words. It’s time to get rid of those lexical nuisances you have an emotional attachment to. 

While you’re at it, be mindful to keep it balanced. Removing too many words may end up killing the flavour of your story. 

Flash fiction offers the opportunity for this. I also recollect a periodical Naija Stories ‘Writing Prompt’ competition which served a good training ground for decluttering of words in writing.





4. Be relatable and realistic.
Have in mind that you’re writing to be read and it’s necessary for those reading you to comprehend and relate easily with you. Writing is a form of communication between a writer and his readers. When your readers don’t get you, then you’re talking to yourself. 

Being relatable makes you realistic. And don’t get it twisted – being realistic does not discredit fiction with fantasy elements. It doesn’t matter if your fiction is fantasy, Sci-fi or abstract, your story must be believable.  Even make-believe must have an appearance of truth in it.
One of the laws guiding literature is the law of verisimilitude which means fiction must be believable because that’s what helps the reader to connect to the world you created on those pages.

How human are your characters? Can we connect to them? Can we relate to what they are going through? Do they react to situations realistically? One of the best ways to achieve this is to fashion your characters or locations after an existing person or place. Its one of the best ways that aid character development.

A character called ‘Shedrach’ in one of the story ‘Strange Women’, was modelled in full description and mannerism after a colleague in my office while the femme fatales in the story were modelled after three wild ladies in the Client Service department at my workplace.





5. Don’t give a damn what others may think.
Critics will nail you; your work will get ripped to shreds by others and at the same time others will shower admiration or praise on you. Whichever the case, don’t crave for emotional feedbacks; don’t write because you want to get a kick from reactions. Rather, write because you’ve got the passion to, and keep writing – picking up useful info from all that’s being said and keep doing it the way you’re inspired to do it. You can never satisfy everyone. No matter how good your story may seem, someone, somewhere will still crap on it. 

Don’t listen too much to your critics; otherwise they’ll end up cramping your style and killing your inspiration. There’ll always be critics since it’s usually easier to talk about someone’s work than to write your own.

6. Meet your own expectations, not theirs.
This has to do with being unpredictable in fiction. Never let your readers imagine the end of your story before its ends. Throw them off board; piss them off with what they least expect. The fact is, even if it’s not what they expected, you’ve shocked them and gotten their attention. This is why a number of Stephen King’s fiction is uniquely infamous for catching readers off balance with shocking endings.
Sometimes readers would desire a certain kind of ending. Don’t fall for it. Give them what they don’t expect and watch the residue of the story’s imagery remain stuck on their minds and provoke their thoughts.






7. Read, read, read!
Just in the same way we are adept to picking up tunes and unconsciously storing them in our subconscious memory, the same goes for when we read – we end up picking up stuff that hides somewhere in our subconscious mind. 

Also, you get ideas and learn how to do things as well as how not to do things. You also get to broaden your creative horizon. Many times I read someone else’s work and I’m fascinated by the style employed or the dexterity of the descriptive power. It eventually inspires me to want to attempt something new and differentiate a bit in my writing.

When I first read Ayi Kwei Armah’s ‘The Beautiful Ones Are Not Yet Born’ in Secondary School, I was stupefied by the writer’s descriptive power. I found myself modelling my descriptive ability after the Ghanaian author.
Also let’s not forget that information is power...the power to write most notably.





8. Write, write, write!
This is why it makes sense to own a blog if you’re a writer because you actually become good at writing by actually writing! In fact, to succinctly put it, anytime you feel like writing, just get a computer or paper and pen or typewriter and get to work. There may be something big waiting to drop from you that moment.

When I started this write up, I had a direction in mind but as I wrote it the direction changed, simply because I decided to write. Don’t ever procrastinate on any opportunity to write. 
The aim is to ensure you write much more and thus become a better writer. Never pass off the opportunity to write. A blog helps since you are kind of obligated to keep updating.
I always make sure that I keep writing. When I’m not inspired to write a story, I do a poem, when the poetry muse isn’t kicking inspiration, I then do articles – like this one.

(Bonus) Use Grammarly’s Grammar Checker

For those times when your word processor’s autocorrect is not enough and you can’t be very sure, Grammarly is a site that offers automated proofreading and also functions as your personal grammar coach. It helps you improve on word choice and vocabulary suggestions depending on the context of your work.

Check out the site here.

*Inspired by: 'Stephen King’s Top 7 Tips for Becoming a Better Writer' by Henrik Edberg

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www.jkathleencheney.wordpress.com
www.a3bcfrontrow.wordpress.com
www.susancushman.com
www.napkindad.com
www.colourbox.com
www.jasonlove.com
www.changingpaces.com