Hollywood's Whitewashing & Blackballing

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Saturday, February 27, 2016

I recently saw this funny commentary done on the Last Week Tonight Show with John Oliver. Smart way of questioning controversies in a comical manner, if you ask me.

A white dude playing a blackman - Uugh!

If you never saw it watch the video below, its very expository and eye-opening!

Wow...I guess there's really a lot more than meets the eye. Even the news didn't seem to say it this much!

Nollywood Thievery [Photo]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Thursday, April 16, 2015

Nollywood and their constant thievery...

Is this supposed to help this Naija  movie sell or some graphic artist was just plumb lazy and had his imagination on a stupid hiatus? I mean... look at how everything was copied from the choice of words and arrangement to the layout and people in the design. 

Just look at the striking similarities...the original is called 'Empire', the imitation says 'Kingdom'. (No be today Nollywood dey bastardize the word Kingdom sha. You fit count over a hundred Naija movies that have that word in their title).

Where the original says 'Music, Family, Power', the imitation says 'Gold, Magic, Power' which is not surprising after all many of these low grade Nollywood movies are about weird juju and some fake elite or show of exaggerated opulence.

While the original says 'The Battle Begins' which sets the suspenseful anticipatory mood, the imitation yells 'The Curse Begins'. Before nko? Did I not mention 'juju things?' (No hashtags abeg!)

The positioning of the models of the original are strategic; they are designed to make a statement - Terence Howard backing us and giving a side glance of the Boss who's having thoughts and the Lady (I forget her name) starring menacingly straight at us to indicate that she has an influence on this powerful man's decisions...

The positioning of the imitation is just lame. Van Vicker stands there in a pose that looks like he was just caught on camera asking the question, 'Shey na like this I suppose stand?' And the pix of the female who looks like a hybrid between Omotola Jalade and Genevieve Nnaji, seems like a cut out from some over-tweeted and over-hyped personal photo found online.

I just hope this poster is a fake; if it is, then this was a good joke of what Low-grade Nollywood is capable of doing and if its not, then Nollywood don fall hand big time.

By the way,,,is there really a station called ANBC? 'Cause that's where my fakery suspicion came from.

STLA - Something To Laff About [Photos]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Tuesday, March 10, 2015

You've seen my different funny photo series collected over the internet, whether its the 'Only in Naija' series, 'Nollywood Gbagaun' series, 'Signs of the Times' series and so on. I realized there were some funny photos I come across that I couldn't place under any of these already existing categories, so I decided to start this new one which I hope could feature as often as possible...So allow me to introduce the series - Something to Laff About (STLA). 

LOL...No mind me, always forming some concept or the other.

This deflating 'gbagaun' made by PDP on GEJ's electoral campaign can be
found in many places about Lagos. I first saw it on a massive billboard along
third mainland bridge. Thank God I sabi English, I thought I didn't when I saw it

These are the type of community projects that our elected honorables collect millions for.

This bus must be a local chief...oh, its a makeshift wiper.

I know its fake...its just the thought thats funny.

After this kind  'deliverance', his head...oh sorry I meant his life
will never be the same.

Either the owner is a South African who's playing words with his country's currency
and the car name or na person wey no sabi spell and forgot to add 'Y' to the first word.

Only in Naija will you see a wedding car in traditional dress...
soon it will become aso-ebi for all cars involved

Apparently, bleaching has also become 'aso-ebi'

Next time you lie to us with photoshop , please include your shadow

So Manequins now have swag abi?...interesting.

And some Mannequins are just plain goofy buck-toothed nerds abi?

Oh...its a place for relaxation....I thought it was
a ritual killers den with that kind of signboard

This sticker should be quarantined...the horrible grammar be screwing with my eyes

They are now issuing parachutes and canoes as Youth Corper uniforms?

Eerm....wetin concern helicopter with omnipresent power?

Louise Vuitton and Gucci, Aba branch, did a collabo to
manufacture this shirt. That's the only explanation I can give.

Always hang your over-sized undies in a private place...otherwise goons
like this dude will make us begin to wonder if human beings really wear stuff like that

Hmm...folks who don't know about Holy communion may misinterprete this oh

The disadvantages of sagging  101...

Okay...that about wraps it up for today. I got a bunch of other things to do.

I should have posted this for Monday but I didn't compile it on time.  

Have a nice week.

White Washed [Funny Video]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, March 04, 2015

Stan And Toheeb, the two goofballs at my office are it again with another funny video which features curvy clown Lolade. Its actually another vine but I just had to share it because the idea was hilarious. Oh wait...I did say I'd be sharing more these vids didn't I?

Yep, I did...and so here are Stan and Toheeb again getting caught 'white - handed'....lol, watch it and you'll understand what I mean. 

Guys in the office laughed their asses off watching this. Good way to lighten up a day that's bullied with work.
I'm having ideas again for another...

Monday Vs Friday [Funny Video]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Monday, March 02, 2015

Its Monday morning again and what's on most people's mind is OGIM - 'Oh God It's Monday' and they just can't wait till the end of the week to start smiling as its TGIF - 'Thank God Its Friday'. And so a couple of funny guys in my office decided to play out the truth in a very short and funny video. 

Its a good way to make ourselves smile amidst the bleakness of work.

Its actually meant to be a vine (Come to think of it, Naija folks instagram like crazy but hardly do vines). It got about 600 view on Facebook in one day I think...We should do more of these often...after all, all work and no play fit kill pesin.

LOL...did the camera lie? I think not...Don't we all feel like this a lot of times?

Yeeesssss we do!

Merry Christmas....Abi?

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Thursday, December 25, 2014

The more I think about it, the more I realize that Christmas is actually a time to spend money so that you'll be broke...a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus which doesn't make sense because he was never born on winter...a time that serves as a good excuse to throw parties for no cogent reason but for the fact that its Christmas....a time for children celebrate Santa Clause rather than Jesus Christ...

Talking about that last one - Have you seen Naija Santa Clauses about town lately? They're so horrible. 

Whoever says putting powder (or is it calamine lotion?) 

on your face will make you look like a white man's version 

of Santa? Poor kids, Christmas nightmare

If Santa was gay, then this should be how he should look...abi?
See hips nah...and his skinny awkward legs.
Wait...is that powder or white paint on this one's face too?

to y'all from The Kush Chronicles

Signs of The Times 13 [Photos - Church Banners]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Monday, September 22, 2014

I know from all scriptural indications that the Almighty God has a divine sense of humor. Psalm 2:4 says 'He that sitteth in the Heavens shall laugh...'. Another chapter in the same book (Psalm 37:13) says 'The Lord shall laugh at him for He seeth his day is coming'. 

I then wonder whether the Almighty would find it funny the way some churches and ministries address his work. There are so many out there (both truly called and fakes) who are accidentally turning the seriousness of the ministry into a joke with their ridiculous signboards and banners. I don't know which ones are truly called and which ones are fake (God knows those who are His) but from the display of some of these signs, you can have an inkling on which is which.

This signboard got my head twisted as I struggled to understand what it meant...
What is a First Superet Branch?

Na who dem they call 'Crazy Mother'? Mary?
Na church be this? SMH...

Hmmm...if I swallow my problems, I wonder how my shit would look like...

Everybody coming here must have thought this is the only place you can drink
and club to make Heaven. God dey Heaven dey laugh all of una

Haba! God dey owe you money?

Another poster harassing the Almighty for money...

I don't understand this one at all oh...na creativity be this? Abi na confusion?
They even made it a N20 note...why N20? N1000 no dey there?

Hahaha...this one na herbalist abeg...

Where is the politician wey no dey use 'odechi'?
Wetin concern Jesus with political ambition?

See how they are using Jesus to do propaganda....

Next they will claim He is a spare parts dealer and not a carpenter...SMH

Ahn ahn...why did they have to put satan on the poster? Is he also ministering?
And wetin be the thing wey him swallow sef?

How will one not think this is a crusade for deliverance from body odour?

At least two things are wrong with this flier...seen 'em?

All this vomiting with bad grammar sef....na like so we go dey dey?

This na prayer abi na yeye? Wetin concern
front teeth with deliverance?

Haa...na church dem wan do here abi na sacrifice?

Hmmm....wetin we go talk?

It is well!

Have a lovely week!

Put Your Mouth To The Text [Photos]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Monday, September 15, 2014

I've been wondering if I should start doing a series like this which features the hilarious 'gbagauns' and messages travelling between phone chat messengers and the social media in diaspora. I guess the only challenge I might have is gathering them all at a time. I've had this collection for some time and had been wondering whether I should post them or just jettison them until I went through them this monday morning and I burst out laughing.

Oh yes...I definitely must post it. I'm not sure if I will turn it into a series; it all depends on how often I get them. If you have any, please send them to kushmond@yahoo.com. I'll credit you as the sender.

I called this 'Put your mouth to the text' because it has to do with talking with text through keypads or keyboards on either a phone or computer. Hmmm...the kind of hilarious stuff you find on Cyberspace these days sef...

Razz is the new cool but this one makes it look like a disaster

This gbagaun makes logging into an account look like
complicated algebra

I tried to picture the scenario but got screwed in the head

I hope that person wasn't a real teacher...

This came up at the time when planes were crashing all over the place

I would have excused her gbagaun if she had not emphasized it in capital letters

This was at the time Goldie passed away.
This one would be embarrassing to The Lord oh!

People would be too busy laughing at the 'gbagaun' to even think of taking the advice.

Eeh...human beings really destroy English language to this level? Chei...

With a name like that, I'm not surprised at a grammar like this...

Thats the kind of comment that gets flagged for giving readers headache

Ehn? She what?

Hahaha...See the devil of blackberry at work

Okay...so you ain't ugly but your grammar is... 

Spot the gunshot comment

This was a popular 'gbagaun' reference on twitterverse

Just pray God doesn't answer your prayer!

Gbam!

See falling of hand for Ekiti State Uni....

And that may have led to the end of the convo...

Her mother was her infact tales....err, wetin be that?

Gbagaun dey sleep, yanga go wake am...

Another way to break up...sell your BB with the PIN...lol

When a greedy chick meets a good guy...