I observe and think, therefore I chronicle and speak.

Friday, December 19, 2014

Flashback Fridays: Was the Past Better Than the Present? [Photos]

And so for this week's Flashback Friday, I present a collection of pictures which make me to question if the past was better than the present. It's very easy to assume things were better in the past than they are today and that is usually because of the things we tend to focus on. In actual fact there are very many things which make today better than yesterday, its because human beings are in the habit of forgetting their blessings and remembering their worries. 

And so here are some pictures that could make one reflect - was yesterday better than today?


Asiwaju Tinubu and wife on traditional wedding day, 1987.
Tinubu looked more handsome back then compared to today shey?
His wife, Remi, is one ageless wonder...she still looks as pretty today!

I wish I could get a clearer photo of the quality of the clothes the
Nigerian Youth Service Corps members wore in those days.
Check out the quality of their caps...its a far cry from what is being
produced for Corpers today. 

Back in the 1970s billboards like these were a popular outdoor advertising medium.
Every strong brand could be found on one of these.
Today, Billboards have become digital, electronic, mechanical...
yep, they definitely got better.

This card was the Visa to free education.
Anyone who had it was entitled to free primary education
back in the days. There's no such thing today anymore

The Obasanjos look like one big happy family in this old photo taken around the 1980s
before things seemed to 'politically' fall apart. Mrs. Remi is seen 2nd from Right
and Iyabo is seen 3rd from Left.


Have an awesome pre-christmas weekend y'all!



Photos courtesy @SeeMeSeeNigeria et al

Friday, December 5, 2014

Flashback Fridays: A few Steps Back in History

History is one interesting bit that makes us reflect on how things were back in the days and we compare it with what things are today. Many times it looks as though history had it better way back then than things are today (like in the pix above when it cost just N17,430 to travel to New York from Nigeria in the now defunct Nigeria Airways) but that's because we tend to reflect on what worked back then...you can't compare it with what's working today. Okay, this looks like something for another topic or post. For today, let's flashback into different tit bits of Naija's history. Special thanks to @SeeMeSeeNigeria for most of these awesome pictures

Nigeria's football history: Etim Henshaw,Nigeria's 1st National Team
Captain against B' Auckland FC in 1949, played barefooted during the UK tour

Former Presidents, Abdulsalami Abubakar
and Ibrahim Babangida as juveniles

Former Vice-President, Atiku Abubakar
as a young Nigerian Customs Officer

Yes...that's Ikorodu road in 1947

Above is Ikorodu road in the '70s and below is Ikordu road today



Lagos, Circa late 1960s, with Barclays Bank, Ford,
and the Lagos Municipal Transport.

Miss World Beauty Pageant in the '60s

See Prof. Pat Utomi way back as the Director of Socials
(Students Union), University of Nigeria Nsukka in March 1976

President Jonathan (Left) as a teenager with friends in Port Harcourt
hmm...he's wearing shoes. I thought he...never mind.

Tesilimi Thunderbolt Balogun pictured here in 1955 was
the first Nigerian footballer to play with clubs in the UK
The newest stadium in Lagos is named after him.

Tinubu Square in 1960 (above) and as it is today (below)

Once again thanks to the following for these awesome photos:

www.abiyamo.com 
@SeeMeSeeNigeria


Have an awesome weekend!

Friday, November 28, 2014

Another Hot Track From Fabian - 'My Load' [Download + Lyrics]


Friiflow Records' artiste, Fabian is out with another melodious masterpiece that has a deep message for anyone listening. He teams up with HHQ's prodigy, Henrisoul in this heavily infectious, sweet-sounding, highlife-tinged tune titled "My Load."

According to Fabian, he got the inspiration for the song and others yet to be recorded during one of his quiet time meditation sessions. The single 'My Load' picks inspiration from the book of Mathew 11:28-30:
"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light".
'Jesus is our burden bearer, and our help in times of need, He is interested in our case no matter how big or small. Today if you will bring your burden to Him in faith, then He, Jesus will take it off your back in exchange for His yoke which is easy and His burden which is light." He says.

Fabian Nwafor has defined himself through his style and gusto on stage as a contemporary and traditional gospel artiste. He hails from the eastern part of Nigeria, Enugu State, to be precise, but was born in Lagos. He’s presently signed on to Friiflow Records, a subsidiary of Friiflow Innovation Limited, a brand communications and entertainment company.

Sequel to the great desire and the unquenchable quest Fabian had for music, he started singing in the choir at a tender age.  The great influences of notable gospel music luminaries like: Donnie McClurkin, Fred Hammond, Kirk Franklin, Marvin Sapp, and other artistes like Brian Mcknight, Boyz II Men,etc has, put his musical career on a whole new pedestal.

This outstanding vocalist as adjudged by those who have been privileged to hear him sing, started his professional career in 1996, featuring as a back up singer for lots of artistes
Fabian has been invited severally, as a result of his musical depth and proficiency to minister at annual concert, crusades, coperates events, etc.

Fabian’s debut album titled: ‘Oba’, was released in 2005 on  Frii-Flow Records. The hit track of the album: ‘Oba’, which also happens to be the title of the album was No: 1, on the top five at five on Inspiration FM for two consecutive weeks, in the month of April(2005), before it was upgraded into the champions’ list. This same track also   gained tremendous air play on Premier FM radio, in the city of Ibadan.

I won't be amazed if this guy called Fabian explodes massively non-stop through the limelights of Naija gospel music scene and become a phenomenon. I say this not just because the dude can sing, not because he's got dynamic voice control, not because his voice is distinct recognizable, not because he has a defined style to his vocals...

...but because of my experience working with him on radio Jingles!

Overtime he has proven to be a versatile singer everytime we had to work on different types of radio jingles. He's done afrobeat, reggae, dancehall, R&B etc for the various jingles we've worked on together. He happens to be my favourite if not one of my favourite artistes that's very good on commercial recordings. I happened to have listened to some of his other unreleased works and I can't wait for them to debut, especially the remix of 'Oba'.

Fabian was a "Hype Entertainment award winner" for the year 2013.

You can connect with fabian on twitter, facebook, instagram and reverbnation:

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/fabianrhymz

Twitter: @FabianRhymz

Reverbnation: www.reverbnation.com/fabian20079

Instagram: Fabian20079

You can download the track 'My Load' here --> DOWNLOAD

Below are the lyrics of 'My Load'

INTRO:
Na who geti loadi wey you dey carry?
Na who geti loadi wey you dey carry eee e?!
Na who geti loadi wey you dey carry brother?

CHORUS:
Call: Jesus You carry my load for me eee
Res: You carry my loadi for me
Call: Papa You carry my loadi for me yeee
Res: You carry my loadi for me
Call: Jesus You carry my loadi for me yeeee
Res: You carry my loadi for me
Call: Papa You carry my loadi for me yeee
Res: You carry my loadi for me

VERSE 1:
Some people dey carry wetin no be dem own
Dem dey take their mouth dey talk am
I geti this,I geti that
That thing no be your portion ee

Call: I no geti work e
Res: Jesus e carry
Call: When I'm broke eee
Res: Jesus e carry
Call: When I'm down ee e
Res: Jesus e carry
Call: When I'm lonely eee
Res: Jesus e carry
Call: You brake my heart
Res: Jesus e carry
Call: Eh! E carry e
Res: E carry
Call: All my troubles
Res: Jesus e carry
Call: All my trouble eee
Res: Jesus e carry

Na Jesus Christ be the one
Wey dey carry my loadi for me
Na Jesus Christ be the one
Wey dey carry my loadi for me

He came to die on the cross
Just to carry my loadi for me
He came to die on the cross
Justto carry my loadi for me

CHORUS:
Call: Jesus You carry my load for me eee
Res: You carry my loadi for me
Call: Papa You carry my loadi for me yeee
Res: You carry my loadi for me
Call: Jesus You carry my loadi for me yeeee
Res: You carry my loadi for me
Call: Papa You carry my loadi for me yeee
Res: You carry my loadi for me

VERSE 2:
Call: If I try narrate the things You do eee
Res: Oga agbakam isi
Call: the way You dey carry me like baby o o o
Res: Ime dalam obim le
Call: chim idi ebube
Res: okoko o
Call: The way You dey do me
Res: I never know
Carry me comot for makoko
You tush my life from head to toe
The way You dey bless me double o e e!
Res: Ewee chime e
Call: you comot my life from trouble o, le le!
Res: Chime e, eee
Call: Daddy You carry my loadi for me, ya ya yaeee
Res: you carry my loadi for me
Call: I say You carry carry carry carry carry carry eee
Res: You carry my loadi for me
Call: You carry o, my loadi ee
Res: you carry my loadi for me

Call: Eee Jesus you carry my load for me e e e
Res: you carry my loadi for me

BRIDGE:
My blessing is not of this world e e e
My success is not of this world yeee e
Touch not my anointed
Do my prophet no harm
For who God has blessed
No man no man can curse

Call: Anything I do e
Res: Jesus e carry
Call: Any song I sing ee
Res: Jesus e carry
Call: Anywhere I go
Res: I'm blessed, I'm blessed, I'm blessed

Na Jesus Christ be the one
Wey dey carry my loadi for me
Na Jesus Christ be the one
Wey dey carry my loadi for me

He came to die on the cross
Just to carry my loadi for me
He came to die on the cross
Justto carry my loadi for me

CHORUS:
Call: Eee Jesus You carry my load for me
Res: you carry my loadi for me
Call: Jesus You carry eee, You carry eee, You carry eee
Res: you carry my loadi for me
Call: Jesus You carry my load for me ee
Res: you carry my loadi for me
Call: you carry my load ey, You carry my load e, papa ee
Res: you carry my loadi for me
Call: you carry, you carry, you carry, you carry my load e
Res: you carry my loadi for me...



Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Pants Down 2

[Warning: Matured Readers Only]


Lara kissed the barrel of the handgun and burst into a fit of triumphant laughter.

Power was truly intoxicating; especially when it suddenly steps into your hands; you’d feel its ecstatic rush overwhelm you as the realization of being in absolute control dawns on you.

She looked at the man she had given her whole life to for seven years; there was nothing as exhilarating as what she had just done. 

Ben was still on his knees, eyes still wide open in ready reception of death heralded by a bullet. But he found himself drenched in water instead of blood.

Lara laughed again and fired another long squirt from her water pistol over his head. The water rained down on his like the shower of shame.

He looked at her, a shocked expression shadowed by littleness lit across his face. He exhaled gently as spasmodic relief flooded his entire being.

She stopped laughing and looked at him, a cold smile on her lips.

“I’m not heartless enough not to give you a second chance”, she said, “but I can’t promise you that the next time, the gun won’t be real; I’d probably shoot you then shoot myself. After all...,” she leaned forward, her full bust line, flaunting its smoothness, her face firm and resolute “…our vows did say ‘till death do us part, shey?”   

She stood up and straightened her dress, looked at him for almost a whole minute then to Ben’s bewilderment burst into tears.

“But you know you’re not being fair Ben…I loved you so much and you go ahead and betray me like this...after all I have sacrificed for you in seven years…” she blurted in between sobs..

If seeing Lara in a sexy outfit which amplified her endowments was enough to arouse emotions in Ben, seeing her cry like this (which was rare) was enough to burn him with intense guilt. He suddenly felt compelled to make a confession. He opened up his mouth to speak but Lara spoke before him.

“You need to know how many times I contemplated suicide…until somebody gave me the opportunity to re-invent myself like this.” She pointed out her whole look.

Ben said nothing. The thought that his wife had nearly contemplated suicide instantly numbed him.

“And I must say, ever since I did that, I’ve felt so good...the attention I’m receiving is amazing.”

Lara brought out a hankie from her purse to mop her eyes then made for the door.

Ben moved towards her but she stopped and motioned him in warning not to come near her.

He held up the red panties towards her and she hissed.

“I don’t need them. Why should I cover what you don’t appreciate?”

It was at this point that Ben realized he was somehow losing his wife. It gradually dawned on him that he actually valued her as the thought of totally losing her scared him the more. And he really liked this re-invented version of Lara.

Ben walked up to her and took her hands in his. He was overwhelmed and wanted to make things right. Everything she had done today had opened his eyes to a new perspective on their relationship. He lost his composure.

“Lara, I’m so sorry for hurting you this much. Please forgive me!” he said in a sincere mournful tone.

She looked into his face, tears brimming at the edges of her eyes, uncertainty on her face. In that sad state, he saw how beautiful she looked. He couldn’t resist her.

Before she could speak or make up her mind, he pulled her close, and planted a deep kiss on her lips. Their mouths swam passionately in each other. Something ignited within their bodies as they touched. She felt so soft and new in his arms, he found himself totally entranced. Their grip on each other tightened with heated desire and just as Ben rode his hand up her thigh almost underneath her dress, she broke the embrace.

“Idiot. You think you can straff me into forgetting your infidelity. I’m not cheap…I’m not that easy!” Lara snapped at him. She turned the lock and opened the door. She gave him one final leering look.

“When you come home, we’ll see how sorry you really are.” With that, she stepped out and slammed the door.

Ben watched the door for the next few minutes holding his breath in deep thought then exhaling in relief.

What on earth could she be planning for him at home now?

He walked about the office trying to figure out what to do next as another thought struck him.

How had Lara discovered he had been having an affair? He had always covered his tracks well and never let any knowledge of his clandestine affairs out to anyone, not even his ‘paid’ informants – the two receptionists who had alerted him before hand that Lara was headed to his office. All they did was to inform him anytime his wife was about coming into the office premises.

So how did she get to know?

The more he tried to reason it, the more he developed a headache over it.

He suddenly remembered something - his confession…Lara didn’t give him time to make it. He peeked through the window of his office and watched as she entered her SUV in the parking lot below and drive off. When the coast was clear, he walked over to his private restroom and opened it.

A young busty fair complexioned lady in grey short skirt suit tiptoed out of the restroom into the office. A scared look was all over her face; she had been a witness to the whole drama and a key culprit in the affair.

“Whew! That was intense…for a moment I thought she was going to catch us and kill you for real.” She whispered in a shaken voice.

“Yeah. But she’ll soon end up doing exactly just that if I continue with the likes of you.” Ben replied.

“Excuse me?” She said turning to look into his face in disdain, “The likes of who...what the hell are you trying to say?”

“I’m saying bye to you.”

“You’re dumping me?”

“Yeah…for my wife.”

She laughed and strutted round his table trying to assault his senses with her endowments.

“If na joke stop am. Shebi you’ve always said I’m sweeter than her…”

He laughed in return, a twinge of sarcasm echoed through his voice.  

“After what I saw today, I doubt that.”

The response caught her off-guard. She looked at him in surprise then changed the expression on her face to a sad-eyed puppy dog look – one she always used to get Ben fall for her bidding..

“But Benny, you know how much I love you…”

“You call that love? No…that wasn’t love; that was just me being stupid and you being desperate.”

The statement hit her so hard she missed a step in her strut. She starred at him wide-eyed finding it hard to believe what he just said. She simmered with envy.

“Did she screw you in this office?” she said defiantly sniffing the atmosphere.

Ben laughed.

“Must everything revolve around sex?” he asked.

“Well...with us, it did.” She replied moving closer to him and held unto his lower torso. She grinded her hips against his. He removed her hands and gently pushed her away in rebuttal.

“It’s been an experience doing the wrong thing with you, Angela. Thanks for seducing me and almost wrecking my marriage. Now get out of my office.”

“Ben! Are you okay at all? It’s Angela you’re talking to oh!”

“You say that as though we have a future together. It shows how dim-sighted you are. If na jazz you dey use, my wife has destroyed it. She holds the aces now.” Ben smiled at himself; he liked the way the words rolled out of his mouth, it felt so fresh, different and peaceful doing the right thing for once.  

“You won’t get away with this. I’ll deal with you…Nobody dumps Angela and gets away with it.” Angela said painfully as she made for the door.

“Yeah…go and sleep with another married man that has the power to fire me then!”

She gasped at his retort in astonishment, then stormed out of the office angrily.

Ben sat back in his chair with a content smile and began to count his blessings and curses.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

Somewhere on the fourth floor of the building which housed the company’s security surveillance unit, Lara sat back in a chair and smiled.

She had driven off only to come around and park on the other side of the building away from Ben’s line of sight from the window where she could get to meet with Jola, the head of surveillance security, a bosom friend who had helped her plant a temporary CCTV camera in a hidden strategic position in Ben’s office because she wanted to find a way to catch him pants down.

She had just watched a live feed of what transpired between him and Angela. She smiled and wiped a lone tear. She had never heard Ben say things like that before and she felt good being praised in absentia before another woman.

Jola came into the office with a cup of tea and offered it to Lara.

“Thank you so much Jola for this total make-over. You should have seen how Ben was drooling when he saw me.”

“No need to tell me. I saw it all on the monitor. Girl, you are wicked oh! See how you turned the guy to complete mumu with those femme fatale stripper-like moves!”

“No be you teach me?”

“Eh I know...but I never taught the part about using water pistol to scare the living daylights out of the guy nah.”

“But I still owe it all to you Jola.”

“What are friends for?  I knew it would work. It’s something I always use to intrigue my husband; I just re-invent myself to look super-sexy and provocative in many creative ways and I always catch him off guard. He just can’t get enough of me.”

They both laughed.

Lara looked at a corridor shot on one of the many monitor screens. She could see Angela walking along it with files in her hand.

“So what do we do about this stupid girl that’s probably thinking of blackmailing Ben?” She asked.

Jola looked at her friend smiled.

“Shebi she wants to get an Oga to put Ben in trouble, right? Well, the Oga will have to ‘do’ her before he can grant her request...and I’ve got my plantable cameras....I don’t need to tell you the rest now”

“You go girl!” Lara chuckled excitedly and they both hi-fived.

She turned to look at the screen which showed her husband at his desk. He was looking at the picture frame that usually sat at one corner of his desk – a picture of her and the kids.

She swooned in moments of happiness. She couldn’t wait for the day to be over; she had plans to rock Ben’s world that night when he got home.

He deserved a second chance after all.


The End...Finally!









Monday, September 22, 2014

Signs of The Times 13 [Photos - Church Banners]

I know from all scriptural indications that the Almighty God has a divine sense of humor. Psalm 2:4 says 'He that sitteth in the Heavens shall laugh...'. Another chapter in the same book (Psalm 37:13) says 'The Lord shall laugh at him for He seeth his day is coming'


I then wonder whether the Almighty would find it funny the way some churches and ministries address his work. There are so many out there (both truly called and fakes) who are accidentally turning the seriousness of the ministry into a joke with their ridiculous signboards and banners. I don't know which ones are truly called and which ones are fake (God knows those who are His) but from the display of some of these signs, you can have an inkling on which is which.


This signboard got my head twisted as I struggled to understand what it meant...
What is a First Superet Branch?

Na who dem they call 'Crazy Mother'? Mary?
Na church be this? SMH...

Hmmm...if I swallow my problems, I wonder how my shit would look like...

Everybody coming here must have thought this is the only place you can drink
and club to make Heaven. God dey Heaven dey laugh all of una

Haba! God dey owe you money?

Another poster harassing the Almighty for money...

I don't understand this one at all oh...na creativity be this? Abi na confusion?
They even made it a N20 note...why N20? N1000 no dey there?

Hahaha...this one na herbalist abeg...

Where is the politician wey no dey use 'odechi'?
Wetin concern Jesus with political ambition?

See how they are using Jesus to do propaganda....

Next they will claim He is a spare parts dealer and not a carpenter...SMH

Ahn ahn...why did they have to put satan on the poster? Is he also ministering?
And wetin be the thing wey him swallow sef?

How will one not think this is a crusade for deliverance from body odour?

At least two things are wrong with this flier...seen 'em?

All this vomiting with bad grammar sef....na like so we go dey dey?

This na prayer abi na yeye? Wetin concern
front teeth with deliverance?

Haa...na church dem wan do here abi na sacrifice?

Hmmm....wetin we go talk?

It is well!

Have a lovely week!




Thursday, September 18, 2014

Pants Down

[- Warning: For Matured Readers Only! -]


On a busy Friday morning, when most employed persons were hurrying to finish off work for the day so as to be free on time for promises of the weekly TGIF (Thank God it’s Friday), Lara Benedicta Aihkomu catwalked smoothly into the air-conditioned office complex of a renown multinational company like a suspicious omen on a mission to spring up strange surprises.

Her powerfully obvious appearance created a stir.

She wasn't an unfamiliar face but today her look was downright unfamiliar.

From her well treated long flowing hair which nestled gracefully about her shoulders to her expertly made-up round, dimpled face.

From her artfully outlined eyes to her sensually beckoning well painted lips.

From her red body-tight mini gown designed to beautifully highlight her cleavage, enhance her full derriere and present a mind blowing expose of silky creamed legs, to the classic Prada high heels that made every female in the lobby churn with envy. She looked glamorous in every sense; dressed to stun every beholder into oblivion.

A powerful and pleasant perfume scent topped her bodacious menu and held many spellbound as they watched her she pass by.

She sauntered through the main hallway reception, rode a lift to the 6th floor and headed for the lobby that housed the different offices of senior management.

Men ogled; some whistled, others gave smirks and lustful gasps of admiration.

Women sized up her look in their mind and mentally digested it; a gossip topic that would trend was ideating all over the place.

She made her way through the lobby reception of the adjoining management offices.

Someone noticed her and buzzed someone else on an intercom.

As she walked towards the main reception of the office she was headed, its receptionist, a conservative looking short lady who had been on the intercom before she walked in, dropped the intercom’s receiver and voiced a greeting, stunned at her look.

Lara mumbled a reply as she walked past the receptionist and three guests who were waiting to see the Brand Manager.

The guests were about protesting but the receptionist pleaded with them making them realise that Lara was an important person that had exclusive rights to enter as she liked.

She watched Lara go into the Brand Manager’s office and feared the worst.

Ben quickly dropped the intercom and looked up as Lara stepped into his office. At first he didn't recognize her until she smiled at him. The realization rattled him, almost toppling him off his chair.

He had never in the last three years seen his wife look like that. He had become accustomed to her usual boring wardrobe of boubous, cliché native wear and abstinence from any form of facial make-up.  

''Sweetheart...what...is this...I don't understand....why are you...?'' Ben lost his words. Lara's look was just too much for him to take in.

She said nothing but just stood there in front of his desk looking and smiling at him. Then she placed both hands on his table and bent forward, her ample bosoms in full luring view, taunting his sexual sanity.

'Hi darling, how's work?''

''Work is f...fine...but t…that doesn't answer my question...''

''Oh...you wanna know why I'm looking like this?'' She ran her hand slowly over her body.

''Y…yes. What’s the occasion?'

She gave a mischievous smirk and walked round his desk coquettishly as though she was about to do something naughty to him.

Then she dropped her purse on the floor and bent down to pick it while backing Ben. It seemed like a calculated move but whether it was or not, it had a powerful effect on her husband. The sight of the lower areas of her full rounded butt and slight show of red lacy panties set Ben’s nether regions on fire.

‘’Do you like what you see honey?’’ Lara cooed standing up again still backing him.

He reached out in dazed state to grab a handful of her butt but she slapped his hand away. His face flushed over with embarrassment.

‘’Ýou still h…haven’t answered my q…question.’’ He managed to say in between the waves of belittlement.

‘’Is that why you’re stuttering? Am I scaring you ….” She gave a naughty chuckle as her voice dropped into a husky naughty drawl, ”…or am I turning you on?”

Ben found himself in an instant quandary; a cocktail of emotions – confused, nervous and seriously turned on. Why was she doing this to him?

Her eyes locked onto his from a distance as she reached under her gown and swiftly yanked off her red lacy panties. She spun it round her index finger then threw it at him.

He caught the underwear which was damp with her essence, sniffed it and felt a thunderous ache inside his trousers. He stood up behind his desk, eager to throw decency into the winds. She seemed to get the message from his action and smiled sweetly at him. She cat-walked slowly to the door and locked it before coming back to the front of the table and leaned over it.

‘’You want me so bad, don’t you?’’ She cooed at him, tugging at the hem of her cleavage area.

He could only give a frantic nod. The lump in his throat aggravated by a sudden libidinous surge had stifled his capacity for speech.

“Ýou would love to take me right now on this desk wouldn’t you?’ she said or rather moaned. The sound of her voice at this setting was driving Ben nuts. He struggled to contain himself by smiling and nodding slowly.

“You would like to bend me over explore me inside out and fill me with all that ‘thick’ goodness hanging between your manly legs, wouldn’t you?” She had climbed the table, crawling across, brought her face close to his and breathed the words into his right ear.

Ben felt his breathing pacing up; his temple throbbed with the raging pulse building within his entire being.

“You’d love to lick me…touch me…”

“Yes baby…yes…yes!” He didn’t even let her finish before spitting out his craving desire. He was no longer thinking from between his ears but from between his legs.

She chuckled mischievously, turned about and crawled back across the table. Ben lunged forward to grab her pant-less behind but was not fast enough. He almost passed out from heated passion watching the nakedness underneath her gown moved away from his reach. He began fondling with his belt, not caring about the dirty secret he was hiding in the restroom.

Lara came down from the table, picked up her purse, opened it and pulled out a black semi-automatic handgun.

He stopped fondling with the belt on seeing the gun.

She kissed and caressed the gun’s barrel as though she wanted to fellate it then pointed it at him. Her face suddenly changed; the slutty/horny/seductive expression she had worn on her face all the while was suddenly replaced by a deadly cold stare.

Ben’s heart skipped several beats so much that he thought he was about to have a heart attack. He never saw this coming. A strong wave of fear and guilt enveloped him. He felt his erection dissipate fast.

‘’Lara, w...what is the m...meaning of this?’’ He retorted, the alarm quaked his voice.

”Sit down.” She said, supporting the gun with both hands; her eyes fastened fully on him.

”Lara...w...what are y...you doing with a g...gun?” Ben felt sweat that had never been there before break out under his clothes. Not even the air-conditioning could help at this point.

‘’You’re a fool Ben! A low-life scum of a husband!”

“Ehn…wha…?”

Compared to her angry outburst, Ben’s response sounded small and guilty.

“You think you can cheat on me, your wife of seven years and get away with it? You think I don’t know why you come home late? You think I don’t know about your so-called ‘official trips’ which are nothing but trips in between some bitch’s legs? And now you see me looking like this; like one of your office whores and you want some of me? Oh, so now you can see what you’re looking for in them in me? You’re a damn fool!’

By now Lara was trembling as rage consumed her and tears fought for release around the circumference of her eyes. Amazingly, she looked more beautiful in this intensified fit of rage; her breasts bounced with every angry demonstration, her lips were a delight to watch as it mouthed insults and invectives. Why had he never noticed how enchanting she could be? How could he not have seen this in his wife? Ben felt his erection awkwardly build up again.

Lara stopped talking and just stood there, eyes locked angrily unto her unfaithful husband’s, breasts heaving as she panted gently. Tears trickled down her eyes leaving make-up skid-marks down her dimpled cheeks. Gradually, she relaxed and until she was able to talk again.

“And that’s why I’m going to kill you.”

Ben’s erection suddenly became as limp as a ramen noodle so fast he thought he had auto-castrated himself.

“Lara please! Don’t do this…I’m so sorry…it won’t happen again…” He crashed to his knees begging for his life. He had read about instances like this in the papers and social media, instances that ended in one spouse killing the other due to acts of unfaithfulness. He had never imagined it would someday happen to him – that he would be the one to stare at death in the face.

His life suddenly flashed before him; all he would never get to do; the children he would leave behind, his parents, siblings, his investments….the more they flashed before him, the more he didn’t want to die. He begged for his life.

“Lara stop this please…think of the kids…think of Mama…”

“Shut up!”

Ben felt tears sting his eyes. He let them fall hoping the sight would touch Lara. Unfortunately for him, she ignored them.

“Good bye sweetie!”

She levelled the gun towards his face, her finger encircled the trigger.


“Nooooooooooooooo!” Ben screamed in horror as she squeezed the trigger thrice…



.....The End?

Monday, September 15, 2014

Put Your Mouth To The Text [Photos]



I've been wondering if I should start doing a series like this which features the hilarious 'gbagauns' and messages travelling between phone chat messengers and the social media in diaspora. I guess the only challenge I might have is gathering them all at a time. I've had this collection for some time and had been wondering whether I should post them or just jettison them until I went through them this monday morning and I burst out laughing.

Oh yes...I definitely must post it. I'm not sure if I will turn it into a series; it all depends on how often I get them. If you have any, please send them to kushmond@yahoo.com. I'll credit you as the sender.

I called this 'Put your mouth to the text' because it has to do with talking with text through keypads or keyboards on either a phone or computer. Hmmm...the kind of hilarious stuff you find on Cyberspace these days sef...


Razz is the new cool but this one makes it look like a disaster

This gbagaun makes logging into an account look like
complicated algebra

I tried to picture the scenario but got screwed in the head

I hope that person wasn't a real teacher...

This came up at the time when planes were crashing all over the place

I would have excused her gbagaun if she had not emphasized it in capital letters

This was at the time Goldie passed away.
This one would be embarrassing to The Lord oh!

People would be too busy laughing at the 'gbagaun' to even think of taking the advice.

Eeh...human beings really destroy English language to this level? Chei...

With a name like that, I'm not surprised at a grammar like this...

Thats the kind of comment that gets flagged for giving readers headache

Ehn? She what?

Hahaha...See the devil of blackberry at work

Okay...so you ain't ugly but your grammar is... 

Spot the gunshot comment

This was a popular 'gbagaun' reference on twitterverse

Just pray God doesn't answer your prayer!

Gbam!

See falling of hand for Ekiti State Uni....

And that may have led to the end of the convo...

Her mother was her infact tales....err, wetin be that?

Gbagaun dey sleep, yanga go wake am...

Another way to break up...sell your BB with the PIN...lol

When a greedy chick meets a good guy...



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