Funny Twitter

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Tuesday, July 31, 2012

I just couldn't resist sharing the funny stuff I come across on Twitter.

Check these out. Click to enlarge if you can't read.

Too much Pancake in 'De Market Place'

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Friday, July 27, 2012

There's a program that airs on Silverbird Television on Fridays called 'De Market Place'. It's an informative program which brings viewers up to speed with whats happening in the business world. I remember last week's episode featured a highlight on a particular outfit that specialized in wicker baskets and products. Ladies in my office who saw this program were interested in locating the outfit. It's a nice program that has a place being on air...however, my reason for posting this is because of the program's anchor called 'Ify'.

Ify is a very fair complexioned lady as you can see from the pictures which I hastily snapped from today's episode. Looking at the picture, you can see how bad her make-up is on screen. It looks as if she was 'over-pancaked' or just rubbed her face in dust before going on air. The make-up artiste did a very bad job and made a fine yellow sisi look like an over-bleached freak. Okay, let me not blame the make-up artiste alone...the lighting on set could equally have contributed. So let me blame the producers. Nobody should give the excuse that she's not photogenic oh. Not with the editing paraphernalia of video editing software that's available now.

I can't help but rant since its part of what I do in my line of work. 

Colonel & Sergeant get fined for using BRT lane

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Source

Remember the Colonel that dared cruise on the BRT lane? Well, the Army has decided that he and the Sergeant driving him would be fined N25,000 for breaking the law. Read the full story here.

Oshiomole Dances Etighi on stage with Chuddy K

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The man celebrates victory in style. I hope he wasn't made to go crazy sha like Chuddy K's senseless song says oh!

So they're arresting Pastors now?

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Tuesday, July 24, 2012

The last thing I ever expected to hear on the news is another senseless violation of human rights.

Whenever did the government start censoring Pastors from making certain pronouncements on the pulpit?

I thought we were past dictatorial eras and were now beginning to exercise a bit of sense in the way we go about things in this country now.

Pastor Bakare
Source

Why did the Nigeria's Secret Police (SSS) have to summon Pastor Tunde Bakare (Latter Rain Assembly) over a Sunday Sermon in which he asked the President to resign? Na the first time person dey ask am to resign? What is so wrong in that? Then they go ahead and tell him not to preach such sermons again. Haba! So we should stop recieving wake up calls again? People have lost faith in GEJ and will glady recieve his resignation so what's all the fuss about? So whom dem go pursue next? Bishop Oyedepo? (Because I know he has also 'advised' the government a number of times).

Unless, there's another story to it, our government is beginning to look so insecure.Wetin dem dey hide? Somebody better own up before the shit hits the fan in multiple bouts!

Above the Law? No Way!

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Thursday, July 19, 2012

Let's give it up for Governor Raji Fashola who confronted an erring military officer, a colonel for that matter who decided to take BRT lane because he wanted to escape the hold-up.

If a whole Governor can also drive through the hold-up, who are you to break the law by playing a fast one?

The hold-ups have been the aftermath of the closure of Third mainland bridge for repairs.

Boy...I wish Fashola could go for another term again. The last time we had a governor like this was when Alhaji Lateef Jakande was in power.

Tear Rubber Or Tear Masking Tape?

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Monday, July 16, 2012

Some time ago not long after the Dana plane crash, Toyin Alegbe, the host of the program 'Ladies Love Gisting' made mention that she had boarded a Dana aircraft some time back before the tragedy and at some point rain started falling outside.

To her shock she discovered rain was dripping into the plane! She was pissed and called one of the crew members to complain over the issue and threaten to expose them. They pleaded with her and even placated her with double portion of the snacks they were serving passengers.

The lady that pleaded with Toyin unfortunately turned out to be one of the hostesses that perished in the air crash.

The lesson raised from this experience is that its high time we raised red alerts the moment we notice anything funny and fishy on any aircraft. I was shocked when a friend posted the picture above on Facebook. She was on board Arik Air flight 272 Abuja to Lagos when she noticed the masking tape plaster behind these seats.


Is this a reflection of how serious these aircraft operators take maintenance?


Are Arik aircraft which are known to be newer falling apart already? Abi na 'china' models dem get? 

Patience the Perm Sec.

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Friday, July 13, 2012

Still seriously SMH on this matter.

This is the first in the history of Nigeria...and a total joke on our leadership.

Wetin qualify this mama for that position?

Her ' creative talent' in speaking 'big grammar?'

Abi she get some special cred way I never see?

SAFARI - Movie to star Halle Berry, Omotola Jalade and Genevieve Nnaji

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Thursday, July 12, 2012

Nigerian movie stars and movie makers are really making strides that's breaking the barriers between local and international viewership - from shooting high quality movies that can stand in the international market to starring with renown names from Hollywood...it's amazing how the industry is crossing the hurdles and making impressive impact. Not only that, the themes being explored are beginning to stray away from the usual cliche ones that are so predictable (well...I'm not really saying there are no more movies like that anymore. I'd be kidding myself if I denied that!).

Obi Emenloye is one movie producer and director that's making the Nigerian movie industry proud. Presently he's getting ready to shoot another movie titled 'Safari' that will feature a heavy mix of Nigerian and American stars namely, Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde, Halle Berry, Genevieve Nnaji amongst others. 

According to him, he has sent a copy of the script to Halle Berry and is awaiting her approval.

Omotola

Genevieve

Halle Berry
Source

For Omotola this will be another opportunity working with another renown actress (Halle) after her recent collaboration with renown american actress Kimberly Elise on the Leila Djansi movie 'Ties that Bind' which is currently showing at Silverbird Cinemas. Elise is well known for featuring in 'Diary of a Mad Black Woman' and a host of other Tyler Perry movies.

Obi Emenloye
Source

In case you don't know or recollect, Obi Emenloye is the same producer of the movie 'Mirror Boy' which featured Genevieve, and the recently premiered 'Last Flight to Abuja' a movie based on a plane crash tragedy (first of its kind in Nollywood!) which also featured Omotola along with Hakim Kae-Kazim, Jim Iyke and Jide Kosoko. Check out the trailer below...looks quite impressive for a Nollywood production.

Source

Princess & Saka - Comedic Chemistry

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, July 11, 2012

About Two weeks ago, I was on set with the crew to shoot the 12th installment of a promo commercial series for Etisalat. We had finished with the first part of the shoot and were taking a break while the crew packed before we headed for the next location. During that period I got gisting with the actors of the commercial; Princess and Hafiz Oyetoro (Saka). We discussed at random touching topics like Princess' scary and hilarious experience with arm robbers to Saka's personal experiences as an actor.

Saka & Princess in action

The sound man attaches a mic on Saka before the shoot.

It was rather interesting to learn from Saka, the reason why he got married late.

'Women never took me serious. They always felt I was joking!' he told me. I wasn't surprised. Mr. Oyetoro a.k.a Saka had this natural funny look that could make you laugh by just looking at him. But in the few moments I spent chatting with him, I was able to see his serious side. The man was an easy-going and humble gentleman at heart. It was a pleasure working with him.

The comedians yabbing each other on set

Saka rehearses his lines at the second location

Saka & Princess: a perfect comedic chemistry

Princess on the other was a gist machine. She had so much gist that livened everybody up on the set, making us laugh again and again. The climax was when both Saka and Princess were on set together; the two had the comedic chemistry that actually became another show to watch as they playful 'yabbed' each other while warming up for the shoot.

When we were casting for these series last year April, we were at loggerheads over who would match Saka's comedic antics. Initially Helen Paul was suggested but we kicked against using her because she had become known for 'small pikin' roles and that could backfire.

Then my creative director got an eureka an suggested Princess.

The rest is history and we are sure glad we made the perfect choice. The series have become a hit, some people have started refering to the episodes as 'season 1, 2' etc.

The shoot took the whole day. I managed to capture some of it on camera. I edited it and loaded it on Youtube. You can view it below.

Overdone Swagg?

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, July 04, 2012

If you’re a frequent viewer of STV (Silverbird Television), you’ll probably have come across this program called Billboard Nigeria which airs sometime in the afternoon. I usually get to see the show as a matter of circumstance while monitoring the airing of our productions so it’s not as if I stay tuned to watch it.

The show is hosted by a female anchor called Bisola. The chick is amusing to watch; she’s got this funny way of literarily dancing while talking, like she’s showing off; it’s actually meant to be a swag or a cool attitude but it’s usually so overdone that you wonder whether she’s trying to ‘oppress’ the viewers  instead of presenting music on the charts.

I initially thought I was the one seeing this excessive swag bragging, until another colleague of mine pointed her out as having this funny mannerism on the show. Abeg Bisola, no break ya bones with all those moves oh! Swag no be by force….lol!

Please don't get me wrong oh, I'm not saying she's a bad presenter (In fact she flows nicely), its just that watching her talk and shake like that can make people like us ask the question; 'Who you dey do yanga for?'

I caught some of it on video here.

The 'Nyansh' That Drugs Built

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Monday, July 02, 2012

I sat one day in our living room and looked at my wife as my mind torpedoed down memory lane. I remembered when I first met her; she was this smallish slim ever-smiling-girl-next-door IT student attached to the Audio/Visual unit in my workplace.

She did not in the least bit strike me as someone I could get interested in back then as I was already trying to get the attention of another lady...until circumstance threw us together.

Fast forward to present day.

Wifey no longer looks smallish.

She has become this voluptuous damsel with sweet mischievous eyes. Her breasts that used to be funny-looking ‘agbalumo’ size back then had become attractive looking ‘pawpaw’ size today. My favourite is her buttocks – they have become a pair of daredevils that send me into a senseless state when she walks about the room in panties or thongs; they are far bigger and better than what they were in those days! I’m so proud of my matrimonial ASSets…

I have come to understand that while it seems puberty is the major stage where changes happen in humans, it particularly does not stop there for women. Women keep undergoing changes even in their mid to late twenties.

I’ve seen girls in my workplace who have changed over time from when they first joined the company; I saw it in my younger sister before she got married, I saw it again after she got married. It never seems to stop.

My lesson from this is that I should always let nature take its course and things will work out for the better.

The good thing is, the change can go on for the better; like it did to my wife. And it’s natural.

I just simply believe anybody can look GOOD without enhancing their breasts or injecting their hips and butt!

Looking good and investing to look good is not a bad thing. But when you begin to take it to the extreme, I feel it’s a problem.

Today we have many accessories that help enhance our looks – styled clothes, shoes, sunshades, wristwatches, jewelry, hand bands, etc. But then we have the ones taken to the extreme which have become trends; plastic surgery for uplifts of facial parts, breast enhancements, multiple piercing in unimaginable places, tattoos…the list is almost endless.

I’ve always wondered what would make a woman go through all manner of extreme body enhancements just to look good. Is it poor self esteem? Abi na peer pressure?

While I’ve never been able to come to terms with why women want breast enlargement or reduction, I’m way more baffled with the act of injecting one’s ass and hips with enhancement drugs to generate a bigger butt and hips.

I also learnt that injecting these drugs can also kill the recipient. News of such tragedies like that of Claudia Aderotimi, are rife over the internet. Also people who once indulged in it are making it clear that it’s not a good idea.

Claudia Aderotimi

Is such venture worth risking your life for?

Even if research scientists claim that a big butt can save you from diabetes, I don’t think they meant an artificially grown one!

I never knew this thing was real till I came upon information about it. I now know that majority of those risqué pictures of women with unnaturally massive behinds scattered around the internet were not photo-shopped and that a high percentage of those video vixens in dirty rap videos are artificially enhanced.

Artificiality today has become a way of life. It seems and sounds like a trend but I think it has the potential of degenerating into an abomination, especially when it goes to the extreme. I believe most of the times it is powered by low self esteem. After reading Claudia’s story, I could only conclude that this was the case.

In this age of instant fixes, people seem to want everything quickly; it’s a fast food mentality approach to everything. Wanting an instant bigger butt, is no exception.

Unfortunately, nature has a way of getting back at you when you mess with it, ‘cause no matter how much artificial fiasco we put up, we can never duplicate.  

The Floods....Anything for people?

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Saturday, June 30, 2012

The rains are here again and the floods are manifesting everywhere. But despite the fact that the flooding showers have hit Lagos and a number of other states heavily resulting in all manner of bad news, is there any good side or advantage to it? This is just a thought I was pondering because I sort of noticed that some people happened to have cashed in on the opportunity of the rains to make some change. 

I

Area boys have seized the opportunity to step in where cars,marwas and okadas have failed. And that is seen in many of these pictures of human ferries littering the internet.

Canoemen can now extend business beyond the Lagos lagoon and waterways in ferrying people.

By the end of the flood the petrol here may not be good
for a car's consumption. This would be good news for a competitor

For those who have always wished to learn swimiming, this may be a big opportunity!

An opportunity not to pay rent anymore as you have experienced

damage to personal property (God forbid!)

Now you can get a view of what living by the sea or lagoon looks like

...plus floating refuse and debris.

I hope these ferry guys pay their tithes oh! God has surely buttered their bread.

The floods are also a good excuse to get to work late

as the traffic situation these past few days have pointed out!

Muddy waters...everywhere that is not tarred.

Let's just hope there are no perverts amongst these ferry guys

who have a very dire reason to want to ferry women across.

The Bigger your Canoe, the larger your returns...abi na profit.

Even the death defying danfo and taxi drivers of Lagos have no choice

but to succumb to the power of the ferocious floods

Now you don't stroll to go shopping for groceries...you wade or swim.

And the flood no stop these folks from opening market.

Nigerians! They never give up!

Even Surulere that looks well planned had cars submerged

***************************************************

Below are pictures from floods of last year which happened

between June to August 2011...meaning the rains have not finished with us

in 2012...we still haveJuly and August rains to contend with!

This particular one happened in Ogun State...see why it's good to rent an upper flat?

I pity the owners of these cars...Gbese!

Where are the canoemen when you need them?

This is a good reason why one should not buy or rent accommodation in any sand-filled location.

In fact this is another good opportunity the rainy season(or should I say flooding season?) offers - the opportunity to search for accommodation that won't flood like this house!

Guess where this is? Ibadan! Even the Naija's most populous city

suffered it heavily last year...remember?

Finally...please don't take me too serious. I was just trying to see

what can be called if there was any advantage in the flooding season!.

Pictures Courtesy

www.informationnigeria.org 

www.nairaland.com

www.newsfrombukolar.blogspot.com

www.pmnewsnigeria.com 
www.punchng.com
www.tradenewswire.net
www.vanguard.com

www.wazobiareport.com 
www.ynaija.com
www.facebook.com

Boko Haram on Our Church Bus?

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Thursday, June 21, 2012

It was a bright Sunday morning and the designated BRT bus to our church waited at the bus stop for church members to board before it took off.

We had decided to follow the bus this particular Sunday. There’s nothing as relaxing (most especially for me) as just sitting in a bus getting driven to church rather than driving through the mad streets of Lagos by myself. By the time I got to church after driving myself, I would have felt the ‘hangover’ of the riotous Lagos cruising.

I, wifey and the kids were comfortably seated and when the bus eventually got filled, the driver starts the engine and we take off. A brother stands up to lead members in prayers and then hands over to a little girl to lead us in choruses as we progressed to church.

Soon everybody was singing along happily, praising God for his goodness. Not everybody sang though; some just nodded along to the song, some ignored joining in the singing and involved themselves in gists, some dozed off into a sound sleep, some just looked on forlornly out the windows. I was able to draw a conclusion from this that it’s different strokes for different folks; not everyone leaves home in the same mood for church. Only God knows what’s going on in their minds.

Soon, we got to a bus stop and two men dressed in long gowns and skull caps (which was an obvious pointer to the fact that they were Muslims) joined the bus.

This unsettled people on the bus.

What were Muslims doing on a BRT that had been chartered by the Church?

When inquiry was made we were told they were friends to the bus driver.

By now, the little girl who was leading the praise was getting tired and a brother standing near the back exit quickly took up the singing with more fire and fervor.

Then he suddenly halted the singing and led us in a prayer session calling on all to begin to pray against terrorists and Boko Haram. Instantly, the bus became agog as everyone began to spit fire and curse the enemy and his agents.

At this point, I had come to understand that there was suspicion over the fact that these guys could be Boko Haram.

Or what on earth were they doing on our bus?

I joined in the prayer session. I had been singing along and praising God as well so I was already geared up to pray fervently. The last thing I’d ever want to think was I and my cute little family colliding with bomb terrorists.

We arrived at another bus stop in the heat of the prayers and the two Muslim men disembarked quickly. The bus then progressed further but the brother leading the prayer did not stop there, he rounded up the prayer and directed instant proclamations and spiritual judgment against any bus driver who was collaborating with any terrorist.

The ‘Amen’ echoed strongly throughout the bus.

 He then led us into a prayer of thanksgiving for journey mercies as we arrived safely at the outskirts of the church entrance.

Thank God for protection and preservation of life.

Looking back, I can understand the vigilance that happened at that point in time. Though we couldn’t be sure whether those men were really Boko Haram loyalists but then it was better we didn’t take the incident for granted and that we reacted accordingly. This also coupled with the fact that the act was downright suspicious.

With all the heartless attacks on churches in the north, news and rumours of the terrorist sect planning to invade the Southern parts of Nigeria, we can’t afford to take anything for granted.

This is no longer the era of siddon look!

To Fly or Not To Fly....Which Aircraft?

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Thursday, June 07, 2012

In the wake of the recent air disaster that happened lately, a lot of questions have arisen over whether to ever travel by air across Nigeria's airspace. Even if the option was to fly, which aircraft company would be the best bet to fly?

I got wind of this list on the different Nigerian aircraft (of which most are Tokunbo aircraft) and it's shocking to discover that our airports may actually be a dumping ground for worn-out aircraft. Check out the age range of these airlines.

Aero Contractors Company – 12 planes. Average age is 19.7 years

Africa Charter Services – 2 planes. Average age is 32.1 years

Air Nigeria – 12 planes. Average Age is 13.5 years

Air Taraba – 2 planes. Average age is 10.5 years

Arik Air – 21 planes. Average age is 5.5 years

Axiom Air – 1 plane. Average age is 24.5 years

Bellview Airlines (now defunct thanks to the 2005 crash that made

the business nose dive) – 2 planes. Average age is 31.9 years

 First Nation Airways (Formerly Bellview Airlines) – 3 planes. Average age is 18.4 years 

Chanchangi Airlines – 6 planes. Average age is 25.6 years

Dana Air – 4 planes. Average age is 21.4 years

IRS Airlines – 5 planes. Average age is 21.6 years

Kabo Air – 5 planes. Average age is 34.5 years

Not even a single image of this airline is available on the internet!

Max Air – 6 planes. Average age is 24.1 years

Overland Airways – 2 planes. Average age is 22.2 years

At least this airline can be excused for not having any image online
since it says they've got just 1 plane!

Tradecraft Airlines – 1 plane. Average age is 25.4 years 

TranSky Airlines – 1 plane. Average age is 28.2 years

It's amazing how some of these planes happen to look good despite their age. It's probably when you enter them that you realize that they are not all that. I know this because I once boarded one of the newer ones I could tell that it was not an old plane by the time I stepped inside.

So with these listed statistics, you can make a decision which airline you'd feel safer flying with!