Call Centre Psychos - Nutcases on the Hotline

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Friday, September 06, 2013

If you've ever placed a call to the call centre of your phone network, it must have probably been to state a complaint or problem you are having with some service from the network. I have often wondered what life must be handling calls at a call centre. In a world full of all manner of individuals, there are bound to be crazy ones spliced within the populace.

Ever wondered what life at a call centre can be like? Nnandez from Naija Stories gives us an insight in this hilarious short story. Read on…

"Good morning. Welcome to to Prytel Wireless. My name is Tunji Lekan. How may I help you?”

Yes, this is me, back at my job at 2:30 am, a time other normal people would be asleep. Honestly, I must admit that if, say, my father were Bill Gates, meaning I wouldn’t have to work a day in my life (C’mon, seriously, how many of us would bother working if our father was the richest man in the world?), I would probably be awake at this time of the day, making sure that all the clubs in Lagos knew my father has plenty, plenty money. And more money than that. 

Unfortunately, my father chose instead to be a university professor driving a beat up Peugeot 504 that looks older than even him (and my father is OLD!!!) instead of the owner of a globally renown technological giant so I have to work. I’m awake nevertheless; though I’m doing less dancing and more of wishing certain people would just go to bed instead of calling in to report the most ridiculous problems.

Seriously, I’m sure I had planned my life better than this. I planned that by 24, I would be working at one of the top oil companies in Nigeria having secured a first class or second class upper in Petroleum Engineering, earning a six figure income (okay, in retrospect, that might have been a tiny bit ambitious) and have started putting up a building somewhere on Banana Island. Fast forward six years since I left university. I ended up studying Soil Science (thanks to UTME, Post UTME and one fraudulent lecturer that promised to get me admission to study Petroleum Engineering), graduated with a second class lower (well, someone had to attend all those parties!) and ended up with a job as a call center agent at Prytel Wireless. I turned 27 two weeks ago. Hurrah me.

The call center job really wouldn’t have been so bad if I a) didn’t have the job in the first place, b) was actually working at an oil company and earning a six figure salary, c) was earning enough to start putting up a building somewhere on Banana Island and d) didn’t have to respond to the most ridiculous and outrageous complaints from the most ridiculous and outrageous people. In the course of my one year and six months on this job, I have heard complaints that range from eye rolling to straight out cringe inducing. The very first call I received after resuming the job full time post-training went like this;

ME: Good Morning and welcome to Prytel Nigeria. My name is Tunji Lekan. How may….]

Customer: YOU BASTARD! ALL OF YOU ARE BASTARDS!!! ALL YOU PEOPLE KNOW HOW TO DO IS ROB PEOPLE BLIND!!! MY GOD WILL PICK OUT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU AND PUNISH YOU ACCORDINGLY…

ME (Trying to remember the procedure we were taught in training for dealing with customers like this because, quite frankly, I was blown completely away by this raging, cursing person): Er…..sir…..madam (the voice was high pitched and there was no way of knowing if I was talking to a man or a woman or a hermaphrodite)… sorry for the incon…

Customer: SHUT UP!!! WILL YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH WHILE I’M TALKING?!! I SAY SHUT UP OR MY GOD WILL SLAP THE LIPS OFF YOUR FACE!!!

I certainly didn’t want my lips slapped off my face so I piped down for a second to allow the customer exhaust his/her/its steam and actually state a complaint.

Customer: DON’T’T WORRY!!! (By this time I was way beyond being worried and crossing over into terrified territory). YOU WILL SEE (I didn’t want “see” what he/she/it was promising). YOU ARMED ROBBERS WILL SEE. CONTINUE STEALING MY MONEY. MY GOD WILLL DEAL WITH ALL OF YOU ONE BY ONE!!! Click. 

The line went dead. Not a single complaint stated. If bewilderment could be measured on a scale, mine would rip the charts. My supervisor was apparently listening in on the call and as soon as the call was dropped, burst out laughing. I wasn’t finding it very funny.

A week after that, I was on night duty when I a customer called in to report a complaint. I said a short prayer before picking it because I had resumed work in a very bad mood and was wary that in my current mood, I might tell a subscriber to go screw themselves and kiss my posterior end while they’re at it (pardon my French!). That call went like this:

Me: Good morning. Welcome to Prytel Wireless. My name is Tunji Lekan. How may I help you?

Subscriber: *loud music and quite a bit of suspicious moaning, then a barely audible voice saying something I could barely pick out*

Me: There seems to be a lot of noise where you are. Could you kindly move to a place where there is less noise? Thank you.

Subscriber: *music suddenly drops and a male voice comes clearly through* Sorry. I was banging my girlfriend.

Me: (Wowed by this totally unwarranted information): Good morning. Welcome to to Prytel Nigeria. My name is Tunji Lekan. How may I help you?

Subscriber: Do you have a girlfriend?

Me (quite close to the end of my tether): Please may I know your name and how I may help you?

Subscriber: Do you bang her?

Me (stopped from telling him to go bang a transformer by the thought that it might lose me this job. Which I still need. Till the six figure job comes along): Please if there is nothing you would like to report, I might have to end this call.

Subscriber: Talk to my girlfriend *female voice comes through, giggling* hello

Me: *Muttering obscenities in my head while saying through clenched teeth that, if unclenched, might insult the subscriber’s parentage) Thank you for choosing Prytel Wireless (He’d better chosen another network by daybreak). DO have a wonderful day.

And there was that call while the SSCE exams were being conducted earlier this year. I picked a call to hear a voice whisper:

Subscriber: Please can you tell me the formula for calculating the volume of a cylinder?

Me (thrown by this question from nowhere to the point that I broke protocol): What?

Subscriber: I’m writing my maths paper and I don’t know how to calculate the volume of a cylinder.
Please what is the…. (then from the background I heard a voice yelling: “Hey!!! You!!! Bring that phone!!! Bring it!!!) *line went dead*.

So that has been my professional life so far. I have received a call from a man asking if I would like to buy a cow, a woman who wanted advice on how to please her husband, too many calls from secondary school students (and even older, older people) begging me to give them credit “just for flashing” and one particularly disturbing call from a subscriber asking me to join their coven. I covered myself in the blood of Jesus thereafter.

It’s 2:30 am, and, quite frankly, I would rather be anywhere else instead of having to be here answering hick calls from hick subscribers. Still, I have to do my job. And here is another call for me to attend to:

Me: Good morning. Welcome to to Prytel Wireless. My name is Tunji Lekan. How may I help you?

Subscriber: My name is Mary Pepple

Me: Good Morning, how may I help you?

Subscriber: Will you marry me?

Me (completely thrown by this proposal over phone call which, I’m quite sure wasn’t the way I planned my marriage proposal to go. And I intended to do the proposing, not the other way round. And to a woman I actually knew and had met before): What?!!

Subscriber: I am 32 years old. I have been looking for a husband for the past 10 years. Last night my pastor said that the very next man to pick my phone call is the person God has destined for me to marry and that I should take the bull by the horns…

Me (clearly not intending to marry a 32 year old woman that has been seeking a husband for 10 years): Please I would like to know how I may help you…

Subscriber: I’ve told you na. Marry me.

Me: Madam, I cannot…

Subscriber: It is the will of God. My pastor said so. Do you want to go against the will of God?

Me: If I there is nothing I may help you with, I may have to end this call…

Subscriber: If you end the call, you are saying no to God. And saying no to God will cause him to visit you with his wrath. Tunji, my beloved, it is God’s intention that we get married. Maybe he has kept me unmarried for the past ten years just so I could meet you…

Me: Thank you for choo…

Subscriber: God knows where you live. And he will find you….and make sure you marry me….

Me:…sing Prytel Wirless. Do have…

Subscriber: I will bear your children; four boys and three girls. Pastor said…

Me: …a wonderful day. *click* I ended the call.

I do not get paid enough for this.

Author


Nnandez is a student and aspiring writer. He's been writing 'since like forever' (to quote his own words) and has decided to take his writing to the next level by publishing them online for others to read and enjoy. He's known for writing a number of hilarious stories which presently feature on Naija Stories. This story was originally titled Call Centre Crazies and also features on the Naija Stories website.

Getting flogged 24 Strokes for illegal 'Straffing' [Photo]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, September 04, 2013

Somewhere within the Low cost Housing, Abaganaram ward, Maiduguri, Borno State, Nigeria, a man simply identified as Mallam Sanusi was given 24 strokes of cane for allegedly sleeping with an unmarried lady. The young man was accused of fornication which the community said was against its practices.

There seems to be no report of any punishment being meted to the woman involved. Did she get away with it? In some other vicious communities, women get stoned or killed. If this community only deals with the men, then women are darn lucky.

The thought of it actually got me wondering...what if there was a law that required fornicating offenders to get flogged when caught in the act?

Then we'd probably see a lot of public beatings.

Some 'jealous' individuals might even turn it into a lynching episode and we'd have series of Aluu-like cases in our hands. Even the international community would descend heavily on the matter.

Professional fornicators would operate underground. All those meeting of boyfriends and girlfriends at street corners at night would have to be taken to more darker and hidden abodes because there would probably be night patrols seeking to catch secret fornicators.

Blackmail activities would trend as photos and videos of fornicating activities would become hot cake for hustling huge sums of money.

Suicide rate would skyrocket as many would find it hard to face the shame. At the same time many would proudly bear the scars of fornication, parading them as trophies of the conquests of their adventure.

It would probably even degenerate into something naughty ladies would admire in a guy; a case of 'show me your scars and I'll know what you're capable of - as though it were a resume outline.

People would start illegal businesses of offering their apartments at a fee for illegal fornicating activity while there's a lookout for security.

Professional 'floggers' who do the flogging would make money from a lot of bribes being offered to lessen intensity of flogging. Other officials involved would also get bribed often with cash. Those who preferred being bribed in 'kind' would sometimes end up being blackmailed for the same offence.

Aristos, sugar mummies and daddies, pimps and prostitutes would probably operate in abject secrecy. Parties and clubs would also make secret arrangements.

Politicians stand to suffer more scandals and blackmails.

Corrupted Pastors who 'accidentally' get involved in fornication will bear scars of shame and lose a lot of their congregation.

All manner of trials and hearings would flood courtrooms; lawyers would smile to the bank making money off randy individuals who can't do without illegal gallivanting with the opposite sex.

Some women would turn sex into a vicious weapon of destruction (if they don't face any serious punishment, that is), many men would be at their mercy.

The list of possibilities seems to never end. It looks like such law, rather than sort out the matter, would end up in chaos.

Or what other possibilities do you think?

The 'Witchcraft' of Technology

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Tuesday, September 03, 2013

It would have been hard to believe this TV spot back in the year 2010. Many of the advancements shown in it look like serious far-fetched science fiction. Apparently all this is meant to make life simpler and more compacted but at the same time it kind of also looks complex.

But hey...that's probably because of the fact that its meant for the future. By the time they all surface, it would all be simple.

Check out all the technology we have today with all the ipads, androids, insane smart phones et al - these things were not that common far back then. It shows that technology is rapidly evolving.

And its becoming tough catching up. There's so much coming up.

Watching the video again, I can't help but just sigh...this is definitely witchcraft on a tech level...lol.

Creativity on Her Neck

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Saturday, August 31, 2013

And I was surfing facebook again today and came across this photo of Doyin Bakare an IT Solutions executive who creatively turned colorful office pins into a makeshift necklace. And they did look good on her neck. Its amazing how the most ordinary stuff lying around can become a cute ornament to make us look good.

All she needs to further enhance this makeshift necklace is to add a cute pendant to dangle in its necklaced glory. Nice one Doyin!

The Truth About Winged Angels

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, August 28, 2013

By Segun Egbeyinka 

I walked into our family church one Sunday morning after a long period of absence and immediately something caught my attention. On the altar, just behind the pulpit, was a beautiful pictorial description of the astonishing event on Genesis 28:12; where Jacob, as he slept, dreamt of a stairway that reached from the Earth up to the Heaven, and angels were going up and down this stairs. It was excellent craftsmanship and I was, for a moment, lost in its sheer beauty until… I noticed something; the angels in the painting were pictured bearing wings. I racked my brain furiously, searching for any passage that I knew of in the Bible where angels were described with wings, but I came up empty. I eventually gained little from that morning’s sermon because I spent the entire time canvassing the known pages of my Bible for any phrase, sentence, or verse to justify the artist’s interpretation, but still found none.

Since then I have come across several photos depicting angels with wings and some other questionable Christian arts which have no real basis or origin in the Bible. All of these prompted the inspiration of this article; Fallacies of Christian Arts.

Angels are spiritual beings that acts as God’s messengers in carrying out five basic roles, which are; protection, provision, comfort, guidance and deliverance, for God’s servant. Not very much is known about the description of these heavenly beings, but the little we know surely didn’t depict them as winged-bearing creatures. The only heavenly beings described in the Bible as having wings are the Cherubims and the Seraphims. The Cherubims are described quite vividly by Ezekiel as beings with four faces, four wings and with wheels. The Seraphims were described by Isaiah as possessing six wings; they covered their faces with two, covered their feet with two and used the last pair to fly.

So, where did this idea come from? An idea that has become such a part of us that we would most likely view a painting of angels without wings with displeasure, rather than the other way round, a tradition that has become so familiar that no one bothered to question the painting that we all gazed upon every Sunday. In all biblical accounts, that describes man interacting with angels, never once was it stated that the angels had wings. Most of the time they are described as looking like men, and who have appeared unexpectedly.

“And it came to pass, as they were much perplexed thereabout, behold, two men stood by them in shining garment” Luke 24:4

“And there came two angels into Sodom at even; and Lot sat in the gate of Sodom; and Lot seeing them rose up to meet them… Where are the men that came in to thee this night; bring them out unto us that we may know them” Gen 19:1,5

“And they appeared unto him an Angel of the Lord, standing on the right side of the altar of furnace” Luke 1:11

“And the angel of the Lord appeared unto him, and said unto him, the Lord is with thee, thou mighty man of valor” Judges 6:12

And in some cases the person with whom the angel have made contact doesn’t even know it is an angel until the angel disappears,

“And Manoah arose, and went after his wife, and came to the man, and said to him, Art thou the man that speakest unto the woman… For Manoah knew not that he was an angel of the Lord” Judges 13:11,16

There is no recorded distinctive feature that separates the angels mentioned in the Bible from man, let alone a huge pair of wings behind their backs. If there was a striking distinction, then verses such as Heb 13:2 have been made of no effect;

“Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it”

The idea that angels possess wings may have arose from the rationalization that since these heavenly beings move from heaven to earth, and all round the earth carrying out assigned task then the appropriate means of achieving this feat would be by the possession of wings. To this ideology I pose an important question; can the God who created the world and the elements in it be constrained by those same elements, such that He has to obey the laws that guide movement within them? The answer of course is No; and angels operate under the power of God.

So how did the wings come about? Some are of the belief that the wings came as result of the Israelites’ sojourn in captivity in Babylon; they believe they must have gotten the idea from the Babylonian gods all of which are depicted with wings. Some others believe the wings have its origin in Greek gods. While yet others, believe that the idea of a winged heavenly being seemed appropriate, if not exciting, and accounted for such depictions. Whatever is the explanation chosen, the fact remains that artists and writers who long ago absorbed the mythology of winged angels evidently never bothered to line up their notions with the Bible itself, therefore creating beings who are based solely on human imagination and speculation.

A very interesting and almost laughable fallacy is that of the Three wise men. Virtually everyone has once fallen victim to this, you just need to think back to your Sunday school days when your teacher shows you the picture of three happy men presenting gifts to a beautiful swaddled baby, and the topic of the day’s lesson would be; The three wise men. We grew up with this and it has become such a part of us; sorry to burst your bubble, but there is no such thing as three wise men; rather there were Wise men from the East.

“Then Herod called for a private meeting with the wise men, and he learned from them the time when the star appeared” Matt 2:7

Who presented baby Jesus with three gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh. I believe the fact that they presented three gifts accounted greatly for this age long misconception.

In conclusion, I recognize the fact the most essential thing about the Christian faith is Christ sacrifice on the cross and the subsequent salvation which it assures us of, and not the issue of Biblical Angelology and art work fallacies. But it is still quite as important, for us to identify and root out certain ideas and concepts that has become part of the Christian tradition but has no origin in the Bible, or those, which clearly contradicts the Bible’s teachings.

Segun Egbeyinka loves to write, loves to read amazing books, and he is also a sucker for great movies.This article was originally titled 'Fallacies Of Christian Arts'  and also featured on Naija Stories. Segun blogs at: www.olusegunegbeyinka.wordpress.com where he shares some of his most controversial and thought 

Image courtesy: 

www.exploremeditation.org

Another Scapegoat: A Rotten Female Cop [Video]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, August 21, 2013

No doubt about it, the news about a rotten cop demanding N25,000 bribe from a motorist that went viral and hit the headlines, has given Nigerians in diaspora a good idea of a good use for their camera phones and the social media.

The recently circulating news of a female cop demanding N100 bribe from a bus driver has equally proven this. Apparently, the act of phone paparazzi on corrupt officials is trending. I remember mentioning in the earlier post on the corrupt male cop that the video will ignite a sudden consciousness on the need to capture those corrupt elements in all paramilitary forces.

The Policewoman in the video sat in the bus like a principality demanding 'her money' be paid. And she got the money - such determination! Do we now say that what a rotten male cop can do, a female cop can do better?

LOL...I guess that's out of the question.

The Police claim to be looking into the matter to identify the Policewoman. Hmmm...I hope they are not putting us on 'is coming'. I can imagine the fear many corrupt elements may be having now.

For now all uniformed officials had better watch their backs; civilians are going gadget smart to capture their scrupulous antics; especially at this period when VIOs, LASTMA, and a host of others are out there in full force doing what they know to do best or worst.

The 'amebo' fun has just begun!..



Image Courtesy
www.punchng.com

Getting Jazzed Up By Babalawo [Funny Video]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Monday, August 19, 2013

You want Babalawo to do 'Jazz' for you abi? Then you must be ready to face the consequences. Don't ask me what this dude wanted, just watch and laugh. I don't know what language they were speaking but you can tell that a funny ritual was going on here.

Watching this cracked my sides. At first I was wondering what the whole fiasco was about until the whole exercise progressed to serious level and the 'customer' knew he was getting more than he bargained for. He even couldn't utter the right words when things heated up.

Wait sef...wetin dem dey talk? 

Abusing The Future [Photo Art]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Saturday, August 17, 2013

I came across this heart-wrenching work of art with an deep expose on horrible truths surrounding the different types of abuse children across the world have been subjected to. The photography clearly depicts each situation with startling symbolism. 

Image 1 - Refers to the Vatican pedophilia. 

Image 2 - Refers to the child sexual abuse in tourism in Thailand. 

Image 3 - Refers to the war in Syria. 

Image 4 - Refers to trafficking in organs on the black market, where most of the victims are children of poor countries. 

Image 5 - Refers to free U.S. weapons.

Image 6 - Refers to obesity, blaming the big fast food companies

Decapitated Snake Bites Its Own Butt - (Video) [Viewer's Discretion Advised]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Thursday, August 15, 2013

What do you do when you discover a snake hanging about your yard?

You kill it.

How do you kill it?

You decapitate it.

And then what? You stay the heck away from the decapitated head!

Why? 

This gruesome video will show you why.

The snake in the video is a venomous copperhead viper that was killed by a man in Alabama after he found the reptile in his back garden.

But then as he filmed it in the throes of death, the decapitated head sank its fangs into its tail as it trashed about.

Sam Billiter said he used a machete to decapitate the snake as he did not want it to bite his son or pet dog.

In the video, which he originally posted on Facebook, he can be heard to say: ‘It just bit itself… wow. The snake’s head just bit its body. This is crazy.’

Copperhead vipers can grow up to 1m long and although venomous they are very rarely fatal to humans.

Snake heads have been known to bite almost an hour after being separated from their bodies.

Did you get that? 

Don't even mess a snake's head after cutting it off. It could still seek revenge on you for cutting it off.

Source

Traditional Ignorance: The Ibadan Mermaid Saga

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Thursday, August 15, 2013

When people say ignorance is a bad thing, one may not be able to grasp the magnitude of that statement until one actually finds himself in a situation that depicts it word for word.

Back in late July, there was this news agog about a fish seller Ramota Adeyemo discovering a strange creature amongst the frozen fish she's just purchased to re-sell in Ibadan. The creature was reported by some sites as a 'Fish with human parts' or a 'Mermaid'.

Some went as far as even describing what it looked like - that it wore 'braids'. Some even went as far as reporting that the creature was seen to have spoken to Ramota to allow it back into the sea or river in exchange for wealth or fortune.

Traditionalist were said to have warned her and threatened her that nothing must happen to the fish. Later reports would arise of Ramota and her family being attacked for harboring such a fish and not turning it over to indigenious traditionalists or area boys. 

The traditionalists had threatened that if the creature was not handed over to them, Ibadan would experience a serious flood disaster and that the 1980 experience would be a child’s play when compared to it.

On reading these reports I was skeptical. First nobody seemed to have been able to take a proper photo of this so-called fish except for this photo collage which part of it supposedly showed Ramota holding up the small fish. On looking at the creature, I saw nothing spectacular about it - despite the fact that the photo was not that clear.

Eventually a photo finally surfaced, and it was discovered that the so called 'strange creature' was actually a small octopus! 

Now you can imagine what those traditionalists must have felt like when somebody got that info across to them. What's really shocking is the fact that nobody could discern all the while that this creature was an octopus. And what does that tell us? People are ignorant!

The moment I saw the full picture of the creature I immediately knew it was an octopus or squid. Honestly, Ibadan people fall my hand big time! 

Haba!

What if it had been that 'blokkus' eating fish (The Pacu) that had been discovered by another ignorant person? They would have probably concluded that it was a spirit from the marine kingdom that had been sent to castrate unfaithful men. And I'm sure that traditionalists would have resorted to worshiping the nasty little critter and offering it sacrifices....oh and they would say if it was not accorded respect like that, earthquakes would rock Ibadan and 5,000 residents would run mad and loose their 'blokkus' by mysterious accident...

LOL!

Okay...my imagination is running away with me. But seriously...the ignorace is alarming. So people abound that don't know that the sea has other creatures beyond just titus, cat fish and stock fish varieties?

I just hope comedians will not use this as an avenue to make fun of Ibadan people...(drat! I think I just gave them an idea!) I hope no comedian is reading this entry!

Images Courtesy

www.adrienneadeyemi.com

www.thelocal.se

www.naijaurban.com

'Blokkus' Eating Fish on The Loose in Sweden

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, August 14, 2013

'Gbege' has officially landed for Swedish men. They now have to make sure they never go swimming butt naked for any reason. 

Why? 

A nasty little fish that delights in snacking on testicles may be lurking in the waters of Denmark.

The Pacu Fish a.k.a 'Ball Cutter'

Okay that is quite unnerving. A fish that eats testicle? Where did such minute monstrosity spring from? Though it was reported to be related to the infamous flesh eating Piranha fish, it certainly seems to have its own specialised affinity with the male 'blokkus'. Here's the report from the Metro website:

Swedish men have been warned to keep their swimming trunks on after a South American fish known for attacking testicles was found in the sea.

A fisherman in the Oresund Sound between Denmark and Sweden last week retrieved a 8 inch (21cm)  pacu – a relative of the piranha that is most commonly found in the Amazon region.

The freshwater fish, which can grow up to 35 in (90cm) and weigh up to 55 lb (25kg) has been nicknamed the ‘ball cutter’ for its attacks on the male genitalia.

Okay...why this is a serious matter, but I could not resist the urge to laugh. 'Ball cutter'? Who was the heartless nutcase that gave it that name? Soon you'll have vengeful women rearing these ferocious monsters in bid to get at their two-timing men. Anyway, let's continue:

Found in most rivers in the Amazon and Orinoco basins in South America, they have also been spotted in Papua New Guinea, where it is believed they have been introduced to boost fish stocks.

Back in 2011, British angler Jeremy Wade caught a 40lb specimen in Papua New Guinea.

The latest discovery prompted the National History Museum in Denmark to warn: ‘Keep your swimwear on if you’re bathing in the Sound these days – maybe there are more out there!’

The specimen is the first one to have been caught at sea in Europe, the museum added.

‘The pacu is not normally dangerous to people but it has quite a serious bite, there have been incidents in other countries, such as Papua New Guinea where some men have had their testicles bitten off,’ Henrik Carl, a fish expert at the Danish museum, said.

They bite because they’re hungry, and testicles sit nicely in their mouth,’ he told English language news website The Local.

The Pacu was found in the Oresund strait
between Denmark and Sweden 

‘And its mouth is not so big, so of course it normally eats nuts, fruit, and small fish, but human testicles are just a natural target.

‘It’s not normal to get your testicles bitten off, of course, but it can happen, especially now in Sweden.’

The pacu was similar in appearance to its notorious cousin, the piranha, he said.

‘They are almost identical to the piranha, you couldn’t even tell from the outside. It’s just that they have different teeth. Flatter and stronger, perfect for crushing,’ he added.

Mr Carl said that the discovery of one pacu – which is currently undergoing DNA tests to confirm its identity – should not keep Swedish men out of the water.

But if more were found in the area, it could become a serious issue, he suggested.

‘This one was the first, but who knows, it’s probably not the last,’ he added.

In areas where pacus proliferate are found, fishermen have reportedly bled to death after losing their testicles to the fish’s crushing jaws.

If I were a fisherman and I read this bit (especially that last line), I would be mentally scarred for life and totally lose interest in the fishing business. 

Yeah...'cause I love my balls...and so does Wifey.

Images courtesy
www.metro.co.uk
Google Maps

Influences [Photo]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Found this deep yet funny collage on Facebook...

Funny as it seems, it sort of carries strong elements of truth, doesn't it?

Like the way our interaction with different cultures affect and influence us.

Okay...it might look kinda racist but hey...truth does not respect persons.

What do you think?

A Rotten Naija Cop & the Wonder of Phone Paparazzi [Photo + Video]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, August 07, 2013

‘The Nigerian Police is your friend’ – that’s a well known mantra that has become the butt of jokes on the Police force because it’s nothing but a stark naked irony. The Nigerian Police has been flooded with elements that are giving the force a bad name.

Such is the case of the Police sergeant captured on video demanding N25,000 bribe from a motorist. He even went ahead and implicated other people in the matter by mentioning that he wasn't the only one involved as well calling out the name of one of his colleagues.

The video has heavily gone viral; blogs have carried the news, twitter has tweeted it, radio stations made it a topic of discuss this morning, blackberry phones are broadcasting it all over the airwaves. Surprisingly, the Police swung into action and responded immediately yesterday as the officer was arrested and is said to be awaiting room trial (Nigerian Police version of Court).

This is a clear warning that should make every corrupt official wary and careful of whatever they do on Lagos roads. The motorist was smart enough to record the incident.

Thank God for the kind of mobile phones we have today, people with diabolic intentions can’t get away with crime easily.  Almost every person on the street now carries a phone with camera attached to it; anytime there’s an event happening, you see people whip out their phones to capture stuff on their phones. This has made the internet richer with more videos and images.

I just have the feeling that this is just the beginning.

This video that implicated the cop will only ignite a sudden consciousness amongst Nigerians to be on standby to capture acts of corruption being perpetrated by law enforcement officials. LASTMA officials have had a dose of it, so has the police and army. Let see if corrupt Vehicle Inspection Officers, Federal Road Safety Corps members and other paramilitary officials can avoid being caught.

If you never saw the video, you can download it here.

What You Probably Never Knew About Condoms

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, August 07, 2013

Condoms are probably the most popular contraceptives but how much do we know about this famous (and infamous) latex?
                                    

                                   

Source

LOL...Have you learnt anything? Hope you have!

                                   

                                   

                                   

                       

Was That Snoop Dogg Doing a Gospel Track? - [ With Downloads]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Sunday, August 04, 2013

I always got my ears out to catch a unique sound and its no surprise that you'll find them everywhere; music that still embraces art form and creativity that's not vile or abused.Its amazing how much of good stuff like that can still be found on the internet. I came across these two again and couldn't resist sharing. 

Track: The Kill

Artiste: MC Adoga ft. Beautiful Lite

One thing that caught my attention about MC Adoga is the fact that he sounded like Snoop Dogg!

I very well know that rapping is not an easy art form of music, especially when you need to say stuff that makes sense or passes a message.Not every rapper can successfully describe a complete event with the use of simple, consistent and interlocking metaphor. 

MC Adoga  who is a Scepters national award winner and one of the most respected emcees in Minna, adopts the gangster rap style snyonymous with Snoop Dogg. He ends up sounding like what Snoop Dogg would sound like if he was a born again christian. He uses metaphors of voilence to depict spiritual battle against the flesh and its motivator - the devil. Female rapper Beautiful Lite features on the track with a silky smooth delivery that adds a contrasting flow to the rythmn.

The track highlights Christians ignorance; most of us attend church but have no intention of becoming moving churches, flesh at work!

You can download “Moni O” from the link below.

DOWNLOAD

Track: Moni O

Artiste: C-Stas

I did an entry sometime back in May about this female group called C-stas and their unique smooth gospel sound that beautifully fuses African elements with western ones. 

The Divas which consist of Adenaya Abiodun (BeeNaya), Olayinka Temitope (layray), Nancy Ukpeh(nanatsa) and Ajayi Abiodun(BeeDel) are back , with another delightful single titled “Moni O”, their second official single produced by Okey Sokay. According to them, “Moni O” is a song that simply explains to us that regardless of the trials we face,the crisis happening all around the world.

These ladies are definitely gifted and sound very good together. I pray they stay long as a group and not break up like the popular male music group - Infinity.

You can download “Moni O” from the link below.

DOWNLOAD