Breaking News...Upcoming Comedian, CD John is Dead

News just got to me early hours this morning that upcoming comedian, CD John was involved in a motor accident in which he ran into a stationary truck 2 days ago.

He evetually gave up ghost yesterday.

CD John is well known for his brand of comedy which involves indigenious gospel music and local church parodies

He always succeeds in cracking up the crowd with unique talent and creative renditions.

May his soul rest in peace.

3 Screamer(s):

Naija Internet Lingo - How much of it is for real?

You might have come across some of these Naija internet slangs and gotten confused; I decided to go on a search to find them out and got results. Infact what I found is quite surprising and I'm Naija folks really use these on the Internet? I know of some but the others...?

1. LWKM - Laugh wan kill me

2. LWKMD - Laugh wan kill me die

3. MIDG - make i dey go

4. WGYL - we go yarn later

5. IGA - I gbadun am

6. ICS - I can't shout

7. DJM - Don't jealous me

8. WBDM - Who born d maga

9. UDC - U de craze

10. NUS - Na u sabi

11. WSU - who send u

12. OSABZ - over sabi

13. ITK - I too know

14. WDH - wetin dey happen

15. NDH - nutin dey happen

16. FMJ - free me jo

17. BBP - bad bele people

18. HUD - how u dey

19. WKP - waka pass

20. BBG - baby girl

21. KKL - Kokolette

22. MML - mamalette

23 GFF- Gbono fe le fe le (e.g., she GFF)

24. NTT - Na true talk

25. IKU - It koncain u?

26. NDM - no dull me

27. LGT - let's goo there

28. IFSA - I for slap am

29. IGDO - I go die o

30. YB - Yess boss

31. NLT - No long thing

32. 2GB - 2 gbaski (e.g., the song 2GB!)

33. CWJ - carry waka jorh

34. WBYO - wetin be your own

35. U2D - U 2 do

36. U2DV - U 2 dey vex

37. MKG - maka gini?

38. WSDP - who send dem papa

39. INS - i no send

40. INFS - i no fit shout

41. WWY - who wan yarn

42. NBST - no be small thing

43. NWO - na wah oooooo

44. NMA - no mind am

45. MIHW - make i hear word

46. NBL - no be lie

47. NB? - na beans?

48 wd - wetin dey

49. UNGKM - u no go kill me

50. o2s - omo 2 sexy

51. UTMG - You Try My Guy

52. UR2M = You are too much

Are any of you familiar with these slangs or they are kind of far fetched?

8 Screamer(s):

Garri & Agege Bread - What Manner of Controversy?

Nowadays I’m usually sceptical about any sensational news about some food item that I’ve been used to consuming being said to contain some substance or chemical that could be detrimental to my health. Who comes up with such hard to stomach rubbish when the said food has always been part of one’s way of life for several years?

Take Garri for instance.

This food item has not only become a popular food item with all classes of Nigerians but has played a very important role in the life of every Nigerian student from secondary school level to tertiary education level. It is the simplest food to prepare and consume and complement with ‘accessories’ like sugar, groundnut or milk. It is the total embodiment of what you’ll call ‘fast food’. Even when you’re as poor as a church rat, Garri seems to never desert you. There was a time I got tired of eating those extra garnished meals during lunch break and brought some Garri to work. With just some water from the office dispenser and a couple of groundnuts from the aboki across the road, I was good to go on a fast lunch. Some colleagues saw me grubbing the Garri and retorted that it was a good idea, and even asked me if I had some to share. Nobody with a past romance with Garri could resist the idea of lunching on this simple meal.

And then there was a time news spread around that Garri was dangerous to your health; that it could destroy your eyes!

I was in secondary school when that news came out and everybody fell hook, line and sinker for it; especially the school authorities. Suddenly schools began to ban Garri and declared it a contraband item. Students where told never to bring Garri amongst their provisions to school but it was hard to do that. Thus students ventured into the act of smuggling the cherished food item into dormitories. I remember in my secondary school days when we just resumed for a new term; you’d submit your luggage to the housemaster and his committee to search your luggage for any of the famous ‘contraband’. Many of us devised ways to get the stuff into the dormitories. We even gave it a code name – ‘Garium Sulphide’ after some chemical science students got to know about in chemistry classes.

The fact remained that there was nothing you could do to stop students from consuming Garri. What they couldn’t even do with Garri in secondary school, they aachieved in the University. I have been consuming Garri for more than 20 years and my eyes are still as sharp as bird’s. All other devotees of Garri that I know that have remained loyal to ‘Garium’

So what about the BS on Garri ruining your eyes?

Then came the mescaforming info about Agege bread.

Agege bread is another food item that sits in the class of Garri. Many of us (especially those of us who were not born with a silver spoon) fed and grew up judiciously on evergreen this brand of bread which probably bears a similarity to what bread must have looked like in the days of our Lord Jesus Christ (remember those moments he shared bread for his apostles and the people?). Fortunately, many of us have left secondary school before Agege bread was declared a dangerous food item that contained bromate; a somewhat harmful God-knows-what.

Annoyingly and as usual, people fell for it and all of a sudden, the competition of Agege Bread, which is the brand of bread known as ‘sliced bread’ seemed to sell more. Some even went as far as tagging their bread ‘bromate free’, whatever the hell that means.

But I just love the way these food items seem to bounce back in their essential commodity glory. People seemed to have thrown the ‘bromate’ awareness in the trash bin because Agege bread still sells like hot cakes! There’s a woman on my street who sells bread. 80% of her bread is Agege bread, the rest are the sliced variety. In two days she sells off the Agege bread while the Sliced variety stay on the shelf for about four days.

I can’t resist Agege bread. Neither can many of my friends. I grew up on this food item. Mum would feed me and my siblings about four times a week on Agege bread with something. And today we’re all still as fit as a fiddle. Where’s the damage from the bromate? Even my younger brother who came from Scotland recently demanded passionately to eat Agege bread for breakfast one Sunday morning. He even told me that he and his Naija friends in Aberdeen had a place where they could always purchase Agege bread but it was scarce, frigging expensive and ALSO BROMATE FREE, and it came from a bakery owned by Indians who employed Nigerians to do the baking! What the hell?!!

Even our celebrities can't deny the important role this bread played and still plays in our lives. Ask Uche Jombo!

I think government bodies like NAFDAC should watch what the kind of info they dole out to the public. If stuff kills oyinbo but does nothing to us, why feed us the BS? 

They make noise over our staple meals yet they say nothing about the dangerous content in some of the processed foods circulating Naija’s market. What about that nasty sweetener called ‘Aspertame’? It’s present in Diet coke and Pepsi Light drinks, it’s present in Nutri C, the popular fruit powder drink and Amarila, another powder drink being marketed for children in Nigeria.  I discovered that when I stopped taking Nutri C, my health improved (I used to have all the symptoms associated with excessive consumption of Aspartame – and if you want to know what these symptoms are just google ‘the problem with aspartame’ or something)

Now I’m wondering…which food will they condemn next? It really gets me thinking that some diabolic individuals are using these crooked strategies to make some money; create a problem and then sell a solution. But I’m wiser to understand that I should never ‘fall mugu’ to another misyarn about any food that’s played an important role in our lives.

Garri & Nutri C images Courtesy

11 Screamer(s):