Lionel Richie's Hello - Naija Spoof

This is really funny. The info says  - the song of a yahoo boy in Naija when he gets nabbed rendered in Chipmunk voice.

Hmm...I'm inspired to do something funny!

11 Screamer(s):

INFIDELITY BANK - Magomago plc

It’s amazing how some Banks can turn out to be Oxymoron of what they claim to be. Such is the case of Fidelity Bank which made me see ‘pepper’ just because I needed to receive money sent to me by a relative via the international money transfer system called Moneygram.

It’s not the first time I’m receiving cash from a relative through moneygram, and each time I’ve gone to receive it, there has never been any issue. But on this occasion, someone sent me some money and informed me to cash it specifically at any Fidelity Bank. I wondered why only at Fidelity Bank. Later I was to learn that he wasn’t aware that Moneygram was available and receivable at other banks.

I took time off during break at work to go receive the cash sent to me and stepped into a Fidelity Bank branch on Allen Avenue, near the roundabout. I walked up to one of the cashiers concerned with the process and made my inquiry.

‘Good afternoon. Please is it possible for me to receive Moneygram cash transfers here?’ I asked leaning over the marble counter.

‘Yes sir.’ Replied the sinewy bespectacled young man seated behind the counter.

‘Okay. I’d like to receive some cash that was transferred to me.’

‘Do you have an account with us?’


‘I’m sorry but you have to have an account with us before you can receive any money transfer’

I looked at him, totally dumbfounded.

‘Excuse me? When did one have to have an account to receive money transfer?’

‘That’s the directive sir. You can speak to that lady seated there’ He pointed towards a seating arrangement with two ladies that looked like the customer service area.

I walked over to the desk and made my complaint. I got the same reply and that it was the new order from above.

I left the bank in anger.

Across the road leading to Opebi was GT Bank. Just to satisfy my curiosity, I went in to verify a fact – whether I needed to have an account with them to be able to access money transfer via Western Union which they operated. They told me I didn’t need to.

Two days later I visited another Fidelity Bank just to be sure that this account-before-receiving-transfers thing isn’t a ruse. It was a Fidelity Bank branch near Fadeyi bus stop on Ikorodu Road (pictured above). I went with wifey this time.

I made for the inquiry desk and was told the same thing – I needed to have an account with them to receive the money transfer.

I left the bank in a fit. I said to hell with the cash and almost called the relative to withdraw his money but wifey told me to still chill. She made calls to a friend in another bank about how this Moneygram thing works. The friend told her that there is no such thing as having an account before you can access Moneygram and that you could collect your cash at any Moneygram point!

To be sure, we made our way to a UBA branch at Anthony which operated Moneygram. Within minutes we had received the transferred money and verified ourselves. And nobody asked us to open any yeye account!

This got me wondering – WHAT THE HECK WAS FIDELITY BANK UP TO? I had to conclude that there was ‘magomago’ going on in that bank. They probably needed to get people to open more accounts to meet CBN deadlines so they went ahead to start this stupid lie that you needed to have an account to access any money transfer. They even claimed that it was a directive from CBN!

If you needed to have an account to access a money transfer then it defeats the purpose of transfer giants such as Western Union and Moneygram. Maybe this is why this bank is not so popular with most people. While trying to find a way to get the cash, I had gone round my office asking who had a Fidelity account. I found no one.

Fidelity Bank’s ads echo the slogan ‘we are fidelity, we keep our word’ but I doubt the sincerity and honesty in that line after what I’d gone through. It was a sheer show of trickery and dishonesty; a total oxymoron to what they claim to stand for. I’m just thankful I have a VERY good reason to never bank with them.

Who dash them that name self?

9 Screamer(s):

MBGN - Bordello of Deceit?

Warning: If you're a fan, devotee or lover of MBGN, you might find this article disconcerting!

Got home late a few days ago and turned on the TV. The station on air was Silverbird and the programme being shown was the Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria Pageant. I’m usually not a sucker for shows like these because I’ve always believed that there’s a lot of deceit going on there. The only segment that I usually look forward to watching in most cases would be the question and answer session where you’d get to know who the beauty without brains is.

But then, how do you know if some of the questions haven’t been sneaked out to some favored contestants? (Like the popularly known cheating arrangements you get when it comes to Jamb, WAEC or NECO exams).

Methinks the MBGN is a bucket load of lies and just a sensational claptrap to get money spent, free ‘bushmeat’ and build credibility for the outfit behind it.

I’ll never forget an old MBGN pageant that took place sometime in the late 1990s or thereabout where almost all the contestants could barely speak English! It was a shocking barrage of total annihilation of the English language; majority of the girls fumbled on the mic with more confidence than that of Rita of Koko mansion fame. At the end, we were forced to conclude that they had gone to the villages to harvest these girls to ‘fill in the gaps’.

It was the most hilarious pageant I had ever watched and its memory never eludes me.

I never bothered to watch much of the other MBGNs enough to spot more hanky panky until this last one.

It’s 2010 and MBGN hits the limelight again and once again, they played another fast one. And what is it this time? Fake contestants or as they call them - ‘delegates’. About 80% of these contestants were Igbo girls scattered to represent states they probably knew nothing about. The mismatching was alarming; Igbo girls representing Yoruba and Hausa states, Yoruba girls representing Hausa states – did I mention that there were only about 2 or 3 Yoruba girls there? At least those are the ones I recognized. Igbo girls just full everywhere. Please tell me, does this mismatching make any sense?

It gets me thinking that there’s more to it than meets your eyes when you watch this show – did some people play showbiz politics? Did ‘congos get shined’ to get favored? What criteria did they use in judging the winner? I heard the host talking about votes gathered from judges - Wetin dem judge? Was it the best ‘performer’? (Don’t ask me in what).

And again looking very well I sooo much doubt those girls were bearing their real ages! You’ll see one passed as 18 year old, yet you see cellulite of a twenty something year old playing all over her thighs or faces that have seen better days than a past-pubescent youngster. The swimsuit session burnt their cables; majority of the body textures looked ‘very experienced’. Don’t ask me how I knew that; just take it that I’m very observant.

Sorry if this article hurts any feelings but this MBGN pageant was a farce; an entertainment stunt and not a real contest to find out the best in the true sense. Maybe it used to be good before but now its lost it’s real aim. No vex; I no dey see wayo make I no spit my opinion, period!

13 Screamer(s):

Selling Death

I remember the week the news hit everywhere that young rap artiste Dagrin, had passed on after an automobile accident. Everyone, even those who never heard the guy’s music acted like they were affected. Those who never heard his music before listened to it for the first time and began to make comments on what a brilliant and talented lyricist he was.

Soon guys in my office went ahead to buy his CDs from those selling on the streets and before you know it, it became what was being played in the offices. Whenever you drive through the traffic jams, you’d come across street hawkers parading his audio and video CDs.

Last week Friday, we had our monthly ‘village meeting’ (A TGIF thingy) in the office and they had a DJ over to play some music. I was shocked when I heard the DJ playing a Dagrin rap song that was actually performed live on a show on TV – Jimmy Jatt’s Jumpoff – where guest rap artistes had to freestyle to DJ Jimmy Jatts mixes on the console. That was never meant to be on CD but now it was.

Where am I going with all this?

I’ve always heard that in the world of nasty showbiz strategies, sex and violence sells. And this is no wonder with all we see happening on our screens in movies and music.

But I guess there’s one other thing that sells that people don’t really make mention of – except probably those who make money from it and that is – Death.

It’s amazing how death can increase sales and recognition of the late artiste in question. And we see it happening everywhere, where people cashed in on a celebrity’s death.

When Tupac Shakur died, his albums became repackaged; tracks that were never released before suddenly came out. His poetry came out on CDs and today he has sort of become a phenomenon.

Biggie’s post mortem album became a hit after his death and as well as the song that was sang in his memory by his then producer Puffy.

After Michael Jackson’s death ‘This is it’ was released and it was a smash hit.

Now it’s happening in the case of Dagrin. Artistes who featured Dagrin and who might be releasing soon should probably expect sales of their albums to go up.

I remember watching Teju Babyface’s show. They showed a pilot edition last week and it featured Dagrin in a performance then an interview with Teju. If we had ratings for TV shows as they do in the US, Teju’s ratings would have probably gone high for that show.

And the Jimmy Jatt jumpoff spin off on a CD, who knows? It might be Jimmy Jatt cashing in on making his cut from the death of the young crooner.

No doubt about it, death sells but it’s not the favorite option of any artiste hoping to hit the charts.

NB: I don't know if I'm the only one that noticed this but oddly enough, Tupac, Biggie and Dagrin all sang songs about their dying before their deaths. The songs in question all sounded like premonitions. Is there a jinx that if artistes sing about their deaths, they're sigining a death warant? Creepy.

8 Screamer(s):