The Spectranet Deception

It was around 8.30pm and I just couldn’t to get my surf on. I had just bought recharge cards for my Spectranet modem and was eager to get back online and surf the web. As a person that needed to be online a lot of the time, I had always done my browsing either via my phone, office or through a small dongle I had gotten from Etisalat. While the office offered enough bandwidth that I could only get to use when I was free, the other two were limiting in a number of ways, so when I got wind of the services being offered by Spectranet and its costs, I was excited that it was worth having.

Before, I always ignored major internet providers because of how costly their services and subscriptions were; I wasn’t ready to pay anything above N3,000 but this company called Spectranet came into the picture with the offer to give me 20 gig worth of browsing data for a month at N4k which would be active from 6pm to 8am on weekdays and 24 hours on weekends and public holidays.

Compared to other Internet providers like Swift and Smile, this was a good and affordable offer and so I got me a Spectranet modem which came with free 20 gig due to a promo. My first experience with their service was exhilarating; I was wowed by the sweet flow of bandwidth, the instant response from page to page….

Then the day came when I reloaded a fresh card of the usual N4,000 for another subscription and got a response that told me the voucher loaded was insufficient. I tried again and got the same thing. I opened the site afresh, used a different browser, refreshed and refreshed…the fund was said to still not be efficient. I then went to their website to check the listings and lo and behold what was N4,000 had now been changed to N7,500, almost double the cost!

I was enraged. What kind of witchery is this?

Why the increase in rates? They are currently running some deceptive Ad in which they talk some mumbo jumbo about unified tariff plans part of their effort to ensure everyone has access to affordable and faster internet.
Affordable? I’m sorry…where in the jumping diddlyskunk is the affordability in this?

I laugh in Spanish.

Some people who think they can pull the wool over our eyes are mistaken because we can smell the shit before it hits the fan. Not even having Linda Ikeji publish a ‘good post’ about them can save them from the flak that is coming.

Reading through the post, I was shocked at the rubbish and lies painted on the site. The Head of Marketing, Mike Ogor was making blasphemous utterances like:
The unified tariff is another way of telling our subscribers that they matter to us.
Really? We matter? That’s why you’re ripping us off? Liar…
’We understand the needs of our customers and subscribers and have kept improving our services to offer the best internet solutions in the country. ‘’The new tariff plan has been designed in such a way that suits individual pockets irrespective of their income and status-whether they are students, professionals, family, or business enterprise owners’’.
Why? Why all these lies and fabrication?
‘’when a customer buys data ranging from 20GB to 200GB each customer is automatically entitled to an extra10GB monthly and unlimited free night browsing and this will go a long way in helping customer connects to what matters to them’’.
This is quite confusing. While I saw nothing like extra 10GB on my own subscription, who cares about free night browsing when my plan already covers overnight?
Mr Ogor stated that Spectranet has improved its service to enhance seamless video streaming as streaming videos online require a fast internet connection.
This is another lie because just as their rates went up, their service apparently plummeted; it was always timing out like a toddler’s aggravated hiccup.

To know how pissed people are, you need to check out the comments under the post on Linda Ikeji’s blog…people are NOT SMILING at all!

 Right now, I'm seriously considering switching to another Internet provider. There's no difference between their cost and that of Spectranet's.

The most annoying thing is that I just recommeded Spectranet to my parents recently. No I have to take back my word!

3 Screamer(s):

Naija DJs and the Struggle to Stay Relevant

It was yesterday afternoon and I was in the studio at my office discussing with one of our contract sound engineers when Bunmi, one of our Account Management ladies walked in to sort out a couple of issues with the production unit.

Now Bunmi wasn’t just a corporate employee but also a part time disc jockey who goes by the name DJ Baldie. Her trademark look is her smooth clean shaven head which sits well with her stage name.
Bunmi is a heavily social person and always liked to groove so I wasn’t surprised when she walked up to Daniel the Sound Engineer/Producer and jokingly asked if he could produce a single for her. We all laughed wondering what on earth she was getting at until she decided to strut what she could do and told Daniel to play Asa’s ‘Jailer’ on the keyboards while she covered the song.

Daniel hit the keys and Bunmi started singing…and she wowed everybody!

Then it suddenly hit me – Bunmi is a DJ and she can sing.

Okay…where am I going with this?

It’s no longer a new thing to see so-called popular Naija DJs releasing videos of singles and crediting themselves as performers or artistes that own the track.

This trend apparently started eight years back with DJ Jimmy Jatt’s release of the track ‘Stylee’ which featured Tuface, Mode 9 and Elajoe. Watching the video or listening to the music you could feel Tuface dominate the song followed by Mode 9 and Elajoe. The element that showed that DJ Jimmy Jatt was relelvant was his ad-libbing call-outs, intermittent disc scratching and outro at the end of the song.

So if we ask the question, was DJ Jimmy Jatt relevant in the song? Maybe…if we at look at the call outs and most importantly the disc-scratching, then he did make himself relevant.

But how long will that be evident?

Years later Jatt would release more singles or videos where his elements of relevance are reduced to just calls-outs. No more disc-scratching. Other DJs would eventually spring up to do the same and today we have them all over the place in the likes of DJ Neptune, DJ Xclusive, DJ Spinall, DJ Shabsy, DJ Enimoney, DJ Humility to mention a few.
Above: DJ Jimmy Jatt & Wizkid
Below: DJ Neptune & Olamide
I’m still struggling to understand WHY DJs release these videos and singles…okay, it’s weird saying they ‘released’ when in actual fact they are not the real talent performing the songs being released. Just check out any video credited to any Naija DJ, you’ll discover that they end up being the ‘waka-pass’, 'background dancer’ or ‘background demonstrator’. Imagine if you had to perform the track before a live audience, then you would need the artistes you used to come on board making it look like they own the song and not you.
Above: DJ Spinall & Timaya
Below: DJ Shabsy with Kiss Daniel, Sugarboy and some dude
Okay, let’s raise the argument that our DJs’ relevance would be in contributing to the song’s beat (as some DJs happen to be creating beats as well – wow!).
So what about the ace producers who are not DJs but are the brains behind beats and instrumentation for songs that become a hit? Unless the producer himself also performs like you see in the case of Don Jazzy and Masterkraft (Yes! I said Masterkraft…check him out on Coke Studio and the video‘Indomie’), most of them don’t dabble into unnecessary showcasing like these DJs.
Above: DJ Xclusive & Wizkid
Below: DJ Enimoney & Olamide
Me thinks DJs dropping stuff and crediting themselves when they aren’t the artiste will never shine like artistes unless they train themselves to do something new that will require a performance. Take for example American DJ Quik who is not just a DJ but also a producer, actor and rap artiste – now that’s serious relevance. We’re in an age where if you don’t upgrade yourself, you’re gonna fade into obscurity. It’s not by appearing in a video that makes you relevant or by crediting your name to a work that shines on an artiste and not you.

DJ Quik
I once asked a colleague about a certain song I was trying to remember and she said ‘You mean the Kiss Daniel song?’ I nodded and she told me it was titled ‘Rabba’. Then I reminded her that it was credited to a DJ. She couldn’t remember. Maybe if DJ Shabsy could do something like sing or rap she might have remembered him.

So Naija DJs…upgrade yourselves and stop doing waka-pass in videos that give the glory to someone else but is credited to you….abeg!

2 Screamer(s):

Convicted Felon sings Adele-inspired “sorry” to Seek Judge's Favour

I came across this amusing bit of odd news in which an American convicted felon attempted to serenade the judge of the court hearing his case by rendering his own version of Adele's 'Hello'.
Below is the excerpt of the report from Sky News:
A Michigan felon tried to sing his way out of trouble at his sentencing on a weapons charge, offering a musical apology inspired by singer Adele's Hello.
Brian Earl Taylor, 21, adapted the hit ballad to express his contrition to the judge at Washtenaw County Trial Court, reports the Ann Arbor News.
"Hello there, your honour," Taylor sang in the 10 March exchange, which was recorded on courtroom video.
Taylor was sentenced to up to 17 years in prison
He continued: "I want to say I'm sorry for the things I've done and I'll try and be stronger in this life I chose, but I want you to know - that door, I closed.
"And your honour I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry."
Reacting to Taylor's soulful plea, Judge Darlene O'Brien said he was "obviously a talented young man".
But she sentenced him to up to 17 years in prison for unlawful imprisonment and carrying a concealed weapon. 
I can't say the Judge was harsh...afterall she had a job to do and she had to do it without obstructing justice. I just hope her eventual sentencing was not because he is black...with all the racial tension sprouting about the place in the US.

1 Screamer(s):

The Pretty Female Bosses in the Nigerian Police

So I was going through a trailer for a Nollywood TV drama series titled 2four7and just as I was expectant of anything to catch my fancy, something finally did. It was the female police boss in the movie.
Pretty police boss from the TV drama series 2Four7
Now, I digress to explain – I was actually watching the trailer to check out the quality of the production. I’m the kind of film buff who doesn’t just watch movies for the sake of entertainment but rather for a critical analysisof its level of production and try to figure out what must have gone on behind the scenes. I also take time to study the actors' performances and characterization (well, since I also review movies from time to time, that’s expected of me). It was in the process of taking in the characters that the role of the female police boss (I can’t figure out the name of the actress that played that role right now) caught my attention.

It wasn’t her acting performance that got my undivided focus but the fact that she was a pretty looking police boss in uniform. At that moment my mind went into a subconscious search just processing the image and suddenly another image or thought popped up in the recesses of my mind:
This policewoman in uniform looks pretty – like Ngozi Braide, former Lagos State public relations officer, a real life counterpart who also looked good in uniform.

Former Lagos Police Command PRO, Ngozi Braide
I remember the first time I saw Deputy Superintendent Braide on TV, I was surprised that the police force could have fine looking women. Most of the ones I had seen on Lagos streets were usually rugged looking.

Deputy Superintendent Ngozi Braide was finally redeployed from Lagos following an embarrassing fight between her and a Superiorofficer-an event that resulted in her threatening to stab her senior.
I used to have this funny assumption that anybody that is pretty and attractive is likely to have some scary flaw. It turns out I was somewhat right in the case of Braide as some aproko blog spilled the beans on her lifestyle and personality. The revelations were so shocking and they seemed to explain the kind of nature that would lead her to attack a senior colleague. It must have been a sensitive story that could put a blogger in trouble because it’s no longer on the gossip site that reported it. However, someone copied the info and posted it on the Naiiraland forum.

The pretty police boss in the TV series was pretty and fair complexioned like Ngozi. I could almost say the writers may have adopted the Ngozi-look for the character but then I decided against that when another Pretty policewoman boss that looked way better than braide (my opinion oh!) and looked a bit more like the TV drama cop surfaced recently in the news.

Mrs Onwuanaegbu with the Governor's entourage
I’m talking of the Divisional Police Officer of Ilasan Police Station in Lekki, Mrs. Onyinye Onwuanaegbu, who can be seen in the recent photos of the Governor Akinwumi Ambode entourage inspection of structures in Lekki Gardens.

Its as if Governor Ambode is resisting the urge to look at the pretty cop
There was just no way you could ignore Mrs. Onwuanaegbu in these pics; she stood out in resplendent beauty and with authority. I was stunned when I saw the pics. It seems pretty women are beginning to spring up in places of authority in the police force these days. Onwuanaegbu beat Ngozi in the height factor and body structure; she could have passed for a supermodel, even her glasses made her look even hotter…okay I will stop there before I start straying into talking about the other obvious body parts that men always notice.

\And while the Governor kept his face away, the guy on the extreme left apparently couldn't.
I have a 'silly' question…why are female police bosses these days always extra pretty and ‘yellow’ in complexion?

Okay, That's a hasty generalisation, I’m just goofing around, don’t mind me. I just had to put up this post ‘cause I just noticed these things people don’t usually talk about.

Or should I just say I needed to post something…and this is something, abi?

1 Screamer(s):

The Pregnant Corper & JSS Student Gossip: A Blogger's Costly Lie

It was just about after 3pm at work and my office colleagues were using their free-time to surf the web for information or updates pertaining to the industry or entertainment when a female colleague (who’s equally a Youth Corp member doing her Youth service in our company) gasped at her computer screen and called everybody’s attention to the crazy thing she had just come across.
It was a news item or rather a gossip bit on some blog that talked about a female Youth Corp member who had gotten pregnant for a JSS 1 or 2 boy in a secondary school. It originated as a tweet and became blog gossip.

My colleague's picture as placed  shamelessly on the blog
Whoever had put up this information had deemed it fit to include a photograph of a female Corp member and her male friend along with the article. The problem was that the lady in the picture was my colleague right here in the office gasping at her screen!

The link to this site was forwarded to her by a friend who saw it. Apparently people had begun to wonder whether she was actually the one referred to in the brief write up. She wasn’t the person being referred to in the write up but the placement of that pic inferred it.

I don’t think it’s a bad thing to illustrate your post with a Youth service picture for such a crazy news item provided you do it with some SENSE.

The blogger who stupidly put this up must have been ignorant and was just a troublemaker.
Out of curiosity, I decided to google the news headline and see how many bloggers had equally done stupidly. The result was a number of blogs that posted NYSC photos with SENSE.

The site placed a group picture of NYSC members, and put the picture of a female Youth Corp member with a friend but cut of the face area so you couldn’t say who it was. also did likewise. put up the NYSC logo only…

All these blogs did it with SENSE unlike the blog Vibercent that put my colleague’s picture all out there wrongly. You need to see how guys in my office were discussing about how to sue for damages.

The captiom as captured on Vibercent's page after placing my colleague's
picture the secomnd time
This Vibercent blogger even went ahead to place the picture TWICE and scream out the headline in the popular way many rubbish blogs do it - JS1 STUDENT GIVES NYSC FEMALE CORPER BELLE. (SEE PHOTOS OOO) – He/She, whoever the ‘admin’ is had the guts to insinuate that the picture that was put up was the actual person in the tweet gossip.

What a load of crap!

Please beware of such bloggers…blacklist!

5 Screamer(s):

That Dirty Nigerian Vagina Song By Princess Vitarah

I used to say it all the time that the internet or rather social media is where you can easily amp up yourself to become popular provided you do something very different from the usual bandwagon of activity you see every day.

The only problem with something different is that it goes both the ways of good and bad. Unfortunately according to modern day tenets of public relations in entertainment, there’s no such thing as bad publicity which means that anything controversial or fresh thing you do that creates a buzz, be it good or bad will always boost your popularity.

Rebecca Black
We have numerous case studies that have proven this - like Rebecca Black who launched her debut song and video, Friday on Youtube in 2011 and got negative feedback as the song was reputed to have stupid lyrics, autotuned, recorded and arranged on a well-orchestrated beat. But not even the beat could save the stupid lyrics. She got so much negative publicity that made her popular and turned her into an overnight celebrity.

Vic O
Okay let me even move closer to home and reference someone from Nigeria – Vic O. He is that so-called artiste who everybody knows by now and his popularity is gathered from the negative publicity he has received due to the nature of his vocal delivery and his music. If you don’t know Vic O, you need to check out his videos and songs to know what I’m talking about.

Now moving on to the reason for this post – American based rapper, Princess Vitarah recently released a music video on Youtube titled Nigerian P*ssy.  She even included the lyrics to the song in the video description area. The song, as the title already precludes, is explicit and talks about nothing but the vagina, particularly the Nigerian Vagina (Hian! I feel weird talking about this). It equally berates its Ghanaian counterpart.

Princess Vitarah in the video
I must confess that I was caught off-balance by this video. In a world where we are still trying to live with controversial figures like Maheeda and Afrocandy who are fond of shocking us unexpectedly with risqué material, Princess Vitarah springs up with this lewd presentation of rap music that’s reminiscent of the likes of Nicki Minaj’s Anaconda.

Thank God the video did not show nudity or suggest it in anyway as that would have exploded to another level. Some people have started placing her in competition with Maheeda which I don’t think is necessary as Maheeda ‘shows the lewdness’ while Princess Vitarah ‘Speaks the lewdness’. Those are two different things.

Going through her Instagram/Youtube page, I could see that she had dropped two other videos before but probably never gotten all that popular until this controversial one that is catching attention like wildfire. The reactions to her video are mixed; many are condemning her on social media for doing such, others are commending her and somewhat feeling the song.

I wouldn’t commend this because I see it as an attempt to just blow by any means irrespective of whether it’s good or bad. I see this as what desperate artistes do when they’ve run out of options – like the way they do with music videos today when there’s no tangible concept; just have women twerking while the main act sings and cavorts about.

Who did this to this kid? He's everywhere in this rotten song
Watching the video, I noticed a white kid wearing a T-shirt with something like ‘Nigerian’ written on it was dancing all about . What the hell is a little kid doing in this video that’s glorifying the lucrativeness of the female genitalia? This boy who was barely into his teens (probably 5 or 6 years old) was in most of the scenes, especially the opening scene as though he was some kind of special eye-candy. I was forced to scream out on the Youtube comment page in the fashion of the popular Vine/Instagram meme ‘WHERE’S YOUR MOTHER??

That white guy who\s happy about Nigerian Vagina...
There's also this white dude that was doing a background dancer (or is it a waka-pass?) in dark shades and danshiki who ecstactically choruses the part that says 'Naija P**y is the tightest' as though he was a part of some insane occultic orgy experience. Why was the focus on him more than those other black dudes goofing around?  Me suspects that kid is his son - can someone say PARENTING FAIL?

There’s no way this is getting played on Naija airwaves,  I can bet my life on it! It’s gonna remain on the internet only. It’s just too raw and dirty for the general public. One thing for sure is that its going to end up on Worldstarhiphop for sure. That's where explicitly amusing stuff like this end up.

The video is not spectacular anyway and was obviously low budget - if there was any budget at all. If I muted it and just watched the visuals, I wouldn’t be ‘wowed’ and would never have imagined that it’s talking about the female private part. In terms of her ability to deliver lyrics, Princess Vitarah sounds way better than Vic O. She has potential but she obviously doesn’t have lyrics. Too bad she went this route because once you start like this, you have to keep doing it to stay where it’s getting you. And believe you me, the juice eventually runs out.

If you want to see the video you can go watch it on Youtube. There’s no way I’m embedding that risque song on my page.

0 Screamer(s):