Fatherhood Blues

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, July 01, 2009

The first time that strange feeling hit me was when I realized I was going to be married. Wow, so I’m gonna become a mister with a missus to bear my name; I’m about to become somebody’s hubby.

I felt like a Jambite who had just gained admission into the University of matrimony. Like every newbie, I got to learn what is and what’s not. And I did fine, I blended into the mix like milk blends into a hot cuppa coffee.

Next, I move from being a Hubby to being a Daddy and I’m excited and at the same time kinda scared – that strange feeling again. What kind of Dad am I gonna end up becoming? I started reading books, listening to messages and grasping anything that talks about fatherhood just to be all ready.
But it’s my babygirl who ends up calming my fears. 
Each time I carry her, all of a sudden I’m emotional. She gives me her wide eyed baby stare and seemed to say to me “Don’t worry Daddy, it’s gonna be alright”.
And I smile and hold her closer.

Today, she’s the reason I make sure I close on time at work, she’s the reason I look forward to going home, she’s the reason I look forward to going to see her grandparents (my parents), she’s also a reason I want to drive the car even when I normally wouldn’t feel like ‘cause I love to watch her in her car seat. She’s the reason for a lot of things.

I still can’t understand why some Dads end up abusing or destroying the life of their children. 
It’s one thing to be a Dad, its another thing to be a Father (Note that they are twoThat child sees you as a role model, as a small god to look up to. If she’s a girl, you’ll be the first date she’ll ever have and its what she sees in you that will inform the kind of men she’ll look out for (provided you bring her up well). If he’s a boy, you’ll be the first best friend and mentor in what it takes to be a real man (provided you are one).

Children are a gift. Ever since I watched my wife grow in size in pregnancy till those powerful moments in the delivery room and the first glimpse of little Timi, I have come to appreciate children more than ever. Each time I see a little child, my heart skips a beat and I’m drawn to relate with them more than I used to before. And I know its because I’m now a different person; I’m a father.