When Val Sucks...Not!

I sat in my car yesterday morning listening to a call-in program where the hosts wanted people to call in and tell them how they spent their Val the day before. Unfortunately, all the callers they ever got told them their Val sucked. The most outrageous being a chick who said she spent her Val at home eating ‘Eba’. The hosts were stunned and asked about her guy, she said she had none and that she was okay romancing a plate of nice ‘Eba’ at home.

Hmm... Val’s day definitely sucked for many people; maybe it was because it fell on a Monday which was a no-nonsense day of the week. Fela Anikulapo-Kuti’s song testifies to it in his classic ‘Lojo Monday, Eko o ni gbagbakugba o’ (On Monday, Lagos won’t tolerate any nonsense).

As for me, Vals day was sweet!

My Vals day actually started from a pre-val outing on Sunday 13th. I took wifey to a married couples get-together dinner event called ‘Honeymoon4ever’. We had games, Q&As, a speaker who spoke extensively on Finance and Marriage and lots more. But the most interesting part of the event was the interactive session where different couples shared their take on how sex affects finance and vice versa.

Most of the men talked in favour of themselves or just spoke out of context. I wasn’t surprised. When it comes to talking about sex, people get extra excited. In this case, they got so excited and veered away from the main topic. The anchor had to keep asking; ‘Okay, so how does that affect finance?’

One guy was talking and his wife was pinching him not to let out stuff and he told the audience that she was pinching him to keep shut. Another guy talked so extensively about his wife’s mannerisms in the bedroom that when she tried to sneak away the anchor drew attention to her.

Eventually I raised my hand to speak. Wifey was backing me so she wasn’t aware. When the microphone was handed to me, a ‘what-in-the-world-is-he-going-to-say?’ look was written all over her face. I took the mic, cleared my throat and spoke.

‘Ladies and Gentlemen, before I speak, could you please applaud my wonderful wife.’

Applause and cheers followed before I continued.

‘You’ll ask me why I requested for an applause. It’s because she’s a smart woman.’

Slight laughter filled the hall.

‘Naturally, I’m a frugal person when it comes to spending cash and that means you don’t get cash out of me so easily but one night my wife seriously ‘dealt with me’ in the bedroom and when she asked for money, I gave her without even thinking! Now that’s sex affecting finance!’

The whole room was thrown into guffaws and spasmodic cheering. The women felt good; at least this was a credit to them. But the most glad of them all was Wifey herself. This seemed to encourage the women because the next person who picked the microphone was the wife who had been pinching her hubby.

On our way home, wifey went on and on about it; she felt so honored and surprised. I could see this new glow on her face. I had made her day. This goes on to show the importance of appreciating your woman; it’s a powerful tool, especially if it has a surprise element to it.

The next day which was Val, we went out after work and bought buckets of ice cream and some suya (she loves these) and settled down at home to eat while watching a romantic comedy together. Forget the idea of taking her out to any Val joint, I hate the way those places get crowded during the period.

And at least if you considered it to someone eating ‘Eba’ at home during the love season, I think we enjoyed Val better!

Sorry! This post should have actually come up on the 14th which was Valentine’s day but thanks to the crappy internet connection and one delay or the other, I couldn’t.

8 Screamer(s):

Jaycee said...

Such a smart woman. Lol. I really liked your funny comment about your wife.

Diamond said...

LOL...aww I like oh..
eya eba is not bad tho..what of the one who said he made ewa goyin and dodo for vals since no girlfirend while is housemates devoured the meal..double trouble

Lol. Must have been a hilarious event. Your wifey must be really chuffed. Good that you kept things in perspective and spent val's day doing what you both loved.

doll said...


Afrobabe said...

lol...Happy vals day to u and wifey...

I spent mine with a plate of rice and chicken...a step up from Eba!!!

KATALYST said...

Hi, i want to ask for permission to post this write up on facebook with full acknowledgement.pls let me know what u think. U may add me pls; OLANIYI SOYINKA or send me ur name as it appears on FB.

Afronuts said...


@Diamond…lol! ewa agoyin ke?

@Maid of H…yea..she was.


@Afrobabe…I knew it! How else would u have spent it?

@Katalyst...Ok.You have my permission…just credit it to Kush or The Kush Chronicles

Chris Konor said...

Wow...nice article

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