5 Similarities Between Beer And Football

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Warning! You might find this post offensive if you are a soccer or beer lover!

So don't blast me for airing my opinion...lol!

People seemed to be under the spell of these two subject matters. I remember the day some guys invited me to drink with them and when I told them I don't drink they looked at me as if i had committed abomination and affirmed that I was not a 'guy'. (What ever the hell that meant!)

Then one day I'm seated at my desk and someone walks in and on seeing a match playing on the office TV asks me what I think about the match played between 'this team' and 'that team'. I told him I'm not into football and he looked at me as if I had made a sacriledgious statement. He even proded another guy to tell him 'Can you believe that he's not into football?'

That pissed me off. Seriously...what is the big deal with football? Why is it a do or die affair?

It got me thinking strongly. Eventually I came to the conclusion that soccer was just as pointless as alcohol with this list.

1. Both have ‘shrines’ where they are worshipped by loyalists. Visit beer parlours after work hours and you’re bound to see devotees of the green and brown bottles sitting at tables and engaging in the periodic ritual of alcohol consumption. Visit any soccer viewing centre during any Nigerian match or during the leagues or premierships, or just check out any shop that has a TV on display showing the match, you’ll find people glued to the screen and chattering over facts of the game like nothing mattered more in the world.


2. Both have nasty consequences when taken to the extreme. What is likely to happen when a disagreement or hot argument breaks out between fans of opposing football teams? And what happens when a beer drinker has had too much beer than he can take – especially if he has to drive home? I leave the rest to your imagination.

3. Both are addictive. I’ve seen the way some of my colleagues are anxious for the closing hours to draw near because they have urgent appointments at bars or beer parlours; I’ve seen how when someone is doing his or her birthday and shares soft drinks round, a number of guys feel insulted that no beer was offered as an option. And I’ve seen how a match that’s starting on TV can make guys in the office gather round a screen, forgetting where they are, forgetting who’s Oga and who’s junior. Place three or four guys that like soccer together in a room and give one of them a sports magazine, soon the room will turn into a football analysis and discussion arena.

4. Both are a waste of time that people don’t see as a waste of time. I think this is better understood if we were to define soccer and beer from another truthful point of view. So what is Soccer? It is an event where people pay to go and watch 20 or more grown men kick a piece of leather ball about. The players get paid for kicking the ball about. The fans don’t get paid for dancing, screaming and supporting. And beer? Beer is just water mixed with some extracts that is bottled and sold to people who think they need it. And while the breweries, bars and parlours are making good money, the drinkers are paying good money to get…well nothing, just drunken with disorders and pot-bellied.

5. Both are partners in crime. Seen the latest Naija Harp beer TV ad where three guys supporting a certain football club enter a bar filled with supporters of the opposing team watching the match on TV? The opposing team supporters look menacingly at them as they come in. Then they also order for a Harp which everyone happens to be drinking and that’s when they all break into smiles. It’s amazing how football too can make enemies unite together to achieve one aim – scream their heads off over how grown men kicking a leather ball can make some ‘meaningful’ impact. Picture this familiar scene: A match is about to start in a guy’s house. Friends come over to gather in the living room to watch…what else? Beer surfaces and they all settle down...usual huh?

Well...with these few yarns of mine I hope I've been able to confirm and not confuse you that beer and football get strange similarities!