Only In Naija 4 [Photos]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Tuesday, June 11, 2013

In Nigeria all odd things are very possible. Amusing stuff happens everyday; things that would probably be out of place elsewhere. Not to say the western world doesn't have its own share of oddities but if you've ever lived in Nigeria or grown up there, you's probably be familiar with things like these.

For any Nigerian who grew up in this country, I bet you'd be familiar with some of the things displayed in these series of 'only in Naija pictures.

Only in Naija is a ghana-must-go bag designed by Louis Vuitton

Only in Naija will see a smoked fish seller using ipad

Only in Naija does every tom, dick and hilarious oddity release an album

Only in Naija can Obama be given chieftaincy title on canvas

Only in Naija can Coca cola run out of Fanta bottles

Only in Naija can 007's Skyfall have an okoro version

Only in Naija can you find mass market of pirated Dr. Dre headphones

Only in Naija does this kind of diet make sense

Only in Naija do houses also do color blocking

Only in Naija does Kolanut makes sense on an Igbo wedding cake

Only in Naija can your shirt turn out to be the same material with table cloth

Only in Naija are students terrorized
with images like this in textbooks

Only in Naija is the absence of meat on top of a plate of rice considered an insult

Only in Naija can you find boutiques for okrika on wheels 

Only in Naija can you improvise wipers like this and get away with it.

Only in Naija can a kerosene stove compete with a candle

Only in Naija will you find a staple food that both the poor and rich can't resist.

Only in Naija can eggs replace the meat on a plate of rice.

Only in Naija does nothing ever go to waste

Only in Naija can Obama be drafted into the Nigerian army without his permission

Only in Naija is the charging of phones becoming an industry

Only in Naija schools will this combination make sense

Only in Naija is this culturally legal...if I make sense

Only in Naija? Not really!

Only in Naija will you find unique boy bands like this 

Only in Naija will you find youth corpers in full hijabs

Only in Naija will you find okrika 'nyansh' pads for women with low self esteem

Only in Naija can bananas play the role of cake

Only in Naija will some knucklehead use
a bottle of Gulder for holy communion

Only in Naija do our power supply company
have a renown 'pet' names

Only in Naija is being the president's friend a job!

Did I mention earlier that its only in Naija that
Coca Cola runs out of  Fanta bottles?
Yeah...this is another one!

Sagging....even in the mosque, only in Naija!

Only in Naija can the back of a pick-up truck double as a jacuzzi

Only in Naija can a dude borrow his sister's jeans.

Naah...this can't be Naija. Why did I put this here sef?

Only in Naija can a groom get his butt seriously kicked at his Bach eve
and still  make the wedding. We are die-hards!

Only in Naija can a sachet of pure water bear an intimidating name.

I'm not sure which one made me laugh the most.Which one cracked you up the most? 

Vulgarity Or Sense in Music: Which Sells More?

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Saturday, June 08, 2013

By Guest Writer: Tofarati

Apparently, this is not news. Sense eloped from our music industry years ago. Gone are the days when musicians were appreciated and lauded for their inspiring and motivating lyrics.

The times have disappeared when Pastors and Imams could borrow from the song books of our artistes and infuse in their sermons.

Nowadays, a man cannot even sing along to some of the popular “hits” in the country with his children.

Where are we heading to?

Growing up, music was often times my best friend. At times, when I couldn’t open up my mind to anyone; family and friends alike, music was always there to comfort and soothe me.

I recall with painful nostalgia how I used to idolize musicians based on the strength of their lyrics alone.

Those were the days when I’d quote a musician to win an argument.

But now, what’s there to quote? Buttocks shaking, drunkenness and whoredom? How times have changed.

A very wise man once said, music is the food of the soul. Pray tell, what sort of food are our musicians feeding us these days? Nothing but junk of the worst kind!

I’m sorry I didn’t get the memo, but when was it decided that watery and foolish lyrics are the only ways to capture the attention of the audience? Must commercial music be senseless?

Nowadays, I hear a lot of musicians saying, all they really need is a good beat, then they’d just hop on and mumble all sorts of gibberish, and with proper promo, the music will be a hit? I utterly disagree with that!

A dancehall party track can still evocate sense. It can still impart tangible life lessons while hastening the steps of the dancer to the thumping of the bass line.

We really need to get back to the basics. There is a need for total overhaul in the music industry.

However, before I go further, let me say here that I would be very naïve and uninformed if I blame the artistes/musicians alone for all this.

The fault lies more with the consumers; the general public who eagerly lap up these songs.

It is commonplace to hear people commenting that Nigeria is very tough, and so, when they want to listen to music, they prefer a feel good song that’ll make them dance and forget their worries.

Yet these same people will march their children to mosques and churches while dispensing strict admonitions on moral conduct. Jonzing world!

Don’t we realize the power of music? A musician may be able to reach and influence more people than even the President or religious leaders.

Music is a culture on its own, and it has a more entrenched effect than the orthodox ones.

Nonsense feel-good songs, and sense making feel-better songs are the difference between “Raves of the moment,” and “Classic evergreen.”

We have very good examples in icons like King Sunny Ade (KSA), Ebenezer Obey, Bob Marley, Fela Anikulapo Kuti and so many others. These are (were) musicians who released songs in the 70s yet are still relevant today. Those songs still get massive airplay, and even children born of later generations drink from the time tested values and lessons taught in those songs. That is because they were aware of their role as prophets. Musicians are prophets and they hold a sacred duty to speak for, and to the people.

Another good and contemporary example is the legend himself, 2face Idibia. Even when 2baba is making a party track, you’re still sure to come away with something tangible. His latest effort, Ihe Neme, is a party track, yet it still finds time to remind us that, “Change is the only thing constant in life” while relating it to the life of the artiste, who has evolved (changed) over time, yet remaining true to his musical ideology. That is why 2face will always BE THERE (pun intended).

Some musicians only manage to stay relevant for three months, some for shorter periods of time. That is because they and their music have been weighed, and found to be lacking in depth and substance.

Ask Asa, Nneka, BankyW and even Sound Sultan, and I’m sure they’d corroborate me. Vulgarity sells, but sense sells more!

Images Courtesy

www.iwallfinder.com
www.stangscartoonsandlols.tumblr.com

Tofarati is a singer, rapper, poet, writer, thinker, philosopher, actor, compere,comedian, dj and empowerment activist. He cuts the picture of a multi-dimensional 'jack of all trade,' but chooses to call himself a total entertainer. He believes that for true learning to take place, there has to be a fun element. He is the author of two books; 'Town Crier' and 'Oriki' (Praise Poetry) which are available online. To order copies send a mail to grandtycoonfanclub@yahoo.com. For more information you can call on +234 8124533044 

A Menace That's Killing Faster Than HIV – EXAM MALPRACTICE

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, June 05, 2013

By Guest writer: Ebenezar Wikina

  

Who is an illiterate? The village farmer who cannot spell his name? Or the kid with a bucket of pure water on his head who cannot recite A,B,C to Z? Well, society calls these two people illiterates. But do you know they are not very different from some people that wear school uniforms and claim to be educated?

In July 2012 the Director General of the National Orientation Agency(NOA), Mr Mike Omeri, announced that Nigeria had been ranked number one on the World's examination malpractice Index  (i.e Nigeria has the highest rate of examination malpractice in the world). 

In the May/June 2012 School Certificate Examination conducted by NECO, a total of 615,010 cases of malpractice were recorded; a huge increase compared to 439,529 recorded cases in 2011--these figures represent the reported cases, imagine many other cases that were not reported. If nothing is done, the estimated cases will be up to 1,000,000 cases in 2013. And following the mass failure in the 2013 UTME exams, i think we really exceeded that figure. 

What are we doing to our nation? Parents? Teachers? Exam board members? Students, what are we doimg to Nigeria?

These days students go into the examination hall full of confidence, not because they've spent nights burning candles to prepare for the exam. But because they know the evil invigilators will take a token to give them the answers to the questions they would be asked in the exam.

A Candidate downloading cheat-answers on a mobile phone

Examination malpractice had drowned the Nigerian educational system and it's quickly destroying our future. It's defeating the goal of education which is to equip students(youths) with knowledge and skills to face many of life's responsibilities. Who will we blame in the future when we have a president that can't read his own speech? Who will be the teachers in future? Is it these same ones that copy to pass?

What has happened to self worth and Academic Integrity? Even the few students that have decided to stand their ground and write with their heads are treated harshly by invigilators... WAEC, JAMB, NECO and other examinations in Nigeria have now become a joke. What hurts most is that even the parents that claim to love their kids are now encouraging their kids to go on cheating. There's now too much emphasis on  'paper certificates' and 'grades' instead of the knowledge people are meant to acquire from school. 

These days we have many university graduates that are illiterate of the field they just studied. Yet they'd have a first class, or a second class upper.

Money cannot buy knowledge, it will only buy you a good grade you can't defend. I pray our youths understand this fact. . . We say corruption is the main problem in Nigeria. But please don't forget that Examination Malpractice is the bedrock of corruption. Show me a student that'd pay five hundred to get an 'A grade in physics and I'll show you that same student ten years later looting from the national treasury. We better act before it is too late. 

Join and support the campaign aimed that eradicating this menace from the society -- READnotRUNS.

You can know more about the campaign by checking our facebook campaign at www.facebook.com/READnotRUNS

Change a Child, and you can change the world.

Ebenezar Wikina is a writer, Spoken word artist, blogger, book activist/Education crusader, Online United Nations Volunteer, Talent activist and aspiring Biomimicry Professional (he's currently working towards setting up Biomimicry Nigeria; a new field of science that imitates nature to solve human problems). His love for ideas, creativity and innovation made him to be part of the Organizing Team of TEDx Stadium Road, the first TEDx event in the Niger Delta. He also works with UNESCO's Youth Peace ambassador for Nigeria, Akinyemi Oluwayinka John, and he believes the solution to Nigeria's impending problem is buried in her Youth and Children...

You can contact him via the following;

Twitter: @poeticjazz, 

Facebook: www.facebook.com/poeticjazz

Email:  ebenezarwikina@gmail.com

Images courtesy

www.informationng.com
www.Jackophite.com

A Year Since The Dana Air Crash...

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Monday, June 03, 2013

Today marks a year after the tragedy of the Dana Air crash in the suburbs of Iju-Agege, Lagos on the fateful Sunday morning of June 3rd 2012.

That tragedy led me to do a post entry in the memory of all those that were on board. When I started this post, I didn't know it was going to turn into something big. I went about the internet, checking on the manifest of the passengers and searching out their photos. I uploaded so many of them such that it triggered a followership and before I knew it, family members of the victims began sending me never before seen photos of their loved ones to upload on the memorial post. The post had the highest number views in the history of this blog.

Also I partook in an anthology collection that was put together by Naija Stories in memory of the crash victims. Its a beautiful collection of stories, poetry and articles that tug at our hearts and remind us of the importance of valuing life and loved ones.Even the cover of the anthology came from the photo collage (as seen above) which I did for my own entry in the anthology.

The anthology is available and free for download in PDF format.

Click here to download it

And so we remember the souls of the dearly departed and for their loved ones, the strength to live through the memory of this tragedy. They have left voids that can never be filled but by God's love and comfort.

May their souls continue to rest in peace.

Click here to view the memorial of the departed.

39 Weird Facts You Probably Never Knew.

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Saturday, June 01, 2013

Some things are just too ridiculous to fathom but they are just the truth...if they are not a conspiracy. Check out these ones.

1.Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories per hour.

2.The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

3.You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

4.A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

5.An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

6.A rhinoceros's horn is made of compacted hair.

7.The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896... Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.

8.Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

9.Shakespeare invented the words "assassination" and "bump".

10.Marilyn Monroe had six toes.

11.Women blink nearly twice as often as men.

12.The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.

13.A snail can sleep for 3 years.

14.Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

15.Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite

16.A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

17.The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."

18."Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

19.A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

20.It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

21.The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; "7" was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces. "UP" indicated the direction of the bubbles.

22.Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.

23.Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

24.Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

25.Adolph Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.

26.Walt Disney was afraid of mice

27.Pearls melt in vinegar.

28.Richard Milhouse Nixon was the first US president whose name contains all the letters from the word "criminal

29.The second? William Jefferson Clinton.

30.What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?  All were invented by women.

31.What is the only food that doesn't spoil? - Honey

32.Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear & smell better.

33.The name 'Jeep' came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.

34.The nursery rhyme "Ring Around the Rosey" is a rhyme about the Black Plague. Infected people with the plague would get red circular sores ("Ring around the Rosey"), these sores would smell very badly so common folks would put flowers on their bodies (inconspicuously), so that it would cover the smell of the sores ("a pocket full of posies"). Furthermore, people who died from the plague would be burned so as to reduce the possible spread of the disease ("ashes, ashes, we all fall down").

35.The first Novel ever written on a typewriter was "Tom Sawyer"

36.TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on the one top row of the keyboard.

37.Most lipstick contains fish scales

38.A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

39.Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.

The Ringa rosey nursery rhyme fact was the weirdest and creepiest for me. 

Which one was the weirdest for you?