Signs of the Times 5 [Photos]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Saturday, April 13, 2013

This is the 5th of the funny photo series I collected titled Signs of the Times. I've always said it that there's comedy everywhere; on signboards, road signs, labels etc. Its just a matter of keeping an eagle eye out to spot one. I got some of these ridiculous pics online and I snapped some myself. You'd be amazed what you can find when you're on the lookout with your phone's camera about Naija. 

What manner of Fufu are they selling?
And is the rice they sell meant to be airborne or something?

Only in Naija will you find people who will break
the law under an enforcer's nose.

Naija people just love to add curses to stuff
...even if its a sign that's meant to teach you toilet etiquette.

I'd love to hug Jesus like that too
...but He wouldn't be a photoshopped painting.

This Naija movie, 'A Wish' has foreign actors starring in it?
Or was some knucklehead sleeping at his computer.

Gone are the days when plastic containers,
napkins et al were given as wedding souvenirs.
Now they're giving away bread too...I don't know if its Agege bread oh.

*Trying to imagine what a female computer looks like*
I give up!

Psquare now have a popcorn business...or is this a joke?

This is a wedding? Looks like a blockbuster Yoruba Nollywood
movie waiting to happen!

Hahaha...did you see the one above about LAWMA?
Yes...this is another one!

lol...I refuse to mention the name of this reputable news magazine,
although they tried to save their  butts with the notice below.

Seriously, I almost thought this was that drink called Smirnoff Ice.
This is Palmwine with packaging!

Hahaha...Got this from my cousin. A dating anniversary cake...na wah oh

Spot the anomaly in this banner.

Tribute to Iyanya's music...?

If don't know why this is a funny pix, google 'Zule Zoo'

The reason why he never won the election is clear on this poster...lol

Haa! What has Jesus got to do with beer?

Even fufu joints now have corporate arrangements.

One drug can do all that?
(click to enlarge and read it)

You can 'ping' on these products?

Quick ejaculation ke? This is what happens when English is someone's enemy!

Even if you no know book, you are qualified!

Just read...I can't shout...lol!

Protesting with Breasts: Aluta Breastalia? [With Photos]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Tuesday, April 09, 2013

By now you might have heard the news of the topless female activist group called ‘Femen’ that stormed the Hanover trade fair in Germany which Russian President Vladimir Putin was visiting on Monday along with the German Chancellor Angela Merkel. The women were there to protest the unfair jailing of feminist punk band, P***y Riot (Haba…see name!).

Activist lady with liver bares it all. Check out everyone's faces.

It’s not the first instant of such protests by women believed to belong to the ‘Femen’ group (Abeg, what kind of name is that – ‘Femen’? A hybridization of ‘Female’ and ‘Semen’?). They have done this in many places in different countries. I guess that says that they must have some sort of strong network. But that would probably be across Europe and America.

Topless activists = Pointless agenda?

Definitely not in Nigeria.  

Okay, there have actually been some cases but most of the time it involved indigenous old women and it had some fetish juju or traditional affiliation like we had in Ekiti and Ogun state some time ago. I have never heard of Nigerian ladies stripping half naked to protest.

Old mamas in Ekiti do the topless protest accompanied by traditional rites

There was a report that during the protest by UNILAG students on the decision to change the school’s name to MAULAG, some students protested half naked but that was just a story concocted over a photo that caught a pair of half-naked girls peeping at the protest from a hall of residence.  No student would ever dare let out her tatas to protest because they know very well that the objective would backfire on them.

Femen activists - voyeuristic photographers' dream come true.

But seriously…has this kind of boob-baring public protest ever worked? What is the sense in it? Ever since feminists started burning their bras, they seem to have also burned common sense along with it. No wonder womanists make more sense than them.

I’ve actually wondered what the aim of such so-called activists is. As a student back in the higher Institution, I’ve seen what it means to embark on a protest; those aggressive Aluta demonstrations were for a cause or the other. There were some actions and boycotts that were embarked on to enable the authority at hand to give in to their demands.

But how on earth is someone supposed to want to change his or her mind because some ladies decide to do an angry/aggressive strip tease before them? Does that turn out to be some sort of intimidation I don’t know about?

Take a look at the Vladimir Putin scenario as captured by this photographer.

Stupid lady made Putin's day instead of ruining it.

Check out Putin’s face, you can see that he was rather amused and entertained than harassed. According to reports, Putin had said he liked watching the pretty chicks show off their valuables. He later sarcastically thanked the women for calling the news media's attention to the gathering. The women, three in number, had found their way to the front of the president's entourage and stripped half naked before him shouting expletives full of F-words. Putin did not understand jack from all the mumbo jumbo they were saying. He just enjoyed the show.

Hahaha…just look at his face…Putin the Presidential Perv.

A.Y's Kim Kardashian Spoof - Hilarious! [Photo + Video]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Friday, April 05, 2013

Fresh on youtube is this hilarious skit by A.Y the comedian. It was actually a spoof of Kim Kardashian's visit to Nigeria. On seeing the thumbnail picture I wondered who the actress who played Kim was till I saw that it was Juliet Ibrahim, a half-caste Ghanaian actress.

The video was really funny!

Juliet looked so much like Kim in an extra sun-tanned way. A.Y played multiple roles of Kanye West and Darey Art Alade. The video also spoofed elements of 'my Oga at the top' and Tuface Idibia's child-bearing notoriety. There was also a tribute to the big hips of Nigerian women.

The hilarious parts were those ones were Naija lingos and indigenious slangs popped up now and again.
It's a good watch and well produced spoof.

Okay let me not drop too many spoilers. You need to see it yourself if you haven't seen it.

Nice one AY!

Abi he no try?

The 'Gbagauns' of Yoruba Nollywood 3 [Photos]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Thursday, April 04, 2013

From the stables of our accidentally hilarious Yoruba arm of Nollywood comes another collection of 'gbagauns' which I gathered in an all round search on the internet. That is not to say I'm not on a lookout to capture any if I happen at anytime to see it on Yoruba Africa Magic.

The funny thing is that reading these grammatical blunders of subtitles make the person in the picture really look bad; even if they are speaking the correct thing, it looks as if they're not. Nobody sees the subtitle person, they only see the person on the screen. It just gives the funny impression that they can't speak good English.

So all Yoruba Nollywood actors and actresses take note - bad subtitlers may be ruining your reputation!

Sounds like an illiterate trying to quote
The King James version of the Bible. 

In real life this kind of gbagaun can make you lose chances of wooing a lady.

There wasn't really a gbagaun here but the use 'Sokoto' shows that
the subtitle person had no idea what the English  translation was.

Is he implying that Garri has replaced alcohol?

With a facial expression like that and a violent butchering of English,
she really does sound convincing.

What on earth is a Pomangene Juice? Is it another name for Zobo?

Peak? Is that a new phone slang? I would have said the subtitle person
missed  'S' before the 'Peak' but that would be unrealistic.

No gbagaun here actually but this scenario is kind of stupid and funny.

*Tries to get the meaning,. Starts to have an headache. Gives up*

Hahaha! See how they are messing up this fine girl's
rep with an insane gbagaun.

He wants to go stand before a mirror and hiss at himself?
Or am I missing something?

No gbagaun here but it was a funny scenario.
Spiderman makes a cameo appearance in a yoruba movie.

A shurty? What is that? Confused subtitle person
definitely didn't know how to express  what was being said.

Chickens are now suspect in intriguing situations.

He must have done it through time travel.
That's the only excuse for this grammatic shotgun

I had my university education in Nigeria and I know
 there's no 'Upper' in 'First class'! Who were they trying to fool?

Another time travel scenario where a lesson was taught
...or how do you explain the 'came?

Its official. You can now be arrested by mental police...abi?

No gbagaun here. But that retarded look coupled with
her ignorance was a priceless laugh.

Wow...so a thorough ass-whooping can make one a Picasso right?
Or are you saying 'fainted' with Hausa accent?

With a look like that on his face, it looks as if
he actually spoke this truncated English

And that about wraps it on this third installment of The 'Gbagauns' of Yoruba Nollywood. I'd still collect more if I could find though its getting hard to get them online. If you ever have one please feel free to send it to me at kushmond@yahoo.com.

Cheers y'all.

I've Got something to say this Easter

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Sunday, March 31, 2013

Yeah...I believe in Jesus and not easter bunnies.

Have an awesome Easter holiday and thank you all for visiting this blog.

Please drop a comment of greeting in return...it's highly appreciated!

Is Naija Brewing a Porn Industry? [Warning NSFW!]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Friday, March 29, 2013

Back in the past, the Naija movie industry has been known to do movies that were didactic in nature, movies that left a positive message behind. In those days there were reasons to go to a cinema to watch Naija classics back then. Even in the early venture of the industry onto VHS format, movies were morally powerful then; a lot of exposition took place – eye openers that brought us to understand realities of the our peculiar communities.

Nowadays things seem to have rapidly changed.

Today, movies that teach lessons have diminished terribly. Today movies that shamelessly explore sex and in the process becoming some sort of soft-porn are emerging all over the place. Initially, Ghanaian movies were notorious for doing this but it seems Naija has caught the bug and started churning out its own collection of the filth.  Even the indigenous part of the industry – that is talking mainly of Yoruba movies – has also been affected and has degenerated. Today some of these movies are no longer ashamed to parade nudity or showcase graphic sex scenes. A typical example is the movie Ija Ashewo which starts with an unnecessary graphic sex scene that I doubt was actually acted.

The scene from Ija Ashewo

One thing I came to realize was that the movies that showcased all the smut and graphic sex were movies produced by desperate Alaba market filmmakers. Bigger budget Nollywood flicks like the ones that won awards at the Africa Magic Viewers Choice Awards don’t dabble into this area because seriously, it’s not necessary.  Check out the movies that all these things – you’ll discover that they are low budget flicks that are usually not produced with high-tech equipment.

The alarming thing is that more of these flicks keep coming out and I’ve come to notice that many of the women who feature in them are new faces in the industry – could it be that some wanna-be actresses are ready to go nude on screen just to get there? This is dangerous as it would give rise to a boom in more movies with more nudity.

And for well known actors and actresses featuring in flicks like these, they should be ashamed of themselves. One of such flicks was Room 027 which featured Tony Umez and Collins Onwochei – faces that have been prominent in Nollywood and also in daytime soaps. The lady who was in sex scenes with both actors was stark naked as shown in the trailer – and she was an unknown face. I sued to think Umez was a descent actor but seeing him star in a flick like this makes me to think he has ventured into soft-porn. The movie producers even make the matters worse with trailers that make it look like soft porn.

Bold 5 Babes has a scene of a girl running with all her boobs out in view
apart from the very graphic sex scene above.

All over the internet, the movie Bold 5 babes has been seen as another venture into soft porn with unknown or unpopular faces doing what seasoned actors dare not do. Presently, there’s a movie being advertised on Silverbird Television titled Girls in the Mood.  Apart from the disturbing title, I discovered that the movie’s trailer on TV does not have the filthy sex parts seen in the trailer on the internet.  Also, the faces in that movie were wanna-be actresses as well with the exception of Annie Macaulay, Tuface Idibia’s wife. She has starred in flicks of this nature. I hope married life will change that.

Girls in the Mood not only has a dirty suggestive poster
(with unknown faces) but also has nudity and amplified sex scenes.

If I ever want to buy a Naija movie, I know I will end up buying movies by Obi Emenloye, Royal Arts Academy, Tunde Kelani…and the likes. These are the wheat that are separated from the chaff of naija soft-porn parading themselves as movies.

Smart Steps to Taking a Good Mirror Photo

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Thursday, March 28, 2013

All over the internet pictures of people taking their photographs before bathroom or bedroom mirrors are a common thing to see. By simply googling ‘taking photo by mirror’ you’ll get tons and tons of photos of people snapping before a mirror, some decent and cute, others wild, insane or dirty; it all depends on each person’s objective for taking the photo.

But I’ve come to notice that everybody seems top always take the photo the same way; most don’t even think of how they could do it without letting the device used for snapping show in the picture. It’s become a common thing to just hold your camera, phone or ipad (rare case) before the mirror and snap with it also showing. 

However, there’s a smart way of taking the picture without letting the snapping device show. I got Tobi, a co-worker who’s also a blogger to model for me and demonstrate the proper way to use a mirror to snap your picture without the device showing.

The Usual Way

Usually when people want to take their photos, they hold the camera the way Tobi is holding it - with the camera lens facing the mirror so that they can view themselves on the screen. The problem with this is that your device will be in view and your picture composition will end up giving away the fact that you used a mirror to take the picture. Devices such as some phones and digital cameras that have flash even make the matter worse because the flash will appear in the mirror like the picture of the guy in glasses in the collage above.

The Smart Way

Now if Tobi held the camera differently in the opposite direction – that is by turning the lens of the camera to face her so that the screen faces the mirror, she can now monitor her pose on the screen as reflected on the mirror and take her photo. If her device has a flash, it will bounce on her instead of bouncing on the mirror. This will make the picture even clearer as the flash is put to its actual use.

Enjoy snapping away!

A Slice of Onepageafrica

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Anytime I come across a blog owned by a journalist, I always expect something either something professional or something that is on the lighter side of life. In the case of Debby Baro’s blog, ‘A Slice of Life’, she mixes the two and it makes the name of her blog apt.

From the aesthetic green template with a symbolic masthead down to the informative content, A Slice of Life is a blog that’s cute and unique in its own way. One thing that can’t be ignored is the fact that it carries rare articles that you may not easily see on other blogs. I’ll say this must be the advantage of Debby being a journalist and a PR expert; she most definitely would have access to info a regular blogger may not have. Apart from feature articles and news, she also does true-life stories on the blog. If you are equally looking for stories on the arts, cultural heritage, events and exhibitions, you find stuff on them on this blog. Thought provoking materials are not left out – articles that examine true life situations and experiences can be found on the blog.

‘A Slice of Life’ sits on the url of www.onepageafrica.com which equally points to the fact that Debby took steps to professionalize her blog by registering a domain name. I have seen many blogs on the internet and many are not seriously run due to epileptic postings of its owners and lack of reasonable content to blog about but with onepageafrica.com or A Slice of Life, it’s not like that. This is actually a blog that could be useful to someone researching on stuff on Africa and mostly Nigeria in general. I’ve had cases where someone once sent a mail or comment to me thanking me for doing a post entry that really helped him in a school assignment he was doing; he found useful information and references on my site. This is the kind of stuff Onepageafrica offers.

The site is well laid out and arranged. Normally one would want to credit that to the template designers but even when you get a template, you’d still have to work on it to suit your taste. These type of changes can be seen on onepageafrica in the labeled menu under the masthead which helps for easy navigation to any preferred topic of interest.

To be honest, it’s not easy maintaining consistency on a blog that has a lot of info or detailed features. It takes a lot of effort and can almost require you having someone do it for you. Popular sites like Linda Ikeji’s blog has that, others like Myne Whitman’s blog have guest writers or feature credited works to keep up the pace. For sites like this one (and mine) who are managed by an individual, it requires a lot of diligence. Maybe Debby’s training as a journalist has helped in keeping the consistency but nevertheless for a blog that started off late last year, it’s an effort worth noting.

I’ll take it that the masthead was the default that came with the template because it would have been better if it had read onepageafrica for uniformity with the URL address.

Keep up the good work Debby, most especially the consisntency.