Randoms: 2 Naija Boys Stupid Nigga Moments, Mysterious River of Nachi, Alcohol sentenced to death, Jaiye Jaiye Video review

And so a Nigerian born gangster rapper based in the UK, Kayode Oshin decides to have a 'Nigga moment' and attempts to shoot a guy in a feud over drugs and money in Hounslow, West London but failed when the gun jammed. He still managed to fire a single bullet which injured the guy's brother in the neck. Now he gets away with it for the meantime but then does the dumbest thing - he proves he a 'real Nigga' and brags about the shooting in rap video on youtube! 


Kayode & Tahir in the video

And that's what gave investigators clues that led to his arrest.

I read the article and all I could just say was 'Ode!'

What in the world would make you think the gang culture and a criminal lifestyle was hip or cool?

One answer....Ignorance.

What is with all these yoruba boys committing heinous acts in the UK? The other day it was a muslim fundamentalist butchering an oyinbo soldier, now this.

The stupid boy was sentenced to 22 years in jail while his accomplice, Tahir Akinyele ( another stupid yoruba boy) bagged 14 years.


Kayode (mugshot)

Oh...and the two of them were currently serving sentences for stabbing incidents before.

Awon omokomo....mtchewww!


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Earlier in the week, the news was agog of a mysterious river in Nachi, a community in Udi Local Government of Enugu State, Nigeria. Report has it that people were turning the location into a pilgrimage centre because of the river's healing powers. 


'Pilgrims' in the water

The mysterious river was said to have been discovered by a Fulani cattle herdsman who said that he had just passed the bare location which all of a sudden moments later was flooded by water that wasn't there before. The strange occurrence aroused curiosity which led to the discovery that the water had healing powers.

A couple of old folks who had lived in the area for a long time decided to give historical accounts; whether they are true or not, one can't say but the second account seemed real: 

Speaking on the origin of the river, the traditional ruler of Nachi community, His Royal Highness, Igwe F.O Onuigbo, Obi II of Nachi, said that at his palace that the mystery River was older than him.He said “I used to pass through that area to attend school at Inyi-Achi in Oji River, in the early 40s. In those days, there is no water there, the only thing you see there is white sand. But once you get there and you are thirsty, all you need to do is to scratch the surface of the land and ask if for water, water will full your hand immediately if you are an upright person, but if you are evil, no water will come out. That has been the situation”.Another octogenarian, Chief Festus Ude said “later, we noticed that after some years, the water will form a stream there and would disappear in few weeks. If such happens, we will be fetching water there. However, women who are menstruating and evil people don’t go there. We never heard about healing power of the River until this recent appearance of the River.“The last time it appeared was in 1992, and at that time, it just formed a small stream, which later disappeared. It has never been as large as this. This is all I know, we have never known about its healing power, this is the first time we are hearing about healing, I don’t whether it is true, we equally heard it like you”.

Trust business people and traders to cash in on the opportunity. Before you know it, mammy markets have sprung up around the community; okada riders have turned the route to a fruitful one charging an arm and a leg to transport anyone to the place they no called 'River Jordan'. Photographers are not left out making good money. The location became a bustling business hub and while many came to be healed, others visited the scene for fun.


Okadas cash in on the opportunity


Booming business....keg sellers have a field day

Who said opportunity no dey where miracle dey happen? If Redeem Camp Conventions or Winners Shiloh gatherings can draw traders to leverage on the crowd, who says this modern day 'Pool of Bethesda' can't do the same?


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We apparently have not heard the last of Sharia in Northern Naija. Recently the Islamic form of justice has struck again in a rather amusing way in which thousands of bottles of beer where destroyed.


Hisbah officers in action
According to this excerpt:
In their latest move to put a stop to behaviour deemed 'immoral', the Police enforcing Islamic law in Kano state on Wednesday, destroyed 240,000 bottles of beer they had confiscated from trucks coming into the city.
According to AFP, the Sharia law enforcers called Hisbah, launched sweeping crackdowns in Kano since September, following a state government directive to cleanse the commercial state of “immoral” practices.
So, on Wednesday, a large bulldozer smashed the confiscated bottles to shouts of  “Allahu Ahkbar” (God is great) from supporters outside the Hisbah headquarters in Kano.Kegs containing more than 8,000 litres of a local alcoholic brew called burukutu and 320,000 cigarettes were also destroyed.
Kano’s Hisbah chief, Aminu Daurawa, at the bottle-breaking ceremony,  said he had the ardent hope this will bring an end to the consumption of such prohibited substances. We hope this measure will help restore the tarnished image of Kano,” said Daurawa.

“We hereby send warning to unrepentant offenders that Hisbah personnel will soon embark on an operation into every nook and cranny of the state to put an end to the sale and consumption of alcohol and all other intoxicants,” Daurawa said.

Am I the only one that finds this kind of funny? This people apparently have a lot of time on their hands. Are they aware they could get sued for destruction of property by owners of the beer brands? And how on earth will you suceed in totally riding an entire society of drinking beer?


Are those not Star bottles on the ground? I smell a lawsuit...

I'm not sure if declaring Jihad against bottles of alcohol will amount to anything except broken pieces of glass all over the place and more clean up work for people to do.


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We heard numerous times in the past of how the Nigerian government can be full of 'ghost workers' - which are fake staff that don't exist but whose names are being used to get additional renumeration by crooks in the ministries. And when the news hit that Delta State governor, Emmanuel Uduaghan, nominated a dead person for board appointment, I can't help but wonder if the 'ghost worker' thing was creeping up again. More shocking was the fact that the name had been sent even after the nominee, John Youmu, had passed on.
According to a report:

A prominent member of the Delta State House of Assembly said that the governor’s belated action was “evidence that Governor Emmanuel Uduaghan has lost focus.”  
Other legislators said that they were taken aback by the governor’s letter forwarded a letter with the names of nominees after he had inaugurated them, thereby violating the law. “Why did His Excellency send us names of nominees for state boards for screening and confirmation when the boards were inaugurated by the same governor some months ago?” one of the state lawmakers wondered. 
Several of the legislators wondered why none of the governor’s aides had warned him against inaugurating boards without first forwarding the names of their members to the state assembly for vetting and approval, as demanded by law.
The latest development, where a dead man’s name appeared on the governor’s list, caused consternation among Deltans who went to the state assembly to witness the screening and confirmation exercise. “Who come put dead man for board?” one of the spectators mused, speaking in pidgin language.

That is the question oh...who come close eye and common sense put dead body for appointment list?


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Toilicious asked me to do a brief review on the 'Jaiye Jaiye' video featuring Wizkid and Femi Kuti. I had been seeing the video play on TV a number of times but I always ignored it. 

You ask me why? 

Because there was no 'wow' factor in the video except for the end scene where the photo of late Afrobeat legend, Fela, blinked. That was the coolest aspect of the video because it says quite a lot and ties into the fact that some part of the song was a remix of one of Fela's popular songs. 


Best part of the video...!

It was a kind of relief to be seeing something other than female butt-cheeks flapping in front of the camera. From the beginning, Wizkid comes into a group of male dancers doing the popular Fela dance steps (Another Tribute to the Afrobeat legend). And after frolicking in the bush and on a bridge amongst foliage, he now appears in a club or rather the Afrika Shrine performing with Femi Kuti.


Doing the Fela dance step

I don't know why the director had to capture Femi Kuti at angles that looked like he was about to pass out. Those close-ups where not nice. And just when I thought video vixens weren't in the video, we see Afrike Shrine maidens doing what they know how to do best. But the director does a good job of not lingering on twerking behinds and only shows them very briefly. I'm suspecting because he didn't get a good angle in the shrine shot to focus well...lol.


Afrika Shrine vixens at work

Still, its an average and okay video that merges Wizkid's fans together with Femi and Fela fans would like. Though if you ask me about the lyrics, the disjointedness is obvious and its contents are forced - first Wizkid's singing about living the good life and thanking God for it all, then he switches to Fela's 'She go say I be lady oh'.
I was like 'Ehn?' with my mouth twisted in confusion.

Seriously...nothing spectacular about the video..except for that last shot with Fela's photo.



Is Wizzy endorsing Star Beer or using the name for his?

And in one of the scenes we see Wizkid dancing before crates of Star Lager Beer. My question would be this: Is he endorsing Star Beer or just leveraging on the fact that his label is called STAR boy? 

Just wondering ni oh!   

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And that about wraps up today's randoms from news through the week!


























2 Screamer(s):

Oshiomole's Scathing Remark to an Erring widow - Should we judge quickly? [Pictures + Video]


I've known Edo State Governor Adams Oshiomole to be a man of the people, I've known him to be a strict person but I'm not so sure on what to say about this video recently uploaded on YouTube. I know he was just doing his job to sanitize the state but I don't know what to make of this scenario.



Many people are condemning what him and his officials did in the video but is anybody thinking of the fact that people (like the widow in the video) might have been warned before the strike force embarked on its confiscating mission? The fact that she is a widow and struggling to survive will not negate the law. The scenario in the video made it look like the governor was a bad person; I will only agree on the basis of the statement he made where he told the woman 'You a widow, go and die!' That statement was not necessary; he could have just ignored her pleas and went on, but making that statement only made him look heartless rather than look strict and disciplined.


And unfortunately, people are latching onto that statement to rant out on the governor. I remember when Governor Fashola also banned Okada riders in major areas of Lagos, people begged and ranted, people called the governor names but he didn't not give back any response. Today, many are grateful the Okadas are not constituting a menace as before in many areas.

Nobody is above mistake but then prevention is better than cure.

Governor Oshiomole should be careful about speaking in public next time.

If I were him, I'd do damage control. But the Oshiomole I know would probably not give a hoot.


**************Update!****************

An update came up earlier today that the governor has eventually apologized for his statement.
According to a report:
After a video of him shouting at a widowed woman to “go and die” went viral on social media, Edo State governor Adams Oshiomole has tendered an apology for his actions.
The Governor, however, noted that he made the comments in anger.
Oshiomhole’s apology was made when the leadership of the Federation of Muslim Women’s Association of Nigeria (FOMWAN), paid him a courtesy visit in Benin.
He noted that though the challenge of modern times had bestowed on the shoulders of some women and single mothers the status of bread winners of their homes, such should not be used as an excuse to flout the laws.
Well, that's good to know. I can't blame him though, he's also human and liable to errors. Thank goodness he realized his error and didn't exhibit some form of arrogance.


2 Screamer(s):

Randoms: Assassinating Stella, Burna Boy & Kcee Video props, Dencia's Bleachy wonder, Zimbabwe Beefs Naija Skills, THUGs etc.

Today's randoms are here again. I wish I could say much more on other issues but I'm very selective of what I analyse. I'll start with Stella Oduah's case...

Was the so-called attempted assassination against embattled Aviation Minister Stella Oduah for real? Is it not ironic that after she just faced a hearing about purchasing bullet proofed vehicles at overblown prices and is called to face a panel, we then hear a watery story of her escaping assassination attempt? 



The story on the assassination is weak and holds no proper conviction; all we hear is that so-called detectives discover silver object suspected to be bullets in the Minister’s car and pronto – there’s an attempted assassination suspicion.

 And just in case somebody wants to silence the Minister, maybe it’s because they are scared she may spill some beans that will implicate them in an embarrassing way. After all, Stella Oduah is just like the proverbial adulteress woman about to be stoned to death by Pharisees that are far worse than she is.

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Singer Dencia has made a debut launch of her own ‘Skin care’ product. And what’s it called? ‘Whitenicious’. Okay, first of all, that’s a crappy name for a Skin care product and secondly, it sounds suspiciously like a bleaching cream. According to a report, Whitenicious is made for the removal of dark spots anywhere on the body.



Oh really? Then it’s a product that’s designed to compliment bleaching creams! If you are an over-bleached human being and you have spots that make you look like a leopard, use Dencia’s product and your fake look is guaranteed!

Dencia should get paid for this free hype…sheesh!

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Hurray! Tonto Dikeh ‘officially’ unveils her boyfriend. Nobody fit hide that kain thing for long…unless you’re as good as the late Goldie who did a very good job of fooling us all till she passed away. It’s good to hear Tonto has a man with all the negative shenanigans about her hitting the tabloids and online publications. But this guy is a wah oh. He really goes an extra mile to show how loaded he is with all the flaunting of cars, money etc. Malivelihood as Michael Awujola is really a big boy…I just hope his wealth is legitimate. The first thing that came to my mind when I saw the splash of opulence was…err, yahoo yahoo boy…?

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Burna Boy’s video for the song ‘Yawa dey’ is definitely a re-awakening of a legacy left behind by Crooners like Daddy Showkey, Daddy Fresh etc.In the midst of a secular music video crowd of nothing but scantily dressed video vixens and ignorant ‘niggas’ spraying money and alcohol and talking about getting with a chick or the other, comes this simple and rich video which brings back the famed Ajegunle ‘Galala dance’ style powerfully choreographed by wild dancers. 




The video uses Ghetto outskirt settings and the midst of Lagos traffic as locations; dancers did their thing in-between traffic hold-ups. One daring guy even stopped a vehicle to do the dance in front of it. It was a departure from the same ol’ boring nigga-appraising-babe’s-selling-points-flinging-money-raising-alcohol-boasting –and-talking-about-skills he-ain’t-got videos all over the air.

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And give it up for Kcee for his nice and hilarious ‘Pull Over’ Video. I noticed that the video actually had a funny storyline. If you took your time to break it down, you’d understand that the video synopsis was about cops who stopped women at a check point to get them to dance for them. 


They had a field day until they stop two big tough babes who literarily first of all made to beat them up instead. The cops ran away leaving an unfortunate officer (played by Saka of MTN ‘I don port’) to mercy of the thick babes who used their ‘nyansh’ dancing skills to torture him.


Not many videos have interesting storylines like that. I was almost moved to start doing a review on music videos. The temptation is so strong…

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And news is agog that Zimbabwe wants Naija traders out of their country. Why? It’s easy to figure out nah….you know what happens when our business men (especially our illustrious Igbo brothers) handle things; goods will roll, money will flow, fake and original will be juxtaposed and the smart business acumen will be on display. So, have we succeeded in intimidating Zimbabweans with our skills in their own land? It’s looking damn obvious oh….

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I came across this acronym ‘THUG’ on twitter which turned out to actually mean ‘This House Under God’. I was concerned about it. Why create an acronym that kind of reads negative? Then the twitter handle for this Youth network is ‘@thugsunleashed’. To me it kind of sounds awkward and I’m not talking about the swag of the acronym. From the way it reads, I’m sure the meaning was created to suit the acronym.  So will they be calling themselves Thugs for Christ? I’m not sure that’s not getting it twisted.  The dictionary define ‘Thug’ as ‘a cruel or vicious ruffian, robber, or murderer.’ I don’t know if there’s a re-definition of the name but that’s what the dictionary said oh!

Well, the most important thing is souls being won for Christ.  Abi?

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Nna…9ice don warn all you bloggers and websites not to upload his songs without his permission. My question is…how is he going to enforce that? Does he have COSON’s backing? Or is there an elite strike force that will hunt down anyone who does so? He does have a right, really. But he better have a way of getting hold of those who will turn a deaf ear. Many websites are operating anonymously.

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Artiste Victoria Kimani is really feeling her new tattoos. Seriously I don't know why turning your skin into canvas for paintwork seems to come with being a celebrity. Is it celeb peer pressure or just some weird complex that defies mortal explanation? She'd look sweet with a smooth looking skin but this tattoo is making her look like she got some skin disease.


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And that's about it for the randoms of today!

7 Screamer(s):

Products of the Times [Photos]



I've always put together the 'Signs of The Times' series but I decided to break it up and do this one called 'Products of the Times' because I discovered that there are many products out there that will make your jaw drop. I'm usually baffled because I'm trying to figure out whether these weird products were made by our ever illustrious Naija Igbo brothers or by some insane cartel of asians that think in the same way. Abi how do you justify the names and things they write on these products? 

Okay...at least for the face cap above, it is obvious it was done in Naija because the slogan na our own and the gbagaun is 'copyrighted' to desperate eastern Naija tailors who don't give a hoot about correct English...like the Twins of P-Square. 

But what about the others below?

Who decided to name perfume after the world wide web and
put the logo of a browser that loves to crash like no man's business?


Chris Browm - Stomp The Yard - Alaba version
As if being forced to go into rehab never damage Rihanna's ex-bobo enough..

Jay Z has opened bottle water business in Naija...abi?
No? Then who the hell....??

You can either dance Azonto or eat Azonto...
I'm sure this is not a Ghanaian product

If I use this perfume will I smell like a network connection?
Wait...what kind of smell would that even be sef?

So I'm guessing that since Blackberry is loosing out
on business they are going into perfumes right?

...And that facebook will soon join chorus abi?

Either rats explode when they eat this poison or Boko Haram
has extended their expertise to the rat-killing business.

Try wearing that nylon bag dress and walk through Mushin ghettos...I dare you.

If garri was a wedding souvenir, beggars would attend!

For those who can't afford a smart phone. At least you can stay connected
by trekking to the destination in a pair of WhatsApp slippers...shey? 

I haven't really had any reason to download a Naija artiste's
Phone App. But coming across this one from Tuface,
I can't help but notice a certain gbagaun...



If only many men could be this dedicated to their wives
as they are to football clubs who don't give a hoot about you.

Lord have mercy...what is the occasion of celebration for this cake?
A booty call anniversary?

Ignorance can make a design look so fake...

In the voice of Riley Freeman of Boondocks - 'Eww...Nigga you gay!'
Why would a dude wear briefs paying tribute to Beyonce?


That's all for today. 
I hope some of these put away the gloomy faces of a Monday morning.
Have a nice week y'all!

4 Screamer(s):

The Last Job

My guest writer for today is Harsh Tag who wrote this very short yet powerful piece of flash fiction titled 'Last Job'. This story is so poignant that I began to doubt whether it actually is fiction or something that really happened. In fact, just reading it alone makes me want to shoot a short movie on it. Its a touching story with a strong lesson of depth to learn from.

Enjoy!

By the time you’re done reading this, I want you to remember this saying:
“Every saint has a past; every sinner has a future.”
***
My future is long-begun, and when I look at the past, I’m not trying to find absolution. Instead, I hope to find understanding of how the past has led me to this place of love for children; this place of peace; this place of hard work; this place of integrity; this place of piety, where I pray for people – and not judge them.
Armed robbers stormed a home one night, and ordered everybody:
‘Face to the floor! Close your eyes!’
Among the victims were two children – a boy and a girl – whose estimated ages were 3 and 4, respectively.
The job was almost over when one of the robbers felt a hand tugging at his left trouser. He looked down into two bright eyes full of innocence, not fear. The little girl spoke, and her voice shot this robber in the heart:
‘Uncle Thief, Uncle Thief…’
Her parents gasped, sure that their daughter was going to be shot in the mouth. But the little girl, pointing to the little boy, continued:
‘Uncle Thief, see, this one did not close his eyes.’
The macho man with the gun smiled, patted the girl on the head, and walked out of the home spotting two trails of contrite tears.
And that was his last job.
***
God has many voices.

Harsh Tag writes for fun, to stay sane, to stay alive, to laugh, to cry, to impress, to express, to win, to be relevant, to live. He has won a contest or two, have lost many. loves writing, though he studied geophysics, and has worked in a bank, he is presently into IT. He loves to write. You can check out his blog here.

2 Screamer(s):

The Siege of 'Ember' Months



As we move towards the end of the year through the dreaded ‘ember’ months, the obvious scary happenings have begun to take place and they’re all inspired by either of two things – the desperation for cash and the thirst for blood.

For the former, it’s just people desperate to make money for the burgeoning season and for the later, it’s a desperate move to gather surplus blood sacrifice to fulfill evil supernatural purposes and appeasing of demons. Many times it’s a deadly combination of the two which results in ritual killers all out to make money from human blood sacrifices.

What is more shocking is the level of desperation.

Last Sunday, a band of gunmen stormed into a government hospital in Ado-Ekiti and demanded for day-old babies to be handed over to them. On learning that there were no babies they beat the staff to stupor… refusing to believe and annoyed that they had met a dead end.

Take note of these two things: One – they were demanding for day-old babies (they had a spec for what they wanted), Two – they got annoyed on discovering there were none available and beat up the staff (they were angry they got none). These are signs and pointers that they are desperate ritualists. Where else can you get a day-old baby?

Then last Friday, I was on my way back from a church workers meeting at around 8.30pm and had climbed the pedestrian bridge at Obanikoro bus stop to cross the Ikorodu road expressway. As I was descending on the other side which was close to Sheperdhill Baptist Church, I suddenly noticed a taxi was parked some distance away from the bus stop and some people stood near it. One of them was a gunman who was threatening the others with his weapon. He smacked a guy over the head and ordered him to get into the car. I hastily retraced my descent from the bridge and went back up, warning other pedestrians descending that there was a robbery taking place below.

The pedestrian bridge (right) where I was descending before I witnessed
the incident on the service lane (right side of the bridge)
Well, it looked like a robbery and at the same time like a kidnapping taking place because the next minute we checked the location, the taxi, all the victims and gunman were gone. Were they kidnapped or robbed? Whatever the case, a crime had just taken place.

The Ikorodu expressway sidewalks from Idiroko bus stop all the way down to Obanikoro bus stop have always been locations of crime scenes, especially when commercial motorcycles popularly known as ‘Okada’ were still in operation. Okadas in the past were well used by men of the underworld to rob people at the bus stops.  

I was unfortunate at one time to be a victim of Okada henchmen back then at Savoil bus stop which is before Anthony bus stop.  I was seeing wifey off who at that time was my fiancĂ©. We stood at the bus stop at about 8.00pm when two motorcycles each carrying a gunman cornered us and dispossessed us of our mobile phones, cash and wifey’s bag.

A couple of years ago a friend of mine was killed at Idiroko bus stop because he was reluctant to surrender his laptop to robbers who accosted in the very early hours of the morning.
After the ban on Okadas by the government, the crimes seemed to reduce. Also with the rehabilitation of streetlights on the road, the dark alleys became well lit making it hard for crooks to hide from the glare.
It’s no wonder this operation I witnessed from the pedestrian bridge took place with the help of a getaway taxi instead of an Okada; the absence of okadas and introduction of street lights seems to have heightened the desperation of robbers.

We’re in the ‘ember’ months – fast moving towards the month of the ultimate celebrations – December; but while getting into the fanfare we should be very vigilant and prayerful because there are people out there who want to do Christmas and new year or perform quarterly rituals by any means possible.

God help us all.





3 Screamer(s):