The Pointless 1 Year Old Birthday Party

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Every child’s one year old party is significant for the fact that it is the child’s first birthday celebration. In Nigeria however, many parents are in the habit of making this funny and unwise decision to throw a big party for their one year old.

Yes. I said unwise.

All I have ever observed at one year old birthday parties are just a waste of time, energy, money and unnecessary frustration in trying to make things look perfect.

I once took my daughter a couple of years back to a one year old’s birthday party. There were canopies and chairs arranged outside; a DJ was blasting music that was unfit for kids (but wetin parents wey dey there sabi? It’s just music abi?) and lots of food and drink was being served and wasted; most of which were being consumed by adults, the kids (who were way older than the celebrant) did much of the food wasting. Then they hit the dance floor for games and fooling around with the party clown/M.C.

And where was the celebrant?

The little guy was fast asleep in his mother’s room!

When it came to cutting the cake and snapping photographs, the little fella just screamed and bawled all over the place; as far as he was concerned as a baby, his peace was being destroyed by all the loud music, cheering and fun. All he needed to do was to sleep, wake up later in the day to eat and eventually crap his diapers. The party was just plain meaningless chaos that robbed him of his baby peace.  

Eventually they had to postpone the cake cutting and photos. All the photos they ever took had him with an unhappy and nasty expression on his face. Meanwhile the party continued and at the end of the day I asked the question: And what has been achieved with all this waste of money?

This past Sunday, I witnessed another one of these pointless one year old parties next door to where I live  on almost exactly in the same fashion as the first one I just explained above. We never even saw the celebrant. Seven to ten year olds were just busy having fun and dancing as usual to music that’s inappropriate for children. To one corner, some male adults sat drinking different kinds of alcohol and engaging in beer parlour or football gist. Other adults sat flanking the kids, eating food and waiting for the party to end so that they could take their children home.

The party happening next door to me.

And the celebrant, an innocent one year old who had no foggy idea of what the hell was going on was nowhere to be found. I presumed he was probably asleep somewhere too. (One year olds don’t joke with their sleep!).

I remember when little Timi struck one, we celebrated it for her in-house with food, drinks, snacks, cake and just a few friends, and we took photos with her. Our Pastor came around and prayed for her, and we had fun playing with her till she decided to go to sleep.

When A.Y struck one, we did the same and got a lot of good stuff for him to eat (because he loves to eat). Family and friends came around to see him and take pictures with him till he started protesting the need to nap.

We never started doing the party thingy until Timi got into school at 2 years. At this point, we just got variety snacks, drinks, take-away goodies and cake for the party celebration in her class. Timi by now knew what was going on and understood that she was being celebrated. We were aware that we made her day and she beamed all day about it.

Timi during her one year old birthday.

If I had done a big noisy party at one year old for her, she probably would have been terrified and confused.

This is my take on one year old birthday parties. I don’t think it’s a good idea to throw a big party for a one year old. For a 3 year old and upwards it’s okay but for the little one year old fella or lady who’s still trying to understand what the heck is going on in the world around him, it’s a sheer waste of money, energy and time.

   

Signs of the Times 2 [Photos]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Sunday, November 11, 2012

The first collection of Signs of the times I posted focused more on the comedy of illiteracy or 'gbagauns' accidentally put up by unintentionally funny people.

This set of photos focuses not just on the 'gbagauns' but also on crazy misnomers all over the face. You might have seen some of them somewhere or not. Check them out.

Translation:
'Pour refuse here and fail in life
Defecate here and run mad.'
Enough said!



Interesting...food that's so good it could quench you.

This is becoming a trending warning style around Lagos:
'Pee here and run mad'

Extra bombom? What the hell is that?



If you're a Night crawler around Lagos mainland, you might have seen this signboard.

I'm seriously hoping this was a joke...but then in Naija,
we get crazy people wey fit do am!

Dog childrens!!?? Lord Have mercy!
With love from Ghana. 

Let's look on the brighter side - at least they got the other words right!

Satan lays eggs? Or am I missing something?

Did they smoke weed on their wedding day...
or some knucklehead just couldn't spell right?

Is this an endorsement or somebody was copying that school from the first post?

Is that 'Ice scream' in another language? I wonder how the thing tastes sef

I have never heard of someone being congratulated
for being circumcised!



I don't think I'll ever consider having a haircut in such a place. Agony ke?

Even the signboard looks like a disease

Football buffs will understand this one - Manchester United logo
and 'Old Trafford' as name for beauty saloon

Unfortunately, our friendship is as disasterous as this 'gbagaun'



Why does it feel like this person would most definitely ruin your looks?

Seriously? Which kain menu be dat?

If your mechanic is an illiterate, please don't let him write a list,
 it would just be unfair!



Hilarious services? The owner must be high on sense of humour



Reap what? Or are they saying something I don't know?

Random: Urine Powered Generator & Train Collision

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Thursday, November 08, 2012

A urine-powered generator invented by four girls, Duro-Aina Adebola (14), Akindele Abiola (14), Faleke Oluwatoyin (14) and Bello Eniola (15) was on display at an exhibition organised by the Maker Faire Movement. 

Their invention ensures that 1 Liter of urine gives you 6 hours of electricity.

Now that's an amusing invention. It simply means every time you want to take a piss, direct it into your generator. Imagine piss taking the place of petrol; every toilet or potty might become an invaluable storage tank.

Source

Okada Man Stripping Naked: The Rumor & The Truth

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, November 07, 2012

Once again, misinformation has been all over the place concerning a naked Okada man that had a face-off with the Police a few days ago. As usual, blogs and sites that love to latch on to rumor and parade it as news rather than actually find out what really happened, went ahead to carry the wrong information.

Naked Okada man, Sunday Udoh and the Police on Acme Road, Ikeja.

The wrong information: An Okada man was stripped naked and beaten by the Police in Akoka.

The Right Information: An Okada man stripped himself naked to evade arrest by the Police on Acme road, Ikeja.

The rumored story has circulated on facebook and on BB. The end result would be that people would think the police were victimizing Okada riders all over the place. If the Police didn't already have a dented image, this rumor or false report would have scarred it. But since its our hardly trusted Police we're talking about, it seems expected.

Okada operators have not been having it easy since the ban that was placed on them by the Lagos state government. Apparently, its not the first time a transport operator would strip in protest of being arrested by Law enforcement agents. Sometime in August, another Okada man, Adeniyi Olaide stripped himself naked to protest and dissuade Policemen from extortion and seizure of an Okada (motorbike).

Naked Okada man, Olaide Adeniyi confronting the Police at Somolu in August.

Though the Police claimed to be upholding the law, there's also news going round that they use the opportunity to extort more money than required to fine the riders for contravening the law. It seems the ban on Okada is a time bomb between Okada riders and Policemen waiting to explode.

Read Okada man Sunday Udoh's full story here.

Read Okada man Olaide Adeniyi's full story here


Pictures courtesy:
www.punchng.com
www.nationalmirroronline.net

Tragedy of a Destitute PhD Holder

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, November 07, 2012

The sad and mysterious story of Dr.Olawumi Thorpe, a homeless man who lived on in a refuse dump and passed away on October 31 still sends a shiver down my spine at the heartlessness of human beings(especially those who are supposed to be his relatives).

The man who claimed to be 58 years old, a former journalist, son of a former Ambassador to Ethiopia and a retired Army Officer lived in a refuse dump around Fagba Bus stop, near the railway line in Ifako-Ijaiye, Local Government, Lagos.

Thorpe in the rubbish heap where he died.
Photo courtesy: Mr. Larry Happiday

Years ago in the mid 90s, when I was still living in Iju-Ishaga (which was not far from Fagba) there used to be another destitute who loved to dress up in ridiculous attire and move about with a cool gait.He also spoke impeccable English. We used to call him 'Ultimate' since the word was a trend to denote a person who had 'Swagger' back then. The story making the rounds about him then was that he was a wealthy businessman based abroad but was summoned by wicked relatives via 'jazz' (Nigeria voodoo or Juju) to come back home and somehow was eventually made to run mad. He was a regular sight and attraction to neighborhood folks who gave food from time to time and even jested with him.

Later he would disappear and never show up again in his regular locations. According to the news that went round, he had been hit by a car and died instantly. A sad waste of life that would have made impact in life.

Dr. Olawumi Thorpe's story reminded me of 'Ultimate'. But unlike 'Ultimate' who nobody could locate his family because his insanity did not allow for information dissemination, Thorpe was intelligible and able to interact with those that spoke to him. He revealed that he had a Bachelor and Master's degree in Mass Communication and a PhD in English language. He also revealed had children which meant he must have had a wife but didn't reveal information about them.

Thorpe, some days before he died.

The shocking fact was that he had phone numbers of some relatives who when called showed no interest in him. The head of the family who he named as Bode Thorpe, an Uncle of his,(who's number he had and whom the good Samaritans that found him called)  actually denied knowing him!

The two good Samaritans, Mr. Larry Happiday and Mr. Dele Adewale, who had been in touch with him had been trying what they could to evacuate him. A Lagos-basd NGO was even said to have taken interest in his plight but Thorpe died probably of some unknown sickness before he could be evacuated.

I keep wondering what manner of offence this man with all his training and pedigree had committed to end up suffering like this. That all his family members shunned him is a mystery and smells suspicious. People around the area had reported seeing a young man with striking resemblance starring sadly at him. There was also the report of a girl at one time looking at him. Could they have been the children he talked about?

The mystery surrounding Olawumi Thorpe may never be known. If his predicament was orchestrated by evil-minded individuals, they will never know peace but if it was caused by natural causes, was it enough reason to lose hope over him?

A sad story indeed that should provoke us all.

You can read Olawumi Thorpe full story here and here.

Hot Spots for Ritual Killers

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Tuesday, November 06, 2012

This information on spots in Nigeria to be aware of 

concerning ritual killings is currently circulating. 

Please take note!

The Nigerian police has advised all to avoid the following places as they have been identified as hot spots for Ritual Killings:

1. Ota, Ogun State

2. Lambe, Ogun State

3. Ikorodu,Lagos State

4. Mowe, Ogun State

5. The Bridge linking Abiola Garden with Otedola Estate, Lagos.

6. Isheri Olowo-Ira under Bridge, Lagos

7. Toyota Bus Stop on Apapa/Oshodi Expressway, Lagos (Clifford Oji's former location)

8. Waterfront River Niger area Of Onitsha, Anambra State

9. Isiala-Ngwa, Abia state

10, Igwurita, Muruokoro, Port Harcourt, Rivers state

11. Ilorin-Oro Road, Kwara state

12. Lokoja-Abuja Expressway, Kogi state

13. Kaduna Eastern By-Pass, Kaduna state

14. The Bank of River Kaduna, Kaduna state

15. Kaduna/Abuja Expressway, Kaduna state

16. Abuja Motor Park,Kaduna

17. Kawo Motor Park, Kaduna

18. The Railway tracks, Kaduna

These are police emergency numbers in Lagos, please:

POLICE CONTROL ROOM 1 - 07055350249 and 07035068242.

RRS CONTROL ROOM 2, Alausa - 08065154338 and 07055462708

CONTROL ROOM 3 SHQ; - 08079279349 and 08063299264 and 767 toll free line.

If you by mistake fall victim quickly send an sms/pre-text message to all or any of these numbers.

Make sure you drive at the middle of express road at all times. If anyone tells you that your car is sparking or there is fire or smoke coming out from your car bonnet, please do not listen just drive on. That is their new tactics.

Pls kindly advice your loved ones accordingly.

Images courtesy:
www.omg.com.ng
www.osundefender.org

When Nigerians Improvise 2 [Photos]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Monday, November 05, 2012

Nothing ever goes to waste in Naija. I'm sure Nigeria would top the list of nations that know how to improvise or adapt to any situation. Its just that the way we manage things at times can be hilarious...

This was once a voters' ballot box. Now retired for the sale of 'puff puff'

I didn't know Louis Vutton also designed Ghana-must-go bags!

This pair of jeans is called the 'Toyota Camary'...not even a 'Toyota Camry.'  

If Spartacus was filmed in Naija, would this guy pass the audition?
Replace sword with Cutlass, adult diapers with Ankara wrapper...

Addidas by Nike...abi na Nike by Addidas?

Even if you don't have the perfect butt, try photo-shopping it
...not using Microsoft paint to enlarge it!

All things are possible...even cooking beans with a pressing iron!

For your mind you don wear designers.
If it is not Puma, it is not the same thing as Puma.

Yorubas call it 'Ba nbe'...meaning you'll grow into it. Good luck!

I'm still trying to believe that Ibadan get im own fragrance line.

Don't we all just hate what happens to our
Ku band/DSTV connection when rain starts falling ?

I hope these aren't meant to be NY Facecaps?

lol...what does this look like?

At least she can cook vegetable stew
instead of sniffing flowers till they die!

Either this was a factory reject or some Igbo T-shirt maker no sabi spell!

Hope you didn't laugh too much.

Got any funny or hilarious pic to share? Just send it to kushmond@yahoo.com under the subject 'Photo Blog'. Include the name you want me to credit it to. You could also send in your comment regarding the pic which I'll also put up.

Cheers!

The Strange Power of Music [Videos]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Friday, November 02, 2012

People underestimate the power of music; many think music is just something to shake your body and dance to. Some even believe it doesn't matter if the song has some weird elements.

I did some research over a period of time and ended up making this short documentary in 3 parts.

Don't believe there's more to it that meets the ears when it comes to music?

Watch these eye opening videos.

Image source: 123rf.com

Who's this girl?

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Friday, November 02, 2012

I received a mail three days ago from a chick saying she's interested in having a relationship with me.

By the time I read through the first paragraph I knew that it was a 419 scam letter. Usually after discovering this from the first paragraph, my next act would be to delete it. However, the attached photos and curiosity got me thinking.

They were photos of a pretty young lady probably in her twenties. The name on the letter claimed she was ‘Miss Rose Harry Kamara’ of one Liberian ‘Senator Harry Kamara.’

Out of curiosity I googled the name and was led to the site www.romancescam.com. It led me to a thread that featured the same lady in these pictures.

She had been featured under different aliases or fake names, and the scam mails featuring her have been in circulation since 2010. Her a well used image for romance scams.

It got me wondering….who is actually the woman in the photo? Does she know that her pics are being circulated for perpetuating fraud online? Or is she part of the whole scheme?(which would be stupid if it were so).  It reminds me of the Cecilia Vordzorgbey nude pictures which were being circulated and paraded along with a fake story that she was a married female banker sleeping with an office colleague.

This goes to show that the internet is not a place to toy with your personal stuff…especially with total strangers.

Anybody know her? Abeg tell her she's scam statistic...!