When a Spouse Beats Another

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Friday, October 05, 2012

 

When I moved into the neighborhood where I currently stay, I had some time to meet with the son of the landlord who was in charge of seeing to the affairs of the building. This was a good looking dude who lived in a nicely furnished apartment and had a nice car. But his home lacked any female presence. I later learnt that he was actually married before but was now divorced because he beat his wife too often. Even in talking to him, I was able to sense that this guy was not all that happy…he sort of missed the companionship and comfort of a female partner.

Then as I got to know my area the more, I came to discover that a certain celebrity (an artiste) lived some streets away from mine. I was surprised to discover that I had come across him a number of times in the neighborhood without knowing that he was the one. He looked like a calm person and laughed with people around him. But I was stunned to discover that he was also a serious wife beater.

 

And this trend can be found everywhere; from entertainment circles to personal lives out there.

 

In my few years of experience in marriage and studies of different relationships, I’ve come to observe that a woman’s part and influence in a relationship is always underestimated.

People have always referred to women as the ‘weaker sex’ or the ‘gentler sex’. In my own opinion, I find this fallacious; the conception that women are weak or powerless is very wrong. They are in fact very instrumental to a man’s rising or to his falling.

If you go into history books and read about majority of great men who have made history, you’ll find out that there’s a woman behind them. Also for a lot of the infamous men who have caused created great crimes against mankind, there’s a woman involved, either secretly or openly.

The power of a woman has always been either underestimated or just plain bastardised by society. A woman is God’s awesome creation designed to help and propel a man to greater achievement in life.

But why do some men end up as wife beaters?

This is an age-long mystery that has gone through different spheres of attempted explanation from the medical/psychological to that of diabolical spiritual influence. In order to get a clearer viewpoint, I decided to investigate through the number one life manual – the Bible.

If you’ve searched the scriptures you’d probably have come across these verses:

Pro 12:4  A virtuous woman [is] a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed [is] as rottenness in his bones.

 

Pro 14:1  Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.

 

Pro 21:9  [It is] better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. (Repeated in Pro 25:24 and Pro 21:19)

 

Pro 18:22  [Whoso] findeth a wife findeth a good [thing], and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

 

Pro 31:10  Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price [is] far above rubies.

 

Ecc 7:26  And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart [is] snares and nets, [and] her hands [as] bands: whoso pleaseth God shall escape from her; but the sinner shall be taken by her.

 

 

From the above scriptures, we can see when a woman is good and when a woman is bad. God has given us the freedom to choose between right and wrong. Some women chose to be of the good report, others chose to be the other. Some times its circumstantial, sometimes it’s deliberate.

Also from the above, I figured out that women have this power that can make or destroy men; the power to keep the home or destroy it.

 

Now this brings me back to the aspect of wife-beaters…

 

 

 

What on earth would drive a man to beat his wife? Does it just happen like that? There has to be fire before the smoke.

 

I watched a documentary where women from abused relationships were being interviewed as to how they were beaten black and blue by their husbands. It was sad listening to their stories and you’d feel angry at the man in question.

But I had a problem with just listening to the stories of these women. What about the man’s side of the story? Has anybody heard it?

 

It is wrong for a man to hit his wife, no doubt about it but something must have driven a man to that point.  I heard one say it was because he didn’t want the pregnancy or that it started with a slap and later an apology then the slap became frequent…still I say there’s a part of the story we’re not hearing.

 

A friend of mine went through the strains of a divorce and she told me of how badly her in-laws and her ex-hubby treated her; what led to them divorcing…On hearing her story, you’ll end up sympathizing with her but I refused to eat it all simply because I never heard the guy’s part of the story…oh, and I also know some habits and funny behavior that my friend has that could be quite unhealthy to her marriage. I didn’t hear anything about that quirk. Her story got her hearers rooting for her…and nobody heard the ex-hubby’s side of the story!

 

 

A Man’s ego is an integral part of him. Men are wired that way and when anything threatens this ego, there’s bound to be a terrible backlash. That’s why women are told to ‘submit’ to their husbands. Men are also told to ‘love’ their wives in that their ego does not interfere; each party has a role to play. But when one party fails to play its role, it affects the other party.

 

Take a good look at the first scripture quoted earlier (Pro 12:4) – it says a virtuous woman is crown to her hubby but he one that makes him ashamed is like rottenness to his bones. This tells me that a woman can either be a man’s pride or just become a constant nag that's driving him nuts. And not all men are patient enough to stomach the rottenness thus the wife beating ensues.

This is not to say that a woman whose life is endangered in any marriage should not take a hike and save herself. But she should also check herslf to be sure that she didn't genuinely make him go crazy.

Take a look at the other scriptures and you’ll see how the good and the bad of it fit into what I’m talking about.

 

Sometimes if not most times, the so-called wife beater may not have struck without some very dire provocation…I think it makes sense to hear both sides of the story.

 
Don’t you?

Images courtesy

www.wittenburgdoor.com

www.navynavstress.com

 

www.thebackpew.com