Products of the Times [Photos]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Monday, November 25, 2013

I've always put together the 'Signs of The Times' series but I decided to break it up and do this one called 'Products of the Times' because I discovered that there are many products out there that will make your jaw drop. I'm usually baffled because I'm trying to figure out whether these weird products were made by our ever illustrious Naija Igbo brothers or by some insane cartel of asians that think in the same way. Abi how do you justify the names and things they write on these products? 

Okay...at least for the face cap above, it is obvious it was done in Naija because the slogan na our own and the gbagaun is 'copyrighted' to desperate eastern Naija tailors who don't give a hoot about correct English...like the Twins of P-Square. 

But what about the others below?

Who decided to name perfume after the world wide web and
put the logo of a browser that loves to crash like no man's business?

Chris Browm - Stomp The Yard - Alaba version
As if being forced to go into rehab never damage Rihanna's ex-bobo enough..

Jay Z has opened bottle water business in Naija...abi?
No? Then who the hell....??

You can either dance Azonto or eat Azonto...
I'm sure this is not a Ghanaian product

If I use this perfume will I smell like a network connection?
Wait...what kind of smell would that even be sef?

So I'm guessing that since Blackberry is loosing out
on business they are going into perfumes right?

...And that facebook will soon join chorus abi?

Either rats explode when they eat this poison or Boko Haram
has extended their expertise to the rat-killing business.

Try wearing that nylon bag dress and walk through Mushin ghettos...I dare you.

If garri was a wedding souvenir, beggars would attend!

For those who can't afford a smart phone. At least you can stay connected
by trekking to the destination in a pair of WhatsApp slippers...shey? 

I haven't really had any reason to download a Naija artiste's
Phone App. But coming across this one from Tuface,
I can't help but notice a certain gbagaun...

If only many men could be this dedicated to their wives
as they are to football clubs who don't give a hoot about you.

Lord have mercy...what is the occasion of celebration for this cake?
A booty call anniversary?

Ignorance can make a design look so fake...

In the voice of Riley Freeman of Boondocks - 'Eww...Nigga you gay!'
Why would a dude wear briefs paying tribute to Beyonce?

That's all for today. 

I hope some of these put away the gloomy faces of a Monday morning.

Have a nice week y'all!

The Last Job

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Saturday, November 23, 2013

My guest writer for today is Harsh Tag who wrote this very short yet powerful piece of flash fiction titled 'Last Job'. This story is so poignant that I began to doubt whether it actually is fiction or something that really happened. In fact, just reading it alone makes me want to shoot a short movie on it. Its a touching story with a strong lesson of depth to learn from.

Enjoy!

By the time you’re done reading this, I want you to remember this saying:

“Every saint has a past; every sinner has a future.”

***
My future is long-begun, and when I look at the past, I’m not trying to find absolution. Instead, I hope to find understanding of how the past has led me to this place of love for children; this place of peace; this place of hard work; this place of integrity; this place of piety, where I pray for people – and not judge them.

Armed robbers stormed a home one night, and ordered everybody:

‘Face to the floor! Close your eyes!’

Among the victims were two children – a boy and a girl – whose estimated ages were 3 and 4, respectively.

The job was almost over when one of the robbers felt a hand tugging at his left trouser. He looked down into two bright eyes full of innocence, not fear. The little girl spoke, and her voice shot this robber in the heart:

‘Uncle Thief, Uncle Thief…’

Her parents gasped, sure that their daughter was going to be shot in the mouth. But the little girl, pointing to the little boy, continued:

‘Uncle Thief, see, this one did not close his eyes.’

The macho man with the gun smiled, patted the girl on the head, and walked out of the home spotting two trails of contrite tears.

And that was his last job.

***

God has many voices.

Harsh Tag writes for fun, to stay sane, to stay alive, to laugh, to cry, to impress, to express, to win, to be relevant, to live. He has won a contest or two, have lost many. loves writing, though he studied geophysics, and has worked in a bank, he is presently into IT. He loves to write. You can check out his blog here.

The Siege of 'Ember' Months

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Wednesday, November 20, 2013

As we move towards the end of the year through the dreaded ‘ember’ months, the obvious scary happenings have begun to take place and they’re all inspired by either of two things – the desperation for cash and the thirst for blood.

For the former, it’s just people desperate to make money for the burgeoning season and for the later, it’s a desperate move to gather surplus blood sacrifice to fulfill evil supernatural purposes and appeasing of demons. Many times it’s a deadly combination of the two which results in ritual killers all out to make money from human blood sacrifices.

What is more shocking is the level of desperation.

Last Sunday, a band of gunmen stormed into a government hospital in Ado-Ekiti and demanded for day-old babies to be handed over to them. On learning that there were no babies they beat the staff to stupor… refusing to believe and annoyed that they had met a dead end.

Take note of these two things: One – they were demanding for day-old babies (they had a spec for what they wanted), Two – they got annoyed on discovering there were none available and beat up the staff (they were angry they got none). These are signs and pointers that they are desperate ritualists. Where else can you get a day-old baby?

Then last Friday, I was on my way back from a church workers meeting at around 8.30pm and had climbed the pedestrian bridge at Obanikoro bus stop to cross the Ikorodu road expressway. As I was descending on the other side which was close to Sheperdhill Baptist Church, I suddenly noticed a taxi was parked some distance away from the bus stop and some people stood near it. One of them was a gunman who was threatening the others with his weapon. He smacked a guy over the head and ordered him to get into the car. I hastily retraced my descent from the bridge and went back up, warning other pedestrians descending that there was a robbery taking place below.

The pedestrian bridge (right) where I was descending before I witnessed
the incident on the service lane (right side of the bridge)

Well, it looked like a robbery and at the same time like a kidnapping taking place because the next minute we checked the location, the taxi, all the victims and gunman were gone. Were they kidnapped or robbed? Whatever the case, a crime had just taken place.

The Ikorodu expressway sidewalks from Idiroko bus stop all the way down to Obanikoro bus stop have always been locations of crime scenes, especially when commercial motorcycles popularly known as ‘Okada’ were still in operation. Okadas in the past were well used by men of the underworld to rob people at the bus stops.  

I was unfortunate at one time to be a victim of Okada henchmen back then at Savoil bus stop which is before Anthony bus stop.  I was seeing wifey off who at that time was my fiancé. We stood at the bus stop at about 8.00pm when two motorcycles each carrying a gunman cornered us and dispossessed us of our mobile phones, cash and wifey’s bag.

A couple of years ago a friend of mine was killed at Idiroko bus stop because he was reluctant to surrender his laptop to robbers who accosted in the very early hours of the morning.

After the ban on Okadas by the government, the crimes seemed to reduce. Also with the rehabilitation of streetlights on the road, the dark alleys became well lit making it hard for crooks to hide from the glare.

It’s no wonder this operation I witnessed from the pedestrian bridge took place with the help of a getaway taxi instead of an Okada; the absence of okadas and introduction of street lights seems to have heightened the desperation of robbers.

We’re in the ‘ember’ months – fast moving towards the month of the ultimate celebrations – December; but while getting into the fanfare we should be very vigilant and prayerful because there are people out there who want to do Christmas and new year or perform quarterly rituals by any means possible.

God help us all.

Obasanjo Models For New Music Video [Video]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Monday, November 18, 2013

General Olusegun Obasanjo has always stood out for being a daring statesman or politician. Apart from his unique looks, he's known for his crazy sense of humor. he's known to dare things without giving a damn - a few years back a video of him judiciously drinking garri that went round the internet. From the angle it was shot, Baba could not have been ignorant that he was being videoed. 

And as usual, OBJ would never give a damn.

Recently OBJ is in the entertainment limelight again by making an appearance in a newly released video. Gospel artiste Ibitayo Jeje launched a video for her a high-life single titled 'Why you love me so' which featured OBJ in a cameo role. 



At a point I thought he was going to do a brief appearance by chance but Baba even acted in the video and did a brief stint of dance choreography.   

The music is a classic and rocks a memorable tune that celebrates God's love and also features renown clergyman Apostle Anselm Madubuiko and fellow artiste, Funke Akinogun. It would make a good play for owambe parties and weddings.

No doubt about it, this video would get a lot of hits. Who wouldn't want to see OBJ playing out a role on a lighter level other than in politics.

Niggas: Representing with Ignorance

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Saturday, November 09, 2013

Nigga.

That one word that sounds cool when 'representing' folk says it to each other.

Nigga.

That identification that fraternizes friends who share the same bandwagon beliefs.

Nigga.

A word that has a genesis in slavery but has migrated into an identity.

Nigga.

A word that's become a paradox because its both an insult as well as a compliment.

In a world where the bad is painted as good, we stand the danger of really ignoring the truth of certain things we've come to embrace. Just take a look at anything that surrounds the word 'Nigga' - they are all negative and backward.


Ever seen the cartoon series - The Boondocks?

Here's a scene from one of its earlier seasons in which Martin Luther is imagined to still be alive and come back to witness what he had struggled for. Though the cartoon is a parody, it says an indepth truth which is reflected in lifestyle of youth today and in music videos.



While it chastises the ignorance and misdirection of black America, a lot of what King says in the clip sounds so much like what's also happening in Naija. You just need to read between thee lines, take a look around you, listen to the news, watch and listen to endless filthy music videos with the meaningless lyrics to see how it applies.

And for an additional understanding of the Nigga syndrome, check out this 2nd hilarious clip also from The Boondocks which gives us brief funny lessons on Nigga moments. Its funny but the truth is strong and leaves its bitter residue in your thoughts.



One thing about the series The Boondocks is that it makes social commentaries on political issues, lifestyles and conspiracies. You may watch it and enjoy the humour and slapstick but if you take a second look at what is being said in some episodes, there are myriads of revelations being brought before our eyes, like the true nature of a 'Nigga'..

The Big Butt Equals Big Brains Theory - How True?

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Friday, November 08, 2013

There's this bit of news that has been circulating which is bound to bring a smile to the faces of women with a big behinds - the news of a discovery that women with big butts are healthier and smarter. I came across the info on fellow blogger Verastic's recent post and it got me into deep thought because I am very involved in this matter - by that I mean my woman has a big 'nyansh'. 

I used to marvel at big butts and think they were a sexy joke played by nature on women. But after being in a few relationships with carriers of this 'derriere de magnificent' and eventually getting married to one, I am sort of thinking that what this research says may have some truth in it.  

But then we shouldn't get it twisted because a lot of people will get deceived by manipulation of this info and the facts of life on ground. 

If a big behind makes a woman smarter, then we should be wary of women with fake behinds; I'm not talking of people wearing butt-pads alone but the ones that get butt implants (I wrote a post on this in July last year). This category of ladies unfortunately are like a paradox to what this research says. Their decision to get big 'nyansh' is not motivated by smart thinking but a feeling of insecurity and complex. Also, its not a healthy thing to do; rather than be smarter and healthier, you are making a stupid decision and endangering your health.

Vanity Wonder, a dancer who spent $15,000 on black-market butt injections
that nearly killed her,is dedicating her life to saving others from the same fate.

This is one issue that some blogs that carried this 'big butt, smart chick' news are missing out. One blog had a post earlier this year that had the headline - Why Big Booty is Good for Women which I know would mislead a lot of ladies who are obsessed with getting artificial butts. How can you mess with nature and expect your body to stay okay? There's always dire repercussion for such things.  

According to a report from the Latin Post:

Those with inflated derrières have lower insulin resistance, and they produce hormones that better metabolize sugar — which means these women are less likely to develop heart problems or diabetes than women who carry extra weight around their stomachs. These women also tend to have lower cholesterol; and they tend be smarter, because they produce more Omega 3 fats, which mobilizes brain development.

Researchers indicate that fat in the lower body is preferred to fat anywhere else throughout the body. Dr. Michael Jensen, director of endocrine research at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn. stated that the fat of pear-shaped women behaves in healthy ways, and that the public should think about fat “as an important organ for our health.”

“It is the protective role of lower body, that is [thigh and backside] fat, that is striking. The protective properties of the lower body fat depot have been confirmed in many studies conducted in subjects with a wide range of age, BMI and co-morbidities,” ABC News said, quoting the Journal of Obesity.

Dr. Robert Kushners, medical specialist in obesity at Northwestern Memorial Hospital, clarified that fat in the stomach is “more metabolically active,” therefore harmful, while fat in the lower regions may be more stable.

Kim, Lopez, Toolz and Omotola

Okay. Let's do a small roll-call of popular women with big butts and find out if they are really smart.

Can we then say that that Jennifer Lopez is smarter and healthier? Maybe she is with the way she delved from music into movies and also established her own business of perfumes amongst others.

What about Kim Kardashian? - Unless she had 'nyansh' implants then I'm not buying the theory. Apart from having a baby, I'm still yet to discover any smart thing she has done.

Big bottomed Tolu Oniru aka Toolz of Beat FM is no doubt a smart woman 'cause it shows in her personality and the way she handles matters on air.

Omotola Jalade has also proven beyond doubt on a grand scale that bigger butt equals bigger brain with her all her achievements.

These are just a few out of a number of celebrities who are 'nyansh' representing. 

Verastic on her blog made it obvious she's richly endowed with a big butt and judging from the photo below, its obvious. So is she a smart chick? After watching and reading her blog which has ran for over seven years, seeing her faithfully run radio shows on blogtalk radio, I can't deny her obvious smartness. 

All those video vixens in music videos flaunting their behinds nko? Let's not be deceived; there's a lot of fake butt (implants) as mentioned earlier to ply the trade. 

I have met women with big butts that are really smart - like my woman and some of her friends, three of my female colleagues in the office, a family friend etc.

I've also come across women with gracious butts that have been seriously stupid with their choices in life and fail to exhibit any form of smartness.

Is it that the smartness is there but they are refusing to manifest it?

Does this 'big butt equals big brains' theory really hold water?

The only conclusion I can give is that any woman with big butt who is not smart or healthy, something is wrong somewhere.

Abi?

Between Charles Novia's Article & Maheeda's Response

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Monday, November 04, 2013

I have since decided not to write about Maheeda anymore but when I came across this article that Charles Novia wrote titled ‘Maheeda’s Maladjustment’ and was amazed at how the ace movie director practically psychoanalysed this chick’s insane transition from the secular to gospel music and finally to a self-absorbed internet risque artiste, and finally use it to explain the depraving nature of morals in the Nigerian society. The truth he speaks about is undeniable.

I just couldn't resist pulling out parts of the article and commenting on them. Check out these excerpts: 

Somehow, Maheeda started posting suggestive pictures of her body on her instagram page which caught the interest of Nigerian bloggers. Since blogging is generally an acceptable form of lazy journalism and tittle-tattling in Nigeria, Maheeda’s pictures got the desired attention she wanted. Either by a covert or overt payment to leading bloggers to keep her in the news (as it is wont in Nigerian cyberspace) or a calculated ploy to garner more hits to their sites, the bloggers went all the way out with more indulging pictures of the young lady. And she was ever willing to give more and cheerfully too with no intention by me to denigrate her past profession by this phrase.

Very true that blogging has become an acceptable form of lazy journalism thanks to those who carry false information about and just blog news without doing any proper research. I’m not sure about her paying to be kept in the news since most of the bloggers who feature her stuff just steal from other blogs in order to draw traffic to theirs. I believe Maheeda was able to get attention because she had managed to get known through her brief stint in the music industry and the noise about her becoming born again. In today’s sick society, if you were an artiste that stopped going secular and claimed to be born again and you suddenly decided to start stripping online thus contradicting what you claimed to be, you’ll definitely get attention – both good and bad.  

It is instructive to psycho-analyse negative trenders such as Maheeda who have decided to gain cheap or compulsory notoriety by posting pictures of their nakedness on social networks. Granted, there were others before her based in Nigeria or somewhere in America , some older Nanny Goats who threw decorum to the wind as well and posted pictures of drooping breasts and disgusting backsides in a bid to gain unfathomable attention. Did Maheeda learn from them? Or did she decide to improve on their art ( or rather, their tart!)?. 

Maheeda is like a copycat of these three women.
The first two being more prominent.Recognize them?

Hahaha! Was he referring to those 'popular' women who are totally dedicated to polluting the morals of this generation with wanton smuttiness and soft-porn? But seriously, Maheeda shares similarity traits which seemed to have been copied from these women. 

Whatever the reasons are, we all should be worried about this growing trend where shamelessness and wanton exposure of Nigerian women is fast becoming the order of the day. The children see all these things and I shudder to think of what is going to happen in our social space in a few years. A replication or cloning of millions of Maheedas and her likes is probably inevitable.

It already looks like the cloning has actually begun. Maheeda is just a clone of the older ‘nanny goats’ to quote Mr. Novia. 

Oh yes, there are some who would react angrily to the fears I have expressed here and post comments under ‘Anonymous’ name tags on some blogs where this article would find amplification and vilify me and not my points. For such missing links, you are entitled to your putrid opinions in the closets of your anonimity where cowards and bullies find voice.

This message no doubt is for those people who derive pleasure in checking out Maheeda’s pictures and masturbating to them. And its evident that this was one of Maheeda’s aims from a comment she made on her twitter account after her Instagram account was deleted:

“There’s one thing 4sure , thanks to my old Instagram account, my picture is in the hard dicks of men and women’s head, delete that! Haha!‘

 Back to Mr. Novia’s article:

But the fact remains that you who support and urge the Maheedas of this clime to carry on with the de-mystification of all that is dear and sacrosanct womanhood, are no better than she is. You are intertwined in the pugnancy of her putrid purpose. You both are destroyers of the last remnants of the African woman’s mystique and majesty. You support and encourage her to destroy your children’s moral future. That is just the plain truth.

Gbam! I could have said this better! Seriously, let’s think about it – if people were ignoring Maheeda’s dirty pictures and wanton risqué behavior, would she be encouraged to continue? If she wasn’t getting attention she’s enjoying, would she have continued? So she’s not the only one to blame!

I may not know much about psychology or psychosis but I am willing to bet that Mrs Maheeda is in the early stages of bi-polarism. It is possible that she is using the pictures to Jekyll and Hyde her mental health issues. Mercifully, she lives in a Western society where it is only a matter of time where her total sanity would be called to question.

But if Maheeda is not ill, then what is her plan? Is she possessed by a legion of seventy times seven demons after her earlier conversion to Christianity? Or is she just being plain silly? If she is being silly, then the blogs and websites which amplified her silly whims have a moral question to answer.

Another chilling truth! With the contrasting personalities that she has switched into and out of, one is forced to wonder whether she’s mentally ill and has a case of personality disorder. Then the second paragraph above explains a spiritual truth which could be said to be what has happened to Maheeda – the repossession of a back-slid Christian by amplified sin. Blogs and sites that love to feature galleries of her pics are encouraging the farce.

It is not also far-fetched too that Maheeda might be using the naked pictures of herself as a new form of visual prostitution. Selling her body now revamped and refurbished in a new clime, to her former clients as if to call them out. She might be saying, ‘You can’t have this now. I have gone to another level’.

Indeed, she has reached a new level. An all-time low of self-destruction in a gradual process. But knowing the society in which I live and where she comes from, her destruction may be pyrhic: the sick social society would soon invite her to red carpet functions and events. Soon, she just might be signing autographs and strutting societal streets of false adulation.

I guess this may be Maheeda’s aim – to become a popular socialite with a large fan base; just like Kim Kardashian who kick-started her ‘career’ (if you call that a career!) via an infamous sex tape. These are the worst kind of people to peddle as role models to a younger generation.

And what was Maheeda’s response to Mr. Novia’s article? As usual, she so loved the attention that she had to drop four tweets in response. 

I had to laugh when she called Mr. Novia ‘an attention seeker’. As far as I know, Mr. Novia doesn’t need to seek attention; he’s already a force in the industry what with his recent movie ‘Alan Poza’ which is gathering acclaim. Also, from all that Mr. Novia wrote, the only thing that Maheeda could gather was that he was writing about her p***y because he has none…this just goes to show her level of intelligence. And that talk about making a movie about her just cracked me up. What can one get from her lifestyle that constitutes anything but a material for a ‘waka pass' role?

Mr. Novia isn’t the kind of person Maheeda should even confront; he’s a heavyweight in the movie industry with experience that would make her exploit amount to the value of used toilet paper in a restroom.

No need masquerading. The truth is just too bitter for this Chick to stomach.

You can read Charles Novia's full article here.

Signs of The Times 7 [Photos]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Monday, November 04, 2013

Time for another chronicle of ridiculous photos of funny written, printed or painted stuff caught about town and out of town. I guess one can say that as long as there is life, there will always be hilarious stuff written about town due to some amusing level of illiteracy or ignorance. Sometimes its even more than just that - it could be as a result of some stubborn and daring over-confidence.

Check out the compilation below...

If I never knew that Shawarma was something you eat,
I would have thought it was some local artiste's latest single

This woman must be from Sulia's village.
Oh you don't know Sulia? But you've heard of Jenifa?

Say 'gbagaun!' if you see it!

Ram fighting sports have been somewhat a tradition in Nigerian.
But this banner featuring Rams that are renown champions just cracked me up.

A bookshop where they sell frozen chicken and fish...oh and recharge cards ?

Lord have mercy...is this Herbal Doctor meant to treat one
or kill one with bad grammar?

While the one above promises to turn mumu kids
into smart alecs, the one below must have experienced
something like the Columbime shooting on
a juju and cutlass level

Cursed Plantain.
Too bad people who may steal it are already cursed.

If you understand Yoruba, this ought to crack you up.
Translation: 'Beware of dog that snacks on testicles'

Another sign cursing the destiny of anyone that litters.
Translation:
'Pour refuse here and your destiny is cursed along with your family'

Writen as it sounds eh? 

Eerm...is this where soldiers come to get charged for battle?
Ghanaian 'gbagaun' representing

So Public Toilet operators have an association?
Wow...and I thought Naija was weird with associations.
This puts the emphasis on the statement that
 'Shit business is serious business'.

I hope this is not a school for knuckleheads because
I know from experience that Normal is boring.

The owner of this school must either be
a football fanatic or a pervert

Seriously, we need a TV reslity show titled
'Pimp my Keke Marwa'

Of course there's no 'horry' in life.
We don't know what the heck 'horry' means!

Never print or stick what you don't understand on your car.
Remixing spiritual lingo in Ghanaian freestyle.

Slow and steady wins the race to acquire your desire shey?

This person be 'falling hand' on his or her resume...haba!

Seriously though....who are her parents?
How can they be this unfair nah?

Hey...its good to be creative and prayerful about your wedding.
Its just that...err...this one get as e be oh.

So of all the photos of this late man,
it was one of him shacking beer that they put up for his obituary?
*SMH!

Gbagaun on an obituary poster?
This na gross disrespect to the dead oh!

Okay. I've got to stop here and save the rest for another post before this one becomes too long.

Have a nice week!

The Chronicles X - Skin To Skin

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Friday, November 01, 2013

The dark Friday night held many things in its wake.

It held the travelling sound of music booming through the neighborhood which came from a well-lit and vibrantly active nightclub – the foremost social hub of the environment. Heavy stenches of smoked cigarettes and occasional whiff of cannabis burrowed through from hidden dark corners, finding their own space in the atmosphere. Perfumes, hormones and post-coital essence hung in alleys; solaces for quick sex romps between couples – some of which were paid for and others which were of aphrodisiac-influenced consent.

Buzz hummed and surveyed the area judiciously, searching for a defined interest.

Urban attired men and scandalously dressed women littered the entrance and surroundings of the club – some out to share pre-sinful moments, others, just taking fresh breath of air from the stuffy din inside the club. Vehicles belonging to patrons were parked in places outside the club compound. One of them, a black Jeep with chrome wheels, bounced gently on its absorbers as an obvious act was being consummated within.

A group of five young women strolled leisurely out of the club, chattering and laughing excitedly. One of them brought out something from the back pocket of her tight jeans, wrapped, sealed and smacked at it with her middle finger. She then brought out a plastic lighter and lit it. The flame flickered as embers lit up. She drew strongly on it, let out trails of smoke and passed it to the next girl.

Buzz checked each one of them out until the required person was spotted.

She was a buxom beauty who flaunted a flamboyant generosity of exposing her ‘selling points’; she wore a very short and tight red gown that had limited space for her breasts and offered unlimited exposure of her legs and full thighs. The back end of the outfit clung tightly to her protruding buttocks as the fabric struggled to conceal her derriere.

Buzz was excited.

She had a lot to offer.

She was perfect.

Signaling to the others, Buzz advanced stealthily towards the target.

She stood with her friends sharing gossip and girl talk and she stood out as the most daring of the group. Her sex appeal totally dwarfed that of her friends – thanks to her gown that was gratuitous in showing off the goods. Only one other girl wore a gown but it was not as dastardly short and daring as hers. The other two wore just bum shorts under loose blouses besides the last girl in jeans and T-shirt.

Buzz edged in closer followed closely behind by Spike and Wizzy.

Buxom beauty suddenly burst into laughter over something one of her friends said. The gossip topic had shifted to that of their relationships and was getting more interesting.

She bent over the bonnet of a parked car to support herself. The gown hugged her butt tightly, revealing more upper bum skin.

Buzz moved in for the kill.

Spike followed in pursuit.

Wizzy trailed along.

They parted ways with martial precision.

Buzz went for her right thigh.

Spike zeroed in on her exposed left breast.

Wizzy dovetailed for exposed part of her bum.

All strategically stationed at different points above slightly perspiring and promising skin, the three mosquitoes each drove in their proboscis and siphoned on human blood.  

Tomorrow, buxom beauty would itch in places like a bitch.

Sex on a Cake - All for Iyanya [Photos]

Chronicled by Afronuts @ Friday, November 01, 2013

Yeah...its all over the media that Nigerian artiste and project fame winner, Iyanya celebrated his birthday by visiting Ikoyi prisons and having a groove time with inmates. He was said to have even promised to build a recording studio for promising inmates with music talent.

That was the heartwarming part. Nice PR!

However the 'ewo!' part would be Iyanya's birthday cakes!

First they sent in this one which was naughty in the way the artiste was featured on it.

Then they later sent in this one which was waaayyy explicit!

Haba!

And written on the cake is the line from his raunchy song - 'All I want is your waist'.

We talk about the fact that the world is getting more rotten by the day and we see it reflected in music, movies, lifestyles and fashion. Now its reflecting in our food too.

I've seen a lot of questionable naughty cakes posted online and most came from the western world where sick sinful natures are at their max. But now its becoming a trend in Naija as well. Was it not some posts away that I was talking about a cake that had underwear design on it for another celebrity?

So how would the eating of this sexually explicit cake be like? Who would consume the couple on the bed? (If they are consumable).
But seriously, this is not a good image for Iyanya. I'm no fan (Heck, I'm never anybody's fan) but this is way too extreme.

I don't know why his manager had to do this; its branding Iyanya wrongly.

He could have at least done something more tasteful like the cake Tolu Oniru (Toolz) got for her birthday.

I believe there are other creative ways to make a cake look good just like Toolz' cake. Unless...this was a deliberate attempt at sexually branding Iyanya.

Oh well...I'm just voicing my own. I know his fans, especially the females will dig the cake.